High School Chapter 15

High School – 1974-75

Summer was over, and I was to start in 6th grade. When school started, I was called into the principal’s office, where I was told that, because of my age, I would have to skip 6th grade and start 7th grade. I was terrified! I didn’t think I was smart enough to start in 6th grade, and yet they moved me up to 7th. There is no such thing as middle school in Canada; 7th grade was still in elementary school. It was a new school that was right next to a high school.

On the first day, I saw a girl, and we both seemed lost at this new school. We hit it off right from the start. Her name was Marie. We soon became best friends.

There was also a boy named Brad in our class. It was love at first sight. He is the one in the class picture wearing a red-and-white shirt. The teacher gave us an assignment. We had to go to the library to look up the information that we needed. Brad and I went to the library together. When we were done, Brad walked me home. When we got to my place, we stood outside and talked for a little bit. I was unaware that Mom was watching from the window. Brad leaned over and kissed me before he left for home. When I got inside, Mom asked me his name, so I told her. The rest of the evening, Mom mocked me and sang songs with his name in them. I was so embarrassed and wished she would stop.

The next day at school, Brad ran around and carved our initials all over the place with a heart around it. I thought he was acting immature, so I never spoke to him again. He tried to talk to me, but I didn’t know what to say to him, so I ignored him.

Since I hit it off with my new friend Marie, I loved going to her house. Her parents were so kind. They were from Czechoslovakia. They didn’t speak any English, but still, they were able to communicate with me through their daughter, Marie. There was a school dance coming up, and I literally didn’t have anything to wear. I saw a dress in the Sears catalog. It was $20.00. I would have enough money saved up to buy it next week, but then it would be too late. Marie told her parents about the dress, and they offered to lend me the money to buy it. I couldn’t wait to go with Marie to buy it. However, when Bent found out they were lending me money, he said, “Absolutely NOT!” I was sad about it. Since I didn’t have anything to wear, I didn’t go to the dance.

One of my teachers had noticed we were hanging out with this group of boys, so he called us into his classroom. He explained to Marie and me that boys that age only wanted one thing, and that they shouldn’t be hanging out with us. We were much too young for them. I assured the teacher that even though Nick was 17, he and I were in love and that the teacher didn’t know what he was talking about.

A few days later, when I went out with Nick, he parked under a bridge. We started to kiss. It seemed exciting at first, but then Nick got aggressive. I kept asking him to stop. Since I was only 14, I didn’t understand what was happening. I started to cry silently. Tears flowed down my face. As I was pleading with him to stop, he asked why. I told him because I wanted to be married and only do this with my future husband. He told me that since he would be my future husband, it was okay. In the past, when Sander was hitting me, I would often go numb and wait for the beating to be done. I went into survival mode. I went numb and hoped that whatever was happening would be over soon.

When I got home, I went into my room and cried. I thought I could never go to the Temple when I grew up. My dreams of a Temple marriage were shattered. I thought of the different places there were in heaven, and I was convinced that I was doomed.

I was sure the Lord hated me for what I had allowed to happen. I decided that even if I could never go to Heaven, I would make sure Elisabeth did. My life no longer mattered, but hers did. From now on, I thought my mission was to teach her all I knew about Heavenly Father and to make sure she did everything right.

When Nick saw me at school again, he seemed happy to see me. I thought to myself that since I was no longer pure, he was probably the only person in the world who could ever love me. I decided to make the best of it. Nick started to bring me lunch from home. He also bought me a dress for Christmas. Neither Mom nor Bent seemed to care that Nick and I went out together despite our age difference. The only thing mom did was pull me aside when I was alone to tell me, if I got pregnant, not to expect that she was going to be raising the brat. In rebellion, I told Mom that a thief thinks every man steals. Mom slapped me hard across the face and told me I better watch my tongue.

Elisabeth had turned five and started kindergarten.

Elisabeth had started kindergarten. She was going to the same school I was. Even though mom didn’t have a job, she had me walk home from school to pick up Elisabeth during my lunch hour, then walk her back to school. Now that I had a boyfriend, he was willing to drive me home so I could pick up Elisabeth. Before I left school one morning, I asked Mom if she could PLEASE have Elisabeth ready when I got there at noon to pick her up, because it took up most of my lunch hour. Mom just gave me a dirty look as she said, “Huh. We will see!”

Bent sometimes stayed home from work because, as he said, “He didn’t want to be a slave to his job. This day, when I came home during my lunch hour, he happened to be there. When Nick and I got to Bent’s house to pick up Elisabeth, Nick honked the horn. We thought Elisabeth would be ready and come out. But nothing happened. I went in to see what was taking her so long.

Mom did not have her ready. I told Mom that our time was limited and that we needed to get back to school. Bent told me to watch how I talked to Mom. I told him that she should be glad that I was taking my time out to get Elisabeth.

Before I knew it, Bent was hitting me. I had so much anger towards him that I started fighting back. Bent told me to go upstairs to my room. When we got there, he began to hit me again. I knew he was stronger than me and that I could never win him in a fistfight, but I wanted to make sure to hurt him with everything I had. I think Bent was surprised at my disrespect, and I got the worst beating I think I ever received in my life.

I didn’t mind, since I was able to give him a few good scratches and punches. As Bent left my room, he reminded me that I was dumber than snot. Then he added that at least snot is smart enough to find its way out.

These words hurt almost worse than the beating I had just received. He was right, I couldn’t find my way out of here. I dreamed of the day I would be free of him.

I was told to stay in my room, and as usual, I was to stay in there without dinner. Bent then went downstairs and told Nick that I wasn’t coming back out and to take Elisabeth to school.

I didn’t care about this punishment anymore. I just wanted to figure out a way to kill Bent. I went into my brother’s room and watched Bent out the back window.

He was walking around in the yard. I thought long and hard about whether there was any way I could kill him. It was a good thing I couldn’t think of a way, because I know I would have gone through with it.