Saturday, January 2, 1999
K talked from a very early age. I was by myself when K came up to me and asked, “Auntie, can I ask you a question?” I said, “Sure, K.” Then she said, “Why did Daddy leave?” Her question caught me off guard. I answered, “Hmm. You’d better ask your mom about that.” K said, “I did, but I didn’t understand her answer, so I thought I would ask you.” I was at a loss for words. K is not even 3 years old yet. I tried to explain it to her as simply as I could. Hoping she would be satisfied with my answer.
It’s been over a month since Philip left. I still feel traumatized by him! I hate going into the basement. I know Philip won’t be naked jumping out of the dark at me, but it’s still very much on my mind!
Friday, January 8, 1999
Jared has a friend named Benny. Benny always seems to be up to no good. Benny is almost 1 year older than Jared. Jared told me that he was worried about Benny because he had started doing weed.
Benny came over this evening and asked if Jared could have a sleepover at his house. Without hesitation, I answered, “No, we don’t do sleepovers.” Just then, Richard jumped into the conversation and said, “Sure, Jared can have a sleepover.” I told Richard that we had already agreed that our kids weren’t going to do sleepovers.”
As we were discussing this, Benny went behind Richard’s back so that Richard couldn’t see him. Then Benny made faces at me. He was mocking me because I had said no, and now Richard was saying yes.
I told Richard we needed to go into another room to talk about it. Richard said, “There is nothing to talk about! My word is final!” Then Richard took Johny and went into Johny’s room. I tried to open the door, but Richard was blocking it so that I couldn’t get in. I kept pushing on the door.
By now, I was so angry that I was able to open the door a crack. As I was trying to get in, Richard slammed the door on my knee as hard as he could. I was in so much pain! I was sure my knee had been smashed into pieces. Richard always had the final word, but not this time! I was worried about Jared going to Benny’s house, and I was not about to stand by and let it happen!
I got a hammer and smashed the door open. I then turned to Benny and said, “There is going to be no sleepover! It’s time for you to go home!” Benny quickly left. Johny was crying, and the rest of our kids were looking on, as if they were in shock.
I was glad that Beth and her girls were gone for the evening so that they didn’t see what had happened. I felt bad that my kids had to witness it, but I was going to do what I could to protect Jared!
Saturday, January 9, 1999
My knee was twice its normal size. I was in no shape to drive. I asked Richard to take me to the hospital. I told the doctor I had fallen down the stairs. I was x-rayed. My knee wasn’t broken, but the cartilage had been knocked loose. I was referred to a specialist to have the cartilage removed. They wrapped up my knee and gave me some painkillers.
Monday, March 8, 1999
I have three weeks off from my calling this month, so I scheduled the operation for this time. It’s been hard to babysit with my knee in so much pain. But I kept on and got around the best I could.
Beth told me she would babysit for me while I had the operation. Richard took the day off from work so that he could take me to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, I was surprised to see both Mom and Arnie were there. They stayed with Richard in the waiting room.
During the operation, I could hear a loud noise. It was a machine that kept making a long beep sound. The noise was bothering me, and I wanted to see what it was. The strangest thing happened. It was as if I got sucked out through my forehead. I could see my body lying in a bed. I was in a room by myself. I looked around and could see what was making that noise. It was a machine that was hooked up to me. Then I could see a nurse come running into the room. She pleaded for me to breathe and fight for my life.
I was confused. I had no need to breathe, and no pain. The nurse was paging the doctor to tell him I had flatlined. The nurse kept begging me to breathe and to hang on and fight. I was still unaware of what was going on. It seemed important to the nurse, so I did what I could to breathe. As I was fighting for breath, it was as if I got sucked back into my body.
It was hard to keep breathing, so I stopped and slipped back into the room. This happened 3 times. When I went back into my body the third time, everything went black. I don’t know what happened next until I woke up in the recovery room.
When I opened my eyes, the nurse called Richard, Mom, and Arnie into the room where I was recovering. Richard asked me why it had taken me so long to wake up. My mom told me that my operation was to have been an hour, and about an hour for me to wake up from the operation. Mom said it had taken 6 hours instead of two. They had started to wonder if I was okay.
I wasn’t able to speak. It was as if I were stuck in my body. I tried to communicate with my eyes to let them know I could hear them, but couldn’t answer their questions.
I was so thirsty. I wasn’t able to ask for water. The nurse came in with a cup of water and a stick with a sponge on it. The nurse told Richard to dip the sponge in the water and then dab it on my dry lips. Richard put the wet sponge across my lips. I was dying to say, “Could you please pour the whole damn cup down my throat?!” It was pure torture to have the water on my lips and not be able to say I needed water!
It took everything I had; finally, I was able to whisper, “Water.” Richard said, “Yes, I am giving it to you,” as he kept putting the sponge on my lips. A couple of minutes later, I was able to whisper again, “Water.” Finally, Richard figured out I needed water. Then he held the cup up to my lips. I was unable to hold the cup. It was so frustrating! I felt like I was going to die because I had no strength, and I could not make it any clearer that I needed water. I looked intensely into Richard’s eyes as I whispered “Water” for the third time. Finally, Richard figured out that he needed to pour the water down my throat.
Mom went and asked to speak to someone to find out why I could not move or speak, and why it had taken so long before I had woken up from the operation. I could hear the nurse telling Mom that it would take me a while to recover because there had been some complications with the operation. Mom wanted to know what compilations? The nurse said, “It takes some people longer than others to wake up.” The nurse made it sound like what had happened to me was no big deal.
A different nurse came and gave me a shot. The shot felt like ice was going through my whole body.
A few years later, I found out the shot I was given was to make sure my heart kept beating. I wish I could remember what it was called.
As I was wheeled to the car, the nurse who was pushing the wheelchair bent down and whispered into my ear, “Tell them you can’t go home. Tell them it is not safe for you to go home! We need to keep an eye on you!” Here I was, unable to speak or move. I could tell the nurse knew I needed to stay, yet I was being sent home.
Monday, March 22, 1999
When I got home from the hospital, I slept for 2 days straight. The last two weeks, I have done nothing but sleep. I would only wake up to go to the bathroom and to drink and eat a little bit. It took everything out of me, so I would go right back to sleep.
Monday, March 29, 1999
I have been able to stay awake a little bit longer each time I wake up. Beth has made sure I get food and water. Slowly, a memory came back to me that I had seen my body. I started to realize that I must have died. And that I was lucky to be alive.
The three weeks I had off from my calling are up. I spent my waking hours doing my calling. Beth did all the tending and everything else that needed to get done.
Monday, April 5, 1999
With the money Richard earned and all the tending I have done, I have managed to pay off all of Richard’s debt and replace the money in our children’s bank account. I told him from now on, I wanted to be involved in everything that goes on with the money he makes.
I let all the parents know that I was no longer going to be doing daycare. With my body taking so long to recover and trying to keep up with my calling, it felt so good to be done tending! Especially since I didn’t think it was fair for Beth to be doing so much for me.
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