Sunday, October 20, 2002
Sander came over after church. He said he had some paperwork he wanted Richard to help him with. It was clear that he had planned to move in.
Sander mentioned that Mom was mad at him and wanted him to move out. We let him stay the night, but told him he couldn’t live with us. When it was time for bed, Sander wanted to stay up and play games with the kids. I told Sander they could play one game because the kids had school tomorrow.
When I went to bed, I told Richard we had to make sure Sander was gone before he went to work because I was afraid to be alone with him.
Monday, October 21, 2002
Richard didn’t care that Sander was here, so he left for work. When it was time for Jared to go to school, he told me there was no way he was leaving knowing Sander was still here.
When Sander woke up, I let him know he had to leave. Sander said he had no money for gas, and therefore, he couldn’t go anywhere. I gave Sander $10.00 and told him it was for gas. Sander told me that wasn’t enough. Sander started to talk harshly to the children and me.
Jared got up and stood close to me. I gave Sander $5.00 more and showed him that that was all I had in my wallet. Sander asked for my visa, and I told him I didn’t have one since I only use cash. Then he left.
I am so grateful Jared stayed home to help me. It makes me sick to think what could have happened if he hadn’t.
When Sander got back to Mom’s place, he called me up and said he wanted $100.00. I let him know I had given him what I had.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
Beth called to tell me that Sander had moved to Colorado. I was so relieved to hear that!
Friday, November 29, 2002
Beth called a few days ago to invite me to have Thanksgiving dinner this Friday with her and her family. I told her that both Jared and Richard had to work, and by the time they got home, it would be too late. I told Beth that she and her family were welcome to come and have dinner with us. Beth accepted the innovation.
Today, just before Beth and her family were to come over, Beth called to ask if it was okay, and Mom and Arnie came too. Beth knows I don’t want to see Mom, especially after the scene she had caused when my uncle and family were here.
But it seemed to mean a lot to Beth that they came too, so I reluctantly agreed.
When Beth and her family, Mom and Arnie, came for dinner, no one said a word about what had happened when my uncle was visiting. We were all cordial towards each other and pretended that nothing had happened.
Friday, December 6, 2002
Richard has bought a truck. I didn’t want him to, but I didn’t say anything against it, since I don’t want to fight, and Richard would have bought it anyway.
The truck is last year’s model. It’s used but is only a year old. Both the truck and the van went out. Richard said we couldn’t afford to get them fixed, so he told me I needed to get a job to help out. I told him I was needed at home and to stop putting so much money into his 401 (k). Richard assured me that when the time came, I would be so grateful that he had put all this money away. I am so sick of that conversation! I told him, for all we know, we could be dead by then, and we needed the money now!
Richard then told me I couldn’t use my babysitting money for the kids’ Christmas presents. And that I needed to give it to him for the bills. I let him know it wasn’t much that I was getting, and that I needed it to buy necessities. Richard told me that he had seen how much I had been able to put away when my uncle and his family were here. I let him know that it had taken me a long time to save up.
Richard still won’t let me see how much he has coming in. I do what I can to help pay off the visa. It’s so frustrating that I always have to worry about money.
Sunday, December 22, 2002
Richard has been so rude to me over the past few days. He has even managed to get the kids to turn on me. I let all of them know I was moving out, and they could take care of each other because I was done!
I also told them that my grandmother would send me a one-way ticket to Denmark if I asked, and right now, that seemed like a good place for me to go and spend the rest of my life. The kids got nervous and started acting friendlier toward me.
When I was alone with Richard, I told him I couldn’t stay married to him anymore. I asked if we could agree on a peaceful divorce, which would be fair to both of us. He said, “You think your life is bad now? If you leave, I will make sure your life is a living hell!” His threat scared me. I feel so stuck!
Richard has stopped being so mean. I guess he realizes I might go through with a divorce if he keeps acting the way he has.
The kids keep wanting me to reassure them that we will be spending Christmas together. I tell them that I am not going anywhere as long as they treat me nicely.
When my family was at their worst towards me, I wished there was a place I could go so I could have some time away. I don’t think they realize how hard it is to be a Mom when you don’t have a supportive husband.
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