Wednesday, August 17, 2000
It’s been a hard week! Every chance Jared gets, he acts like he is going to hit me because he thinks it’s funny how I react. If he sees me crying, he mocks me. I do all I can not to cry when he is around. I don’t know where all this anger is coming from. I miss my little boy. I don’t understand what’s happened to him!
I have looked into putting him in a boy’s home. It costs over $3000.00 a month. If he hits me, I want to call the police. Then maybe they can put him somewhere so we won’t have to pay for it.
Monday, August 21, 2000
It’s almost time for school to start again. Jared has become unbearable! When Richard came home from work, he called his parents to see if they could take him until Sunday. They said they could.
Richard told Jared to get in the car, but he refused. Jared said there was no way he was going back to his grandparents’ house because they had 2 cats and 2 dogs. Their house is gorse, and it stinks.
I have told Jared that if he did not smarten up, that’s where he would be going. He didn’t think we could make him. Richard called one of the men in the ward to come over and help him put Jared in the car.
As they were driving away, I felt bad for Jared. I have warned him that this would happen if he didn’t change his attitude. Even though I was sad, I was relieved to know that I didn’t have to deal with him for the rest of the week.
Sunday, August 26, 2000
I stayed home with the kids while Richard went and picked up Jared. When Jared came home, I had a long talk with him. I let him know that I didn’t want to send him to his grandparents, but I was scared of him and didn’t know what else to do. I asked him why he had changed. Jared started to cry. He said he didn’t mean to be this way, and he didn’t understand where all this anger was coming from. He said he feels sad and angry all the time, and he doesn’t know how to control it.
Sunday, September 3, 2000
We were invited to go to Richard’s grandparents’ house. One of Richard’s cousins was giving a Farwell talk in their ward. My kids have never met Richard’s grandparents or any of his cousins.
After the talk, we were invited to their house to eat lunch. While we were eating, I overheard Richard’s cousins talking about what pills their kids were on. It sounded like they were all taking something for mental illness. I went into the bathroom and cried. There should be a law that when you get married, you have to let your future spouse know what mental illnesses are in the family. Then you can decide if you want to marry them. I have enough mental illness on my side, and I didn’t need to expose my kids to more.
When I came out of the bathroom, Richard’s grandmother said, “Oh, there you are!” Then she handed me a list of chores that she wanted done. She told me I was in charge of the list and to put everyone to work.
I don’t mind helping clean up after lunch, but being in charge of deep cleaning is not what I signed up for!
When I was sure no one was looking, I hurried and went into our van. I laid down on the floor so that no one could find me. A few minutes later, I heard the van door open. I thought for sure I was busted. Instead, I could see Jared lying down on the floor by the seats in front of me. When Jared turned his head, he saw me. There we were, both lying on the floor, hiding.
Jared asked me what I was doing there. I said to him, I want to ask you the same question. It turned out both Jared and I had run away from Richard’s Grandma because neither of us wanted to deep-clean her house. Jared and I both laughed when we realized why we were both lying on the floor.
As we were lying there, Jared said, “Man, am I glad you are my mom! After seeing Dad’s side of the family, it makes me wonder what I could have turned out like if it wasn’t for you!” His words had come straight from the heart.
For a brief moment, I had my Jared back. I wanted to hug him. But instead, we laid on the floor so that we wouldn’t get caught.
When it was time to leave, Richard came to the car. Jared and I hurried and sat up. Richard said, “There you are! Where did you go?” Both Jared and I said we had been sitting right here waiting for him.
Laila and Johny had fun playing with their cousins while Richard and Sarah had cleaned the house.
It’s a good thing Richard isn’t close to his grandparents, because I am pretty sure Jared and I don’t ever want to go there again!
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