Chapter 119 MTC

Thursday, May 27, 2004

When I got home, Laila and Johny clung to me. They both told me NEVER, EVER to leave them home alone with their dad EVER again! Sarah seemed distant.

I can’t sleep before I fly because I have too much anxiety. I can’t sleep on the plane because I am too busy scanning for danger. By the time I got home, I had not slept for almost 48 hours. I was so tired that I felt sick. I gave everyone the candy that I had bought in Denmark. I let my family know that I needed to get some sleep. I promised them that once I had slept, I would tell them about our trip.

When I had fallen asleep, Richard started yelling at me. I woke up confused. I had slept in so many different places over the past few weeks, so I wasn’t sure where I was.

I looked around. Once I realized I was in my bed, I asked Richard why he was yelling at me. He told me that while I was sleeping, Jared and Sarah had gotten into an argument, and then Sarah ran away. He told me it was my fault because I was in our bedroom, asleep.

He then demanded that I get dressed and come with him to look for Sarah. I had only slept for an hour. Even though I was exhausted, I got dressed and went with him.

We found Sarah at her friend’s house. When we got back, I went to the bathroom. When I flushed the toilet, it overflowed. Richard yelled at me and said that I had broken the toilet. I asked him to please let me get some sleep, and I would deal with it later.

Friday, May 28, 2004

While I was gone, Sarah’s friend gave her a kitten for her birthday. I am allergic to cats. I don’t have the heart to tell her to get rid of it. I will have to take allergy pills daily. It’s hard on my lungs. I made an appointment to see my doctor to get an inhaler.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Richard and I were asked to see the Stake President after church. I was curious what that was all about. The Stake President told us that Jared couldn’t serve a mission because of the pills he was on. Then he said, but the good news was that Jared could serve a special mission. I asked him what that meant. He said that Jared would live at home during the day and then serve a mission as a special-needs missionary. I didn’t quite know how to find the right words, so I blurted out, “Just like the mentally handicapped ones do?” The Stake President corrected me and said, “They are referred to as Special-Needs and not mentally handicapped!”

I told the Stake President that my son would be devastated and that I wasn’t going to go along with that. Then we left his office.

When we got home, I didn’t tell Jared why we had been asked to see the Stake President. Instead I asked Jared if he thought he could go off his pills. This way, he wouldn’t have to take them while he was on his mission. Jared said he could try to go off them, but since his mission was so close, he didn’t think now was the time to be experimenting with it.

Monday, May 31, 2004

I called the Church Office. I finally got transferred to the right person. I asked why my son couldn’t serve a regular mission. I was told it was standard for young men to serve a Special-Needs mission if they were on medication. I asked whether they sent diabetic missionaries into the field. I was told they did. I told him I didn’t see the difference. If he couldn’t serve a regular misson he was not going. I was told they would have to have a meeting about it and then get back to me.

Thursday, June 3, 2004

I found out while I was gone that Sarah cut herself and got 13 stitches. I asked her why she had done that. She looked down and didn’t answer. Laila and Johny told me it was because their dad was being mean. He wouldn’t let Sarah’s dog come inside. Jake is such a good dog. He knows the dog gives her comfort. Couldn’t understand why he would do that to her.

Then Laila and Johny told me that while I was gone, he had asked them if they wanted to go camping. They were excited about it and said yes. He had taken them up to the mountains and told them to fill up the back of the truck with rocks. They wanted to go back home, but he wouldn’t let them until the truck was full of rocks. He was going to use them for the front of the house. He had already gotten so many rocks before I had left. He didn’t need more.

I asked him what he needed so many rocks for. He said he had used them for landscaping. It didn’t look like landscaping to me! He had them all in one big pile on the side and in front of the house. It looked like we were in business selling rocks, and that we had too many. They were put on sale for cheap in front since we had so many.

Laila told me that on Sarah’s birthday, Richard had taken them to his mom’s house for a sleepover. When they got to their grandparents’ house, Richard just sat and visited with his mom while they were being ignored.

Sarah was sad. Laila wanted to comfort her. Then Laila asked her grandma if they were having a party for Sarah since it was her 16th birthday. The grandma looked annoyed at Laila and asked, “What do you want me to break the sabbath and go buy her a cake?!” Laila shook her head no. “What do you expect me to do then?! Bake her a cake?!” Then Richard had chimed in, “Yeah, are you expecting her to make a cake?!” Laila felt bad that no one seemed to care that it was Sarah’s birthday. They had been led to believe that’s why they were there in the first place.

The kids said it had been uncomfortable at their grandparents’ house, and it stank of cat pee. They were so glad to go back home the next day.

I felt so bad when I heard this! I don’t understand why Richard and his family have to be so dysfunctional!

Friday, June 4, 2004

Now that I am no longer tending, Laila and Sarah are both doing better, and life should be good. Except Richard is a nightmare to be around! I told him that I didn’t know how much longer I could take it. Richard got irate.

Richard’s cousin works for an attorney. He threatened that he had connections and would take the kids away from me, and make my life a living hell.

Saturday, June 5, 2004

I let Richard know that being married to him was a living nightmare! I couldn’t imagine that he could make my life much worse than what I was already going through. Besides, if we went to court, our kids were old enough to tell the judge they wanted to live with me.

Richard started to cry, and he threatened to commit suicide. Then he promised he would change and be nicer to me. I still wanted to leave. Then I thought about the Bishop saying I needed to be there for him. Then I felt selfish. I couldn’t leave. I believed that I was responsible for him and his eternal salvation

Sunday, June 6, 2004

The Stake President had come to our ward to talk to me. When he found me, he pulled me aside. We went into a room so that he could talk to me in private. He told him that he had gotten a call from the Church Office building letting him know I had called. He wasn’t too happy about it. I was shaking with anger, ready to defend what I had done. He could tell I looked upset. He quickly said, “I just wanted to let you know that your son has been approved to serve a regular mission. He should be getting his mission papers any day now.” I thanked him and walked away.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Jared got his mission call today. He will be going to New Mexico. At first, Jared was disappointed that he had not been called to go to Denmark. I don’t blame him. Especially now that he has met so much of my family while we were there.

I had just assumed he was going to Denmark. I was disappointed as well, but I didn’t let it show. I’m thinking they didn’t send him there because of his medication. I tried to be grateful that he wasn’t sent on a Special-Needs mission. I was also relieved that Jared didn’t know that’s what the church had originally planned to do.

Two of Jared’s friends were already serving in New Mexico. When Jared realized this, he was excited to meet up with them.

Jared will be leaving for his mission on September 1, 2004

Monday, June 28, 2004

It’s a joke to try to homeschool Sarah. Her teacher stopped dropping off assignments. She won’t be graduating from high school unless she gets it together.

I enjoy homeschooling Laila and Johny. They are showing so much progress, and I am learning a lot as well.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Sarah and I are going to Young Women’s camp next week. Laila and Johny begged me not to leave them at home with their dad. I don’t blame them, so I drove them to my sister’s so she could watch them while I was gone.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Sarah and I have been at Young Women’s camp from Monday to today. I was still not allowed to sleep in the same tent as Sarah. This time, Sarah shared a tent with a group of really sweet girls.

On the last night of girls’ camp, it’s tradition to hold a testimony meeting by the campfire.

I wasn’t expecting Sarah to bear her testimony, but she surprised us all by standing up and doing so. She told the girls it’s important to make the right choices because once you stop, it’s hard to get back on the right track again. Her testimony gave me a lot of hope.

Sarah seems better, but there is still a sadness about her. I wish I could reach her.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Jared and I have been packing some of his belongings since he will be leaving for his mission next month. It was strange to go through his stuff. It seemed one minute he was playing with his toy, and the next they were put in a pile for Johny to go through.

We came across his bear. A bear he had treasured when he was young. Jared was sure that Johny wouldn’t want it since it was so worn. He said to throw it away. It tugged at my heart. It had meant so much to him, and now it was put aside to go in the garbage. As I saw it lying in the pile that was to be thrown away, a ton of memories came flooding back. It seemed that it was just yesterday he couldn’t go anywhere without it.

Sarah has asked if she can have his room while he is gone, since his room is bigger than the one she has now. I was a little sad that she didn’t want the bedroom that we had put so much work into, but I didn’t let it show. Instead, I told her it was fine with me.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Jared gave his farewell talk at church today. We had an open house after sacrament meeting. We served food that the kids and I had been making during the week.

We were planning on about 100 people coming, so we had enough food for everyone. About 120 people came. Also, people from our old neighborhood. Some I had not seen since we moved. My dear friend Terry and her family also came. It was nice to see everyone and strange to see how much everyone’s kids have grown.

We had also invited Richard’s side of the family to come to Jared’s farewell, but no one came. Not even Richard’s mom or dad.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

We took Jared to the MTC. (Missionary Training Center) On the way there, I did all I could to not cry. I felt like there was still so much more I wanted to do with him before he left on his mission. With all the babysitting I had done and all the debt Richard had put us in, I never had the money or time. I was grateful he had been able to go with me to Denmark. I can’t believe how fast the past 19 years have gone by!

On the way to the MTC, I asked Jared what his favorite childhood memory was. His answer surprised me! He said the time when you had to stay in bed when you were expecting Laila. When Sarah and I would bring you books so that you could read them to us.

At the time, I felt bad about being stuck in bed and unable to do much with them. And then it turned out to be his favorite memory.

Beth, her two girls, Richard, Laila, Johny, and I went to the MTC with Jared.

I was still disappointed that Jared wasn’t sent to Denmark. I looked at Johny and thought, “You are going to Denmark on your mission! Starting tomorrow, I will be adding Danish lessons to homeschooling. By the time you are ready to go on a mission, you will know how to speak Danish!”

The MTC was a lot different from what I had expected. We were brought into a room where they gave a few talks. In one of the talks, they said some families were blessed when their son or daughter was on a mission, while others experienced hardship. The family who were blessed were to remember why they were receiving blessings, and the ones who would go through trials were to remember it was because the Lord was testing them and to remain strong. I thought, “Oh, good! We have already gone through so many trials, and I was ready for some blessings!” After the talks, we were told to say our goodbyes.

Jared didn’t mess around. He was one of the first people to stand up. He gave us all a quick hug, before I had a chance to say goodbye, he was gone!

By now, everyone had stood up, and all the aisles were blocked. We were stuck in the back, where escape was impossible. We had to stand and watch parents say goodbye to their missionaries as they cried. It was pure torture!

I made it out without crying. Then all of a sudden Richard said he had to go back inside to make a phone call. I asked him to wait till we got home. He said it was for work and urgent. It was hot outside, so we went back inside. When we got inside, Richard was nowhere to be seen.

Beth said to Johny, just think, tonight you will be sleeping all alone. Then Johny started to cry. Since he was crying, Laila started to cry. Before I knew it, we were all crying except Sarah. I ended up with a massive headache from crying.

Richard was gone for over an hour and a half. When he finally came back, I asked him where he had been. He said he had gone to another building to make the phone call. Beth, too, questioned why he had been gone so long. Neither one of us could get an answer that made sense.

It was a lot harder to drop Jared off than I thought it would be. I hope the next two years go by fast!