Fall Camp, 1969
We set off for our week-long camp. As we arrived, I noticed a lot of little cabins. We were divided into small groups. There were three girls in my group, my friends, Mai-Britt, Solvang, and me. We had a male leader who stayed in our cabin with us. He was a super nice guy.
Nightly each group was to make their own dinner, in their cabin. Our leader asked us, girls, what we liked to eat. I told him my favorite food was mashed potatoes. The four of us went grocery shopping at a nearby store. We bought the food we were going to eat for the week. The leader also bought lots of potatoes. When we got back to our cabin he taught us how to make mashed potatoes.
During the day there were really no plans, and our leader told us he would be back in the evening. Then he took off and left us to watch ourselves. We played ball and went hunting for berries. Wild berries grow everywhere in Denmark. I thought it was strange he left us and only came back when it was time for bed. I was grateful for the time he spent teaching us how to cook.
Looking back I am surprised we had a male leader who stayed in the cabin with us girls. I am very grateful he was a nice guy. We had fun even though we were left to ourselves during the day. The leaders did try to tell our parents that they didn’t want to be going on a campout with us this fall, and I guess they weren’t kidding.
Back From Camp
We arrived home and Mom told Sander and I that she was going to Canada to visit Bent. Of course, Sander got to stay with Dad. Dad took time off from work. I wanted to go too, but I already knew the answer. I still asked if I go with Dad. Mom told me she had already made arrangements with Mai-Britt’s mom and that I would be staying with them. I liked Mai-Britt a lot and we had fun when we were together. I would rather go with Dad, so I asked one more time. Mom told me it was better for me to go with Mai-Britt and there was no use discussing it any further.
Mom dropped me off at Mai-Britt’s house and she was off for Canada. The following week, both Mai-Britt’s parents had to work. Mai-Britt, her younger brother, and I had to go with Mai-Britt’s Dad to work. He worked in a field building houses. There was nothing for us kids to do. We tried to play games and entertain ourselves, but the sun was hot so we mostly sat in the dirt and waited for her dad to get off work.
One evening Mai-Britt’s parents got into a really bad fight. I thought her dad was going to hit her mom. I felt sick to my stomach, I was so frightened!
Mai-Britt’s mom motioned to Mai-Britt, her brother, and me to get our shoes and coat. Then we tiptoed out the door while the dad was in the other room. We asked Mai-Britt’s Mom where we were going. She told us we were going to an amusement park. It was fall, dark, and cold outside. Going to an amusement park didn’t seem like such a good idea to me.
We took the bus and train to get to the park. When we got there Mai-Britt’s mom bought us tickets so we could go on lots of rides. The first ride we chose went around and around. I thought I was going to fly off my seat. I hung on for dear life! I don’t think I had ever been so terrified before in my life. When we got off the ride I was dizzy and I felt sick. Mai-Britt and her brother were both fine. I felt bad and wanted to pretend I was fine, but I was too sick to walk. We sat on a bench nearby so I could get feeling better.
Mai-Britt’s mom said, “Maybe an ice cream will help you recover.” I politely said, “No, thank you.” Mai-Britt’s mom insisted, and then she went and bought us all a really big ice cream in a waffle. Normally I would have loved one, but I felt too sick to even look at it. I thought it was so nice of her to buy the ice cream, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I started to eat it. The smell and taste of it made me throw up. I knew Mai-Britt’s mom had spent a lot of money on ice cream and the amusement park. I really wanted to feel better but it was no use. I needed to get home so I could lie down.
We went home and found Mai-Britt’s father was drunk and in a deep sleep. I was relieved because all the way home I had worried they were going to start fighting again.
Since I had to go with Mai-Britt’s dad to work every day I was so happy when it was time to go back home. Sander couldn’t wait to tell me about all the fun things he had done with Dad and Henny this past week. I really didn’t want to hear about it because it hurt so bad.
My Guinea Pig, October 1969
Sander had a pet hamster, he just loved it. I wanted a pet too, but Mom said, “Absolutely not.” Kim, a boy in our ward, asked me if I wanted a guinea pig. I asked Mom if I could have it. She told me I could, only if I kept it at the Part-Time Home. We were allowed to have pets, such as guinea pigs, rabbits, and hamsters at the Part-Time Home. I asked one of the workers if I could bring a guinea pig. I was told as long as I brought food and took care of the pet, it could stay there. I was excited the worker said I could bring it, but in the back of my mind, I was irritated that Sander got to keep his pet at home. I tried to tell Mom I thought it was unfair, but it didn’t do any good.
I called Kim to tell him I could have the guinea pig. He told me he would bring it over later. That evening Mom was going out with some girlfriends from work. We had a rule: when we were home alone, we were never to open the door. I got special permission. Mom said we had to make sure only to open the door for Kim and his mom. Since we hated to be left home alone, we were anxious to have Kim and his mom come. Sander and I sat by the door as we waited.
We looked through the peephole every time we heard a noise hoping it was them. Finally, the doorbell rang. We both jumped. We made sure to look through the peephole again. We could see Kim and his mom standing there with the cage. We were so excited to let them in. Unfortunately, they didn’t stay long. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again. We made sure to look through the peephole. Kim had returned because he had forgotten to give us the guinea pig food.
Moments later the doorbell rang again. This time Sander and I forgot to check the peephole. We just assumed it was Kim. We opened the door. It was Bent standing there with his suitcase. Both Sander and I were happy to see it was him. Not only had he come to surprise us from Canada, but we wouldn’t be home by ourselves. Bent gave us both a package of gum from Canada.
Mom was excited to see Bent. She asked him why he had not told her he was coming. He said it was because he wanted to surprise her.
Days Spent with My New Pet
I looked forward to seeing my guinea pig each day. When I got to the Part-Time Home I would take my pet out of its cage so I could play with it on the grass. Sander told me the guinea pig only liked him. I believed him. I kept hoping my pet would like me too.
I didn’t have my pet for very long. A few weeks later when I came to the Part-Time Home, I saw the cage was empty. I ran to ask one of the workers where my guinea pig was. I was told someone had put pee in the animal’s water bottles and all the pets had died. The worker then showed me where they were all buried. I was devastated! Someone had killed all these animals on purpose! From then on no one brought pets to the Part-Time Home.
October 1969–Bent’s visit
I wanted to become a hairdresser when I grew up. While Bent was staying with us for a few weeks, I asked him if he would let me practice on his hair. Bent said it would be fine, even though he didn’t have much hair. I was able to put a few of my toy curlers in.
November 8, 1969–My Baptism
We had home teachers who often came and visited us. It was a man and his son, Steen, who was about 18 years old. I loved it when they came to see us. They both made me feel like I mattered. When the home teachers came they told me I was old enough to be baptized. They asked me who I would like to have baptized me. I asked Steen if he would do it. He told me he had never baptized anyone before, but he would be happy to do it.
When it was time for me to get baptized there was no doubt in my heart it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t wait to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Uncle Ole, Aunt Jytte, their two children Linda, Peter, and Grandma Helfred all came for my special day. When we got to the church the font was filled with water, all ready for me to go in. I felt so pretty all in white. Best of all, my hair had finally grown a little bit past my ears and I didn’t look like a boy. Steen seemed very nervous.
Before I went in the water someone said a prayer and then we sang the song, Come, Come Ye Saints. Then it was time to go in the water. Steen said what he needed to say and put me under. There was air in my dress so it would not go all the way under. I had to be totally immersed in the water. Steen kept holding me under hoping my dress would go down. I thought I was going to drown! When Steen finally pulled me out of the water I was glad to get some air. Since it was not done correctly Steen had to do it again. The second time he tried it, it was done correctly. When I got out of the water he apologized that he had to do it twice. I didn’t mind, I felt it was done twice because the Lord wanted to let me know I was special.
After the baptism, Uncle Ole and his family gave me a beautiful green purse. Steen and his dad gave me a candle and a candle holder. They told me it was to remind me to always let my light shine. Mom gave me a Book of Mormon and Grandma gave me a very expensive gold bracelet. She told me it was to be an heirloom. I was to pass it on to one of my children when they were grown and they were to pass it on to their children and so on.
Grandma told me I couldn’t have the bracelet until my hand was big enough to keep it on my arm without slipping off. I would try the bracelet on every day for a very long time hoping I had grown big enough to fit it. Mom started to wear the bracelet. She told me she would give it back when I could fit it. After the baptism, we all went to our place and had hot chocolate and cake.
Bent’s Visit–November 1969
While Bent was staying with us, Mom told him she was tired of their long-distance relationship. She said it was time for them to get married. Either he could move in with us, or we would move to Canada
with him.
Bent was a bachelor and seemed proud of the fact that he had never been married. He was content with the way things were. He liked his freedom and to be able to come and go as he pleased.
This time Bent stayed with us for two months before he went back to Canada. I overheard Mom talking to one of her friends. She said she wanted Bent to marry her so she had stopped taking her birth control pills. Mom figured if she got pregnant Bent would have to marry her.
Sure enough, after Bent left, Mom was expecting. Mom called Bent to tell him the “Good News.” However, he didn’t seem to share her excitement. He told Mom he was not ready for such a commitment and she needed to get an abortion as soon as possible.
Abortions were illegal in Denmark at the time. Bent said he would pay for whatever it cost to send Mom to another county where abortions were legal. Mom told Bent she was keeping the baby and if he didn’t marry her, she would call his parents in Skive and tell them what kind of irresponsible son they had.
Bent still insisted she got an abortion. Then Mom said, “I will also call your parents’ neighbors and tell them I am pregnant. Do you want your parents to live with this kind of scandal?”
After much talk back and forth Bent realized Mom was not going to get rid of the baby, and that she had made up her mind. The conversations ended with Bent telling Mom he would come back in February so they could get married.
Sander Home Sick 1969
Sander stayed home from school because he was sick. When I got off school I didn’t go to the Part-Time Home. Instead, I went straight home so I could take care of him. I dressed up as a goofy-looking nurse, just for fun.
Sander’s Baptism, December 1969
Years ago when Sander had turned eight, our home-teachers asked him if he wanted to get baptized. Sander said he didn’t believe in our church and would never become a member. Mom and Grandma kept trying to see if they couldn’t talk him into getting baptized.
When Sander turned eleven years old, we had two Elders that came to our home often. Sander took a liking to them. They were able to talk him into getting baptized. One of the Elders performed his baptism.
Dad never said anything when I got baptized, but he was pretty disappointed when he found out Sander had joined the church too.
New Year’s Eve 1969-1970
I was scared of the fireworks so I stayed inside and watched the celebration through the window.
February 1970-Mom’s Wedding
At the beginning of February Mom noticed she was spotting. The doctor told her she needed to go to the hospital because he thought she might be losing the baby.
When we or anyone else asked Mom why she was in the hospital she said it was because she was having complications from the car wreck she was in last October.
Towards the end of February Bent came back from Canada as planned. Mom was in the hospital but she was determined the wedding was still going to take place. The doctor gave Mom permission to have a small wedding in her room so she arranged for a Lutheran pastor to come to the hospital and preside over the marriage to Bent.
Back then, school was held on Saturdays. We got permission to be out of school because of the wedding. Bent walked Sander and I to the hospital. When we got there Grandma Helfred was already there. I got to hold a small bouquet of flowers because I was the bride’s maid.
When the pastor came he was dressed in a long black robe with a large white color around it. He placed two large candles at the foot of Mom’s bed and lit them. The wedding took place while Mom was lying in bed.
After the ceremony, Bent walked Sander and I back to the apartment. While we were walking I asked Bent if this meant he was our new dad. Bent lowered his head and very softly said, “I guess so.” I was the only child in my class whose parents were divorced. I was excited to be just like everyone else. I asked, “Can I call you Dad?” Bent answered, “Sure.” As we continued walking, I asked, “Dad, what time is it?” Sander laughed, then he said, “Duh, you are just asking what time it is so you can say, Dad.” I felt silly because Sander was right. I was excited that I had a new dad. I was not from a broken home anymore.
After the wedding, it seemed nothing had really changed and everything went back to the way it had always been.
Better Safe than Sorry
A few days after Mom’s wedding she was released from the hospital. She and Bent went to visit his parents in Skive. Grandma came to stay with Sander and I at our apartment. Before they left, Mom told Grandma that I had a doctor’s appointment in a few days. It was just a regular check-up. Mom gave Grandma a bottle the doctor had given us and told her to make sure I took a urine sample to the appointment.
Grandma put a piece of foil wrap on the bathroom floor. Then she told me that next I had to poop, I had to do it on the foil. I asked Grandma, “Why.” She said it was so that we could give the doctor. I told Grandma I was pretty sure the doctor would only need a sample of my urine. Grandma said, “It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” Grandma kept asking me if I had to poop. It was starting to get annoying. Every time I went to the bathroom Grandma would remind me to make sure to poop on the foil that was on the floor.
When I was finally able to go, I did it on the foil just like Grandma had asked. By the time I was done, it ended up being more than just a small sample. Grandma seemed so pleased with it. She wrapped it up in the foil very carefully.
The next day, when it was time for me to go to the doctor, Grandma asked me to put the neatly wrapped package in my green purse. Then off we went to the doctor’s office. We walked to the bus stop. On the way there we stopped at the crosswalk, we were waiting for the light to change. There were people standing around us. Slowly they walked away from me. They looked at me as if to ask how come I smelt so bad. I was so uncomfortable. It seemed forever before the light turned green.
When Grandma and I got on the bus and found our seats, people slowly got up and moved as far away from me as possible. It seemed all eyes were on me. I just sat there with a shy smile on my face and the green purse on my lap, pretending there was nothing here to smell.
We arrived at the doctor’s office and were told to take a seat. The same thing happened in the waiting room that had happened on the bus. People just didn’t want to be sitting by me. (I really didn’t blame them. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have sat by me either.) I sat there patiently waiting for the doctor to see me, while the stench filled the whole room. By now I was ready to die of embarrassment. Instead, I sat there smiling at people who were staring at me, all the time pretending everything was just fine.
When I was FINALLY called into the doctor’s office, I placed my package on the counter. The doctor had a horrified look on his face as he asked, “What is that?” He carefully opened the package. I told the doctor it was a sample of my poop. (As if the doctor hadn’t already figured it out by the smell.) The doctor looked like he was going to throw up. Then he yelled, “Nurse! Get in here and get rid of this!” The nurse came running in and opened the garbage can. Then she threw my package in it. It landed with a loud thud.
The doctor tried to continue with the check-up. He asked Grandma in disbelief, “Why in the world she thought he would need such a sample? Grandma answered, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Due to the unbearable smell, the doctor was having a hard time concentrating on the examination. All of a sudden he paused…then he yelled, “Nurse! Get in here and empty the garbage can!” The nurse came running in and did as she was told at the same time the doctor opened the window as wide as he could. I was relieved when the doctor’s visit was over and I could go home. I don’t think I had ever been so embarrassed in all my life! This was one time it would have been better if we were, “Sorry, rather than safe!’
Bent and Mom returned from Skive a few days later. When they got back, Bent went back to Canada.
Another Hair Cut
Right after Mom got home from Skive, she told me it was time to have my hair trimmed. I was delighted it had finally started to grow back. I asked Mom if she could please let it keep growing. Mom told me the more it got cut, the faster it would grow. This didn’t make any sense to me so I questioned it. She said, “Hair needed air if it was to grow.” For this reason, she insisted I had to have a haircut. I was fine with my hair not getting air. But there was no use arguing with her. She was not giving in. I soon found myself back at the barber with Sander having the same haircut as him.
I wish Mom cared about how devastating it was to my self-esteem to have my hair cut like this.
May 1970
When Grandma came over, she said to Mom that she noticed that she was gaining weight. Mom laughed as she said, “Yes, I’ve got to start eating less.” Shortly thereafter, Sander startled Mom. Mom told him never to startle people, especially if they were pregnant. Sander looked at Mom. Then he asked, “Why, are you pregnant?” Mom answered, “No! But if I was, it would have been really dangerous.”
A few weeks later Mom finally decided to tell us she was expecting a baby in September. It was to be a secret and we couldn’t tell anyone. Sander and I were thrilled to hear this news. Sander told me he wanted a brother. I told him I wanted a sister. We started to argue over what sex the baby was going to be. I finally gave in and accepted it was going to be a boy, after all, Sander always got his way.
It was impossible for me to keep this secret. I told my friends at school the news. The next day one of the girls in my class said to me, “My mom and dad say your mom is a loser and that her Cowboy husband went back to Canada
because he has Indian girlfriends waiting for him!” Everyone who was standing around us laughed. It made me feel really bad, so I hurried and walked away. I wished I could just disappear off the face of the earth and never have to face any of them again.
I had always felt I was different because I was the only one in the class without a dad living at home. I thought when Mom remarried it would solve everything. Instead, it only seemed to make matters worse. I couldn’t believe people were talking so badly about Mom and her new husband.
Summer 1970
It was summer. Sander and I were told we were going on another camping trip with the Part-Time Home. I told Mom I didn’t think it was fair that Sander always got to have a birthday party on his birthday but my birthday always came while we were at camp. Mom agreed to let me have a party right before we went away to camp.
I invited some of my friends from the Part-Time Home to come to my party. I could hardly believe it! I was having a real birthday party, with friends, my very own birthday cake and pop! Since it was summer only two girls were able to come to my party. The other children I had invited were away with their families on summer vacations. I didn’t mind, I was just thrilled to finally have a birthday party, like everyone else.
Summer Camp 1970
This summer Sander and I went with the Part-Time Home to Camp Capalino. We were there for three weeks. We had been told we could either sleep in a building that was located on the campground or we could bring our own tent. Both Sander and I wanted to sleep in a tent. Dad gave Sander the tent and said he could use it. I notice that Dad left me out of the plans he and Sander discussed. As usual, I blamed myself, thinking it was because I was so stupid and ugly.
I ended up sleeping in the building with the rest of the kids who didn’t have a tent. Every day I would ask Sander if I could have a turn sleeping in the tent. Finally, Sander agreed to let me stay in the tent for one night with one of my friends. When I got into the tent I found five kroners (worth about a dollar.) in the tent pocket. I asked Sander where he got the money. He got upset with me and told me to leave the tent pockets alone. I kept asking him where he got the money from. Finally, he told me Dad had given him the money to spend on the camping trip. I was not to know about it. My heart sank. I couldn’t believe Dad would do that. I hoped he loved Sander and I the same. I was convinced, more than ever, that it was because I was stupid and ugly.
We had a lot of freedom at this camp. We could pretty much come and go as we pleased. It’s a miracle that no harm came to us. Sometimes we would even walk into town by ourselves and look at the stores. On the way back to the camp my friend and I saw an elderly woman sitting on her porch. We stopped and talked to her. She invited us in and showed us pictures of her kids and grandkids. After that, we came by often during our trip to town and visited with her.
There was a wooded area near the camp. We were told not to go into the woods because we could get lost. One day, just before lunch, my friend Hanne and I decided to walk very close to the woods. We then decided that we wanted to see a “little” of the woods. The woods were interesting and exciting, probably even more so because we had been asked not to go there.
There were lots of insects to look at. It seemed like it would be easy to find our way back, so we walked just a little further. We had not gone very far, and all of a sudden the area looked the same. We could not tell which way we had come in, or which way to go out. We were both scared. We walked for hours not knowing if we were getting farther away or getting closer to our campsite.
We were getting hungry and started to wonder if anyone had noticed we were missing. From the moment we knew we were lost I said many silent prayers in my heart to ask Heavenly Father to help us find our way back. When it started to get dark we were terrified. The woods seemed even scarier as the sun was starting to set. We heard owls howling. We had seen foxes during the day, but luckily they had been afraid of us and ran the opposite depiction. However, we didn’t know if they would come after us when it was night. By now we were getting tired, but we were afraid to sit down and rest for fear of bugs crawling on us. I said yet another silent prayer for what seemed like the 100th time.
The sun had gone down. At our camp, they turned the lights on in the building where we slept. I heard Hanne say, “Look there is light coming from this way.” As we ran towards the light we could see the building we were staying in.
We ran back to the campsite. When we got there everyone had already gone to bed. The leaders had just noticed we were missing. They were about to go out and look for us. They were happy to see us so they could go to bed too. The leaders told us not to wander off like that again. I wasn’t about to go into the woods anytime soon.
We had been gone for about 10 hours, we were hungry! When we asked for food we were told there was no dinner left. They gave us a raw egg with sugar and told us to stir it and eat it. Raw egg with sugar was something we would sometimes eat as a snack at the Part-Time Home. The egg didn’t fill me up. If anything it gave me a stomach ache.
I was grateful to be able to lie down to go to sleep in my sleeping bag and thankful to Heavenly Father for helping us find our way back to the camp.
September 21, 1970
Mom had gone to the hospital because the baby was expected to come any day now. It was the end of the day and time for the Part-Time Home to close. Sander and I rode our bikes home together.
As Sander and I were riding our bikes home out of nowhere, Sander took off in a different direction. I called him and asked him where he was going. He yelled back to me that I should go home and he would meet up with me later. I wondered where he was off to in such a hurry. It turned out he had a feeling that the baby was coming, and he was right because when he got to the hospital Mom had just delivered the baby.
When I got home I let myself into the apartment. I didn’t like being home alone. I kept wondering where Sander had gone and when he would be back. I had been home for a while when the phone rang. It was Grandma. She told me, she and Sander were at the hospital because Mom had given birth to a girl. I was surprised to hear I had a sister, especially since Sander had ordered a baby brother.
I wanted to come to the hospital to see the baby too. Grandma told me the nurses wouldn’t let me come in. The only reason they had let Sander in was because he had shown up right after Mom had given birth. When Sander had arrived at the hospital he told the nurses he knew Mom had just had the baby. The nurses were impressed with his timing, so they let him in.
I felt awful because Sander hadn’t brought me along so that I could see the new baby too. It felt like I was home alone forever. I got even more upset and nervous as it started to get dark. Grandma and Sander finally came home that evening. Grandma stayed with us while Mom was in the hospital.
Each day I would go with Grandma to the hospital so that she could visit Mom and the new baby. I had to sit outside in the waiting room until Grandma came back. I thought it was dumb they wouldn’t let me in to see my own sister.
It had only been a week, yet, it seemed like forever before Mom and the baby could come home. Mom called up Mai-Britt’s dad to see if he could bring them home. I could hardly believe it was time to see my sister. I came along with Mai-Britt and her dad to pick them up.
When we arrived at the hospital, I watched as Mom came out with the new baby. I run up to Mom so that I could be the first one to look at my sister. She was so cute! I was overwhelmed to think we got to take her home and keep her. I was also still trying to grasp the fact that she was a girl. No matter how much Sander wanted his way, this was one situation he couldn’t control, and Mom couldn’t give him his way. I felt it was another way the Lord told me, he loved me and that I mattered. It was so exciting to think I had a sister!
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