First Grade. I am in front, in the blue dress, third person from the right.
Second Grade-1969
When you go to school in Denmark, you are with the same students until you finish. There was a boy in my class named Tony. By the time we started second grade, he had become a terrible bully.
Second Grade. I am in front wearing all red. Tony is the boy in the middle row, third person from the left with curly hair.
One day during recess, he kept bothering my friend and me. I told Tony to leave us alone, but that only made things worse. Tony started pushing me and asked, “What are you going to do about it?” Even though Tony was a lot bigger than I was, I wasn’t intimidated by him. After all, I was used to being hit by Sander. Before I knew it, we were in a full fistfight, and I wasn’t about to back down!
Tony seemed surprised that I was willing to stand up to him, since the other kids usually backed down. Suddenly, he ran off as fast as he could. When it was time for class to start again, Tony wasn’t there.
I heard my name over the intercom, and I was told to go to the office immediately. As I walked down the hall, I saw Sander. He said to me, “I heard you are being called to the principal’s office. What’s going on?” I told him about the fight and asked him to call Mom to tell her to hurry and come to the school.
When I entered the office, Tony, his mother, and the principal were waiting for me. Tony’s mother looked upset. Both she and the principal scolded me. I tried to explain my side of the story, but it was apparent no one was listening. Mom finally showed up after it was all done, and I was heading back to my class.
When I got home, I told Mom what really happened. To my relief, she believed me when I told her that I didn’t start the fight. Just then, the doorbell rang. Mom opened the door. It was Tony’s mom. Tony’s mom held up Tony’s coat and said, “Your daughter has ripped my son’s coat, and now you need to give me money so I can buy a new one!” Mom shut the door and then looked at me and said, “There’s no way I’m going to give her any money for a new coat!”
A few days later, while Grandma was taking care of me, Tony’s mom came again. Grandma opened the door. I could hear Tony’s mom telling Grandma that she wanted money for a new coat. At first, Grandma was polite and tried to tell Tony’s mom what had really happened.
Tony’s mom got furious! Then Grandma told her she needed to teach her son not to be a bully and to be nice to other kids. Then Tony’s mom said she was going to take Mom to court and sue her.
Grandma got angry and told her that if she took Mom to court, she wouldn’t win because the judge would be able to see that her son was a brat. Then, Grandma slammed the door. I was glad Grandma stood up for me.
At school, everyone in our class was excited that I had stood up to Tony. After that, no one wanted to have anything to do with him. None of the kids in our class would sit next to him.
I told the kids it was a good thing they stayed away from him because he had boogers and was full of germs. That made my classmate dislike him even more.
One day, Tony didn’t come to school. Our teacher told us we needed to be kind to Tony. He had stopped coming because none of us wanted to be around him. We all had to promise the teacher that we would be nice to him.
When Tony came back, he brought candy for everyone in class. At first, no one took any because we were afraid of his germs. It took a while, but eventually, we started hanging out with him again. Tony never bullied anyone again.
I enjoyed school and loved browsing through the books the teacher gave us. One day, everything changed. My teacher asked Mom to come in for a meeting, and I was to come too. The teacher told Mom that I was one of two students in the class who were falling behind. The teacher asked Mom to have me practice reading to her so that I could catch up with the rest of the class. Mom told the teacher she would work with me. I was devastated to find out that I was one of the worst students in the class. I thought to myself, Mom and Sander were right about me being stupid.
That evening, Mom had me practice reading from my schoolbook. The next day, the teacher called on me to read aloud in class. Because I had practiced the night before, I was able to read smoothly. When class ended, the teacher said she could tell I had been practicing and encouraged me to keep up the good work. That evening, I asked Mom to practice with me again. Mom got annoyed and sternly told me that right now wasn’t a good time. Mom never had me practice reading with her again.
Later, when I needed Mom’s help with my homework, Mom got upset with me and started to yell. As if her yelling would help me understand the homework I needed to do.
After that, I never asked her for help again. I decided to accept the fact that I was too stupid to learn anything. I started to dread school. From then on, I sat at the back of the class and daydreamed. I figured, what was the use of trying since I was too dumb to learn anything anyway? I couldn’t wait for school to be over.
When I was in first and second grade, we went to school on Saturdays. Saturday was a fun day to be at school. We only stayed for two hours, and there were no lessons. It was a day we were allowed to bring toys. While we were there, we drew pictures and played games as the teacher read stories to us.
When I started third grade, we were told there would be no school on Saturdays. Since I didn’t like school, Saturday was the only day I enjoyed going to school. I was relieved to find out that we would still have field trips!
The Play
Our class was putting on a play for our parents. The teacher asked us to choose the role in the play we each wanted. I quickly raised my hand and said, “I want to be the princess.” The teacher told me the princess had to be someone with long hair. My heart sank! It was a reminder to me that my hair had been cut off, and it was not allowed to grow back. I ended up being a male butler in the play.
All the students were asked to provide their own costumes. I told Mom about the play and that I needed an outfit, but she didn’t care. Some of the other students had neat costumes that their mothers had made for them. I felt bad because I realized I had to come up with my own costume. I asked Sander if I could borrow his jacket, and he didn’t seem to mind.
The next day, the teacher asked me if I had come up with something to wear. I told her I could borrow my brother’s jacket. The teacher said she would lend me a hat, and then asked me to come up with a silver cane. “Where was I going to get a silver cane?”
When I got home from school, I thought I would try to make one out of foil wrap. When I was done, I thought I had done a pretty good job. I couldn’t wait to show my teacher. When Mom came home from work and saw the cane, she was furious that I had used her foil. She yelled at me and told me never to waste her foil wrap again. I was beginning to dread the play more and more.
At school, we were asked to draw the play’s background. When the teacher saw my drawings, she liked them so much that she asked me to do all the drawings. I was so excited to know that, for once, I could do something right.
I couldn’t wait for Mom and Sander to come to the play and see what I had drawn. I was sure they would be so proud of me. All the kids were excited to perform in the play, and, because of my artwork, I finally started to share in their excitement.
When it was time for the play, Mom told me she couldn’t go because she was going with Bent the next day to visit his parents in Skive. Mom said she still had to pack and had arranged for Grandma Helfred to take me to the play. Mom had Sander stand at the corner so Dad could pick him up. Dad didn’t know about the play, so he never came. As usual, Mom told him that I didn’t want to spend the weekend with him.
That evening, Grandma walked with me to school. When we arrived, I noticed that all the other kids were accompanied by both their parents and all their siblings. As I stood with my classmates, I felt so out of place, and I just wanted to go back home. I was grateful that Grandma was there, so I wasn’t alone.
After the play, food and drinks were available for sale. Grandma didn’t know this, so she had not brought any money. We stood there watching everyone eat. The teacher felt bad for me, so she said, “Let’s have a contest to see who can rip a paper into the longest strip, and whoever wins will get some free food.” I tried my best to rip the paper into the longest strip, but the boy next to me won. He got a free pop. I felt even worse because his parents had already bought him one. It didn’t seem like much fun to stay and watch the rest of the people eat and drink, so I told Grandma I was ready to go home.
At home, I saw that Mom’s suitcase was packed, sitting in the living room, ready to go. I was sad to think I would be missing out on another weekend with Dad.
The next day was Saturday. As mom was about to leave, I noticed she didn’t have time to eat. I was worried she would get hungry, so I grabbed a banana and an apple. Grandma and I went with Mom to the train station to see her off. When Mom boarded the train, I handed her the fruit. Mom asked why I had given her food. I told her I was worried she would get hungry. She broke into tears. Just then, the train whistle blew. Grandma and I waved to Mom. The doors shut, and Mom was off to Skive.
Sander Almost Lost His Leg
Sander got into a fist fight with a boy at school. The boy kicked Sander on his shin. The kick punctured the skin, and his leg became infected. A few days later, we had a week off from school for fall break. Sander, Mom, and I were invited to come with Mom’s Aunt Mabel, her husband, Uncle Orla, and their grandson, Patrick, to their summer home in Lolland. While we were there, Sander’s infected leg grew worse. Sander cried and said it hurt. Mom talked to Uncle Orla about whether or not she should take Sander to the doctor. Uncle Orla told Sander to straighten up and take the pain like a man and assured him his leg would soon heal.
When we got back home, Sander could hardly walk since his leg was so infected. Mom finally took Sander to the doctor. When the doctor saw Sander’s leg, he told Mom to go straight to the hospital.
When they got to the hospital, the doctor was baffled that Mom had waited so long to get help for him. The doctor told Mom he hoped he could save his leg. The infection had gone into the bone. The doctor had to operate. He cut out part of the bone and implanted a stainless-steel plate into his leg to try save his leg. The doctor said he wasn’t sure if the steel plate would work, and only time would tell.
Sander had to stay in the hospital for the next three months. He used a wheelchair to get around. At the hospital, there was a designated time for visiting hours. Since Sander was so lonely, the doctor allowed me to see him whenever I wanted. The hospital was conveniently located near our home. I felt sorry for Sander. Therefore, every day, as soon as school was out, I didn’t go to the Part-Time Home. Instead, I would take my bike to the hospital and then spend the rest of the evening with Sander. Sometimes Sander’s friend, Lars, would come too. We would play games or wheel Sander to the top floor and look out at the view of our town.
Sander would cry when Mom came to visit him. He told her that he hated it at the hospital and begged Mom to take him home, even if it were just for one night. The doctor said no because they were afraid he would lose his leg, and they didn’t want to risk it.
One Saturday, while Mom and I were visiting Sander at the hospital, Dad showed up with Henny. It was an uncomfortable situation. When we got home, Mom was upset that Dad had been there and that he had brought his girlfriend. Mom ranted, on and on, about how ugly Henny was.
When Sander was finally released from the hospital, he had to use crutches for a long time to get around. As Sander improved, he seemed to forget how I had come to visit him while he was in the hospital. I had hoped that my visits with him would bring us closer, but that was not to be. It didn’t take long for him to run after me and start hurting me again.
Part-Time Home Meeting
Sander and I attended a meeting at the after-school center. The parents and children all came. During the meeting, most of us kids played in the background. All of a sudden, I could hear the grown-ups yelling at each other. I stopped to listen to see if I could find out what was going on. The teachers told the parents there would be no camp this coming fall. Many parents were upset by the news. One of the parents shouted, “What are we to do with our kids while school is off for fall break?” One of the workers suggested, “You all get a vacation from your work, take this time off, and be with your kids.” Mom got mad and started yelling, “Well, what about us single parents who already have made plans to go elsewhere during this time?” The worker responded, “Try spending this time with your kids.” The meeting got louder with many heated exchanges. Mom was yelling the loudest. She was so disrespectful towards the caretakers. I was embarrassed! The meeting ended with one of the caretakers announcing that they would take us on a camping trip during the fall break.
Fall Camp, 1969
We set off for our week-long camp. At the campsite, there were numerous small cabins. We were divided into small groups. There were three girls in my group, my friends, Mai-Britt, Solvang, and me. We had a male leader who stayed in our cabin with us. He was a super nice guy.
Each group was to make its own dinner in its cabin each night. Our leader asked us, girls, what we liked to eat. I told him my favorite food was mashed potatoes. The four of us went grocery shopping at a nearby store. We bought the food we were going to eat for the week. The leader also bought lots of potatoes. When we got back to our cabin, he taught us how to make mashed potatoes.
During the day, there were really no plans, and our leader told us he would be back in the evening. Then he took off, leaving us to watch ourselves. We played ball and went berry-picking. Wild berries grow everywhere in Denmark. When it was time to eat dinner, we made mashed potatoes. I thought it was strange he left us and only came back when it was time for bed. I was grateful for the time he took to teach us how to cook.
Looking back, I am surprised we had a male leader who stayed in the cabin with us girls. I am very grateful that he was a nice guy. We had fun even though we were left to ourselves during the day. The leaders tried to tell our parents they didn’t want to go on a campout with us this fall, and I guess they weren’t kidding.
Back From Camp
When we arrived home, Mom told Sander and I that she was going to Canada to visit Bent. Of course, Sander got to stay with Dad.
Dad took time off from work. I wanted to go too, but I already knew the answer.
I still asked if I could go with Dad. Mom told me she had already made arrangements with Mai-Britt’s mom and that I would be staying with them. I liked Mai-Britt a lot, and we had fun together. But I would rather go with Dad, so I asked one more time. Mom told me it was better for me to go with Mai-Britt, and there was no point in discussing it further.
Mom dropped me off at Mai-Britt’s house, and then she was off to Canada. The following week, both Mai-Britt’s parents had to work. Mai-Britt, her younger brother, and I had to go with Mai-Britt’s Dad to work. He worked in a field building houses. There was nothing for us kids to do. We tried to play games and entertain ourselves, but the sun was hot, so we mostly sat in the dirt, waiting for her dad to get off work.
One evening, Mai-Britt’s parents got into a terrible fight. I thought her dad was going to hit her mom. I was frightened and felt sick to my stomach.
Mai-Britt’s mom motioned to Mai-Britt, her brother, and me to get our shoes and coats. Then we tiptoed out the door while the dad was in the other room. We asked Mai-Britt’s Mom where we were going. She told us we were going to an amusement park called Bakken. It was fall, therefore, it was dark and cold outside. Going to an amusement park didn’t seem like such a good idea to me.
We took the bus and train to get to the park. When we got there, Mai-Britt’s mom bought us tickets so we could go on lots of rides. The first ride we chose went around and around. I thought I was going to fly out of my seat. I hung on for dear life! I don’t think I have ever been so terrified before in my life. When we got off the ride, I felt dizzy and sick. Mai-Britt and her brother were both fine. I felt bad and wanted to pretend I was fine, but I was too ill to walk. We sat on a bench nearby so I could feel better.
Mai-Britt’s mom said, “Maybe an ice cream will help you recover.” I politely said, “No, thank you.” Mai-Britt’s mom insisted, and then she went and bought us all a huge waffle ice cream. Normally, I would have loved one, but I felt too sick to even look at it. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I started to eat it. The smell and taste of it made me throw up. I knew Mai-Britt’s mom had spent a lot of money on ice cream and the amusement park. I wanted to pretend I felt better, but it was no use. I needed to get home so I could lie down.
When we got home, we found that Mai-Britt’s father was drunk and asleep. I was relieved because, all the way home, I had worried they would start fighting again.
Since I had to go with Mai-Britt’s dad to work every day, I was so happy when it was time to go back home. Sander couldn’t wait to tell me about all the fun things he had done with Dad and Henny this past week. I really didn’t want to hear about it because it hurt so bad.
My Guinea Pig, October 1969
Sander had a pet hamster. I wanted a pet too, but Mom said, “Absolutely not.” Kim, a boy in our ward, asked me if I wanted a guinea pig. I asked Mom if I could have it. She told me I could, only if I kept it at the Part-Time Home. We were allowed to have pets, such as guinea pigs, rabbits, and hamsters, at the Part-Time Home. I asked one of the workers if I could bring a guinea pig. I was told that as long as I brought food and took care of the pet, it could stay there. I was excited when the worker said I could bring it, but in the back of my mind, I was irritated that Sander got to keep his pet at home. I tried to tell Mom that I thought it was unfair, but it didn’t do any good.
I called Kim to tell him I could have the guinea pig. He told me he would bring it over later. That evening, Mom was going out with some friends from work. We had a rule: when we were home alone, we were never to open the door. I got special permission. Mom said we had to make sure to open the door only for Kim and his mom. Since we hated being left home alone, we were anxious for Kim and his mom to come. Sander and I sat by the door as we waited.
We looked through the peephole every time we heard a noise, hoping it was them. Finally, the doorbell rang. We both jumped. We made sure to look through the peephole again. We could see Kim and his mom standing there with the cage. We were so excited to let them in. Unfortunately, they didn’t stay long. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again. We made sure to look through the peephole. Kim had returned because he had forgotten to give us the food for the guinea pig.
Moments later, the doorbell rang again. This time, Sander and I forgot to check the peephole. We just assumed it was Kim. We opened the door. It was Bent standing there with his suitcase. Both Sander and I were happy to see it was him. Not only had he come to surprise us from Canada, but we wouldn’t be home by ourselves. Bent gave us both a package of Canadian gum.
Mom was excited to see Bent. She asked him why he had not told her he was coming. He said it was because he wanted to surprise her.
Days Spent with My New Pet
I looked forward to seeing my guinea pig each day. When I got to the Part-Time Home, I would take my pet out of its cage so I could play with it on the grass. Sander told me the guinea pig only liked him. I believed him. I kept hoping my pet would like me too.
I didn’t have my pet for long. A few weeks later, when I came to the Part-Time Home, I saw the cage was empty. I ran to ask one of the workers where my guinea pig was. I was told someone had put pee in the animal’s water bottles, and all the pets had died. The worker then showed me where they were all buried. I was devastated! Someone had killed all these animals on purpose! From then on, no one brought pets to the Part-Time Home.
November 8, 1969 – My Baptism
We had Home-teachers who often came to visit us. (Home-teachers are men in the Mormon church who have been assigned to visit once a month.) It was a man and his son, Steen, who was about 18. I loved it when they came to see us. They both made me feel like I mattered. When the home teachers arrived, they told me I was old enough to be baptized. They asked me who I would like to have baptize me. I asked Steen if he would do it. He told me he had never baptized anyone before, but he would be happy to do it.
When it was time for me to get baptized, there was no doubt in my heart that it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t wait to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Uncle Ole, Aunt Jytte, their two children, Linda, Peter, and Grandma Helfred all came for my special day. When we got to the church, the font was filled with water, all ready for me to go in. I felt so pretty all in white. Best of all, my hair had finally grown a little bit past my ears, and I didn’t look like a boy. Steen seemed nervous.
Before I went into the water, someone said a prayer, and then we sang the song, Come, Come Ye Saints. Then it was time to go into the water. Steen said what he needed to say, and then he put me under the water to baptise me. There was air in my dress, so it would not go all the way under. I had to be fully immersed in the water to be baptized. Steen kept holding me under, hoping my dress would go down. I thought I was going to drown! When Steen finally pulled me out of the water, I was relieved I could finally breathe. Since it wasn’t done correctly, Steen had to redo it. The second time he tried it, he succeeded. When I got out of the water, he apologized that he had to do it twice. I didn’t mind, I felt it was done twice because the Lord wanted to let me know I was special.
After the baptism, Uncle Ole and his family gave me a beautiful green purse. Steen and his dad gave me a candle and a candle holder. They told me it was to remind me to let my light shine always. Mom gave me a Book of Mormon, and Grandma gave me a costly gold bracelet. She told me it was to be an heirloom. I was to pass it on to one of my children when they were grown, and they were to pass it on to their children, and so on.
Grandma told me I couldn’t have the bracelet until my hand was big enough to keep it on my arm without slipping off. I would try the bracelet on every day for a very long time, hoping I had grown big enough to fit it. Mom started to wear the bracelet. She told me she would give it back when I could fit it. After the baptism, we all went to our place and had hot chocolate and cake.
Bent’s Visit–November 1969
While Bent was staying with us, Mom told him she was tired of their long-distance relationship. She said it was time for them to get married. Either he could move in with us, or we would move to Canada with him.
Bent was a bachelor and seemed proud that he had never been married. He was content with the way things were. He liked his freedom and the ability to come and go as he pleased.
This time, Bent stayed with us for two months before returning to Canada. I overheard Mom talking to one of her friends. She said she wanted Bent to marry her, so she had stopped taking her birth control pills. Mom figured if she got pregnant, Bent would have to marry her.
Sure enough, after Bent left, Mom was expecting. Mom called Bent to tell him the “Good News.” However, he didn’t seem to share her excitement. He told Mom he was not ready for such a commitment, and she needed to get an abortion as soon as possible.
Abortions were illegal in Denmark at the time. Bent said he would pay for whatever it cost to send Mom to another county where abortions were legal. Mom told Bent she was keeping the baby, and if he didn’t marry her, she would call his parents in Skive and tell them what kind of irresponsible son they had.
Bent still insisted she got an abortion. Then Mom said, “I will also call your parents’ neighbors and tell them I am pregnant. Do you want your parents to live with this kind of scandal?”
After talking for a while, Bent realized Mom was not going to get rid of the baby and that she had made up her mind. The conversations ended with Bent telling Mom he would come back in February so they could get married.
Sander’s Baptism, December 1969
A few years ago, when Sander had turned eight, our Home-teachers asked him if he wanted to get baptized. Sander had said he didn’t believe in our church and would never become a member. Mom and Grandma kept trying to see if they could talk him into getting baptized.
When Sander turned eleven, we had two Elders who often came to our home. Sander took a liking to them. They were able to talk him into getting baptized. One of the Elders performed his baptism.
Dad never said anything when I got baptized, but he was pretty disappointed when he found out Sander had joined the church too.
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