High School 1975
Summer was over and I was to start in 7th grade. There is no such thing as middle school in Canada, 7th grade was still in elementary school. It was a new school that was right next to a high school. On the first day, I saw a girl, we both seemed lost at this new school. We hit it off right from the start. Her name was Marie. We soon became best friends.
There was also a boy named Brad in our class. It was love at first sight. He is the one in the class picture wearing a red and white shirt. The teacher gave us an assignment. We had to go to the library to look up the information that we need. Brad and I went to the library together. When we were done Brad walked me home. When we got to my place we stood outside and talked for a little bit. I was unaware that Mom was watching from the window. Brad leaned over and kissed me before he left for home. When I got inside Mom asked me what his name was, so I told her. The rest of the evening Mom mocked me and sang songs with his name in them. I was so embarrassed and wished she would stop.
The next day at school Brad ran around and carved our initials all over the place with a heart around it. I thought he was acting so immature so I never spoke to him again. He tried to talk to me, I didn’t know what to say to him so I ignored him.
Since I hit it off with my new friend Marie, I loved going to her house. Her parents were so kind. They were from Czechoslovakia. They didn’t speak any English, but still, they were able to communicate with me through their daughter Marie. There was a school dance coming up and I literally didn’t have anything to wear. I saw a dress in the Sears catalog. It was $20.00. I would have enough money saved up to buy it next week, but then it would be too late. Marie told her parents about the dress, they offered to lend me the money I needed to buy the dress. I couldn’t wait to go with Marie to buy it. However, when Bent found out they were lending me money he said absolutely NOT! I was sad about it and since I didn’t have anything to wear, I wasn’t able to go to the dance.
While we were going to school there was a boy named Nick in 11th grade going to the high school that was next to ours. Marie and I started to hang out with him and his friends at every lunch hour. One of my teachers had noticed we were hanging out with this group of boys so he called us into his classroom. He explained to Marie and I that boys that age only wanted one thing and that they shouldn’t be hanging out with us. We were much too young for them. I assured the teacher that even though Nick was 17, he and I were in love and that the teacher didn’t know what he was talking about.
A few days later when I went out with Nick, he parked under a bridge. We started to kiss. It seemed exciting at first, but then Nick got aggressive. I kept asking him to stop. Since I was only 14, I didn’t understand what was happening. I started to cry silently. Tears flowed down my face. As I was pleading with him to stop, he asked why. I told him because I wanted to be married and only do this with my future husband. He told me since he was going to be my future husband it was okay. In the past when Sander was hitting me I would often go numb and just wait for the beating to be done. I went into survival mode. I went numb and hoped that whatever was happening would be over soon.
When I got home I went into my room and cried. I thought I could never go to the Temple when I grew up. My dreams of a Temple marriage were shattered. I thought of the different places there were in heaven, I was convinced that I was domed.
I was sure the Lord hated me for what I had allowed to happen. I decided that even if I could never go to Heaven I would make sure Elisabeth did. My life no longer mattered, but hers did. From now on my mission was to see to it that I taught her all I knew about Heavenly Father and to make sure that she did everything right.
When Nick saw me at school again he seemed happy to see me. I thought to myself that since I was no longer pure, he was probably the only person in the world that could ever love me. I decided to make the best of it. Nick started to bring me lunch from home. He also bought me a dress for Christmas. Neither Mom nor Bent seemed to care that Nick and I went out together despite our age difference. The only thing mom did was pull me aside when I was alone to tell me, if I got pregnant, not to expect that she was going to be raising the brat. In rebellion, I told Mom that a thief thinks every man steals. Mom slapped me hard across the face and told me I better watch my tongue.
Elisabeth had turned 5 and started kindergarten.
Elisabeth had started kindergarten. She was going to the same school that I was going to. Even though mom didn’t have a job, she had me walk home from school to get Elisabeth in my lunch hour and then walk her to school. Now that I had a boyfriend, he was willing to drive me home so I could pick up Elisabeth. Before I left school one morning, I asked Mom if she could PLEASE have Elisabeth ready when I got there at noon to pick her up, because it took up so much of my lunch hour. Mom just gave me a dirty look as she said, “Huh. We will see.”
Bent sometimes stayed home from work because, as he said, “He didn’t want to be a slave to his job”. This day when I came home during my lunch hour, he happened to be there. When Nick and I got to Bent’s house to pick up Elisabeth, Nick honked the horn. We thought Elisabeth was going to be ready and come out. But nothing happened. I went in to see what was taking her so long. Mom did not have her ready. I told Mom that our time was limited and that we needed to get back to school. Bent told me to watch how I talked to Mom. I told him that she should be glad that I was taking my time out to get Elisabeth. Before I knew it, Bent was hitting me. I had so much anger built up towards him, I started to fight back. Bent told me to go upstairs to my room. When we got there he started to hit me again. I knew he was stronger than me and that I could never win him in a fistfight, but I wanted to make sure to hurt him with everything I had. I think Bent was surprised at my disrespect and I got the worst beating I think I ever had received in my life. I didn’t mind, since I got a few good scratches and punches in there. As Bent left my room he reminded me that I was dumber than snot. Then he added that at least snot is smart enough to find its way out.
These words hurt almost worse than the beating I had just received. He was right, I couldn’t find my way out of here. I dreamed of the day I would be free of him.
I was told to stay in my room and as usual, I was to stay in there without dinner. Bent then went downstairs and told Nick that I wasn’t coming back out and to take Elisabeth to school.
I didn’t care about this punishment anymore. I just wanted to figure out a way to kill Bent. I went into my brother’s room and was able to watch Bent out the back window. He was walking around in the yard. I thought long and hard about if there was any way I could kill him. It was a good thing I wasn’t able to think of a way because I know I would have gone through with it.
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