Tuesday, April 11, 2017
When we woke up this morning, Richard and I didn’t say much to each other. I wish I knew what was troubling him and why things are so odd between us.
Since we weren’t coming back to this motel, I started to pack my things. I put my dress in Richard’s suitcase and went to the bathroom to get ready so we could leave.
When I was done getting ready, I saw my dress on the floor. Since it is an old motel, it has nasty, gross shag carpet. I asked Richard why he had thrown my dress on the floor. He said, “I told you, you can only put in your suitcase what you have room for!” I responded, “But you said I could put my new dress in yours since I wouldn’t have room for it in mine.” He answered, “I never said that! Remember, you don’t remember things anymore.” It made me mad because I wouldn’t have bought the dress, knowing it wouldn’t fit in my suitcase.
I felt like I had to start recording our conversations because he told me I don’t remember things, and it would mess with my head.
Even though I was sure he had said I could put it in his suitcase, I didn’t want to argue, so I picked up the dress and put it in my purse.
On the way to the Temple, we found an Ikea! We went in and got some Swedish candy. I also bought some for K because I knew she loved Danish licorice. Now I was even more excited about seeing K again.
Whenever we went to the Temple together, we would always have a race to see who could get changed into our regular clothes the fastest. Since Richard had been acting weird, I didn’t know if he was still up to it. Just before we went to change, I said, “Race you!” He said, “I don’t know why you bother, you know I always win.” Then we headed off to the dressing room.
For the first time ever, I got done first. I was so happy about it! As I sat there waiting for him to come out, I started to wonder what was taking him so long. To pass the time, I started reading the scriptures. I knew something was terribly wrong between us, so I prayed for help, asking what I could do to make things better.
Richard finally showed up. I wanted to make a big deal about winning our race, but he seemed depressed, and I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t say anything.
I asked what took him so long. He said he didn’t feel like racing. I said, ” Let’s take a selfie and document that we are in the Missouri Temple! So we did.
When I look at the picture, it’s obvious that I was completely oblivious to what was going on between us.
I figured if I was upbeat and grateful for my blessings, our marriage would eventually get better.
When we’re done at the Temple, we found a different motel that was closer to the airport since we will be flying out to Cleveland, Ohio, in the morning.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
When we got to Cleveland, we rented a car. We were supposed to see part of the town in New York, but since he wasn’t feeling well yesterday, we lost a day.
Richard said we would come back and see when we had planned, when he retired. We could add it to our list of places we were going to visit. Part of me never wanted to take another trip with him ever again, but another part of me thought that if I just did my part, things would be better by then.
Thursday, April 13, 2017
This morning we went to see Hill Cumorah and other LDS historical sites.
When we got to the top of Hill Cumorah, Richard wanted to get a close-up of the golden statue. You can’t tell by the picture where he is standing, but if you were to fall, it would be a long way down.
Just as Richard got on the ledge, he looked at me with sheer terror in his eyes and said, “Don’t push me!” I responded, “What do you think I want to kill you?!” He answered, “You never know.” Then he seemed afraid to take his eyes off me. I told him, “Don’t be silly, I am not going to push you!”
I had to promise that I wouldn’t. I thought that was odd of him to be afraid that I would kill him.
We then went and had a tour of the Book of Mormon Historic Publication Site. At the end of your tour, our guide handed us paper and a pen and asked us to write down our thoughts to help strengthen our marriage and plan the next step toward our personal salvation.
Richard didn’t want to participate. I told him it would be nice for us to make some goals together for our marriage. He shook his head and walked off.
After we left the building, I was hurt that he didn’t want to make some goals with me. But then I figured that it was because he was depressed.
Friday, April 14, 2017
Today we drove to Pennsylvania and saw some more LDS historic sites.
While we were looking at the historic site in Pennsylvania, Richard took forever in the bathroom. As I waited for him, I wondered why he sometimes seemed normal and nice, and why, other times, he was so hard to be with.
While I was waiting, I played around on my phone, trying to cope.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
It was finally time to drive to Kirtland and see K. I have missed her, so I was so excited to see her again!
It was so good to see K again! She told us that she is not allowed to have personal visitors. Her companion knew we were there. K asked us not to tell anyone else, because she didn’t want to get in trouble. We promised we wouldn’t say anything to anyone.
While we were there, K gave us a tour of the visitors’ center. She told us what happened when Potash went through the refiner’s fire; it turned into Pearl ash. With everything I am going through, I feel like I should be turned into something special any day now.
I wish we could have spent the whole day with K. Since she is on a mission, she has to live by the rules, but we will see her again tomorrow at church.
We then went and had a tour of the Kirkland Temple.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
We went to the church where K is assigned. We weren’t allowed to sit with her since she is a missionary. But at least we were able to sit close to her.
K told us about a Firside she was going to later today and said we were welcome to attend.
Later, when we met up with K at the fireside, K told us her mission president was there. The first thing Richard did was walk up to him and say, “Hi, I am K’s uncle, and we came to visit with K. Both K and I were shocked that he would do that.
After the Mission President found out who we were, he was not happy, and looked over at K. K looked horrified.
Then he walked over to K and talked with her. I felt so bad for her. When he was gone, K came up to us and asked why he had done that. I apologize. Richard just laughed and said, “Oh, I didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to know.” But K and I said, “Yes, you did!” He kept laughing and responded, “Oh, I must have forgotten.”
Monday, April 17, 2017
We met up with K again today. She showed us some videos and a few other things there was at the visitors’ center.
I apologize again for what Richard did yesterday. She said, “Yeah, I don’t understand why he had the need to do that.” I agreed.
When she had shown us everything there was to see, we hugged. It was so hard to leave her, but I was grateful to see her on her mission and to have her be our guide.
When we got back to the motel, Richard wanted to watch a movie. It was a true story about a plane crash.
I used humor and posted it on Instagram to help me cope. This definitely has been a strange trip. Looking forward to getting home tomorrow.
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