{"id":19943,"date":"2026-05-06T22:35:21","date_gmt":"2026-05-06T22:35:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/?p=19943"},"modified":"2026-05-06T22:42:42","modified_gmt":"2026-05-06T22:42:42","slug":"chapter-164-collard-dove","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/?p=19943","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 164 Collard Dove"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Friday, May 19, 2017<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just before I went off Facebook, I saw a lady named *Holly from my ward who had posted that her youngest daughter was ready for preschool. Since it was so expensive, she asked if anyone wanted to take turns teaching preschool.

I had already made a preschool curriculum before I got into a car wreck and collected a lot of fun stuff for my grandkids that I could use for preschool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Years ago, when I wanted to put Jared in preschool, I couldn’t afford it either.

Even though I felt I wasn’t doing well mentally, I messaged Holly to let her know that she and the other ladies who needed preschool for their kids could come to my house, and I would do it for free. It would start in August.

Holly got excited about it, and before I knew it, I had a full class signed up. It’s giving me something to look forward to.

Saturday, May 20, 2017<\/strong>

I have been working from early morning till late evening so that I can have the walkway ready by August.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Monday, 29, 2017<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The last two Elders living with us have been hard for me to deal with. They don’t do much work. Sometimes, while I am working in the yard, they just sit there and watch me. But at least they aren’t calling my women anymore.

I have a hard time getting Richard to do anything as it is. Now all he wants to do is hang around with them every chance he gets.

The stones I am putting in the walkway are heavy, and it’s hard on my body. I wish they would help me instead of wasting so much time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tuesday May 30, 2017<\/strong>

In Relief Society, they always hand out paper for sisters to sign up to feed the missionaries dinner. The lady who had signed up to feed them today canceled.

The missionaries didn’t seem to know what to do. One of the Elders said that I needed to feed them dinner. I told him I had enough to do. Then he said, “Sister Howland, we are servants of the Lord, and therefore it’s your duty!” I looked at him and said, “You are welcome to look in my fridge and see what you can find.” He looked at me as if he were lost.

This Elder seemed to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal, so I felt bad for him. I said, “Fine, if you help me make it, we can figure out something together.” I always have extra potato peelers on hand. I handed the missionaries the peelers and said, “Let’s have a race and see who can peel the fastest.” Neither one of them knew how to work the peeler. I tried to teach them, but it seemed hopeless. I ended up making the dinner myself. I sure hope they aren’t going to expect me to cook every time someone cancels on them.


Saturday, June 3, 2017<\/strong>

Richard has been working all day on putting in a fan in the attic. He says it will blow out all the hot air, and then our air conditioner won’t run as much during the summer and therefore save us money. He put the switch in the garage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he got done, there were electrical wires coming down from the ceiling. He told me not to worry about them, since they were safe. He said I was to make sure to turn on the fan every morning and off when it was time for bed.

When it was time for bed, I had not turned the fan off. He then reminded me to go turn it off. I told him he could do it himself since he was home. He got upset. Since I didn’t want to argue about it, I ended up turning it on in the morning and off in the evening.

Just in case the wires were dangerous, I would be very careful whenever I turned the switch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In 2020, a man came to test the wires hanging from the ceiling to see if they were dangerous. They were. He fixed it so it’s safe to turn the switch on and off.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Thursday, June 8, 2017<\/strong>

I have been grieving over my grandchildren for the past 7 months. All day, I wondered if I could ever get over my anguish.

As I thought about them, I realized I wasn’t just grieving them but also Jared. I started thinking about our happy times together, and about how close we once were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I was working in the backyard, I couldn’t stop crying. I wondered if moving was the answer.

As I was working, I could hear my neighbors’ grandchildren laughing and playing in their backyard. One of them is named *Mike. Mike is 13. Whenever he would see me working in the front yard, he would come over and help me.

Mike was dealing with depression. Since I knew his ancesteors where from Denmark, I would tell him stories about the Vikings. I told him he had Viking blood and hoped that would help him with whatever he was dealing with.

I had not seen Mike in a while. When I heard him playing in his grandparents’ backyard, I thought I should go say hi and ask how he was doing. Then I thought, I am all muddy, and I have been crying. Then I thought it might seem odd for me to just walk into my neighbor’s backyard. So I kept working.

Just then, a big green ball they were playing with came flying across the fence and landed right in front of me. Now I had an excuse to go and say hi.

Since I was so sad, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I threw down my tools and went inside. When Richard saw me crying, he said, “You should be doing better by now! You just need to get over Jared and his family once and for all!” That was easier said than done. I went into the other room so that he wouldn’t see me crying.

Friday, June 9, 2017<\/strong>

I always got up early and worked outside. The first thing I do when I get outside is water my plants and then feed the chickens.

I woke up late and, instead of doing my usual routine, looked out my front living room window. There were police cars in front of my house, on both sides of the street. I wondered what that was about. It had to be something serious since there were so many police cars.

We have two new neighbors that has movied into the two houses across the street from us. I wanted to know which neighbor had the police visiting them. Then I would know which one I should stay clear of.

I grabbed some tools from the garage and went out front to pull weeds. At the same time, I kept an eye out to see which house the police were at.

I was shocked to see the police were going in and out of my backyard. I wondered why my yard?! I was about to go see what was going on when a police officer approached me and asked, “Mama, are you the owner of this house?” I answered, “Yes, why?” He said, “Something has happened, and I have a few questions.” He then asked me how well I knew the neighbors next to me. I told him I was close to them and their grandkids. Then he told me that one of their grandkids had shot and killed himself.

I felt sheer terror go through my body. I asked him what the child’s name was. He can’t remember, only that he was 13. I responded, “Oh no, it can only be Mike!” He said, “Yes, that was his name. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? It will help our investigation.” I told him to go ahead and ask me whatever he wanted.

After talking to him, he told me I couldn’t go into my backyard until they said it was okay.

I then went inside and looked out my kitchen window. I felt lucky I hadn’t followed my regular routine. I would have walked right into what they were doing, and I was sure I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I could see the green ball was still right where it had landed yesterday.

Immediately, I felt awful for not bringing it back. Especially since I had a strong impression of doing so. There were yellow markers everywhere. It was where they had found his remains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It all seemed so surreal! It was hard for me to comprehend what had taken place. I had so many thoughts go through my head. I have two chickens and a rabbit that need water. I worried about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Since I couldn’t work in the backyard, I decided to clean out the room that was next to our kitchen.

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I couldn’t help but wonder if there were angles around his body since the light was shining so brightly.

As I was clearing out the room, the police came to tell him they had picked up his remains. It was okay for me to give my rabbit and chicken water, but to make sure it’s only me who went back there. I was not to have anyone go into my backyard until the firemen had come and scrubbed everything down.

When I went into the backyard, I was not prepared for what I saw! There was blood splattered all over the side of my white house. I saw a part of his remains that the police must have overlooked. I was shocked and thought I must be having a nightmare.

As I walked towards my chickens, I tried to cope with what I was seeing the same way I would when I had a nightmare. I kept telling myself it was all just a bad dream and to focus on the good things that I was seeing.

After I had given the chickens and the rabbit water, I started to water my flowers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was taking care of Sarah’s dog Toco. As I was watering, Toco came walking up to me with a piece of the ramins that I had seen when I came into the backyard. I continue to tell myself, this is all just a bad dream.

Just then, Toco brushed up against me. I looked at him and saw that he was chewing on what he had found. When he had touched me, it was as if I woke up from the nightmare. It was then that I realized this was not a nightmare but real life!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since I still had the hose in my hand, I got startled and ended up getting all wet. I creamed as I let go of the hose and ran inside. My heart was pounding!

This just couldn’t be real! I stood inside for a minute, feeling lost. I then went back outside and looked down the walkway that I had been working on. I thought I would have to move for sure and that I would never be able to get over this.

I prayed out loud. I asked Heavenly Father to help me get over what I had seen, and wondered if I would ever be able to fish the walkway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Just then, a Dove flew down next to me. It looked right at me. Then it walked down the walkway.

It turned and walked toward me, while it continued to look straight at me. It was as if to tell me everything was going to be okay.


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As I pulled out my phone, I was worried it would fly away. It didn’t. Instead, it just kept looking at me. I felt peace, and that Heavenly Father was aware of me.

When I went back inside, a friend of mine came over. She told me she had heard what had happened and wanted to make sure I was okay. She asked me why I was so wet. I told her I didn’t know. Then she said, “You’d better get changed.” Since I was still in a state of shock, I told her I was okay and didn’t want to get changed. She told me I should call Richard so he could come home and be with me. I didn’t want him to come home, so I told her I would call my sister.

I called Beth and told her what had happened. She told me she was on her way and would spend the night.

My friend then said, “You’d better call Richard as well.” So I did.

When Richard came home, he immediately hung out with the missionaries. I told them they couldn’t go into the backyard until the firemen had been there. They didn’t care and went back there anyway.

While Richard was on his phone telling his friend what had happened, one of the missionaries came in and proudly told me they had found some of Mike’s remains. I asked him what they had done with it. He said, “Don’t worry, we have dug it into your dirt where you will never be able to find it.” I started to panic and said, “You can’t do that! I work all over the backyard! I don’t want to run into it! Tell me where you have buried it!” He said, “Nope!” I got so upset that I started screaming at him. He finally showed me where they had dug it down.

A firetruck with some men finally showed up, and they hosed down the side of my house. I showed them where the missionaries had put some of Mike’s remains. I thought for sure they would dig it out. But they didn’t want to deal with it and left.

Beth then came with 3 of her daughters. I was so happy to see them!

Then the Stake President came over to tell me that Mike’s parents had called a professional cleaning crew, and they would be coming as soon as possible.

The rest of the evening, Beth and I waited for them to show up. When they finally came, it was almost 10.00 pm. They apologize for coming so late. They said it had been a crazy, busy day cleaning up other tragic things that had happened.

Richard had gone to bed. Beth didn’t want me to go outside alone, so she stayed by my side while I showed the men where the missionaries had dug the remains. They told me it was illegal for them to have done that. I let them know I had no idea they were going to do that. I had even asked them not to go into the backyard until we were told it would be okay.

By the time the crew was done cleaning, it was past midnight. They let me know when they were done. Beth stayed up with me the whole time. After they left, Beth peeked into the backyard and noticed that I had gotten a hanging chair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I told her it was comfortable and that she was told to try it. She said, “No, I don’t want to go into your backyard!”

I told her the men who had just left had cleaned up everything and had made sure it was safe to go back there. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I managed to talk her into sitting in it. As she swung back and forth, I noticed something on top of the swing. It was Mike’s scalp. I thought it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t! I tried to deal with it as I did with my nightmares. In my mind, I tried to turn his hair into a cat sitting there swinging back and forth with Beth. But no matter how hard I tried to turn it into something nice, it remained the same.

When I realized what I was seeing was real, I didn’t want to alarm Beth, so I calmly said, “Let’s go inside.” She said, “Why, this is so comfortable and relaxing?” I sternly said, “You need to go inside with me!” Beth asked, “Why? What’s wrong?” I responded, “Do NOT look up and go with me NOW.” Beth panicked and looked up. There was his scalp full of hair swinging back and forth with her. She screamed as we both ran inside.

Whenever something terrible happens, Beth and I always try to deal with it using humor. Beth then said, “Now I know what his hair color was. It looked like he needed a haircut.” We both laughed nervously.

Before going to bed, we knelt down. Beth said the prayer, asking the Lord to help us deal with what we had seen and to comfort Mike’s family and us at this terrible time.

I can’t put into words how grateful I was for Beth coming out and staying with me! I don’t know what I would have done without her!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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