September 1970
Mom called Bent and wanted him to come back from Canada to see their baby. Bent told her he wouldn’t come back until the spring. Mom got upset, she couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to come right away. But Bent was in no hurry and his mind seemed to be made up.
September 1970
They named her, Elisabeth, after Bent’s mom. I wanted to hold Elisabeth, but for the first few days, Mom was afraid I would drop her. However, it didn’t take long for Mom to realize that perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing if I held her.
Sander didn’t seem to have much interest in Elisabeth. Before I knew it, I was the one who took care of her every time she cried. I didn’t mind because I thought she was the most precious little person on earth. She made me feel a happiness I never knew existed.
I made a vow to myself that she wasn’t going to cry the way I had always done. I was going to do everything in my power to be there for her. A few weeks after Elisabeth was born, Mom went back to work and Elisabeth was taken to the same daycare I use to go to. Luckily her daycare was right next door to the Part-Time Home where I went. Every day after school I rushed on my bike to the daycare to check on Elisabeth.
When I got there I found Elisabeth left in a crib crying. I hurried and picked her up and walked her around to get her to calm down, and then I would see what else she might need. It really bothered me that none of the workers there seemed to be taking proper care of her.
When I got home I told Mom about the daycare and how they left Elisabeth crying in a crib, while they were right next to her. Mom then found a lady named Maren who lived in the same apartment complex as we did to tend to Elisabeth. Again, I hurried home every day to see how Maren was taking care of Elisabeth. I wasn’t allowed to stay long because I was expected to go to the Part-Time Home.
A few days after Maren started to take care of Elisabeth. Mom told me I could no longer make my after-school stop at Maren’s home to check up on Elisabeth. I was to go straight to the Part-Time Home. I was so worried about Elisabeth and it made me feel better when I was able to see how she was doing. I wish I could just take her home and give her the care she needed. I knew Mom would never agree to it, so I never said anything. I was glad that Maren was a nice lady and trusted that she took good care of Elisabeth.
One evening when I was at home taking care of Elisabeth, I asked Mom if Elisabeth could be my very own baby and if she would sell her to me for 25 øres (a nickel). Mom laughed at my question. I knew Mom thought my question was silly, but I really meant it. Then Mom answered, “Sure.” I thought to myself next time I have money I would be sure to pay her. Having her belong to me made me feel even more responsible for Elisabeth. I was sure Heavenly Father had sent her just for me and I was to be her protector
I was off for another camp. I hated the fact I had to leave Elisabeth behind. But I knew it was no use arguing because Mom had already paid the fee and she would never change her mind. There was a lot of talk about this camp, so I tried to get excited to go.
Sander and I meet the leaders and the rest of the kids at the bus station. There the children said goodbye to their parents and the leaders said goodbye to their spouses. The bus took us to a very large ferry. It was exciting to go on board since I had never been on such a big boat before.
When we finally got to the campground we each found the mattress we would be sleeping on. This was a new campground far away from everything. We never went to the same campground twice.
The following day we were divided into small groups and boarded different small boats. In my group, we had a male and a female leader. Both of them were married to spouses who were waiting for them at home.
At first, the kids in my group were filled with excitement to be on this small boat. After we had sailed for a while the kids started to settle down. We all sat down enjoying the rocking of the boat. Slowly, one at a time the kids started to fall asleep.
The two leaders were sitting together. I sat next to them. The female leader told me to put my head on her lap. I felt safe and loved as I lay there in her arms. She was softly stroking my hair, and eyes trying to make me go to sleep. It was such a peaceful moment. Then I heard her say to the male leader, “Almost all of the kids are asleep.” I pretended to be asleep since this is what she seemed to expect of me.
When we had sailed for a little bit longer, the leaders started a conversation, thinking none of the children would hear. One of them said to the other, “Look at the island over there, don’t you wish we could go there and be alone without all these kids, and any responsibility?” The other leader responded, “Yes, but just think, tonight when everyone is asleep we can finally be alone together.” I felt betrayed! Here I thought I was loved and that is why she had been stroking my hair, only to find out she was doing this to make me fall asleep so they could be alone. As usual, I felt I was not wanted no matter where I went.
Instantly, I thought of Elisabeth. I couldn’t wait to go back home and hold her. I felt she was the only person who truly wanted and needed me. I was also in disbelief over the conversation I had just overheard. I felt sorry for their spouses who were at home, waiting for their return. I wondered if this meant they would get divorced.
When the week was up and we were back at the bus station, I watched these two leaders as they greeted their spouses. They both acted as if nothing had happened. I realized I had to keep this awful secret. It could be devastating to both families, to find out what had taken place while we had all been at camp.
Sunday, December 13, 1970
Sander turned 12 years old so he was told he could no longer go to the Part-Time Home. After school, he had to go home and take care of himself. Mom also told me that I could no longer go to the Part-Time Home. Instead, she had made arrangements for her friend Gyda’s mom to watch me. I hated being at her house. I was given strict instructions not to touch anything while I was there. She had no toys and there were no other kids to play with. I was extremely bored at her house. I ended up sitting in a corner waiting for the time to pass. I don’t know why Mom had decided this lady should watch me. At the end of the day, I was relieved when it was time to take my bike and go home. The best part of the whole day was when I got to see Elisabeth.
Mom had talked Bent into coming to Denmark for Christmas. Sander and I didn’t have to go to school today because we were going with Mom and Elisabeth to pick Bent up at the airport. When Bent came off the plane he didn’t seem that happy to see us. We found a nearby bench where we sat so he could get a closer look at his daughter. He looked tired as he held her in his arms for the first time.
When the weekend came I was allowed to go with Sander to see Dad, because Mom wanted to be alone with Bent. I was so happy to see Dad again, but he didn’t seem to care whether I was there or not. Of course, I had no idea at the time it was because Mom had him convinced that I hated to be with him. I just thought he wasn’t too excited to see me because I was stupid and ugly. However I was still very content to be with Dad once again and it seemed like his girlfriend Henny was happy to be with me, and together we had a fun time.
When it was time for Dad to drop us off where Mom lived I looked at Dad. I wanted him to hug me tight just like he used to. Instead, as I looked into his eyes. He looked very sad. I had no idea his pain was because Mom had told him I didn’t like him or wanted to be with him. I thought it was because he didn’t like me. I wanted to throw my arms around Dad and apologize for being such a disappointment to him. Since I didn’t want to add any more pain to Dad, I held back the tears and said a quick bye. I’m sure Dad thought my sadness was because I didn’t want to be with him. I wonder if Mom will ever know the heartache she put us both through. I hurried into the apartment where I thought Mom would be waiting for Sander and I.
Once I got inside, I noticed that Grandma Helfred was there to watch us. Mom had gone with Bent to Skive so they could show his parents the new baby. I thought it was strange that Sander and I didn’t go on the trip. After all, weren’t we a part of this new family? I went to my room and held the doll that Dad had once given me. I held it for a long time as I was trying to cope with the pain and confusion I was feeling inside. Grandma was happy to see me so she didn’t let me be by myself for too long.
Mom came back from Skive without Bent because he had gone back to Canada. I asked her why we weren’t allowed to come along to Skive. Mom told me Bent’s parents didn’t know that Mom had been married before. Mom told me that on this trip she had told them about us even though Bent didn’t want her to. She then said, “Maybe someday you could come to Skive and meet Elisabeth’s grandparents.” It felt like Mom and Bent were ashamed of Sander and I and we weren’t supposed to exist.
Now that Elisabeth had met her grandparents, I began to wonder about mine. The next time I saw Dad, I asked him why we never saw his parents. Dad said he didn’t know much about his dad since his parents had been divorced when he was little. He told me that his mother had no interest in getting a visit from Sander or me. I was still curious to know what my grandmother was like. Mom had told me a lot of bad things about her. I started to think it was probably better that I didn’t go visit her. I had seen her when I was a baby, but I didn’t have any memory of her. Mom had a few pictures of Grandma Lund. Whenever I was home alone, I would often pull these pictures out and look at them hoping I would someday get to meet her again.
March 1971
I had been having troubles with my tonsils. The doctor told Mom to take me to see a specialist. The specialist suggested I have them removed as soon as possible. He told us I would have to stay in the hospital for a few days after the operation. Mom didn’t want to miss any time off from work. Since Spring Break was coming up she thought this would be the perfect time for me to have the operation.
Even though Sander and I were no longer going to the Part-Time Home, Mom had still made arrangements with them so that Sander and I would be going on the spring camping trip they had planned. I missed some of the kids at the Part-Time Home so I was disappointed I would be missing out on the camping trip. The doctor could see the disappointment on my face so he told me I would be getting a lot of ice-cream to eat while I was in the hospital. This sounded great! I thought maybe it won’t be all that bad to have my tonsils taken out.
Sander went off to camp. Mom went with Elisabeth off on vacation. And I went to the hospital. I was nervous about having the operation done, especially because I was all alone. When it was all over Grandma came to visit me in the hospital.
While I was in the hospital for a few days, the ice cream I had been promised never came. Only food that was easy for me to swallow. When it was time for me to be released, Grandma came to get me. The doctor told Grandma, I was to take it easy and only eat soft foods. Together we walked home.
When we got home Grandma felt bad for me so she asked me if I wanted to go to Tivoli (a nearby amusement park). This seemed like a good idea at the time, so we took the bus and then the train to get there. Grandma and I had lots of fun on all the rides and we ate lots of candy. When we got home, my throat hurt terribly. I never knew my throat could be in so much pain. Grandma felt bad and she was worried Mom would never let her watch me again. I had to promise Grandma I would never tell Mom about this day. I knew Grandma was probably right, so I kept our secret.
April 1971
Mom read Sander and I a story in English. We didn’t understand a word of it, or why she was reading it to us. We both questioned it. Mom told us it was good to learn another language. When she had finished reading the story she asked us if we would like to live in Canada. Both Sander and I assured her we would love to visit, but never to live there permanently.
That weekend when Sander went to Dad’s place, he mentioned to Dad that Mom had read a story to us in English, and that she had asked what we thought about living in Canada. Dad told Sander if we were ever taken to the airport, to run to the nearest person and tell them we were being kidnapped, and then scream and yell for help. He explained that he had part custody of us, so she couldn’t legally take us out of the country.
Yard Sale
Mom held a yard sale. Sander asked her if we were moving to Canada. Mom said, “No we are just going on a vacation, but it’s a secret vacation, so you can’t tell anyone about it.” Sander thought about telling Dad, but he was afraid we would not be able to go on this seemingly exciting vacation. After all, surely Mom wouldn’t lie to us.
I was sad to see a lot of my possessions being carried off. Mom told me not to worry about it, because someday I would get new stuff and it would replace the things I no longer had. She told me they had much more exciting stuff in Canada. I was confused. I wondered if maybe we would buy new things and then send everything back to Denmark. Because I trusted Mom, I didn’t question her any further.
Because Mom couldn’t get us out of the country without Dad’s permission, she changed our last name to Ramsdahl, which was Bent’s last name. In June 1971, when Bent came back from Canada, he signed that he was our dad.
The authorities gave Mom a passport for both Sander and I. It was never questioned, after all, we had the same last name as Bent and Mom.
The Secret Vacation
I was excited to be able to go on a vacation with Mom and Elisabeth. I felt I would explode if I didn’t tell someone about the secret trip. I was also afraid if I told someone, and Mom found out, she would change her mind about bringing us. I managed to keep the secret!
Off to Canada. Wednesday, July 7, 1971 (My 10th Birthday)
When it came time for our “vacation” we were told Mom and Elisabeth would come later. Mom said she had to stay behind and finish up some things. Mom and Elisabeth came to the airport to see Bent, Sander, and I off.
When we arrived at the airport Sander thought about calling the police. He asked Mom if she was sure we would only be gone for three weeks. Mom promised. Sander felt reassured, so he never followed the instruction Dad had given him. As Mom kissed me goodbye, she told me she was sorry she never got me anything for my birthday. She wished me a Happy Birthday and said she would see us again in a couple of weeks.
Sander and I were both eager to visit Canada. When we got on the airplane both Sander and I wanted to sit in the window seat. Sander said, “How about I get to sit in the window seat on the way to Canada, and then in three weeks you can sit there when we go back.” Since I believed we would be coming back, I thought it sounded reasonable, so I agreed to it.
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