Chapter 109 Brighter Days

Monday, May 20, 2002

When I went to visit Laila, the doctor said she was doing better. They have started her on a different medication, and she seems to be doing well on it. I can bring her home, and she could go back to school. I still had to keep an eye on her. She has only been in the hospital for a week. I am surprised they are already releasing her.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

Laila went back to school today. At school, they put her on suicide watch. That means there is someone with her at all times. Even when she goes to the bathroom.

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Laila is doing so much better! She seems content with life. She is such a sweet girl, the kind of girl she was meant to be.

Since Laila was doing better, she said she wanted her hair cut. Her hair went past her bottom. I have never seen anyone her age with hair that long. I loved her long hair! She said she was a new person and therefore wanted a new haircut. So, I agreed to it.

Laila has started to shake. I don’t know why. It makes me nervous. I hope it will stop!

Friday, May 24, 2002

Laila is shaking a little harder today. It’s awful! I feel so bad for her!

Saturday, May 25, 2002

When we woke up, Laila was shaking so hard that I thought she was going into a coma. Richard told me not to worry about it. He was sure that once she had gotten used to the new medication, she would be fine. I still called her doctor and left a message.

When Jared saw her, he asked what was wrong. I told him I didn’t know and that I was waiting to hear back from the doctor. Jared asked Laila a few questions to see if she would respond. You could tell Laila was trying to answer him, but couldn’t. Jared got just as worried about her as I was. I felt I couldn’t wait for the doctor to call me back, so I asked Jared to watch the kids while I took her to the hospital.

When I got to the hospital, the nurse asked if Laila was on any medications. I told her that she had started Lithium 2 weeks ago. The nurse looked up Lithium. It turned out Laila’s dosage was too high for her weight. I was not to give Laila the pill for a few days, and then cut the dosage in half.

I was relieved to know it was the medicine that was causing her to shake, but frustrated that the doctor at the hospital had prescribed twice the amount that she needed!

On the way home from the hospital, Laila started to laugh uncontrollably. I hope it gets better once the medication is adjusted.

Sunday, June 7, 2002

Since Laila’s medicine has been adjusted, she is like a normal little girl. I can’t describe how grateful I am to know her medicine is helping her and that she can live a normal life!

Laila is happy that she is doing better. Today, when I went to give her the pill, Laila said, “I don’t need it anymore, because I am all better now.” I explained to her that the medicine was helping her feel better. Without it, she would go back to the way she used to be. Laila seemed to understand. She had me worried for a minute.

Monday, June 8, 2002

Sarah has to go to summer school since she didn’t pass some of her classes. Our van is broken.

Jared works at Deseret Industries. He has bought himself a car. Jared was nice to drive Sarah to school in his car. Now that it’s summer and Laila is doing better, I want to go do things with the kids.

Richard says we can just use Jared’s car. I told him that was not an option. He didn’t seem to care. I sure hope he gets the van fixed soon!

Tuesday, June 9, 2002

Laila had to get her blood drawn today. They have to test it because the medicine she is on is some heavy-duty stuff. I have talked to the doctor about it. It sounds like it’s hard on her body. I feel like I am poisoning her. I have done a lot of praying and soul-searching. I have concluded that it is better for Laila to live a short, happy life, rather than a long, miserable one. The doctor told me there might be better medications for her in the future. For now, this is the best solution.

Sunday, July 14, 2002

Richard turned 42 today. After church, he came home in a car he had bought for himself. It’s a rusted old 1968 Datsun. He said he paid $800 for it. He acted like I should be excited about it. I didn’t say anything. I wish he would focus on paying off the Visa. Richard took us for a drive. It sounded like it was going to fall apart any second. We had to stay in the neighborhood because the car needed to be inspected. I don’t know much about cars, but I am pretty sure it’s going to cost a lot before it passes the inspection. Oh, how I hate always worrying about money! If he spent it wisely, then I wouldn’t worry so much!

Saturday, August 10, 2002

Jared turned 17 today. I don’t know where the time has gone!

Some people in our ward are having a hard time with Jared’s long hair and that he is allowed to pass the sacrament. I told them as long as he’s a good kid, I don’t see a problem with it.

Jared is not my little boy anymore. I can’t hug and kiss him like I used to. I told him, “If I had rocked him every day from the day he was born, then he wouldn’t question it if I were to sit down and rock him.” Jared said, “You are weird.” I laughed and told him, “It’s something only a mother would understand.” Jared is growing up to be a fine young man, but I still miss my little boy.