Chapter 134 iPad Stolen?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

It’s my grandmother’s birthday today. Richard said, even though Skype is cheap, we can’t afford to put money towards it. I feel bad that I can’t call her to wish her a Happy Birthday. Who knows how much longer she will live?

I am enjoying being home with Laila and Johny. Richard told me I either needed to babysit or look for another job because we don’t have enough money to cover all the bills coming in.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I had a dream last night. It’s the same dream I so often have.

When I go into the store, I am told that he was there just a few minutes ago, but he has gone to the next store. I would hurry into the next store, only to be told he had just left and was on his way to the next store. I keep going from store to store only to be told the same thing.

Every time I have this dream, I think this time it’s for real! If I run from store to store fast enough, I will catch up to him. I wake up and realize it was just the same old dream. The dream seems so real. I am getting so tired of it.

After the dream during the day, I would wonder how he was doing and what my life would have been like if we were still together.

A long time ago, I saw on the Oprah Winfrey show that when you are married and get mad at your spouse, you tend to think of someone you used to love and think that person would never do such-and-such a thing to you. Over time, this person who used to mean a lot to you will become the perfect person that you always dreamed of having. This person doesn’t exist. Only in your imagination.

I wondered if Per had become my perfect person. A person who only existed in my imagination. I would wonder what it would really be like to be married to him, and how he was doing.

Every once in a while, I would go on YouTube and listen to the song “Black is Black, I want my Baby back.” I had hoped, after all these years, that I would finally be over him. If I am not over him by now, I guess I never will be.

Friday, March 30, 2007

I got a job at a grocery store called Macey’s. It’s not too far from where we live. I was promised a full-time job and was told I would be working as a cashier. I was also told I would be making $9.00 an hour. I was excited about it.

I started working at the beginning of this month. I ended up only getting 8-16 hours a week, and I am only getting $7.00 an hour. I also had to collect grocery carts and clean the toilets.

The toilets are so gross! The carts are too heavy for me to push, so I can only bring in two at a time. I was told that I need to bring in at least 5-7 carts at a time. I still haven’t fully recovered from dislocating my shoulder; it’s painful to push even a few carts. This is not what I had signed up for!

I asked the supervisor why I didn’t get what I had been promised. She told me I had to work there for a long time before they could give me what we had discussed.

I still need a full-time job to get insurance. I applied to work for the hospital that is close by.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Richard told me his boss has asked if I could come back to work for him again since his wife wants to stay home.

It was nice to be able to tell him, “No, thank you! I found a job where I get breaks so that I can go to the bathroom whenever I need to.” His boss didn’t have to know that it was only a few hours a week. He had been awful to work for, and there was no way I was going back!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

I got a call from the hospital. They had an opening in the kitchen and wanted to interview me.

During the interview, I was asked if I like cooking. I thought, “I hate cooking!” For a full-time job, with insurance, I answered, “I love cooking!” I was then asked what my favorite dish to cook was. I thought I couldn’t tell them “Stouffer’s frozen, ready-made meals. You know the ones you just heat up.” So, I answered, “A little bit of everything.”

The interview seemed to go well. The hours are perfect, so I sure hope I get the job!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

I have been working at Macey’s for 3 months now. I dreaded going to work because nothing had changed. I was still cleaning the disgusting toilets and pushing grocery carts. I prayed that I would get the job at the hospital. I told Heavenly Father that all this debt we had was NOT my fault! Since I have to help pay it off, I would like to at least get a job that I don’t mind doing!

Friday, April 13, 2007

I got a call back from the hospital letting me know I can start work Monday morning. The job is from 5:30 am until 2:00 pm. I have to work on Saturdays and Sundays, but I also have two other days off during the week. I can keep homeschooling Laila and Johny, so the job was perfect.

Richard has been looking for a different job for a long time. He got a call back from RxAmerica saying he could start on Monday. It pays more and has insurance!

Looks like both Richard and I will be starting a new job on Monday!

I told Richard that if I were to keep working, he needed to tell me about ALL the debt we had, so he printed it out.

It sickened me! Richard assured me that now that he was cured of being gay, he didn’t have the need to charge.

I asked him how it was going with what he had struggled with. He said that after the blessing, anytime he had a gay thought, he would quickly replace it, and that’s what had cured him of it once and for all. I was relieved to hear that.

We figured out that, based on what we would earn from our new jobs, we should be out of debt in a little over a year. Knowing we were finally on the same page and that there was an end in sight gave me something to look forward to.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I love my new job! At the end of my shift, I get to take home whatever food is left over from lunch.

Jared got engaged to a girl. I have not met her yet. They are planning on getting married in June.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Richard keeps telling me that he wants an iPad like mine. I told him that, since they were pricey, he had to wait until we had all the bills caught up.

Richard wouldn’t let up. He kept asking me to share mine. He started telling me that he needed the iPad for work. I told him if that was true, his work would provide it. Richard got mad and said that if I didn’t share mine, then he was going to go charge one since it would make his work easier. He then said it would be okay for him to charge it since he had told me about it before acting on it.

I didn’t want Richard to charge it, so I finally agreed to share my iPad. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on it. I told him not to erase my Danish movies, since I still had a lot of them that I wanted to watch, and not to erase the music, because I loved listening to it.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Richard told me he has a work trip to California all next week. He said he would need my iPad. I didn’t want him to bring it. He reminded me that if I didn’t let him borrow it, he would have to charge one.

I told him that as long as he took good care of it, he could take it. He assured me that he knew how much the iPad meant to me and would therefore take good care of it.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Richard has been gone all week on his business trip. When he came back today, he told me that someone had broken into the rental car and stolen the iPad. I had so many questions, and none of his answers made any sense. He then said that, since the window in the rental car was smashed, he and his coworker almost missed the plane back to Utah.

I asked why he had left the iPad in the car, where people could see it. He told me it was in his backpack. He said he had left it in the car when he and his coworker were visiting Alcatraz. I asked him what Alcatraz had to do with his business trip. He then proudly pulled out some pictures he had taken while he was in California.

There were pictures of him and his coworker. I questioned if it had been a business trip he had been on. He got mad and asked me if I honestly thought he would lie to me. I felt bad for questioning him and apologized.

It still didn’t make any sense to me why his backpack was left in the car. Or what Alcatraz had to do with anything. I asked more questions. Still, none of his answers made any sense. The bottom line was, my iPad was gone!

I only watched two of the movies. I had looked forward to watching the rest when I wasn’t working or doing homeschooling.

Richard had deleted all the movies from the computer because he said they were taking up too much space. I loved that iPad! I felt like a piece of me was gone. I was heartbroken!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

When Richard came home from work, I saw that he had his backpack. I said, “I thought your backpack was stolen.” He quickly replied that the police had found it. They had sent it to his work, and that’s how he got it back. He then told me that the iPad was not sent back with it.

I thought it was odd that the police had sent his backpack to his work and that he had received it so quickly. When I questioned it, he said they had sent it to his work because the business trip was work-related.

He knew how much this iPad meant to me! He couldn’t possibly have gotten rid of it on purpose! I didn’t want to believe that he was capable of doing something so hurtful. So I did what I could to push away any doubt that I had.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

When Jared came home from work, Richard told him I had given him the iPad and that it had been stolen. Jared turned to me and asked, “Why did you give the iPad to Dad?” I assured Jared that I had not given it to him and that we were sharing it, since his dad wanted to buy himself one and we couldn’t afford it.

I told Jared that his dad said he needed it for work. Jared then asked, “Why would he need it for work?” Richard interrupted, “No! You gave it to me!” I tried to assure Jared that I had not given it to him and that we were sharing it! Jared looked hurt, and I could tell that he wasn’t sure who to believe.

I tried to explain, but it didn’t seem to matter. The facts remained: I had let Richard take the iPad, and now it was gone.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

I was worried that Richard was going to charge an iPad since he had insisted that he needed one for work. Now that mine is gone, he no longer talks about it.

It was all so confusing to me. I ended up convincing myself that Richard didn’t talk about it anymore because he was just as eager to get out of debt as I was.