Mom’s Spring Vacation, 1966
Whenever Mom had any time off from work she would usually spend it without Sander and I. Mom had a week off for spring vacation. This vacation was the first and only time Mom took us with her, most likely because she couldn’t find anyone to watch us. We took the train to her friend Ingrid’s house. It was a three-hour-long train ride. We spent the whole week with Ingrid and her husband
This was the best week I ever spent with Mom. She seemed so calm and relaxed, probably because there was no stress from work or school. One day while we were at Ingrid’s house, Mom wanted to go to the store to buy something she needed. Sander had found a friend, so it was just Mom and I who walked to the store. It was a long walk but I didn’t mind. It was nice to be with her, one on one, something we had never done before. When we got to the store she let me pick out a treat. I ate it while we walked back. I wish it could always be like this between us, but when the walk was over and the week was gone it was back to work, school, and dating for mom, and back to the daycare for me.
Shortly after this vacation, Mom went out with some of her friends from work. We went to the apartment of one of her co-workers. The co-worker said she knew some teenage girls that could watch Sander and me while they went out for the evening. As soon as Mom and her friend were out of sight the girls called up their boyfriends. When the boys came over they started to smoke. One of the girls asked, “What if these kids tell on us?” The boy put a cigarette in both Sander’s and my mouth and told us to smoke.” We both started to cough. One of the boys told us to keep smoking. Then he turned to the girls and said, “There, if they say anything, we will just tell their mom they smoked too and they will be the ones in trouble, not us.” When we were done smoking I felt sick. Then they took us to an indoor swimming pool that was attached to the apartment building where they lived. Since we didn’t have swimming suits we were told just to hop in the water in our underwear. We all jumped into the deep end of the pool. Neither Sander nor I knew how to swim so we clung on to the edge of the pool. After a while, the girls seemed to forget about us. The rest of the evening Sander and I were at the deep end hanging on to the side until the girls were done swimming. When I think back, I realize that Sander and I were lucky we didn’t drown that day.
Mom met a man at the dance she went to that evening. His name was Bent Bjerrim. After the dance, Bent drove her home. He told her he was from a town called Esbjerg and he was here visiting a friend. He wanted to know it if was okay if he called her the next time he was in town. Mom liked him so she gave him her phone number.
When Bent came over Mom would send Sander and I outdoors to play. On the day this picture was taken, Mom was in such a hurry to get rid of us, we were sent outside in our underwear. A stranger came by and took our picture. A few days later he came back and asked Mom if she wanted to buy it. When the stranger left Sander and I got yelled at because we had let a stranger take our picture.
Mom and Bent started to see more of each other. Whenever Bent was in town he would stay with us. Sander and I started to look forward to Bent’s visits because he always had candy for us.
When it was the weekend Dad came to get us just like he always did. This time he had brought a lady with him. He told us it was his girlfriend and she had moved in with him. Her name was Henny and she was 10 years younger than Dad. Now the visits with Dad were a little different. When Sander and I woke up in the morning we would always go jump in bed with Dad and lay there for a while before he got up and made breakfast for us. Henny didn’t seem too excited to have us come hopping in bed with them.
The next Friday when we came for our usual visit Henny gave us some comic books and locked us in the bedroom. She told us to read them and keep quiet because they were having company over for dinner and she didn’t want us to bother them.
Sander and I soon got bored looking at the magazines. After a while, Dad came into the room and asked us what we were doing in there. Sander told him, Henny had locked us in. Dad got really upset with Henny and told her never to do that again. I was glad Dad stuck up for us.
The next morning when Sander and I woke up, we hopped into Dad’s bed just like we always did. This time Sander started to look around the room then he asked, “Someday will Søs and I going to inherit all this stuff?” Dad laughed and said, “Yes, I suppose so.” Sander told me what he expected to be his. I didn’t want him to think he was going to have it all, so I spoke up and told him what I wanted. Before we knew it, we had divided Dad’s possessions in half. All of a sudden Henny got angry and started to yell at us. Dad told Henny to calm down because we were just kids and we didn’t mean any harm in what we were doing.
The next weekend, when it was time to visit Dad, he told us he had something he was doing with Henny and he couldn’t come get us until Sunday afternoon. Then we could spend a few hours together. Since we could not spend the weekend with Dad, Mom brought both Sander and me to church. This Sunday the teacher taught a lesson on swearing. My dad swore a lot, so I swore too. When I was little and in the baby carriage, I would yell out swear words I knew. People would look into the carriage and seem amused by seeing such a little person trying to swear. As I grew older it didn’t seem to be so cute anymore. The teacher told us Heavenly Father didn’t like it when we swore. I couldn’t wait to tell Dad about this lesson. I was sure he would be so impressed.
Dad brought his new camera that he had just bought. He took some pictures of us while we were there with the intent of selling the group pictures to parents of the children, and to the grownups present. He was always looking for the opportunity to make a few extra kroners.
When Dad came to get us, I told him all about the lesson. Dad told me there was no such thing as God, and therefore, it didn’t matter if we swore or not. I was so frustrated because in my heart I knew what I had learned in church was true.
The next weekend we spent with Dad and Henny. Henny showed me a new dress she had sown for me. I thought it was so cute and I fell in love with it! I immediately put it on and wore it all weekend. When I got home I couldn’t wait to show Mom my new dress. Mom got really upset and said, ‘Take it off!” She then threw the dress in the garbage. Mom told me it was ugly and I was never to wear it again. I was devastated. I really liked the dress and I felt so pretty when I had it on.
Wednesday, June 29, 1966
Mom had some vacation time, so she decided she would fly to Esbjerg and spent some time with Bent. While she was gone, Sander was going to stay with Dad and I was going to stay with some church members. I asked Mom why I couldn’t stay with Dad. Mom told me it was because I fought too much with Sander and it was too hard on Dad to have me too. I promised Mom I would be really good, but she insisted… Years later I learned she had told my dad that I didn’t want to be with him.
I had gotten to know the people I would stay with from church. Whenever church got boring, I started running down the aisle, and this man would grab me and hold me on his lap while he drew pictures for me. It helped me to sit still during church and made the time go by faster. They had a boy my age named Kim. Kim was an only child so he was excited to have someone to play with. Even though I would have much rather been with my Dad, Kim and I still had a fun week together.
Mom was looking forward to spending some time with Bent, but she was nervous about flying. She had never been on a plane before. On the plane, Mom sat next to a man. His first name also happened to be Bent. His full name was Bent Ramsdahl. He was 33 years old. He also told her he had lived in Canada since he was 18 years old. He was going to Skive to visit with his parents. He had missed his flight because he had fallen asleep, and this was the last plane going to Skive for the day. Bent made Mom feel at ease as they flew. When Mom got off the plane, Bent asked her for her phone number and her address. Mom gave it to him thinking, he lived so far away he would never call or write her.
When Mom arrived in Esbjerg she spent the next few days with Bent Bjerrim. Bent told Mom he lived with a roommate. While she was visiting, Mom got suspicious so she asked Bent’s roommate if this was really where Bent lived. The roommate told Mom that Bent was only pretending to live there while Mom was here visiting because he was married and had a little baby boy. Mom packed her bags and went back home. She then called Bent and told him she didn’t want to see him again unless he divorced his wife. Bent told Mom that even though he was cheating, he still loved his wife and had no intentions of divorcing her. This was the end of their relationship.
Thursday, July 28, 1966
Bent Ramsdahl called Mom from the airport to let her know he was on his way back to Canada. He had to wait nine hours before his plane left so he wanted to know if Mom would come out to the airport and visit with him for a little bit. Mom was in the middle of painting the living room, so she wasn’t able to go to the airport. Bent asked if she would mind if he wrote to her. Mom told him that it would be fine. Bent asked if she would write him back, and Mom told him she would. When Bent got back to Canada he sent Mom a postcard with his address on it, and from then on they wrote letters back and forth to each other.
Fall 1966 – Days spent with Grandma Helfred
Sander turned seven years old last December so he had started first grade. I wanted to start school too. I felt bad that I was left at the daycare by myself. One day Grandma Helfred came to pick me up early. I was so happy to see her. I loved being with her, she listened to me, read me stories and she would even play dolls with me. She made me feel like I mattered. When I was with her I was no longer just another kid at the daycare. I asked Grandma if she would watch me every day. Grandma was retired and feeling lonely, so she said she would love to. We were so sure Mom would agree to it, especially since it would save her money not having to pay for daycare. However, Mom got furious and said, “No absolutely not!” I never understood why she wouldn’t allow it. I was very grateful for the few times she allowed Grandma to come to pick me up early from the daycare.
When Grandma and I walked home from the daycare we would stop at the candy store and she would let me pick out whatever I wanted. One such day when she had picked me up early, we passed by a clothing store. There was a beautiful yellow dress in the window. Grandma said, “Do you like the dress?” I quickly responded, “Oh, yes.” She said, “Let’s go try it on.” It fit as if it was made just for me, so Grandma bought it.
When it was Friday I was excited to see Dad again. Instead, Grandma picked me up from the daycare and told me only Sander was going to visit Dad and that I would be spending the weekend with her. Again I found out later that Mom had told Dad that I didn’t want to come see him. I had mixed feelings, sad, that I didn’t get to go with Dad, but happy that I got to spend time with Grandma. This time we went to Grandma’s place where I spent the night.
That evening as Grandma was watching the news, a man came on the television who spoke English. I asked Grandma why he sounded so weird and why he didn’t just speak normally. Grandma laughed and said, “I bet if he heard you speak he would think the same thing.” This was so strange to me. I thought everyone in the whole world spoke Danish. It was hard for me to understand how anyone could speak or understand such an odd language.
A few days later when I was back at the daycare I would often look out the window hoping to see Grandma. She didn’t come often, but when she did I felt like the luckiest girl in the world and I cherished every moment I spent with her.
When Grandma finally came again she gave me a gold chain with a horseshoe on it, and a few weeks later she brought me a gold leaf to put on my necklace. At the time, I didn’t understand the value of gold, but the love Grandma showed meant more to me than any gold money could buy.
Mom told Sander and I that she had met a man named Bent Ramsdahl and he would be staying with us for a few weeks. When Bent came he gave Sander a leather vest with fringes, and I got a silk scarf with Indians on it. He told us he lived in a country where there were Cowboys and Indians. It sounded exciting because Sander and I had just seen a Western movie from America. Bent wore cowboy boots so we thought he was a real cowboy.
I was excited to have Bent spend Christmas with us. That Christmas Mom got me a doll I had asked for. I just loved it! It had a bottle, I could feed it water and tears came out of the eyes as if she was really crying. The water also went right through the doll and I could change the cloth diaper.
Best of all when it was the weekend Mom seemed excited to have me go with Sander to visit our dad. When we got to Dad’s place, we had Christmas again with him and Henny. When the weekend was over, and we got back to Mom’s place it was time for Bent to go back to Canada. He told us he would soon be back.
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