Fall 1966 – Days spent with Grandma Helfred
Sander started first grade. I wanted to start school too. I felt bad that I was left at the daycare by myself.
One day, Grandma Helfred came to pick me up early. I was so happy to see her. I loved being with her. She listened to me, read me stories, and even played dolls with me. She made me feel like I mattered.
When I was with her, I was no longer just another kid at the daycare. I asked Grandma if she would watch me every day. Grandma was retired and feeling lonely, so she said she would love to. We were certain Mom would agree to it, especially since it would save her money not having to pay for daycare.
Mom said, “No, absolutely not!” I never understood why she wouldn’t allow it. I was grateful for the few times Mom let Grandma pick me up early from daycare.
When Grandma and I walked home from the daycare, we would stop at the candy store, and she would let me pick out whatever I wanted.
One such day, when Grandma had picked me up early, we passed by a clothing store. There was a beautiful yellow dress in the window. Grandma said, “Do you like the dress?” I quickly responded, “Oh, yes.” She said, “Let’s go try it on.” It fit perfectly, so Grandma bought it for me.
When it was Friday, I was excited to see Dad again. Instead, Grandma picked me up from daycare and told me that only Sander would be visiting Dad, and that I would be spending the weekend with her.
Again, I had mixed feelings. I was sad that I couldn’t go with Dad, but happy that I got to spend time with Grandma. This time we went to Grandma’s place, where I spent the night.
That evening, as Grandma was watching the news, a man came on the television who spoke English. I asked Grandma why he sounded so weird and why he didn’t just talk normal.
Grandma laughed and said, “I bet if he heard you speak, he would think the same thing.” This was so strange to me. I thought everyone in the whole world spoke Danish. It was hard for me to understand how anyone could speak or understand such an odd language.
A few days later, when I returned to the daycare, I would often look out the window, hoping to see Grandma. She didn’t come often because Mom would not allow it. But when she did, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, and I cherished every moment that we were together.
When Grandma finally came again, she gave me a gold chain with a horseshoe on it. A few weeks later, she brought me a gold leaf to put on my necklace. At the time, I didn’t understand the value of gold, but the love Grandma showed me meant more to me than anything else in the world.
Mom told Sander and me that she had met a man named Bent Ramsdahl, and he would be staying with us for a few weeks.
When Bent arrived, he gave Sander a leather vest with fringes, and I received a silk scarf with Indian motifs. He told us he lived in a country where there were Cowboys and Indians. It sounded exciting because Sander and I had just seen an American Western. Bent wore cowboy boots, so we thought he was a real cowboy.
I was excited to have Bent spend Christmas with us. That Christmas, Mom got me a doll I had asked for. I loved it! It had a bottle, and I could feed it water. Then tears came out of its eyes as if it was really crying. The water also went right through the doll, and then I could change the cloth diaper.
Best of all, when it was the weekend, Mom seemed excited to have me go with Sander to visit Dad. When we got to Dad’s place, we had Christmas again with him and Henny. When the weekend was over, and we returned to Mom’s place, Bent told us that it was time for him to go back to Canada, but he would be back soon.
January 1967
At daycare, they taught us a song. “One Little, Two Little, Three Little Indians” in English. I thought it was so neat I could sing in this strange language.
February 1967
Bent came to visit again. I was excited to have him here again. I couldn’t wait to sing my new song for him since I knew this was the language he spoke, where he came from.
Mom told us she and Bent were going on a week-long trip to Majorca. While they were gone, Grandma Helfred came to take care of Sander and me.
It was nice to have Grandma at our place. While Sander was at school, I didn’t have to go to daycare, and I could spend time with Grandma all by myself.
When Sander got home from school, I was playing with the doll that Mom had given me for Christmas. Sander told me to stop treating my doll like a real baby. I held the doll close to me because I was afraid he would hurt it. He then grabbed it and started slamming it into the wall.
Grandma would not stand for it. She kept telling him to stop, but Sander just kept on going. Grandma finally lost her temper. She grabbed a bottle of pop that was standing on the table. Then she threw it right at him.
Sander managed to duck just in time, and it crashed into the wall. The bottle was full of red pop, so the whole wall was dripping with it. It stained the wallpaper. There was broken glass everywhere. It was quite a sight!
Sander never bothered me the rest of the time Grandma was watching us. Instead, he would wait for Grandma to fall asleep. Then he grabbed her legs while he screamed at the same time.
This would startle Grandma, and Sander would laugh. Grandma told him not to do that again, or she could have a heart attack. He didn’t care. He couldn’t wait to scare her again.
I began to worry that Grandma would die while she was staying with us.
When Mom got back from her vacation, she was upset with Grandma for making that giant red stain on the wall.
I was glad because it stayed there as a reminder to Sander never to mess with me while Grandma was around.
When Mom unpacked her suitcase, she gave me a pair of red high-heeled shoes she had bought while she was in Majorca. They were just my size! I had a hard time walking in them, but I didn’t care because I loved them.
February-April 1967
Mom had to go back to work. Since Bent was still staying with us, I asked him if I could stay home. Bent smiled and said, “No, it’s better you go to daycare.” Then he walked me there. At the end of the day, he would come and pick me up again.
I wanted to become a hairdresser when I grew up. While Bent Ramsdahl was staying with us for a few weeks, I asked him if I could practice on his hair. Bent said it would be fine, even though he didn’t have much hair. I was able to put a few of my toy curlers in.
When we got home, Mom would make dinner, and as soon as we had eaten, she would put Sander and me to bed so that she could have the rest of the evening alone with Bent.
Mom would sit on the couch and watch TV with Bent. Since it was still so early in the evening, Sander and I weren’t tired. We carefully opened the door and watched TV through the crack.
Bent caught us. At first, Sander and I were afraid he would tell Mom. But he just smiled at us. Sander and I thought he was just the nicest guy.
The next day, when Bent came to pick me up from daycare, he brought me candy and also gave some to my friends. All my friends thought I was lucky to have such a nice cowboy staying with us.
It was the weekend, and time for Dad to pick us up. Mom had us wait on the corner just like she always did. This time, while we were waiting, Sander got into the mud. When Dad came, he told Sander he had to go back and tell Mom he needed some clean clothes.
Sander came back crying because Mom would not let him change his clothes. Dad went to talk to Mom. It was Bent who answered the door. Dad said he needed to talk to Mom. Bent told Dad to go away.
Before I knew it, they got into an argument. I was afraid they were going to get into a fistfight. Mom was standing right there. Dad told Mom he was paying a lot of money in child support, so there was no reason we were always dressed the way we were.
It seemed like nothing had been resolved, but when we got back from our visit with Dad, Mom told Sander and me that she got paid once a month and that, from now on, we would take turns getting new clothes.
The first month, it would be Mom’s turn, the next it would be Sander’s, and then it would be my turn. This was how it went each month. I was always excited when it was my turn. I loved trying on clothes and getting something new to wear.
At the end of April, Mom took another week off from work so that she could go with Bent to meet his parents in Skive.
While Mom was away, Sander got to stay with our dad again. I was told I had to go be with Mom’s Aunt Mabel.
Since I also wanted to be with Dad, I asked if I could go with Sander. But Mom’s answer was the same as the last time. I was told that I was too much for Dad to handle. Since I believed Mom, it made me sad that I was such a bad child.
While I stayed with Aunt Mabel, I told her I was looking forward to my next birthday because I had never had one before. I was hoping this year would be different. Aunt Mabel asked why I had never had a birthday party. I told her because it was in July, when Mom was on vacation, and I was always sent away to stay somewhere else.
Aunt Mabel had a neighbor watch me for a few hours. When she came back, she had a present, all wrapped up. She made a cake and invited her grandson, Patrick, and the next-door neighbor’s girl to come over. Even though it wasn’t really my birthday, I was thrilled to finally have my very own birthday party!
Patrick was my second cousin. He lived just down the street from Aunt Mabel, so I spent a lot of time with him. Even though Patrick was a couple of years younger than me, we had a lot of fun when we were together.
When Bent returned to Canada, he began sending postcards to Sander and me. We thought it was fun getting mail and started looking forward to it.
The Flu
A little while after Bent left, Sander came down with a high fever. Mom had already spent her vacation, and since she didn’t want to take any more days off from work, Sander was left home alone. Mom would call home to see how he was doing. When Mom got home from work, she had a toy for him. Mom told me it was because he had been sick. I thought Sander was so lucky to get sick so that he would get a new toy.
A few days later, I came down with the same thing. I was six years old. Mom still would not take time off from work, so she left me home alone. Before she left for work, she told me to lie on the sofa so that I would be close to the phone. I was frightened. I asked Mom to stay home with me.
Mom told me I had to be brave and that she would call me later to check in and see how I was doing. After Mom left, I fell asleep. I woke up when she called. I told her I was fine, giving her the answer I knew she wanted to hear.
The next day, I was still not doing much better. Mom left me home alone again. On the third day, I finally started to feel better. Since I had been sick like Sander, I lay there wondering what kind of toy Mom would bring me.
When she got home from work, I asked her why I didn’t get a toy. Mom got annoyed with me and told me I would get a toy some other time. I was disappointed, especially since I had a fever like Sander’s and had been so frightened about being left home alone. I reasoned with myself that it was probably because I wasn’t as smart as Sander, and I also thought that if I behaved better, she would love me too.
May 1967-Met Great-Grandmother Anne Kritine Larsen
My great-grandmother, Anne Kritine Larsen, was living in a nursing home. Grandma Helfred asked Mom if we could take a trip to Aalborg to visit her. Grandma’s sister, Ada, and her daughter, Edith, were also going to be there. They were coming from Germany.
I had heard very little about my great-grandma, so I didn’t understand who she was. While we were visiting with her, I felt uncomfortable with Great-Grandma looking at me. She reminded me of the witch in the story of Hansel and Gretel. I hid behind Grandma’s dress.
Great-Grandma pointed toward me and asked, “Who is that?” Mom explained how I was related to her. Great-Grandma asked who Sander was. Mom told her who he was.
By then, Great-Grandma had forgotten who I was. The same conversation started over from the beginning. After this happened a few times, I was even more uncomfortable.
Edith could tell I was having a hard time, so she offered to take me for a walk. I was glad to get out of the room. Edith only spoke German so that we couldn’t talk to each other. I thought it was still nice to be outside in the fresh air.
4 Generations
Me, Grandma Helfred, Mom, Great Grandma Ane Kritine, and Sander.
Later, we had to return to the room because a photographer had arrived to take our picture. It was four generations. In the photo, I wore the beautiful yellow dress grandma had bought me. Grandma told me how lucky we were to get this picture, because Great Grandma was 89.
She died the following year.
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