Chapter 163 Fire

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

When Richard got home from work, he asked me to help him turn on the air compressor. We then went into the garage. He said, “When I say now, turn this switch.”

I noticed wires sticking out that weren’t there before. I asked, “Are you trying to kill me?” He looked mad at me and said, “Don’t you trust me? … Never mind, I’ll do it myself!” As I was about to leave, he put his arms around me and said, “I would never do anything to hurt you! I can’t believe you would even think that!” I apologize for questioning his motives and said I would help him. Then, when he said, “Now.” I carefully turned on the switch, making sure I didn’t touch the wires right next to it.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

When I went to the store today, I noticed my steering wheel had been lowered. It was hard to read the speedometer. Since I didn’t know how to put it back, I had to drive it that way till I got home. Once I got home, I asked Richard why he had messed with my steering wheel. He said it was because that’s where he liked it when he drove. I told him he had his own car and to put the steering wheel back where it was. Then he showed me how to put it back myself. He said, “If I forget to put it back, then when you are driving, it’s safe for you to fix the steering wheel as you are driving.” I responded, “Just don’t touch my steering wheel, and I won’t need to do that!”

He ended up messing with my steering wheel several times after that, even though I had asked him not to.

Beth called to see how I was doing. I told her about some of the things Richard had been doing. Then I said, “He is probably trying to kill me.” Then we both laughed it off.

Friday, April 21, 2017

This whole week, while we have been back, the two missionaries living with us have been so rude to me. They leave their dishes for me to do, and walk on the carpet with muddy shoes. They even started calling me “Woman”. Instead of referring to me as sister Howland.

One of the rules on the list I have given them says they need to do their own dishes. Since they hadn’t been doing it, I left a note saying, “Please leave the kitchen the same way you found it.”

When I got back inside, Richard was home from work. The missionaries’ plus Richard’s dishes were piled high in the sink. When I told them I was serious about them doing their own dishes, Richard just laughed and talked to me the same way the missionaries have been doing.

Then I told them that their behavior was not okay and that they were never to call me “Women” ever again. Richard told me it was all in fun and that I shouldn’t take it so seriously.

I pulled Richard aside and told him this behavior is not okay. He still acted like it was no big deal. I got angry and said, “When they get married, they are going to treat their wife that way because they are going to think this is okay. You need to set an example for them.” After talking to him, I was so frustrated.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

After working in the backyard, I saw the missionaries had their dishes in the sink again. So I printed out a picture and Photoshopped one of the missionaries’ faces on it to help them understand I was serious about having them do their own dishes.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Richard and I have been invited to his nephew’s wedding. Usually, Richard doesn’t care to go to weddings. But this one happened to be close to where Beth lives.

When we got to the wedding, Jared and his family were already there waiting in line to greet the wedding couple. Right when I saw them, I wanted to run up and say hi. But then I remembered Jared and his wife didn’t like me. So I stayed in the back of the line and waited for my turn to greet the wedding couple.

When Jared and his wife saw me, I had hoped they would wave, but they didn’t. Instead, they looked sad and then looked away. As soon as Richard spotted them, he ran up and talked to them. I did all I could to not cry.

After the wedding, Richard said, “Since your sister lives close by, we should go say hi!” I told him I was too sad and that I just wanted to go home. He said, “It will cheer you up!” I insisted that I wanted to go home.

Before I knew it, we were parked in Beth’s driveway. I got irritated with him and said, “I need to go home, I want to be alone!” He responded, “I am doing this for you because I love you. It will be good for you.” Then he quickly went and rang the doorbell to let her know we were there.

Beth was so happy to see us. I told her we couldn’t stay long. Then Richard said, “You should spend the night here!” Beth said, “Yes, do!” I said, “I don’t have a toothbrush or a night gown.” Beth said, “You don’t have to worry about that. I have an extra toothbrush, and you can just borrow my night gown.” Richard then said, “Great, it will do you good! I will pick you up on Sunday.” I said, “Wait,” Before I could say anything else, Beth was so happy I would be staying, and Richard was gone.

I went to bed, thinking, it’s as if he already had this planned. I then called him to ask him why he had done this to me. But he never answered the phone. I sent texts, but he didn’t respond.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

I finally got a hold of Richard and asked him when he was planning to come get me. He said he would be busy with his calling and didn’t have time. Beth and I always have a nice time together, and she was more than happy to have me stay for as long as I liked. I told her I needed to get home, so she offered to drive me home after church.

When I got home, I asked Richard why he had not answered his phone when I had called and why he had left me at Beth’s the way he had. He said he had done it because I was sad, and he knew this would be good for me. Then he acted as if I should be grateful for it. He insisted he had done it because he loved me.

Even though it felt like he had been up to something that weekend, I ended up accepting his explanation.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

This evening, I had been working in the backyard as usual. Then I went to the garage to get some tools. When I came back outside, I smelled smoke. I looked up and saw Richard holding the hose, running towards the chicken coop.

After he had put out the fire, he asked why I had set the coop on fire and told me how lucky I was that he had gotten home and seen it just in time. I told him I didn’t start the fire. I was nowhere near when it happened! He kept insisting I was lucky that he had come home just in time, or it would have burnt down and probably even spread to the house.

We ended up getting into an argument over it because I insisted I was nowhere near the coop, and he insisted I must have been in it, since the heat lamp had been knocked to the floor and had started the fire.

The rest of the evening, he kept telling me how lucky I was that he had been there for me.

Even though I knew I hadn’t started the fire, I ended up being thankful he had been there to put out the fire just in time.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Richard started a diet and has ready-to-make meals delivered in a box. It’s expensive! But it’s been nice that he insists on making his own food. Then I don’t have to worry about cooking for him, and I can eat whenever I want.

Richard called me from work to say he would like me to make dinner for our date night tonight. I knew he was committed to the new diet he had started, so I asked why he wanted me to cook. He responded that he thought it would be nice for us to have dinner together and that he would be home at 5:00 pm.

I made dinner and had it ready by 5:00 pm. Just then, I got a text from him saying he was sorry but had to work late and to leave the dinner on the stove. Then we could heat it up again once he got home.

I turned everything off and left it on the stove. Then I went outside to work in the backyard. All of a sudden, I could hear the smoke detector go off, and Richard was opening all the kitchen windows to let the smoke out. I ran inside to see what was going on.

Richard told me I had not turned off the stove, and it was starting to catch fire. I got confused because I was sure I had turned everything off. Richard put his arms around me and said, “I was afraid this would happen. For your own safety, we need to put you in a home where they can keep an eye on you 24/7.

I started to cry. Then he said, “It’s for your own safety and for everyone else.” I insisted that I had turned everything off. Then he said, “You were lucky this time that I was able to come home earlier than expected, so I could turn everything off. I am here for you, but this time you almost burnt down the house. We need to get you into a home.” I cried even harder. I told him I wouldn’t agree to it. I told him I was sorry and that I would never touch the stove again. He said, “Yes, but you know how you forget, and we can’t take that chance! It’s for your own good!”

No matter how hard he tried to convince me, I would not agree.

The rest of the evening, I was a nervous wreck while Richard kept telling me how lucky I had been this time and how worried he was about me, especially since I wasn’t willing to go along with what he felt would be best for me and everyone around me.

Sunday, May 7, 2017

I was so uncomfortable at church. I hated going anywhere anymore where there were people. Richard assured me it was probably best I kept a low profile and kept to myself as much as possible.

I got called to serve in the nursery. Richard told me this way, I wouldn’t have to be around adults. I didn’t mind. I felt comfortable around the little children because they are all so sweet and innocent.

Friday, May 12, 2017

I went grocery shopping but forgot to buy eggs. Since Richard eats a lot of them, he insisted we go to the grocery store to buy some. He said, it was our date night. When we got to the store, he said he was tired and would wait in the car while I went and bought them.

Since I hated being around people, I ran into the store to get what he had asked. In my haste, I ran right into my own grandkids. I couldn’t believe it was all 3 of them standing right there in front of me! They were at the store with their grandpa.

They looked at me as if they were afraid of me. I apologized for running into them. Then the youngest, who is 5, looked at his brother, then at his sister, then at me again. Then he said, “Farmor!” as he leaped into my arms. I put my arms around him and burst into tears. Then the other two grandkids got brave and threw their arms around me. We stood there hugging as I cried.

Then I looked over at their grandpa, worried that he was upset with me. He looked at me with compassion and said, “I hope you are doing okay.” I nodded. He told me they were there because he was going to buy them a treat. Then we parted.

I hurried to get the eggs and paid for them. Just then, my grandkids were on their way out of the store, and we almost ran into each other again. When they saw me, we hugged again as I cried. I couldn’t believe it, not once but twice I got to hug them!

When I got to the car, Richard asked what had kept me so long and why I was crying. So I told him. When we got home, Richard said he was tired and was going to bed and asked me not to come until I was done crying so that I wouldn’t disturb him.

It was 4 in the morning before I could stop crying because my heart was so broken. I was grateful I got to see my grandkids, but it was hard not knowing when I would get to see them again.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

My granddaughter turned 7 today. I wish I could at least call her to wish her a Happy Birthday. My heart is so broken. I never imagined my life would turn out this way.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

I thought I had gone crazy, so I deleted my Facebook account. I didn’t want to risk posting anything weird or for anyone to find out what had happened to me.