{"id":22322,"date":"2026-06-05T22:37:07","date_gmt":"2026-06-05T22:37:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/?p=22322"},"modified":"2026-06-06T06:29:42","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T06:29:42","slug":"chapter-175-gaslighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/?p=22322","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 175 Bed Bugs"},"content":{"rendered":"\n


Saturday, May 25, 2019<\/strong>

Another school year has come and gone. I held the Preschool Graduation at a nearby church in case it rained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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One of the moms surprised me with a quilt that she had made for me. She had put a lot of time and thought into it.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

She also had both the morning and the afternoon preschoolers sign it. I was so touched by it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saturday, June 1, 2019<\/strong>

I told Laila I had saved money to take her and Lily to Denmark. I think it will be good for her to get away. When I told Beth about it, she wished that she could go with us. I told her I had saved enough money for her to come with us.

When I told Richard about it, he said he was going instead of Laila. I told him the trip was to help cheer her up. He said she was fine and didn’t need a trip. I couldn’t believe it! Since I didn’t want him to come, I said, “You need to stay home so you can take care of your chickens. He responded, Laila can do that!

I was so frustrated. I told him that I didn’t have enough money to buy him a ticket. He quickly responded that it was no problem for him to buy his own. He said, “I can also rent a car, so it will be easier for us to get around.” I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have him come with us after all.

Saturday, June 29, 2019<\/strong>

Laila and I did a summer camp for the kids in the neighborhood. We did it so that we could earn a little extra money. We had a lot of activities planned. Some days, I didn’t think it was worth it because of how much the material costs. But the kids all seemed to enjoy it, so we continued doing it.

Thursday, July 4, 2019<\/strong>

Richard had the day off since it’s the 4th of July. While Laila, Lily, and I went with the neighbors to watch the parade, Richard went and helped Jared remodel his house.

Jared is turning half his house into a rental. While Richard was helping him, he said this place would be perfect for Laila, Lily, and your mom to live in. Jared wondered what that was all about, but brushed the comment off because he didn’t understand why he had said that.

Later, as they kept working, Richard had told Jared that he owed him. Jared was always willing to help him, so he assured his dad that when he was done with his house, he would return the favor.

Thursday, July 11, 2019<\/strong>

Lily is trying to crawl. It’s so fun to watch her progress. Even though she is only 7 months old, she already says mama.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019<\/strong>

Beth met us at the airport. We were so excited to be going back to Denmark!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I still can’t get over that Richard wanted to leave Laila behind, especially since the whole point of the trip was for her!
<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

A year later, Beth told me that Richard had said to her that we had to make this trip special for me, because I wasn’t doing well mentally. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thursday, July 25, 2019<\/strong>

Lily has done so well on the trip. While we have been in Denmark, we have visited with family and friends. This week we went to Sweden to visit Beth’s cousin and his wife. Beth’s cousin took us to swim in the sea. Even though the water was cold, everyone went in the water except Beth and me. Even Lily enjoyed playing in the water. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am sure Beth and I wouldn’t have survived if we had lived in the Viking area. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I had noticed that Richard hasn’t been wearing his garments as much as he used to. He was losing weight and getting his teeth whitened and straightened.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I thought it was probably because he was worried about getting old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I told him he had been so nice on the trip, and I wished he were like that all the time. I even joked that there was hope for us. He looked into my eyes and didn’t say anything.

<\/p>\n<\/div>

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I wish I knew what he was thinking, and I wondered why he couldn’t be this nice all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sunday, July 28, 2019<\/strong>

After spending a few days in Sweden, we took the Ferry back to Skive. While we were there, we stayed with Beth’s relative, Anna-Lise. She has always been so kind and loves to have visitors.

Monday, July 29, 2019<\/strong>

This morning, when Richard went for his jog, Anna-Lise noticed that he had taken the car. We all thought it was odd because there were so many beautiful places where she lived. He ended up being gone for almost 3 hours.

When he returned, I asked him where he had been and why he was gone for so long. He said he wanted to find the perfect spot to run, which is why it took so long. So many things about Richard were odd, so I believed him.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019<\/strong>

Over the years, I have thought a lot about my friend Marian, who lived in Skive. I never got her address before I immigrated to America. I had often wondered how she was doing.

While we were staying with Anna-Lise, we had told her that we wanted to go to a thrift store because they always had nice clothes in Denmark. Today was our last chance to go to a thrift store before we go back to America.

Anna-Lise gave Richard the address. As we were driving around trying to find the store, the GPS stopped working, so we got lost.

As we were driving, I saw a street named Cetrion Vej. I said, “That’s where Marian moved to. But I don’t remember what the house number was. Besides, it has been 37 years since she moved there, so I’m sure she doesn’t live there anymore.”

Beth said, “For fun, let’s check if her name is on one of the mailboxes.” Beth checked one side of the street while I checked the other. When I got to the very last mailbox, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It had Marian’s name, plus her husband’s and their last name.

I excitedly called Beth, “That’s her! She still lives here!” We knocked on the door. Marian told us to come in. When she saw us, she didn’t recognize us. I told her my name, but she still didn’t know who I was. Then I said, “You and my sister are cousins. You both have the same maiden name. Her name is Beth. Marian lit up when she realized who I was. We hugged. She, too, had thought about me over the years. She asked us to stay and visit with her and her husband. I told her that we were heading back to America, but I would be sure to visit with them next time I came to Denmark.

I am so happy I got in contact with her again! I don’t think it was an accident that the GPS had stopped working. Otherwise, we would never have passed the street where she was still living.

Thursday, August 1, 2019<\/strong>

When we got back from Denmark, I noticed that the preschool sign that I had painted was missing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I asked Richard if he knew what had happened to it. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

He said it had rotted and that I needed to make a new one. I said, there’s no way it could have rotted. I had put a coat on it to protect it in the spring. He said, “I guess it didn’t work because it had rotted.” Then he handed me a piece of plastic and told me to use it instead of wood. I said there’s no way the paint will stick to it. He told me it would be fine.

I didn’t have it in me to paint another sign. I figured I had enough people sign up through word of mouth and didn’t need to advertise. I was still sad that he had thrown away my sign because I liked it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of me didn’t believe that it had rotted. I couldn’t imagine that he would have thrown it away just to be mean. I reasoned that he had told me the truth because the alternative was too hard for me to accept.

Friday, August 2, 2019<\/strong>

When I was working in the backyard, Richard came quietly behind me and then said, “HI HONEY! I’m home!” It scared me half to death, so I screamed. He angrily asked, “Why must you do that?! You need to go back to therapy!” I said you, of all people, should know not to startle me like that! “He shook his head and said, ‘ You need some serious help!” I started to cry. Then I asked him why he hadn’t used the doorbell to let me know he was coming. He said he had.

When we went to check the doorbell, he said, “Looks like it’s broken.” I will have to see if I can fix it later so that you won’t get startled like that again.

I feel like he’s messing with my head. One minute, he startles me, and gets mad about it, the next, he says he will fix the doorbell because he seems to care if I get startled.

I thought he was being his stupid self because there’s no way he would startle me like that on purpose.

Sunday, August 4, 2019<\/strong>

In Sacrament meeting, Richard got released from his calling. After church, we were asked to see the Bishop. The Bishop thanked Richard for serving in the Bishoprick and me for all the support I had given him over the past few years.

Then he said he felt it was time for Richard and me to serve together. We were called to team-teach a class in primary. We both accepted the calling.

Monday, August 5, 2019<\/strong>

I had ordered a fold-up mattress to use next time we had a sleepover. When Richard came home from work and saw it, he got excited.

He then brought it downstairs to his office. He usually slept in the middle room. I asked him what he needed the mattress for. He said that the bed in the middle room was hurting his back, so he was going to see if this mattress was better.

As always, I thought it was odd, but didn’t question it.

I had no idea it was because he had picked up bed bugs from one of his “business trips.” Instead of trying to get rid of them, he just moved the new mattress into his office and slept there. <\/em>

Tuesday, August 6, 2019<\/strong>

Richard texted me to let me know that he was working late again. I text back that I just got done watching a true story about a guy who was living a double life, and it wasn’t discovered until he had a heart attack and died. It had me thinking that, with how often you are gone on business trips and working late, there is plenty of time for you to be living a double life.

He immediately texted back and asked me how I could think that. He loved me more than anything else in the world!

To my surprise, he came straight home. He gave me a muffin from a bakery near his work. Then he said, “I told my boss I couldn’t work late because I needed to go home to be with my wife.” Then he hugged me.

I apologized for questioning him about having to work late. He responded, “I hate having to go on business trips and work late. I don’t like being away from you. Remember, we plan to travel the world when I retire? We are going to grow old together! Eternity is not long enough to spend with you!”

I promised not to question him next time he worked late.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019<\/strong>

After Richard had gone to work, I checked my nightstand. Sure enough, Richard had left me some chocolate with a sweet note telling me how much he loved me, and eternity was not long enough.

I texted him to thank him for the sweet note and the chocolate.

Saturday, August 10, 2019<\/strong>

Over the past year, while working in the yard, I have found a few treasures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I am not sure how old the ring or the tiny wooden baby carriage is. I also found what looked like half an eraser head. Even though they aren’t worth much, it makes working in the yard more interesting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My favorite things I found were Jared’s old army man and his Legos.

<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

They are not worth anything, but the memories of Jared and Johny playing with them are priceless to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saturday, August 17, 2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emily had invited family and friends to Liberty Park to celebrate her birthday. While we were gathered, I asked everyone if they had heard on the news that Ed Smart had left his wife because he was gay. They have been married for 34 years and have 6 kids. I can’t even begin to imagine what his wife must be going through. Everyone had heard it on the news, so we talked about it since it was hard for us all to comprehend.

Richard got mad at me for talking about it. When no one was listening, Beth and I joked that Richard got upset with me for talking about it because Ed Smart was probably his friend, and they went to meetings about being gay Mormons. Then we laughed about it.

In all seriousness, Richard would never do such a thing. He’s had a blessing and is no longer gay. All the High Priests have the gift of discernment, and they all felt he was worthy of becoming a High Priest and therefore set him apart.

Part of me felt Richard was living a double life, but knowing that the High Priest had the gift of discernment put the thought to rest and gave me comfort.

Sunday, August 18, 2019<\/strong>

Preschool starts tomorrow. Richard put Venmo on my phone and told me to have the parents pay me there. I said, but then the money will go into our joint account and disappear. He told me it wasn’t right that I had a separate account and that I needed to trust that he wouldn’t take it.

He had been so nice on the trip, so I figured that I needed to give him a chance.

Monday, August 19, 2019<\/strong>

Preschool started today. It’s been so nice to have Laila live with us because she helps me so much.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019<\/strong>

I don’t have nightmares anymore, and I have stopped disconnecting. I saw Trisha for the last time. I’m so grateful for all the help she has given me. She told me that if I ever felt like I needed more therapy, I was always welcome to make an appointment. Even though I liked her, I told her I hoped I would never need to come back.

Friday, October 25, 2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When preschool was over, Laila and I brought Lily to Richard’s work because some of the employees had decorated the workplace for Halloween. Now that she is getting older, it’s so fun to see her reaction to new things. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Monday, October 28, 2019<\/strong>

I got an email saying Richard had listed himself as manager on my business license. He was able to do that since he lived at the same address as my business. When he came home from work, I asked him why he had done that. He said it was for our taxes. I didn’t believe him. But I figured he had done it to make himself feel more important, so I left him on as manager.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019<\/strong>

I went to see the dentist today because my tooth has become unbearable, and I have been getting a fever. When the dentist looked at the X-ray, he could not believe that I had not said anything sooner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said my body was to have absorbed the extra cement. He made it sound like it was my fault that my body had not absorbed it. Since it hadn’t, the cement got lodged in the membrane. I had no idea what he was talking about. He said he would have to remove it.

I later found out that your body does not absorb that kind of cement, and the dentist should never have attempted to remove it. But since I didn’t know any better, the dentist set to work.

While he was cutting into me, he had two of his dental assistants come and hold me steady. I thought I was going to die from all the pain. When I thought he was done, he told me he was taking a break because it was worse than he had expected, and he had punctured the membrane. Now there was a tear in the sinus. I still had no idea what he was talking about or how serious it was. All I knew was that I was in pain and hoped that I would be able to drive home.

He then put some stitches in my mouth and told me to come back in 3 weeks so he could remove them.

When I got home, Laila helped me out of the car and into my bed. I was so grateful that she was there to help me! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuesday, November 26, 2019<\/strong>

I told Richard that we were having the preschool Thanksgiving program tomorrow and asked if he was going to dress up as a pilgrim, like he had the last two years. He seemed distant and said he had too much work to do.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019<\/strong>

Even though I was in pain, I managed to get through the Thanksgiving program and our fest.

When preschool was over, I called the dentist to tell him my fever was getting worse, and the pain was unbearable. I got a recording saying that the dentist’s office was closed for Thanksgiving and to call back on Monday, December 2, 2019. I thought I would do what I could to endure the pain until the dentist could see me.

Sunday, December 1, 2019<\/strong>

I was so sick that I could hardly move. I was so dizzy that I couldn’t stand up. I felt like my head was going to explode from all the infection. Laila told Richard that he had better get me to the hospital. He told her I was fine. She told him it was serious, and if he didn’t take me to the hospital, then she would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I was so sick that I didn’t care if I lived or died. But I was grateful that she had insisted that he take me to the hospital. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

When we got there, the nurse told us that the doctor I needed to see was busy and that we would have to wait until he was available. At the end of the day, I asked another nurse when the doctor was coming. I was told he had gone home and that I would have to see my dentist tomorrow. I thought, yeah, if I can make it until then.

When I got home, all I could think about was getting relief. So I grabbed some scissors. After I had removed the stitches, I couldn’t believe how much infection came out, and I was no longer dizzy. I thought, no wonder I had felt so much tension. When I couldn’t push out any more of the infection, I was able to get some rest.

Monday, December 2, 2019<\/strong>

Laila taught preschool for me, and I drove myself to the dentist. When he saw I had cut out the stitches, he got upset. I told him I had no other choice because they wouldn’t help me at the hospital, and the tension was unbearable.

He gave me some antibiotics and told me I should be feeling better soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuesday, December 17, 2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Lily can stand up and get into things. When I came into the kitchen, she had pulled all the boxes with different-sized bags out of the drawer. She was having a blast pulling all the bags out of the boxes.

Good thing she is so cute! <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Friday, December 20, 2019<\/strong>

As soon as the preschool Christmas program was over, I crashed. I should be all better by now, but I wasn’t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I am dizzy all the time, I still have a fever, and the tooth feels like it’s getting loose. <\/strong>

I keep thinking that I have to wait it out and that I will feel better soon.<\/p>\n<\/div>

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Saturday, December 21, 2019<\/strong>

I discovered Richard had drained all the money in the Venmo account. There were about $3000.00. I was angry with myself for having trusted him. I was also hurt that he would do that. I knew it was no use fighting over it, so when I confronted him, I said, “I guess you needed the money more than I did.” He said, “Thanks, I knew you would understand. The house has needed a new roof for a long time, so I will need the money to fix it. “

I responded, “We have needed a new roof for a long time. I noticed it has started leaking into the house. I wish you had, out of respect, talked to me about it. You removed the money without telling me. Then I go to use it, and it’s gone.” He could see my point and apologized.

I asked him why there was never any money in the bank and what he did with the money that he had left over from his paycheck. He got an evil look in his eyes.

Then he said, “I have left over money? What money?!” I asked him if he had a separate account where he put it. His eyes got even darker. It scared me. Then he said, “The only one who has a separate account is you. I would never do something like that to you!” I wanted to find out where he had put the $3,000.00, but given how he was looking at me, I was afraid to ask. So I dropped the conversation.

I felt something was terribly wrong. Then I thought, whenever I feel like our marriage is getting better, something always happens. I reasoned that marriage takes work, and I just needed to be patient with him.

Monday, December 23, 2019<\/strong>

I went with Laila to the doctor, because Laila and Lily have been getting red bite marks on their legs. Laila was allergic to whatever was biting her. Her bite marks were painful and swollen. The doctor said it looked like bed bug bites. I told the doctor that he was wrong since we didn’t have bed bugs. I asked him if maybe he thought they were spider bits. He had never known a pider to leave marks like that, but he could be wrong.

When Richard got home from work, he wanted to know what the doctor had said about the bite marks, so I told him. Richard said he was sure it was spider bits, too. He said in the summertime, he would spray around the house to keep them out. For now, I should buy some traps and put them under Laila’s and Lily’s beds. So I did.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019<\/strong>

We had our family Christmas party today. Beth, her family, Johny, Emily, Jared, and his family all came. Everyone brought a white elephant gift, just like last year.

When we were done with the White Elephant gift exchange, Richard came into the living room with a bunch of wrapped presents.

We were all surprised to see he had a gift for everyone, especially since this was the first time he had ever done something like that. There were even a couple of presents for me. It was a vest with a battery so I could stay warm when I worked outside, and a brand-new wheelbarrow. Everyone, including me, was so impressed by his thoughtfulness.

Later, Johny said to me, “Dad’s never bought me a present in his life, what’s up with him?” I told him maybe he has realized it and wants to be a better dad.

When I was alone in the kitchen with Beth, she said, “It’s so out of his character. Why do you think he bought everyone presents?” I told her that he was going once a week to something called The 12-step program for his addiction to food. He was also seeing a counselor provided by the program. We both figured that was why he was acting differently.

Wednesday, December 25, 2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Christmas morning. I thought my tooth would get better soon. Even though Richard had once again taken my money without asking, I had so much to be grateful for. After all, he had bought me an expensive vest and a wheelbarrow, so I believed he was trying.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Laila is so much happier now and takes such good care of her daughter. I loved having the two of them live with us. I just needed to focus on my blessings, and everything would get better.

<\/p>\n<\/div>

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Saturday, May 25, 2019 Another school year has come and gone. I held the Preschool Graduation at a nearby church in case it rained. One of the moms surprised me with a quilt that she had made for me. She had put a lot of time and thought into it. She also had both the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22322","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22322"}],"version-history":[{"count":299,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22639,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22322\/revisions\/22639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.annemettehowland.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}