Sunday, May 13, 2018
I have always loathed Mother’s Day. Every year, one or more people give a talk at Church about how wonderful their moms are. The talks are pure torture to sit through!
I managed to get through the meeting and listen to all the talks about how wonderful everyone’s Mother and Mother-in-Law are without crying. None of which I can relate to!
When church was over, I wondered why the talks still got to me. I should be over my childhood by now!
When we got home, Richard started to prepare dinner. I thought instead of letting the talks bother me as they have in the past, I should focus on being grateful that Richard was making dinner and for the family members who were coming.
After everyone had arrived and we were sitting in the living room, having a nice time visiting, Mom started saying off-color words in Danish because she knew Johny’s wife, Emily, would understand what they meant.
Every time Mom had said something inappropriate, she would look over at me and laugh as if it were the funniest thing she had ever said.
It’s Emily’s first time coming to a family gathering. I don’t understand why Mom needs to do this!
It was uncomfortable for everyone in the room who understood what she was saying. I pulled Emily aside to apologize. She told me not to worry about it. I was so glad that she took it well.
While everyone was visiting, I went into the kitchen. As I was setting the table, I thought, the only reason I had said yes to Mom coming was that it meant a lot to Beth and her husband. I hated that I was repeatedly subjected to her abuse. Yet no one seemed to understand just how wrong it was to have her here. I get she is my mother, and that I need to forgive, but that still doesn’t make it right!
When I was almost done setting the table, Mom came into the kitchen. She said, “Just because you are left-handed, you think the whole world uses their left hand! How do you expect us to reach our forks?” Then she lay across the table and flopped around like a fish that had just been pulled out of the water. She then pretended that she couldn’t reach her fork.
As always, her abuse caught me off guard. I thought, “Why are you doing this? What do you get out of it? Even if I had set the table wrong, you have no right to treat me this way! You could be grateful I allowed you to come!” But as always, I didn’t say anything.
I knew I had set the table correctly, so I ignored her and continued placing the glasses to the right of the plates. She grabbed the glass and slammed it on the opposite side. Then she said, “There, that’s much better!”
A rage came over me. I wanted the abuse to stop once and for all! My thoughts started racing. If I smacked her head against the marble counter, a few good wacks would finish her off! I was shaking. I had to hurry and leave the room before I acted on it.
I went into my office and shut the door so that no one would see me. Emily had noticed I was upset, so she came into the office to ask if I was okay. I told her it was just my stupid mom being her usual self. Emily said I am sorry you have to put up with that, then she hugged me.
After she had hugged me, I felt strong enough to go back into the kitchen to finish what I was doing.
Mom looked at me as she straightened up a fork so that I would be sure to see that she had moved everything to where she thought it should be. Then she said, “There, that’s how you set the table!” I calmly pulled up a picture on my phone to show her I had done it correctly, thinking it would make her abuse stop.
As she looked at the picture, I said, “Forks on the left. Looks to me like I did it right!”
Her mouth dropped in disbelief. I honestly thought she was going to apologize, but I should have known better! Instead, she said, “Wow, you could figure out how to find that on your phone all by yourself?” I wanted to say, “Yeah, go figure a stupid left-handed person can figure out something like that?” Instead, as I put my phone away, I softly said, “Yeah.”
I thought I should be glad that I had proved her wrong and get over it. Instead, I had flashbacks of how she had treated me over the years.
The rage returned. I wanted to kill her more than ever! I didn’t care if I had to spend the rest of my life in prison. To have the abuse stop would make it all worth it!
The only thing that kept me from smashing her head repeatedly into the countertop was thinking about the family members who were here. I didn’t want them to be traumatized for the rest of their lives because of the bloody mess that it would have left when I was done with her.
I went back into my office as quickly as I could. Emily followed. She asked, “Are you okay?” I had to breathe deeply. I almost said, “You have no idea how close I was to killing my mom!” But I knew she would never understand, so instead, I said, “Thanks for checking on me. Yes, I’ll be fine.” Then Emily hugged me again. The love and concern that she showed me meant more to me than she will ever know!
When it was time to eat, I sat as far away from Mom as I possibly could. The rest of the evening, I felt numb. Everyone else around me was talking and seemed to be enjoying themselves. I went into total survival mode. No one knew the pain I was feeling.
After that, I have no idea what happened. It was as if waking up from a dream. I asked Richard where everyone had gone. He said home. I was stunned. I looked at the time. It was getting late and time for bed.
I called Beth to see how I had acted while everyone was here. She said, fine, why are you asking? I told her what had happened with Mom when I was alone with her in the kitchen. (I left out the part where I almost killed her.) I said that after Mom had been rude, and we had eaten, I didn’t remember anything! Only that I was sitting in the living room, and everyone had gone home.
Beth said, “I’m sorry she said that to you. Mom is like that towards all of us. Just forget about what she said to you. She is getting old.” Then she thanked me for having them over for Mother’s Day.
When I went to bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about how my mom had treated me and how close I was to losing it.
I loved watching a show called Snapped. Tonight, I could totally relate to some of the women who had appeared on the episodes.
It scared me to think that I was almost one of them!
It bothered me that I couldn’t remember the rest of the evening. I wondered why, and hoped it would never happen again!
Snapped
Snapped is an American true crime television series produced by Jupiter Entertainment that depicts high-profile or bizarre cases of women accused of murder. Each episode outlines the motivation for murder, whether it be revenge against a cheating husband or lover, a large insurance payoff, or the ending to years of abuse, with each murder’s circumstances as unique as the women profiled.
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