Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Richard and I had Jared come over after work so we could see how to fix our declining relationship. Since I have always been close to Jared, I thought for sure we could work it out.
When Jared got to our place, Richard said he wanted to start our meeting with a prayer. He prayed that I would start seeing things from Jared and Emma’s point of view. He also said a few other things that I thought were odd.
I asked Jared to talk to Emma and ask her to be nice to me. Jared said she was one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Then I brought up that she had gotten upset when their son had asked me why I had not come flying with them. Since Jared and I had no idea that it was one big misunderstanding and that Richard was behind it all, it ended with Jared and me yelling at each other. Jared then left, upset.
I asked Richard why he had not said anything and why he would say some of the things that he had in his prayer. He said he felt this was the best way we could try to resolve things. He was then trying to tell me that it was because my mental health was declining that Jared and his wife were uncomfortable around me. I tried to get him to see my point of view. Our conversation was so dysfunctional. It ended with Richard and me getting upset with each other. Later that evening, Richard said he was sorry for not being more understanding.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Since Mary went back to Denmark at the beginning of the week, my radio has stopped working again. That is, it seems to have a short in it. One minute it works, but then when I go over bums it stops. When I least expect it, it comes back on. It’s been so frustrating.
I have always kept my sewing scissors in a certain drawer. This past year, whenever I would need them, they weren’t there. I stopped asking Richard if he has seen something that’s gone missing because he never knows where it is anyway, says, “Remember, you can’t seem to remember anything anymore,” and acts all worried. I keep hoping whatever I misplace will show up, but it doesn’t. Since it doesn’t show up, I keep buying another new pair.
So many other things have been happening as well. It has me so confused, and I am starting to question everything I do.
Friday, December 16, 2016
After Richard finished work, he went to help Jared with remodeling his house. When he got back home, he told me Jared and his wife were worried about my mental health. Then he said, “I have noticed that you have gotten worse. I have been worried about you, as well.”
I told him it was true that I was still losing things, but I didn’t think it was so bad that they needed to worry about me.
Richard hugged me and said what he always said when I got confused. As long as you remember who I am and don’t burn the house down, we will be okay. Remember, I will always be here for you. I was shaking inside, because I couldn’t understand what was going on.
Saturday, December 17, 2016
I have felt awful about not being able to resolve anything with Jared when he came over. I don’t like being around Jared and Emma, knowing how they feel about me. I lived my whole childhood as the unwanted stepdaughter. I don’t want to live my adult life feeling the same way or worrying about what I say or do.
My granddaughter is 6 and is having a dance performance this evening that we have been invited to see. Richard told me they had only invited me because my granddaughter had mentioned the performance the last time they came over.
I couldn’t stand all the tension with Jared and Emma, so I sat down and wrote Jared a letter. I said I couldn’t see him and his family again until things were different between us. Johny helped me write the letter.
Richard, Laila, and I then went to see my granddaughter’s Christmas performance this evening. She was so sweet dancing on the stage. When it was over, I handed Jared the Christmas presents that I had bought for him and his family, along with the letter. Jared asked me what the letter was about. I did my best to hold back the tears. I told him it was to explain to him why it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore. Jared looked hurt. But I figured it really was for the best.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Laila invited Richard and me over for dinner. Since her husband worked nearby at Best Buy, she suggested we go say hi to him.
When we got to Best Buy, I noticed that all their car radios were on sale. Duke just happened to be working in that department. I got excited about the radios being on sale, so I asked Duke if I could have one installed in my car. He said sure, we can do it today if you like. I was so excited about it and picked one out.
Then Richard told Laila and me to go look at some other things because he wanted Duke to show him something in the electronics department.
When Duke came back, he told me he was sorry, but he had not realized the radios were sold out. So I picked out a different one, he said, “No, all the radios are sold out.” It sounded odd to me, so I said, they can’t all be sold out! He apologized again and said it was such a good deal that they all sold out. I was so disappointed! I asked him when they were going to get some more in. He said he wasn’t sure, but he would let me know as soon as they did.
Even though I thought it was odd, I had no reason to believe that he had lied to me.
Richard said he felt bad for me, because he knew how much I wanted a radio. Then he told me to pick out a hair dryer. I told him I didn’t need a hair dryer.
Richard showed me this new kind. Dreame Miracle Pro Hair Dryer. He said look what it says on the box, it’s much better to use on your hair.
It was $299.00, and that wasn’t including tax. I figured if he was willing to spend that much, I would get it.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Johny got a job working for Vivant in Georgia. Ever since he’s been gone, I seem to forget to turn off the stove. I keep thinking I have turned it off, but then the smoke detector goes off. Richard always reminds me that it’s a good thing he is here so he can catch it in time before I burn the house down.
The other day, I was heating up some soup, then the smoke alarm went off in the hall. I went to see what was happening. Richard told me I must be burning something on the stove. I told him I wasn’t. Then he asked me to go downstairs to see if anything was on fire. I said, if the fire is downstairs, wouldn’t the smoke detector be going off downstairs? Richard said, “Something must be burning. You go check downstairs, and I will check everything up here.” I checked all the rooms downstairs, and everything was fine. When I got upstairs, all 4 smoke detectors were going off. I told him there was nothing on fire downstairs. He said something must be burning. Then we went into the kitchen, and my soup was boiling. I was sure I had turned it off when I went to see why the smoke detector had gone off. Besides, just because my soup was boiling didn’t mean I was going to catch the house on fire. He still made a big deal about it.
We never found anything burning or found out why the alarms had gone off. But this because a regular thing.
I went to the fire department to ask why our smoke alarms kept going off when there was no fire. The man I talked to told me they don’t go off unless someone has set them off on purpose or the battery has died.
In the middle of the night when I was sound asleep, the bedroom smoke detector went off. Richard tried to get me all worked up and go check the whole house. I told him that I had gone to the fire department and talked to someone who works there. I then asked him if he had set the smoke alarm off on purpose. He got upset and asked me why in the world I would think that. I told him it was because there was no smoke, and it was going off. Then he looked at the smoke detector and told me a spider had crawled into it, and must have set it off. The whole thing was so odd to me.
Friday, March 3, 2017
I was working outside when all of a sudden the missionaries opened the kitchen windows to let you all the smoke, and I could hear the smoke detector go off. I ran inside to see what was happening.
The missionaries told me they had turned on the oven to bake a pizza when, all of a sudden, they could smell something burning. When they opened the oven, there were toys in there.
The whole kitchen smelled like burnt plastic. After the oven had cooled off, I cleaned it out. It was a horrible job! I called Richard to ask him why there were toys in the oven. He told me it must have been the grandkids who put them there the last time they came over.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
It’s been a while since the Missionaries have startled me. This evening I had been out with some of my friends to dinner. It was late by the time I got home.
When I unlocked the door, I let out a blood-curdling scream because I walked right into the stupid skeleton sitting there waiting for me.
A former missionary who knew I startled easily was now a Zone Leader and was spending the night.
As soon as the missionaries heard me scream, they came running out laughing.
I know they were just being funny and meant nothing by it. I did my best not to let it show just how sick I felt from being startled.
I really wish they wouldn’t do this to me, because it rattles me to the core and makes me feel sick.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
I miss Jared and his family so much! I don’t think I have cried as much as I have these past few months. I wish things could be different!
Saturday, March 18, 2017
I got a call from one of my cousins, saying that my cousin Colleen had a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital. I could go visit her once she was stabilized.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Richard took today off from work. He said we needed to go visit Colleen in the hospital. I wanted to wait till she was doing better. He said, “You are close to her, and I am sure it would do her good to see you.”
On the way to the hospital, I saw Jared driving next to us. I don’t think he saw us.
It made me so sad to think that was my son, and that we hadn’t made an effort to say hi to him.
I wanted to, but Richard said with the way Jared felt about me, it was better not to.
When we got to the hospital and found Colleen’s room, I sat by her bedside. She didn’t look good, but we still had a nice visit.
When it was time to leave, Richard asked that I go with him to the office to talk to them about taking her home with us. I told him I would have no idea how to take care of her. He said it was my duty to bring her home and have her stay with us. If this happened to me, I would want her to do the same.
We then went to the office. Richard asked to speak to the person in charge of the hospital. He told the lady that we wanted to bring Colleen home and take care of her, and asked how we could manage her finances. The manager looked at the records she had of Colleen. Then she said, “It looks like her sister Judy and her husband are in charge of that. If you want to take it over, that’s who you will need to talk to.
Then Richard handed me a bag with a few of my clothes and a toothbrush. I asked him what that was all about. He said, “I called before we came and asked if you could stay and sleep on a guest bed next to your cousin, and I have been told it’s fine.”
I said, “But I need to go home. The plants that I have planted don’t have automatic watering, and they will die. Richard assured me that he would take care of it. Then he said I was to stay so I could see what medicine to give her and how to take care of her. Then he left.
I had not planned to stay or to see how to take care of her. It had caught me off guard, so I had not protested. The more I thought about what had just happened, the angrier I got. But there was nothing I could do about it, so I would have to make the best of it while I was there.
Colleen didn’t seem to mind that I had stayed, but I could tell she was tired, so we didn’t talk much the rest of the evening.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
In the morning, I called Richard and told him he needed to come pick me up. He insisted that I stay with her. I told him that if he didn’t come right now, I was going to take a taxi. The hospital was over an hour away, so it would be expensive. Since I don’t have the money, I told him he would have to pay for it.
Richard then said he would come pick me up after work. I told him that if he wasn’t there by 6 o’clock, I would take a taxi.
Richard got there just a few minutes before 6 o’clock. When he got there, he said since your cousin Judy lives close by, we should go say hi to her and her husband. When we got to her house, Richard told them we had been considering taking Colleen to our house and asked them to sign over her finances to us.
I quickly said, after spending the night at the hospital with Colleen, I can see the hospital knows what they are doing, and I have no intention of bringing her home. Richard said, but once she is stabilized, it would be much better for her to be at our place. I said, I am not a doctor, and I didn’t want that kind of responsibility!
I told Judy and her husband I was grateful they lived close by so they could keep an eye out for her and that I would be back to visit with her again soon.
On the drive home, Richard was upset that I didn’t want to take care of Colleen, especially since he thought it would be good for me because of how I was doing. I told Richard that since I didn’t feel like I was doing okay, there was no way I would want to be responsible for someone else. Besides, I didn’t see why we should interfere since it looks like Colleen was in good hands. He still tried to talk to me about it, but I told him I had had enough trying to take care of myself.
Monday, March 27, 2017
When Richard came home from work, he told me that he had been worried about what I would do if he passed away. He had some papers he wanted me to sign. This way, if either one of us passed away, the other one would be financially secure. I thought that was so wise of him, and I signed the papers.
I could never have imagined that he had an ulterior motive.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Richard told me he had been thinking a lot about how I was doing and thought a trip to Kansas to visit my stepdad would do me good. We could also drive down and visit with your niece, K, since she is on a mission in Kirtland.
I really didn’t want to go anywhere with Richard, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I politely said that I liked being at home and wanted to finish the walkway that I had started in the backyard. He said it would be like a second honeymoon. I couldn’t imagine having a second honeymoon with him, so I still say no to it.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Richard has been so nice to me all week. He kept surprising me with chocolate in my nightstand and other treats.
When he got home from work today, he said that if we went on the trip, he would help me with whatever I needed done around the house when we got back. It sounded too good to be true, and I was desperate for his help. He finally managed to talk me into going on a trip with him.
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