Life in Canada Chapter 11

Wednesday, July 7, 1971

When we landed in British Columbia, Canada it was still my birthday because Canada was eight hours behind Denmark. I felt special because not everyone gets such a long birthday. I couldn’t wait to get back and tell my friends all about the longest birthday ever.

When we got out of the airport Bent, took us to an ice cream store where he let us pick out a cone. I didn’t eat much of my ice cream because it tasted so different from the Danish ice cream that I was used to.

Then Bent took us to a department store where he told me I could pick out a birthday present. I picked out a tiny doll chair because I hoped one day to have a doll house.

From there we went to Bent’s house. It was in a town called Vancouver. When we got there he took us to the attic and showed us our rooms where we would be staying. The walls were made out of thick cardboard. It smelled really bad in the attic. First, Bent showed Sander his room. It was very large. Then he showed me my room which was just across from Sanders. It was really small, but I didn’t mind. I was excited to have my very own room for three whole weeks. Of course, at the time I didn’t know that I would be spending an awful lot of time in there. Neither, did I know just how unbearably hot the attic could get, since it didn’t have any insulation. However, it didn’t take long to find out. Since it got so hot it was often hard to fall asleep at night. I felt like I was sleeping in a sauna.

The next day Bent was excited to take us for a drive in the mountains. Sander and I had never seen mountains before. Denmark is a flat country with only hills. I didn’t really care for the drive because it made me really car sick, but I didn’t want to complain so I didn’t say anything.

The next few days waiting for Mom and Elisabeth to arrive seemed to pass very slowly. Sander and I met the kids who lived on the block where we lived. It wasn’t any fun playing with them since we didn’t speak the same language. When the kids found out that we didn’t speak English they started to make fun of us.

When it was time to go to the airport to pick up Mom and Elisabeth, both Sander and I were very eager to see them again. I was especially happy to see Elisabeth.

Now that Mom was living here too, Bent seemed to change his attitude towards us. When it was time for dinner, Bent said, “You kids have been used to running the show. Things are going to change and you are going to learn that this is not a hotel that I am running here. You are going to learn manners, how to behave, and discipline!”

I didn’t understand what Bent was talking about. As we were about to eat, Bent divided the food amongst us. Then he said, “You are going to learn to eat lots of potatoes. Meat is expensive!”

As we were eating Bent told us how to eat.  When we got our food we couldn’t just eat it. It had to be eaten a certain way. First, we were to take a bite out of our potatoes and then, our vegetables, and last, a small bite of our meat. When Sander had eaten his meat he asked if he could have more. Bent got upset and answered very sternly, “You have a lot to learn kiddo! I told you this is NOT a hotel that I am running.” From then on we were to eat our food just as we had been instructed. If we didn’t do it exactly that way, we would get yelled at. It was all so confusing, so it didn’t take Sander and me long to figure out to cut up our food and mix it all together, and just eat it that way. This way we wouldn’t get into trouble.

The next day we were introduced to peanut butter. Being from Denmark I had never seen or tasted it before. To me, it looked and smelled gross. I tasted it, and to my horror, it tasted even worse than I could ever have imagined. I felt like my mouth was glued shut and it took forever to swallow it. Bent was able to buy peanut butter by the buckets. It was cheaper that way.

Our food was limited. Sander and I were to have powdered milk only. However, Mom, Bent, and Elisabeth drank real milk. The powdered milk was so gross – nothing like the real Danish milk that we were used to. Mom never could seem to get the powder fully mixed so it was always lumpy.

We were to drink this milk with this puffed cereal. It was a strange cereal. It had no flavor and when we poured the milk on it, it seemed to shrink into nothing.  I always thought it should be used for wrapping things in and not for eating. We were told we could have one cup of cereal and half a cup of milk to go with it. If we were still hungry we could have one more cup of cereal but we were to use the same milk from our first bowl of cereal. Since Sander and I didn’t want to go hungry in the mornings we soon learned to just accept this breakfast.

This became our daily routine. If Sander and I were still hungry in the evening before going to bed, we could have a peanut butter sandwich. When I told Bent that I didn’t like it, he responded, “You snot-nosed brat. I told you this is NOT a hotel!” I finally got so hungry that I ate this sticky stuff. It’s amazing what you can get used to eating when you get hungry enough.

Bent had a car, but he wouldn’t drive Mom to the grocery store. He said it was a waste of gas. Sander and I had to go with Mom and carry the food home. It was a long walk and we would get tired. Since our fingers would get sore from carrying the bags, we would take 10 quick steps and then stop to rest. Then we would take another 10 quick steps and stop to rest. This was how it went all the way home from the store each time we went.

Back then all the items had a price sticker on them. As soon as we got home we had to hurry and peel off all the stickers on the groceries, or else Bent would get upset when he saw how much something cost.

We were told we could never take a shower but were restricted to a bath once a week. We were to put only about five inches of water in the tub. Then Bent made a permanent marking with his pocket knife in the tub so we would know how much water we could pore in. He told us we were to use the same water to wash and rinse off in. At the time it didn’t sound too bad, I was even happy that we only had to bathe once a week.

When I became a teenager and got my period this became a problem. Mom never seemed to notice how much water I used. I learned to take baths when Bent was not home. This way I could rinse myself off and not get into trouble.

It was apparent that our stepfather did not like us. I think he tried at first. He seemed to love Mom and Elisabeth, but it was obvious that Sander and I did not fit into their family.

When our three-week vacation was up, both Sander and I were eager to get back to our old routine back in Denmark and best of all to see our Dad, grandma, and all of our friends again. Sander and I went to our stepdad and asked him when we were going home since it had been at least three weeks after our arrival. Bent got a worried look on his face, and then he said very quietly, “Ah, you’d better talk to your mother about that one.”

We eagerly went to Mom to see what she would say. After we had asked her about when we were returning, she tilted her head back and started to laugh. It was kind of an eerie laugh. Then she looked at us in a very harsh way and asked, “You really didn’t think we would sell everything just to go on a three-week vacation? Don’t tell me you are really that stupid?” It was as if she mocked us for being so trusting.

I felt sick to my stomach. I was in shock. A panicky feeling went through my whole body, a feeling of sadness, mixed with betrayal, and anger. To think we could never go back and this was to be our fate.  I never got to say goodbye to my dad, grandma, or any of my friends. All the feelings I felt cannot be put into words. Now I would not get to sit in the window seat on the airplane going back. A million thoughts went through my head.

I knew that Grandma was aware of where we were because she sent us letters, but I wondered if Dad knew what had happened to us.  I told Mom that our dad would be looking for us and that he didn’t know where we were. Mom said we had a new life now and a new dad. This was to be a family secret and no one was to know that our step-father was not our real dad. We were never to talk about it again, and we were to forget about our past in Denmark.

Later when Sander and I were alone upstairs I asked Sander if there wasn’t some way we could get back to Denmark. Sander told me that we would find a way back even if it meant that we had to walk.

Getting Lost

After we had lived there for a little over a month the lady across the street from us came over with her two girls Vicky and Lexy. She asked Mom if her two girls could take Sander and me on a bus ride so we could see downtown Vancouver. Mom declined the offer since Sander and I didn’t speak a word of English. The lady insisted that her girls would take good care of us. Sander and I were excited about the idea so we pleaded with Mom to let us go. Finally, Mom agreed to let us go with them.

Mom handed Vicky and Lexy some money for the bus ride. She explained to them that Sander and I didn’t know a word of English and asked them to promise her that they would stay close to us and take good care of us. The girls reassured Mom that everything would be fine and off we went.

Sander and I were excited about getting to know these two girls and spending the day with them. Even though we couldn’t talk to the girls we did our best to communicate with them. When we got really far into Vancouver the girls motioned to us that it was time for us to get off the bus. The girls got off the bus with us.  While we were walking around looking at all the stores all of a sudden the girls started to run in two different directions. Sander and I tried to follow them, but it was no use. At first, we thought they were just playing a joke on us. Then when they did not return we realized that we were lost.

I suggested to Sander that we should try to find a policeman to have him help us. Sander said, “First of all, we couldn’t tell him we are lost since we don’t speak English.  Second, we don’t know our address.” Then I suggested that we go to the phone booth that was nearby and call Mom. Sander then explained to me that we had no money and that since we had not lived at the house for very long he didn’t know our phone number. I suggested that we call the operator and have her help us. Sander was starting to get annoyed with me. He said, “How do you suppose I get her to help us, since she doesn’t speak Danish, and I don’t speak English?” It was then that I realized we were in serious trouble. It seemed strange to be surrounded by so many people and not to be able to ask anyone for help. I wanted to run up to someone and ask for a policeman, but I knew they wouldn’t be able to understand me.

I started to cry. Sander told me to pull myself together. I suggested going a certain way. Sander grabbed me by the arm and he slapped me really hard across the face. He told me to let him be in charge. This was the first time Sander had hit me since we had left Denmark. Since I knew how violent he could get, I did all I could to remain calm because I did not want him to start hitting me again.

As calmly as I could I asked Sander if we could say a prayer and ask Heavenly Father to help us find our way back. Sander agreed to it. He looked around for a spot where we could be alone to pray. After the prayer, we stood there for a while. Then Sander said, “Let’s go this way.” I said to him that the most logical thing was to try to go backward from the way the bus had taken us. Sander said that the bus had taken too many turns for us to try to retrace. He seemed like he was getting frustrated with me again. I was afraid he was going to start hurting me again, so I said a silent prayer asking the Lord to help Sander to find the way we needed to go so that we could get back. A peaceful feeling came over me. I felt the Lord would show Sander the way we were to go.

Meanwhile, back at home, Mom had looked out the window and seen the two girls go running down the street into their house. Mom walked over to their house to ask them where Sander and I were. No one answered their door. Mom kept knocking. Finally, the mother came out. Mom asked her where we were. The lady answered, “Maybe this will teach you, foreigners, to go back home and stay where you belong.” Then she slammed the door in Mom’s face. Mom went home and called the police to let them know what had happened. The police told Mom that there was nothing they could do until 24 hours had gone by. The officer mom talked to on the phone told her that if her children weren’t home after 24 hours she could call back again and file a missing persons report. Mom pleaded with the man on the phone, but he just repeated, “Call back in 24 hours.”

Bent was working up in the mountains cutting stone. Getting a hold of him would be impossible. Mom wanted to go look for us. Elisabeth was 11 months old and mom knew it would be impossible to walk around while carrying a baby. Mom did the only thing she could do and that was to go on her knees and ask the Lord to help us find our way back.

Sander and I walked for a long time. I started to wonder if we were going the right way and if we were ever going to get back to Bent’s house. Just then we came to a pond. Sander said excitedly, “Do you remember this pond?  We passed by it when we came from the airport going to Bent’s house.” I didn’t recall ever seeing a pond. But I felt encouraged by the excitement that Sander was showing. Sander and I circled the pond because there were two streets, one on each side of the pond, and he wasn’t sure which one we had driven on so he didn’t know if we were to go left or right. The pond was large and we were getting tired and hungry. We both started to feel hopeless again. We sat down to rest.

As we sat there we wondered what we should do next. I said another silent prayer. As we sat there hoping something would happen, Sander looked off into the distance and all of a sudden he shouted, “Do you see that? Do you see it?” He started to jump up and down in excitement. I looked, but I couldn’t see what he was looking at. Then Sander started to run. I ran to keep up with him.  While I ran I shouted, “What is it? What do you see?” Sander responded, “Don’t you see it? It’s the sign from the laundry mat!” I knew there was a laundry mat close by where we lived, but I had never noticed a sign by it. As we were running I could see lots of signs and still didn’t know which sign he was looking at. At this point I didn’t care, I was just glad that Sander knew which way to go.

When we got back to Bent’s house, Mom was happy to see us. We knelt down together. Mom said a prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for helping us find our way back. We knew we could not have done it without His help.

I will forever be grateful for the guidance Sander and I received that day.

Going to school – September 1971

When summer was over and it was time for Sander and me to start school, Mom went to the school that was nearby to register us. Mom was told that since Sander and I didn’t speak English we would have to go to another school. It was a school where children from foreign countries were taught to speak English. To get to this school we had to go on a public bus because there were no school buses going that way. Mom took the bus with us the first day so that we would know how to get there by ourselves.

At the end of each day of school, the teacher gave us a piece of paper with two dimes stuck to it. One dime was to be used for the bus after school to get home and the other one was to be used for the bus so that we could get back to school again in the morning. Sander and I had to go into two different classes. Sander’s class was for ages 12-14 and mine was for ages 10-12.

It was very scary walking into class on the first day. I was the only white person in my class besides the teacher. The other kids were mostly Chinese, Italian, and Indian. These kids could communicate with at least one other person in the class. Since there were no other children from Denmark I had no one to talk to. When I needed to communicate with anyone in the class I was forced to try to speak English.

After school, there were other kids from our class that had to take the same bus as Sander and I. While we were waiting for the bus to come we went to play on the school playground. The Chinese kids taught us how to say the bus is coming in Chinese so that Sander and I could have a turn looking for the bus while the rest of the kids could play.

When we got home from school mom asked us if we had learned any new words, so we told her in Chinese that the bus was coming. Mom laughed and then she said, “You are supposed to learn English and not Chinese.” Sander and I learned a few other sentences in Chinese and in Indian.

At the end of each school day when Sander and I waited for the bus, we would look at the dime that our teacher had given us. It cost a dime to get a candy bar, so we were so tempted to go across the street and spend it. But if we did spend it, we knew we wouldn’t have a way to get home.

After we had gone to school for a few weeks, Sander asked mom if we could keep the dime and walk home. Mom said it was fine with her. Sander and I were excited to go buy our candy bar and eat it as we walked home. It turned out to be a lot longer walk than we had expected, by the time we got home it had taken us over three hours. We had even run some of the way. Sander and I weren’t about to keep this dime again anytime soon. But we did walk home again two other times since we were so desperate to have a candy bar.

Waiting for the bus

One day while we were waiting for the bus, one of the boys in my class showed me that he had money. Then he pointed for me to go with him across the street to the candy store. I went with him. When we got to the candy store he pointed to the candy bars and wanted to know which one I wanted. I was excited when I found out that he wanted to buy me something. I picked out the candy that I wanted and then we went back to the bus stop. Then the boy said to me in broken English, “You, me, boyfriend, girlfriend?” I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Then Sander said to me in Danish, “I think he wants to be your boyfriend.” I got mad at the boy and said, “No!” as I kept eating the candy bar. I couldn’t believe that he would ask such a question of me. From then on no matter how much I wanted a candy bar, I made sure to stay out of his way.

Getting used to the kids in my class

The kids who were from China had a certain smell to them because of the spices that they ate. The same went for the Indians, except their smell was different from the Chinese because they ate different spices. In Denmark, I was always taught to use a tissue if I had something in my nose. I was pretty sure they didn’t teach that in China because a lot of the Chinese kids were constantly picking their noses. I would look mad at them when they did that and then I would shake my head “no” at them. Most of the time it didn’t seem to bother them that I told them not to do this. They just kept right on picking their noses. All these children were so different from my friends back home. I wondered if I could ever get used to them and if I would ever have a friend.

The teacher was very kind and seemed to take a liking to me. It didn’t take me long to become very fond of her. She was the only person that made it bearable to keep going to school.

Stress attack

One day while I was in class I started to think about what my friends in Denmark were doing and if they were wondering what had happened to me. I started to think about my dad, wondering if he had found out what had happened to us. I also started to wonder if I would ever learn this new language. Thinking about all this gave me a stress attack. I didn’t know what a stress attack was. I had never had one before. My heart tightened up and it hurt. I thought I was having a heart attack. I started to cry. The teacher asked me if I was okay. I didn’t know how to tell her that my heart had tightened up and it was hurting. Then the pain passed.

The teacher thought I was sick so she had me put my head on my desk. She then arranged for another teacher to drive me home. I was embarrassed because by now the pain had gone away. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just kept pretending my stomach hurt. When I got home the teacher told Mom that I was sick and that was why she had brought me home. Mom asked me what was wrong but I didn’t know how to explain to her what had happened to me, so I just told her that I wasn’t feeling well, but that I was better now.

When I got home I played with Elisabeth. I was happy to see her again and wondered what I would do without her in my life. As time went on these stress attacks kept coming when I would start to worry too much. I found that if I just waited a while they would go away again. It wasn’t till I became an adult I discovered what they were.

A new boy in class

One day we got a new boy in class. I was excited to see he was white like me. At recess I ran up to talk to him, hoping I could communicate with him. This new boy was from Finland. I talked Danish to him. He looked all confused at me, and then he spoke to me in Finnish. To my disappointment, I realized that even though we were both white, we were not able to communicate with each other. Since he was not able to talk to anyone either, we soon became friends. We did our best to try to talk to each other in our own way using hand gestures and drawing pictures.

A map of the world

One day Sander brought a map home from school. We went into Sander’s room to see how we could walk back to Denmark. As we sat and studied the map we could see it was a very long way back, and then we would have to figure out how we could cross the ocean. We knew this would be impossible. However, we never stopped talking about it when we were alone.

Even though I still didn’t speak english a neighbor friend invited me to go swimming with her. When we got to the swimming pool, I was about to put my swimming suit on in front of everyone. This is what I was used to from Denmark. In a split second, my friend grabbed me and before I knew it, I was standing in a little stall by myself. I couldn’t understand a word of what my friend was saying but judging by the excitement in her voice and the speed at which I ended up in the stall, I realized that this was probably where my friend wanted me to get changed. This is when I started to learn about modesty.

Going to bed without dinner

We grew tired of potatoes every night for dinner. Then Bent started to tell us we needed to be punished. His method of punishment was to send us to bed without dinner. I think this was his favorite way to punish us, so there would be one less mouth to feed. It wasn’t that Bent didn’t have the money to feed us. I think it was because he didn’t like to spend money on us. We soon learned that eating potatoes mixed in with our vegetables for dinner was better than eating nothing at all.

I often cried myself to sleep at night. I missed my dad and grandma so much it hurt. The pain seemed unbearable to live with.

Over the next few years, I wrote a lot of letters to my dad.  I knew if I asked mom for dad’s address she would get upset, so the letters were never sent.

October 1971

The teacher asked us to dress up for Halloween. I happened to find this costume sticking out of a garbage can. I had Mom help me wash it so I could wear it.

November 1971

As winter came our bedrooms in the attic got colder and colder. There were times it got so cold that you could see your breath as you exhaled. I mentioned to Mom and Bent that it was cold in the attic. Bet told us to dress warmer. He also reminded us that we were nothing but snot-nosed brats and that this was no GOD-DAM hotel he was running!

Sander and I started to sleep with our hats and coats on to keep warm. I dreaded getting up in the morning and getting dressed since my room was so cold.

It wasn’t until I became an adult that I discovered that Bent had put towels in the heater vents to prevent hot air from getting into our rooms.

At the time, I was confused as to why the attic was so cold yet down stairs, where mom, Bent, and Elisabeth slept, it was nice and warm.  I wanted more heat so I turned up the heater when no one was looking. (However, at the time I was unaware that there were towels stuffed in the vents. It was to keep the heat from going into the attic.) In the morning I overheard Mom and Bent talking about how strange it was that the thermostat had been turned up so high. They had woken up in the middle of the night because they were very hot. Bent had rented one of the rooms in the basement to his friend, Hans. Bent and Mom decided that it must have been Hans who had gone upstairs and turned up the thermostat when no one was home.

Bent then put a lock on the door going to the basement so that Hans couldn’t go upstairs any time we wanted to. I wasn’t about to tell mom and Bent it was me who had tried to get more heat to the attic.

December 1971

It was starting to look like Christmas everywhere we went. Sander and I asked Bent when we would be getting a Christmas tree. Bent answered, “Be patient. You, kids, are always in a hurry!”

A week before Christmas we were invited to Betty’s apartment. She was the lady who Bent had bought the house from that we lived in. Sander and I were excited to see all the food that she had put on the table for us to eat. We ate to the point we thought we were going to burst. While we were eating Betty said, “I am so glad I sold the house to such a sweet family. The Lord told me to sell it to you. I sold it to you so cheap because I knew that you were the right man and now I see I did the right thing.”  I guess from the outside looking in we seemed like a nice normal family and Betty had no idea what went on behind closed doors.

Bent would often brag to us about how cheap he got the house for. You would think since he saved so much money that he could afford to buy food for us.

A telegram

A few days before Christmas, Mom received a telegram. It said, “Come pick me up at the airport today at 2:30 p.m. Love Grandma.” Mom kept reading the telegram over and over in disbelief. I could hardly believe it myself. I thought I was going to burst with excitement. Bent didn’t seem too thrilled about it.

It seemed like it was an eternity before it was time for Grandma’s plane to land and for her to come off the plane. What made it even worse to wait was Grandma never put in the telegram what flight she was coming in on or the right time, so we waited at the airport for hours.

After being at the airport for quite a few hours, Bent finally figured out what plane she was coming in on. It seemed like hours before Grandma came off the plane. When we had picked up Grandma from the airport Bent took Mom shopping for some food. 

When we got home Mom asked Sander and I to change rooms so that Grandma and I could stay in Sander’s room since it was bigger than mine. That night the attic wasn’t as freezing cold as it had usually been. (Bent must have removed the towels from the heater vent while grandma was visiting.) Everything seemed so much nicer now that grandma was here. I felt it was a miracle I got to see Grandma. Now, I wondered if I would ever get to see my dad again.

When I had brushed my teeth and was about to hop into bed, grandma was sitting on the bed crying. I asked her what was wrong. Grandma answered, “I overheard the mean things you and Sander have said about me! Neither you nor Sander wants me here.” I tried to tell grandma that she was one of the people I loved most in the whole world. No matter how hard I tried to tell grandma it wasn’t true she didn’t seem to believe me. It seemed her mind was made up. I was confused. At the time I didn’t know grandma suffered from paranoia. It made me sad because I loved Grandma so much. I had even forgiven her for the time that she had chopped off my braids. Well, almost.