Chapter 116 Drowning

Saturday, January 3, 2004

I went to check on Laila to see what she was doing. Her bedroom has beautiful burgundy carpet. She had taken the bleach spray bottle and decided to clean her carpet.

Her carpet remains burgundy but is now covered with white blotches. I want to cry. I didn’t get mad at her because she only meant to clean it.

Sunday, January 4, 2004

It was the cutest little guinea pig I have ever seen!

Monday, January 5, 2004

I received a call from Sarah’s school. They told me that if Sarah didn’t start attending class, I would have to go to court and pay a fine. I replied, “I send her on the school bus in the morning. I don’t know what else I can do to get her to school. It’s not realistic for me to follow her all day and sit with her while she goes to class.” The woman responded, “You have been warned. It’s your responsibility. If she doesn’t show up, the school will take legal action against you.”

When I got off the phone, I was shaking. I can’t understand how the school system could be this way! They should work with me, not against me.

I tried to talk to Sarah when she got off the school bus, but it was no use trying to get through to her.

When it was bedtime, I couldn’t fall asleep. I got up and went downstairs to check if Sarah was still awake so I could talk to her.

Everyone in the house was already in bed, asleep. When I went into Sarah’s room, I was surprised to see that she was fully dressed in black, with her face painted black and red. She looked scary.

I asked her where she was going. She said she was about to go to bed. I asked about her makeup. She said she had just put it on for fun to see what she would look like. I asked her to wash it off so she could go to bed.

When she had washed it off and got into her pajamas, I lay down next to her. She wanted to know how long I would be staying. I told her I missed the old days when I would fall asleep by her side and stay with her till she fell asleep.

When it was nearly midnight, someone knocked on her bedroom window. I opened the blinds to see who it was. It was her friend, Gina, and a boy from the neighborhood. They were both dressed in black. Their faces were painted with black, white, and red makeup. They looked scary.

I asked them where they were going. They said they were going out for a little bit and wanted Sarah to come along. I told them they had school tomorrow and to go home and go to bed. Gina asked, “Does this mean Sarah can’t come out for a bit?” I said, “No! And you shouldn’t be out either!”

When they left, I asked Sarah where they had planned on going. I was surprised that she was honest. She said they were going to the cemetery and run around. They wanted to see if they could see any sprites at this hour of the night.

The next morning, I called Gina’s mom to let her know that Gina had come to Sarah’s window last night, dressed in black, and had asked Sarah to go with her. Gina’s mom said it must have been someone else because Gina wouldn’t do that. I told her to talk to her daughter about it.

Later, Gina’s mom called back. She said, “I talked to Gina, and she told me that she had gone to bed, and that it must have been someone else that I saw last night.” I tried to tell her that I knew what I saw! But she wouldn’t hear of it because her daughter was not like that. I was so frustrated!

I also called the boy’s mom to let her know that her son had been at my house in the middle of the night to get Sarah. She laughed and said, ‘Kids will be kids.” I was amazed that she didn’t think it was any big deal.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004

I got another call from Sarah’s school today, letting me know that this was my final warning and that if Sarah didn’t show up again tomorrow, I would have to go to court.

Tonight, after everyone had gone to bed, I went on my knees and prayed like I have been these past few months. This time, my prayer was more intense.

Through my tears, I told Heavenly Father that I felt like Sarah was drowning, and I couldn’t save her. I throw a life jacket towards her, but she pushes it away while she proceeds to drown. I can’t make her put on the jacket. I am watching her drown, and it seems like there is nothing I can do to save her.

I let Heavenly Father know that I knew that he had lots of children on this earth who needed his help, and I must be one in a million who was praying to him. I pleaded with Him to hear my prayer because I was losing Sarah, and I felt helpless.

I couldn’t sleep, so I checked my email. There was an email from one of Sarah’s friends. This friend used to come to our home a lot.

Here is part of what it said: Sarah is drinking, smoking, and has been cutting herself with a knife. She is depressed. I am afraid she might kill herself. I know she loves you. She let me read her journal. It said how much she loves you. I don’t know why she is doing this stuff. She scares me. I worry every day that I am going to wake up and will have lost one of my very best friends. I don’t know what to do. I love you. I’m sorry.

After reading the email, I went downstairs to Sarah’s room. She was asleep. I turned on her light and asked her if I could see her arms and legs. She looked sad but agreed to show me her body.

I was horrified to see all the deep cuts that were all over her body. I started to pass out. I hurried and sat on the side of her bed. Then we held each other as we both wept. I told her I would have to take her to the hospital in the morning so they could have a look at the cuts. She agreed.

I lay down next to her and held her as she went back to sleep. When I was just about to doze off, 3 spirits came flying around us. They told me they weren’t going to let go of her. I raised my hand to the square and commanded them to leave. As soon as I had done that, they disappeared. But once I started to go back to sleep, they were back and started circling around us again. This happened repeatedly all night long.

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

It had been a long night! In the morning, I called the school to let them know that Sarah wouldn’t be coming to school for a while.

I then took Sarah to Primary Children’s Hospital. Sarah didn’t protest. She knew she needed help.

When we arrived at the hospital, they put her on suicide watch. Out of all the rooms, Sarah was placed in the same one Laila had been locked in. With tears streaming down my face, I held Sarah for a little while before they locked the door.

Oh, my Dear Sarah, how could I not know you were cutting yourself and going through so much pain! Why did I not see it? I have failed you! I hope we can forgive me! I love you more than words could ever express. My precious little princess dot.

The doctor said they were going to tend to her cuts and see if there was a medication that could help her with what she was dealing with.

While I was at the hospital with Sarah, she asked me not to go through her backpack when I got home. I wondered what she had in there, so the first thing I did when I got home was check her backpack.

I found a picture Sarah had drawn. It was a girl lying on the floor in a fetal position, with three spirits circling her. I wondered if they were the same three spirits I had seen during the night.

Thursday, January 8, 2004

During the day, when I went into the basement, I saw the 3 spirits flying around. They startled me. When they saw me, they flew into a corner. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. Once I got upstairs, I told Laila and Johny not to go to the basement until I told them it was okay. They asked me why. I told them they just needed to trust me.

When Richard came home from work, we took Laila and Johny to a friend’s house so she could watch them. Then we went to visit Sarah at the hospital. When we arrived, I asked Sarah about the three spirits she had drawn.

At first, she got upset that I had gone through her backpack. Once she calmed down, I told her I, too, had seen them the night I slept beside her.

When Richard left the room, Sarah said it was Gina who had taught her how to summon them. But after she had called on the spirits, they wouldn’t leave her alone. Then she added, “It was just a stupid spell I cast. They were to have gone after Dad, but the spell didn’t even work!”

When Richard and I got home from the hospital, Jared was already there. Jared and Richard were going to pick up Laila and Johny.

As Jared and Richard started to drive away, I remembered the three spirits in the basement. I ran after the car and yelled, STOP! STOP! I didn’t think they could hear me. I was freaked out and worried I would have to go back to the house alone.

Luckily, I yelled loud enough that they could hear me. Richard stopped the car and turned around. I told Richard about the 3 spirits. Then Jared and Richard went downstairs to bless the basement.

When they came back up, Jared said, “After they finished the prayer, the black light on Sarah’s nightstand fell to the floor. It was as if someone had picked it up and angrily smashed it to the ground, where it shattered into pieces. Then a peaceful feeling came into the room.”

After Richard and Jared had blessed the basement, I wasn’t afraid to be home alone while they went to pick up Laila and Johny.

Friday, January 9, 2004

This evening, after Richard and I had gone to visit Sarah, I told Richard that I was tired. I didn’t know how long I could keep going mentally and physically. The pills I am taking for stress attacks are making me so tired. Richard said I have a vitamin you can have. It helps when you are tired.

At the time, I didn’t know what it was: 20mg of Adderall. It livened me right up. I later asked Richard about the pill he had given me. He wouldn’t tell me what it was, only that it was a very powerful vitamin that helped him get by.

Richard wanted to know if I wanted more. Since I didn’t know what it was, I declined.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

When Richard and I went to see Sarah today, she asked me if she could have a dog. I told her we couldn’t afford one right now. Sarah said I could use the money she had in the bank from my grandma.

I don’t know what happened. But I promised her that on Monday, when we picked her up from the hospital, we’d stop on the way home to get her dog. When I had said that, I wondered where that promise had come from. I didn’t know how or where I could find a dog for her. Things like that take time.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Members of the ward have been incredibly kind. They came over both yesterday and today to help us paint Sarah’s bedroom and install a ceiling. They worked on it until late this evening so we could have everything finished before Sarah came home from the hospital tomorrow. There is also a friend of mine in the ward who gave me some curtains and matching bedding for Sarah’s new room. Her room looks so cute! I can’t wait for her to see it!

With everything going on, I had forgotten all about the dog I had promised her. When it was time for bed, a friend named Cindy from my ward called and said, “I have been wanting to get a dog, so I looked into it. I am not going to get one after all, but I thought you might be able to use this information. I was surprised because Cindy didn’t know I had promised Sarah a dog.

It was too late to call the number she had given me, but I called anyway.

I apologized for calling so late. She said she was normally asleep by now, and it was okay that I had called because she hadn’t gone to bed yet. She said she had some purebred Shih Tzu dogs for sale. I asked her when we could come by to see them. She said she would be available tomorrow at 5:30 pm.

I could hardly believe it! We had planned for Richard to pick up Sarah from the hospital after he finished work. That would be the perfect time for them to get her dog. I had been so busy and had forgotten all about my promise, but somehow everything worked out! I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I knelt and thanked Heavenly Father for being there for me.

Monday, January 12, 2004

I called Sarah at the hospital to let her know her dad was picking her up and that, on their way home, they would stop by a lady’s house to look at her dogs. Sarah told me that she already knew. She had a dream about it, and she knew what he looked like. She was going to name him Jake.

When Richard and Sarah came home, they had the cutest puppy. Sarah was excited to tell me that the lady had shown them some Shih Tzus. While Sarah was looking at the dogs, she heard her dog calling her from another room. Sarah asked the lady if she could see the dog she had in that room. The lady said she had a mixed Sheltie, but he was not a purebred because he had come about by accident. She didn’t think Sarah would be interested in him.

When Sarah saw him, it was the one she had seen in her dream. It was the one meant for her. Since Jake was not a purebred, he was half price.

Jared, Laila, Johny, and I were all excited to have Sarah back home and to meet her new puppy.