Another Bent Chapter 35

Sunday, June 17, 1979

The bishop has asked me if I pay full tithing. I told him I did. Then he asked me if the amount is before or after taxes were taken out of my paycheck. I answered, “After.” He told me I needed to pay it before. I responded, “I can’t do that since the taxes here in Denmark are so high (We pay 45 percent) and with the amount of money mom expects me to pay for rent, there will be no money left over for me. I am planning a trip to Utah so that I can do baptisms for the dead in the Salt Lake Temple and visit with family while I am there.” The bishop told me if I was planning on going into the Temple, then I would have to pay a full tithing. Then he challenged me to do it, he said, “If you have faith to do this, I promise you the Lord will open up a way for you to be able to save enough money.” I told him it would be hard for me, but I would accept his challenge.

June 26 – 30, 1979

There is a week-long camp for the youth in our church for boys and girls aged 14-18 years. It is called Festinord. Since the LDS youth are so few, they combine the week-long camp with Norway.

I took the train in the evening and when I got to Viborg two more girls from our branch got on the same train. When the train got to Århus even more members from our stake got on the train. We were to sleep during the night while we rode the train to Copenhagen. But there was too much excitement in the air. Because of the long distances between all the youth, they don’t get to see each other very often. All the girls were very friendly and I took a liking to them right away and felt part of the group.

During the week, there were lots of different activities planned. While I was there I got to see some of the members I used to know when I was little. It was fun to talk to them again.

When the week was over and we were on the train going home, some of the girls talked about the few boys who are out on missions from our country. All the girls have the same goal of marrying a returned missionary. It made me wonder with all these girls and so few returned missionaries, would I ever find someone to marry?

Sunday, July 15, 1979

At church today, there was a new guy named Garner. He is in his early twenties. He is in the military and has been stationed in our town. When Ditte, who is my age, saw him she leaned over to me and said, “Oh, no!” I asked her what was wrong. She told me when she used to live in Copenhagen this guy used to chase her, and he would not take no for an answer.

After church, the missionaries (four of them) usually come over to our place because Mom gives them a Danish lesson to help them speak the language better. When Church was over, Mom invited Ditte and Garner to come home with us too. Ditte said to me, “Make sure you sit next to me so that Garner doesn’t have a chance to.” I told her I would. I wanted to be funny and tease Ditte, so I didn’t sit by her. But it backfired and Garner came over and sat by me. Ditte looked over at me and gave me a big smile. I knew I deserved what I got so I smiled back at her.

Later in the evening when Ditte and the missionaries had left, Garner was still here and he was in no hurry to go home. Finally, when he left, I was able to go to bed.

Grandma was thrilled that Garner have been stationed here. She told me he would make a perfect husband for me and then reminded me that I couldn’t be picky since there aren’t very many males in the church to choose from. I assured Grandma that if this was my only choice, then I would rather be single for the rest of my life!

Sunday, July 22, 1979

While we were at church Ditte whispered to me “Great! Look who’s here again.” Garner came over to sit by me again. Ditte looked relieved. All the members’ eyes were on Garner and me. It was very uncomfortable. When it was time to sing, Garner held the songbook for us. When church was over, the missionaries couldn’t wait to tease me about Garner. I told them they were just jealous. One of the Elders responded, “Nah, we know your heart belongs to us.” Then we all laughed. I thought to myself that with all these Elders coming from America, there have got to be more available males out there.

I have told Mom how I feel about Garner, but she doesn’t seem to care. She went ahead and invited him to come over again after church.

Thursday, July 26, 1979

Garner started to come over to our place during the week, too. Mom does all she can to encourage him. I have asked her to stop it, but she just laughs at me. Garner keeps asking me out and I keep finding excuses. All the girls in our branch are happy that Garner is only asking me out. I don’t feel so lucky.

On my way home from work today, I was tired and was looking forward to getting the chores over with and then going to my room to relax. When I got home, Garner was there waiting for me. I politely said, “Hi”. Mom should not have told Garner I was at work and not encouraged him to wait for me. I figured that since Mom had invited him in, she could keep him company, so I took off on my bike to hide at Grandma’s place.

Grandma was glad to see me. She wanted to know why I was there. I told her I was hiding from Garner. Grandma got disappointed. While I was at grandma’s there was a knock at the door. It was Mom. She had figured that I might be hiding out at grandma’s so she showed up with Garner. When Garner saw me, he said, “Oh, there you are!” I looked over at Mom. She stood there laughing. She thought she was so clever because she had found me.

Friday, July 27, 1979

I was invited to a birthday party for one of my old friends. By now all my friends knew I was going to the Mormon Church , they thought I was just going through a phase. The Missionaries think I should go so I can be a good example. I told them that before everyone knew I was a Mormon, no one cared whether I drank or not, but now that they know, I stand out like a sore thumb. One of the missionaries said if I don’t socialize with other people I would end up a lonely old lady.

When work was over, I got ready and went to the party. When I got there I could tell everyone was surprised to see me, since it’s been a while. My friend ‘Maja’ was there too. I think Maja was afraid that everyone thought that she had become a Mormon too, because she asked one of the boys for a cigarette. Everyone knew Maja didn’t smoke and she looked dumb trying to smoke the cigarette because she kept coughing. Then she said to me in a really loud voice, “You want a drag?” I was disappointed in her because we had been such good friends. I just ignored her. After a while, Maja had to give up her cigarette because she couldn’t stop coughing.

The mother who hosted the party was handing out alcohol. She asked everyone at the table what they wanted to drink with their meal. When it was my turn, the mother mockingly asked, “And what would you like… MILK?” Everyone sitting at the table laughed. Milk sounded good to me, so I answered, “Yes, please.” She was surprised at my answer, and then she handed me a glass of milk. As she went around the table there were two other girls Laila and Hanna who didn’t like drinking and now that I was having milk, they didn’t feel pressured into having alcohol. When it was their turn, they asked for milk also. After the party was over the two girls thanked me for being brave enough to stand up, because they were so tired of being pressured into drinking alcohol. They joked that I should be at every party they were invited too, because it would take their attention anyway from them and they could drink what they wanted. I told them that just because I was not invited to a party they should still not give in to the pressure. They said, “Yeah, but that’s easier said than done.” I was tired of always standing up for who I was. I dreamed of a different life away from here.

When the party was over, everyone wanted to go to the old hang-out and dance. I wanted to go home. As I was leaving Maja came up and put her arms around me. I was surprised. Then she said, “Let’s make tonight like old times!” I told her a lot has changed but we could try.

When we got to Pussycat, most of my friends were happy to see me since I had not been there for a long time. There was a guy who kept insisting that I drink. I told him no, but he was not taking no for an answer. I was getting very uncomfortable so I said, “It’s late. I better get home!”

As I was walking home I saw two guys. I had seen them before but I didn’t know who they were. I could tell they had been drinking by the way they walked. Then one of them grabbed me with one hand and clenched his fist with the other as if he was about to hit me. Then he asked, “Are you a Mormon?” I didn’t know what to say because I wanted to stand up for who I am and at the same time I didn’t want to get hit. The other boy said, “Let her go, she is Ann-Marie’s cousin!” The boy who was about to hit me threw me to the ground as he said, “You are lucky this time!”

When I got home, I felt lost. Even though most of my friends had been kind and were happy to see me, I feel like I don’t belong in their world anymore. I want to move away from here to a place where I won’t stand out. I am looking even more forward to my trip to Utah. I can’t wait to see what it is like there.

Wednesday, August 1, 1979

Dad called me to see when I would come to visit again. I told him I could take next week off from work. He told me he couldn’t but he hoped I would come anyways, and I told him I would.

Garner is not giving up so he asked me when I could go out. I was relieved that I had the excuse that I was leaving for Copenhagen next week so it would be a while. Garner said, “What a coincidence. I have family there too. We can go together! I have some time off and a car so I will drive you!” Ugh! I didn’t know how to tell him I was fine with taking the train.

Monday, August 6, 1979

Garner came early Monday morning as planned. Mom and Grandma were happy to see us off together. It took us eight hours to get to Copenhagen and once we got there we parted ways.

I got up at 4:00 a.m. every morning and went with Dad to work. He drives a truck delivering vegetables to all the stores in Copenhagen. I don’t mind getting up early, I am just glad I can be with Dad.

Saturday, August 11, 1979

This week with Dad and Henny went way too fast. Before I came, I had asked Dad if I can get a copy of all the pictures that he had of family and when Sander and I were little. Dad knew I had equipment that develops pictures so he has asked me to bring it. Because the week went by so fast, we never got a chance to develop any pictures. However, because it was my last day here, Dad said, “Set up your equipment and we will develop some pictures.” I responded, “But it’s late. I can just bring it back next time I come.” Dad knew the equipment was heavy to haul back and forth so he said, “If we don’t do it tonight we will never get it done.” I set up the equipment and we went to work.

We were finally done developing pictures. It was 4:00 a.m. Dad tucked me in and kissed me goodnight just like he used to do so many years ago. Then he went to his room to go to bed. I could hear Henny woke up and was mad that he had stayed up all night with me. Henny started to argue with dad. Then I could hear Henny get hit and she screamed. The arguing had come to a complete stop and there was silence. It seemed so surreal to me. Did Dad just hit her? Mom had told me that he had gotten physically abusive with her and that was one of the reasons she had left him. Since mom isn’t always truthful I never believed her. I felt bad that Henny just got hit. I thought it was all my fault. I had wanted to ask Dad if I could come live with him and Henny, but I didn’t want them to fight because of me. Now I knew living here would be out of the question.

Sunday, August 12, 1979

This morning when I saw Henny, she had the worst black eye I had ever seen. She kept her face turned away from me so that I might not see the black eye. But it was hard not to notice. None of us ever said a word about what had happened last night. I was extremely uncomfortable being there. Dad took me to my great Aunts Mabel’s house so that Garner could pick me up from there.

When I got to Aunt Mabel’s house, she seemed overjoyed that Garner and I were traveling together. She told me, she had known him since he was little and he was a good boy. She assured me he would make a fine husband and then she reminded me there were very few men to choose from and I should be grateful. I told my Aunt that I wanted to love the man who I would marry. She responded that I could learn to love him, and besides love was an illusion and it would fade. However, a Temple Marriage is what the Lord wants for me. Then she expressed a lot of grief that she had never married in the Temple. Her face was full of sorrow, then Aunt Mabel said, “You are young. Don’t make the same mistake that I have.” I knew Aunt Mabel meant well, but I am sure that Garner is not the one for me, and I don’t want to let go of the hope that I will love the man that I will marry.

Friday, August 24, 1979

Mom has started to go out with a man who is a nonmember, his name is Sven. I don’t know how involved they are but I do know he is already married. Mom is sure he will leave his wife and then marry her. Sven has stopped calling Mom, so she asked me to go with her to a pub that is here in town so that she can see if he is there.

When we got there, Mom talked to his friends and they said he had just been there. From listening to them talk, it sounded to me like he had run out the back door when he saw us coming. Mom seems clueless about this and is sure she can win him over.

Monday, August 27, 1979

Mom found out that Sven and his friends are taking a trip to England next week to see a soccer game. Mom wants to go too so that she can be with him. Mom doesn’t want to take the trip by herself so she told me to come along. I didn’t want to go off chasing a married man, but Mom did not take no for an answer and to top it off she wants me to pay for my ticket. I told Mom that I was saving my money for Utah. She told me there was a temple in London and I could do baptisms for the dead there and then visit with family we have in Utah when I had saved up enough money again. This was not how I had planned it. I found the strength and stood up to Mom and told her I was not going to change my plans. Mom was determend about going on this trip to England so she bought both of us a ticket.

Mom and I are off to England. When we got on the bus, there were a few of Sven’s friends there along with their wives. They were all looking at us and it was so awkward. Mom was disappointed to see that Sven was not on the bus. Since it’s a small town we live in, Sven had found out that Mom was taking this trip, so he canceled his ticket.

Tuesday, September 11, 1979

The bus took us on a ferry that brought us to England. Both Mom and I are a little seasick from the boat trip.

Wow! I’m in London! Our tour bus started out early this morning. I can’t believe how big this place is and how many people are walking around. There is so much to see and do here.

Wednesday, September 12, 1979

Our tour bus took us to even more places today. It is all very impressive! When it was evening, the bus took us to the big soccer game. While we were waiting for the game to start, I took a picture of two policemen. One of the policemen got out his pen and it looked like he was writing me out a ticket. I got scared. Then he handed me a note through the fence. It said his name was Steve and he wanted to know if I would call him tomorrow. Steve looked cute, so I was looking forward to calling him the next day.

England won the game. All the people in our tour group were disappointed. I don’t get into sports so I didn’t care.

When we got back to the hotel, Mom wanted to know if I was going to call Steve tomorrow. I told her I would. Then she asked if I would go out with him, without her. I told her she could stay with the tour group and that it would look silly to drag her along. Man, did she get upset! It’s been a long time since I heard her yell like this. I don’t know why she has to get so mad and why she just can’t talk to me.

Thursday, September 13, 1979

I called up Steve this morning. He asked me if he could show me around London. I told him I would love it, but my mom would have to come too. He seemed fine with it.

Steve knew lots of places that we wouldn’t have seen with our tour group otherwise. He was fun to be with and had quite a sense of humor.  When it was time for us to meet up with our tour group for dinner, Steve asked me if he could take me out again tomorrow. I told him that our group was going back to Denmark. Before we parted, Steve gave me his address and asked me to write him. I assured him I would.

When we met up with our tour group we went to a place where there was entertainment with dinner and then afterwards there was a dance. When it was time for the dance, two guys who looked like they were in their mid-twenties came over to our table. They were starting to hit on Mom and me. I was feeling uncomfortable and told Mom I wanted to go back to the hotel. Mom seemed to like the attention. Before I knew it Mom left with one of the guys. As she walked out the door, she said, “We will be back in a little bit because I am sure you two want to be alone.” I pleaded with Mom not to leave me. But she was out the door.

The guy that I was left behind with kept putting his hands all over me, while he kept trying to get me to go to a motel with him. I told him, “No!” as I kept taking his hands off me. I went and sat down in a chair out in the lobby. He came and sat next to me and he started all over again. He asked me if it was his wedding ring that bothered me. Because, if it was, he wanted to assure me that his wife and he had an understanding that he could have a fling whenever he felt like it. I had not even noticed his wedding ring. I couldn’t believe that Mom had ditched me like this. I couldn’t go back to the rest of our tour group because everyone had already gone back to their hotel. I had no other choice but to sit there and wait for Mom to get back.

Even though mom was only gone an hour it seemed like forever before she finally came back. When we got back to the hotel room I asked mom how she could leave me like that. She laughed and said, “Oh, I thought you wanted to be alone with that guy” I said, “I told you that I wanted to go back to the hotel because the guys were making me uncomfortable.” Mom laughed again and said, “I guess it’s just a misunderstanding.” I knew there had been no misunderstanding! I didn’t say any more about it, but I went to bed upset over what had happened.

Friday, September 14, 1979

I had always wanted to see England, but I had never imagined it would have been under these circumstances. When we got to Grandma’s apartment to pick up Elisabeth, the missionaries were there waiting for us. They wanted to know all about our trip to England. It makes me crazy that no one knows what Mom is really like behind closed doors or why we went to England, so I go on pretending everything is fine.

Sunday, November 23, 1980

Garner got transferred last week. Grandma is sad. She is sure I have let the only chance I will ever get of a Temple marriage slip by. I am glad he is gone. He was starting to act like he owned me. The missionaries told me that he had asked them not to talk so much to me. Now I can sit by the Elders again without having him come sit in the middle.

Monday, November 24, 1979

I traveled to another town today because I am getting my Patriarchal Blessing today. I loved the blessing! It gave me so much hope for a better future.

My Partriarchal blessing said that I would be lead to a worthy man who was going to take me to the temple so that we could be sealed for time and all eternity and raise our children together. It gave me a promise that if I obayed what I had been taught in the church and served in all the callings that I would recieve from time to time, that it would come to pass “if” that is what I desired.

Finding a worthy returned missionary, getting married in the temple and raising our children together is what I desired more than anything else in the world!

I had a hard time sleeping. I dreamt about the day I would find the man I had been promised. I would do everything in my power to live up to everthing I knew to be right! I had always felt broken because my dad was not a member and I wasn’t sealed to anyone in the Temple. I was going to make sure I married in the Temple so that I would have the priesthood in my home and so that I would make it to the highest kingdom when I died.

November 26, 1979

Mom has put an ad in the newspaper for a boyfriend. A man named Bent Matteson answered the ad. Mom and Bent seem very serious about each other. The Missionaries have started to teach Bent about the gospel. He seems to be accepting the message and wants to get baptized. Neither Grandma, Elisabeth, nor I like him. He seems suspicious and there is something not right about him.  

Now that mom has this new man in her life she is acting very arrogant towards me. She has even said to me that I am jealous because she can find a man and I can’t.

Saturday, December 15, 1979

My work was having their yearly Christmas party. This year they decided that it was not going to be held in the cafeteria. Instead we are going to Hotel Hiltop. I was glad because this meant I wouldn’t be in charge of getting all the dishes washed and clean up after the party!

Once all my coworkers arrived at the Hotel we were seated in a large room. We were all excited to have our dinner. When the servers came in, I was suprised to see one of the servers was my old friend Per. When he saw I was there he switched the table where he was assigned to serve, to the table were I was sitting. We smiled at each other as he was serving our table. I wanted to talk to him to see how he was doing but we weren’t able to talk since he was working.

After we had eaten we went to into another room where everyone could visit and and get some drinks. Since I didn’t drink I was ready to go home. Before I left I went into the kitchen to ask if I could talk to Per. His coworkers told me he had just gone home for the evening. I felt bad I didn’t get to talk to him because I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for not being much of a girlfriend to him. I know I must have hurt him. I wanted to tell him it was because I was a mormon and had planned that when I was older I was going to marry a member in the temple. I wanted to let him know that he had meant a lot to me, and that it was nothing personal. I don’t know if I will ever get another chance to see him again so that I can apologize.

When my coworkers saw I was leaving they tried to get me to stay. But there isn’t much sense in hanging around when everyone is getting drunk. Besides I have to get up early the next day so that I can go to chruch. I took a taxi home.

It had been so nice to see Per again. He still had the same twinkle in his eyes when he looked at me and smiled. I felt sad. I wondered if I would ever be able to get over him.

December 1979

The missionaries baptized Bent. Mom and Bent say they are going to get married in the Switzerland Temple one year from now. He seemed so eager to get baptized. I hope he is sincere about the church, I guess only time will tell.

Friday, December 21, 1979

A few days ago my boss told me, Friday December 21 was going to be my last day of work. He said he has to let me go due to my age. He was hoping there would be an opening as a cook or a cashier for me. The girls that are working have been here for many years and it didn’t look like any of them would be leaving anytime soon. My boss told me that he has hung on to me for as long as he could.

Before it was quitting time, one of my co-workers said she couldn’t wait, so she gave me a farewell present. When I opened it up there were two dolls that she had knitted for me. She said, “The one doll is you, and the other one is a returned missionary that you will marry one day.” Then she told me not to ever let go of that dream. She is not a member but she knew how important this goal is to me. Then the other co-workers said, “Well, since we are opening presents, here is my gift” and a few other co-workers also gave me gifts. I had not expected anything from anyone and I was overwhelmed at the love they showed me. I had worked there for so long that it was strange to think I was leaving this place.

My boss has given me raises and bonuses so I have enough money saved in the bank for my trip to America, I have written family members and asked if it’s okay if I come for a visit. They seem excited about me coming and told me, I could come anytime I wanted.

January 1980

I am taking a full-time sewing class that will last for six weeks, then I plan to leave for my trip. I can’t wait to get out of here because of the way Mom is acting. I feel bad I have to leave Elisabeth behind. But I am glad she still has grandma and her dad here.

February 1980

I had planned to stop by Canada after my trip to Utah and pick up the things I had left behind. When Sander found out about my plans he called and asked me if I would come to Canada before I went to Utah. He told me he was very lonely and sad because his girlfriend had left him. I felt sorry for him so I agreed that I would go see him first.

I have bought my plane ticket. It’s an open ticket for up to a year so I can return anytime I want. I wish I could leave forever but I know it would be too hard to leave Elisabeth behind.