Chapter 177 Messages Rated X

Saturday, January 25, 2020

We both lay and pretended to be asleep. Now that I had the whole picture, I knew it was over. I thought since this was the last night that we would be together, I should snuggle up next to him. Then I thought, what the hell is wrong with you?! Did you not just hear what he said about you?! I did, but we have been together for 36 years; they must have meant something to him. Are you stupid?! You meant nothing to him! He used you! All you ever were was a cover-up!

All night, I tried to sort out what he had said. The phrase “I doubt it will be a problem to get rid of her one way or another.” Kept going through my mind. What did he mean by that?! Did this mean I was in danger? He couldn’t have meant that. I must have meant something to him. No, I was repulsive, and I never meant anything to him!

When the sun started to come up, I said to him, “I can tell you are awake. I was so worried about you last night. Since you were so depressed and suicidal, you should go to the gym. That always helps you feel better.” He thought it was a great idea and was so glad that I was so understanding.

As soon as he was out the door, I called Beth to tell her what had happened. She told me that she and Kevin would be there for me.

I called up Sarah, Jared, and Johny to let them know what was going on. They all seemed in shock and didn’t know what to say.

Then I went to the bank. As soon as they opened, I withdrew the $7,000 from our account. There was no money in savings. There never was. He told me it was because everything had to go into his 401(k) so that we would get more money out of it when he retired. I was worried he would take out a loan, so I removed my name from the account.

I made it home just before Richard got back from the gym. When he walked in the door, he opened his arms wide to hug me. Then he said, “Thank you for being so understanding and telling me that I should go to the gym. You were right! As I worked out, I realized just how lucky I am to have you in my life and just how much I love you!

To prove it to you, I am going to fix up the house. Since I haven’t been home much, tell me what the most important thing to fix is. Write me a list so I can get started on it right away!

I told him that I overheard the conversation with his friend last night, so the most important thing for him to do was to pack up his stuff and get out! You are done using me as a cover-up! You need to remove my name from your Facebook account so people can see I am no longer associated with it.

It threw him off. Then he tried to hug me again and tell me that I was confused. Then he said, “Remember, you always get confused and almost burned the house down? I am here for you! We are going to grow old together. I never meant any of what I said last night!” I shook my head. Then he added, “I only said what you heard because I was depressed, but I am feeling better now! You mean everything to me!”

I shook my head again. Then he said, “But my new place isn’t ready for me to move in for another two days, so can I at least sleep on the couch until then?”
I responded, “After what I heard, I am not safe with you here!” To my surprise, he admitted it! “Yeah, I guess you are right. But where am I to go for the next two days?” I answered, “Looks like you have everything all figured out, and I am sure you will figure that out as well!”

He called Jared and told him that I had gone completely crazy and kicked him out. Jared told him he would clear out a room in his house for him and that he could come live with him and his family.

As Richard packed, I cried as I took all the pictures off the walls and threw them in the garbage.

He was so excited about his new adventure. I got out my phone, and I played the song he sang to me at our wedding reception, along with a few other songs I knew would get to him. Laila knew instantly what I was doing, so she connected my phone to her Bluetooth speaker to make sure he would hear the songs.

He asked me why I was playing those songs, and asked me to stop because they were making him sad. I told him I was playing them because they seemed fitting for the occasion.

Jared and Emma dropped everything, came over, and helped Richard pack his clothes and whatever else he would need to get by.

I didn’t know where I stood with Jared and his wife. I thought they were upset with me for kicking him out, and I was worried they thought I had gone crazy. As they helped him pack up his stuff, we didn’t say much to each other.

Emma, however, did give me some of the things that Richard had put in his truck to bring with him. She knew he was being unfair and that it was things we should sort out later, as to who should get what.

When Richard came back to get some more stuff, he said, “Jared and Emma are so kind to me! Since you have taken all the money, they have gone and bought me a bed and a dresser and fixed up a room in their house. It makes me want to cry because of how much they love me!”

As I watched him leave, I felt broken. I had been taught my whole life that the only way to get to the highest kingdom in Heaven was to be married in the Temple. I had come to America and built my whole life on obedience. Where were the blessings?

I thought that the Bishop should never have given him the Priesthood or a Temple recommend in the first place. Then I thought, but the Bishop was inspired by the Lord. I felt so messed up!

I called Jared and told him not to make too much of a fuss over his dad, because he had a place all lined up to move into on Monday. Jared told me that he didn’t know what was going on between his dad and me, but he was going to do what he could to help his dad, since he was depressed and had threatened suicide.

I went on Facebook to make sure Richard had removed my name from his account.

I saw he had made a long post about me, throwing me out of his own home that he loved and had put so much work into over the years. Now he had no place to go.

I later found out that Jared had seen the post as well and was hurt that his dad had said he had no place to go, since he and his wife had dropped everything and helped him move into their home.

I heard a knock on the door. It was a lady from my ward. She asked me for my primary lesson manual. She told me I didn’t need to teach the lesson tomorrow because I had been released from my calling. I asked her what was going on. She told me that Richard had told the Bishop that I needed to be released from my calling because I wasn’t doing well mentally.

We had known each other for years, so I asked her what she was talking about. She said that for a long time, Richard had been telling everyone at church that your mental health had declined, and that was why you had been missing from church so much this past year.

I told her the real reason was that I had been sick with an infection in my mouth because of the mess the dentist had made when he had done a root canal a year ago. She said, “It sounds like he has been gaslighting everyone.” I didn’t know what that meant, so she explained it to me.

As we talked, it became obvious that he had been planning this for a few years and that he was going to make his grand exit by having everyone think I had gone crazy and kicked him out.

After she left, friends and family called me up to ask me how I could do such an awful thing to Richard. I tried to defend myself, but I quickly realized that no one believed anything I had to say. It was awful! I wondered how I could lose friends and family overnight.

I had done everything I knew to be right, and no one believed me! I was supposed to be blessed! I wondered how my life had turned out this way?!

I was more grateful for Laila than ever! She had seen what had taken place, she knew the truth, and she was there for me!

I had a $2,000 limit on my credit card, so I went to Walmart and charged it to the max. I had not bought any new clothes or shoes in years, so I picked out some much-needed items. Since I had always been so careful, I couldn’t believe how hard it was to spend that much money. When I got the register, I had to wait while the manager called the credit card company. Then I was asked to speak to a lady on the phone. I had to answer a few questions to verify it was me. Then they let me leave with my items.

Sunday, January 26, 2020

I got up and took a shower, so that I could get ready to go to church. When I was done with the shower, I got out my fancy, expensive blow-dryer to dry my hair that Richard had bought for me.

It didn’t work!

I wondered if Richard had done something to it. Or was it just a coincidence that it stopped working?

When I got to church, one of Richard’s friends asked me why my husband wasn’t there. I thought he had obviously not seen Richard’s Facebook post, and since I didn’t know how else to deal with it, I said, “He’s probably in a hot tub somewhere with his boyfriend.” Everyone around us stared at me. Then a lady came up to me and said, “I don’t care if he’s gay! He’s such a good man! I want you to know that my husband and I are still his friends and will always be!”

Others in the ward wanted to know how my mental health was doing, and they seemed surprised to see me at church since they apparently believed I had gone nuts.

A couple of my friends sat next to me in the last meeting. I was so grateful for their love and support.

When church was over, I went to talk to our old Bishop to see if he believed that I had gone crazy.

He showed me the palm of his hand and pointed to the middle. Then he said, ” This is Christ and then he made a circle around the center. You need to focus on Christ and not worry about what anyone else believes! I repeated my question, “Do you believe that I have gone crazy?” He kept circling his palm and repeated, “You need to focus on Christ.” I was disappointed. I thought he, of all people, should know that I had not gone crazy.

As I walked towards my car, a couple walked next to me. Then another couple walked on the other side of me. It just so happened we had parked our cars next to each other and were leaving church at the same time. As we walked towards our cars, there was an akward silence.

It was raining. The lady on my side had her umbrella open. It had rainbows on it. To break the silence, I said, “Crazy how all of a sudden I am seeing rainbows everywhere.”

The couple on the other side of me burst out laughing since they had not expected me to say that. I was glad because it helped me not to feel so awful. Then the lady with the umbrella said, “I didn’t mean offense by having this umbrella!” I responded, “No offense taken, I just think it’s interesting how rainbows seem to be everywhere lately.”

When I got home, I broke down crying. Then I sent Jared a text, “Please tell me everything will be okay.” He and his family had just arrived at church because their ward was later in the day. They were just about to sing the opening hymn when Jared got my text. He texted back, “You okay?” I responded, “No, I’m scared, I need you to tell me that everything will be okay!” Jared showed Emma the text. She told him that he had better see me. Then Jared sent a text saying, I’ll be right there.

He showed up within minutes. We sat down and talked. He told me everything was going to be okay. I said, “I have failed your dad! I was to have helped him get back to Heaven, but I failed! Jared assured me that if anyone could have helped him, it was me.

Then Jared told me that he and Emma had spent the morning moving his dad into his in-laws’ house. Richard had claimed that he couldn’t stay at his house because the kids were too noisy. He told them he was studying for an upcoming test at work and needed a quiet place. I told Jared that his dad had told me that for years, which was why he had spent so much time in his office in the basement.

I felt bad that Jared and Emma had gone to so much trouble to help Richard out, and now Emma’s parents had cleaned out their basement so he could live there until he got back on his feet.

When Jared had left, I could tell that Richard had been here while Laila and I were at church. He had taken some more things without talking to me about it first.

I always keep all the windows locked, but I thought I’d better make sure they were still locked now that he had been here. Sure enough, quite a few windows were unlocked, so I made sure to lock them.

Richard had also done something to the garage door so that it no longer worked. I didn’t want to leave the garage door unlocked, so I stuck a tool in the track to prevent anyone from opening it from the outside.

Monday, January 27, 2020

Preschool went on as usual. One of the children asked me, “Why did you take all the pictures down?” I answered, “Because I want to put up something different.” Then one of the children excitedly said, “I know, you could hang up Ferries.” I was already doing my best to cope with what had happened. So I responded, “Yes, Ferries, it seems there are lots of them, so that’s a great idea!” As I thought about it, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.

When one of the moms dropped off her child, she told me that she had been stopped by a neighbor who had asked her, “Aren’t you afraid to have your child go to that preschool? Haven’t you heard? She’s gone completely, Wacko!”

Luckily, this mom was a close friend of mine, so she assured the neighbor that it was safe to bring her child to my house.

It was hard enough to have Richard take 36 years of my life, but for him to tell everyone I had gone crazy was a whole other level of evil.

I had not yet digested what Richard had said to his friend about having different accounts.

After hearing how even Emma’s parents were doing what they could to help Richard get on his feet, I felt bad about taking the money from our joint account. So when preschool was over, I went to the bank. I kept the $3,000 because it was my money he had taken from Vinmo without asking. I put the $4,000 back so that Richard would have money to help him start his new life.

I also felt bad about charging my credit card to the max and leaving him to pay for it. So I returned all the items.

Richard always had so much junk in the garage. Now that he was gone, I wanted to park my car in there.

Beth came and helped me take all his useless junk out of the garage. We set it in the driveway.

I texted Richard to let him know I was removing everything from the garage and told him to get it. He then texted the Bishop, telling him to tell me to put everything back. When I got a text from the Bishop telling me to put everything back, I told him that I didn’t feel safe leaving my car in the driveway. It took the rest of the evening to remove all the junk that he had in the garage.

When I was about to go to bed, Jared called to tell me that Richard had told him that he had found an apartment and wanted him and Emma to help him move all his stuff there. Jared asked him why he would move into an apartment so soon, since he could live rent-free at his in-laws. He wouldn’t even have to pay utilities or the internet. He could live there until he got on his feet. Richard told him it was because he needed to live closer to his work.

Jared and Emma helped him pack up and move everything to his new apartment. As they were driving there, they could tell Richard hadn’t been honest, because this new place was even farther away from his work. I told Jared that it was the apartment I had overheard him tell his friend that he had planned to move into today. I could tell Jared was trying to process that his dad had lied to him.

Then a policeman came to my door to tell me I needed to put everything back in the garage. I told him it wasn’t my stuff and that I didn’t feel safe leaving my car out. Then he said, “If you don’t put it back, it will get stolen, and then I will come back and give you a fine!” I said, “It’s all junk! I am sure no one will want it.” I could tell the officer was upset. Even though I was scared, I didn’t back down. He sternly looked at me and said, “If I hear of anything getting stolen, then I will come back and give you a hefty fine!” Then he left.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Kevin came out and changed all the locks on the doors for my safety. I couldn’t thank him enough for doing that for me!

Later, Beth called to tell me that when Kevin came home, he told her that he had never heard me cuss before. He said that if he had a dollar for every curse word I had said while he was at my place, then they would have enough money to go to Disneyland and have a good time. I had to admit it was true. We both laughed about it.

When I had asked Richard to remove me from his Facebook account, neither he nor I realized I was still connected to his Messenger.

It was so strange to see in real time what he was up to. He was bragging about things he had done while he was still living at home. He had sent pictures and clips of himself where he was still wearing his wedding ring. I took screenshots so I could have proof that he had been unfaithful during our marriage.

Coming from Denmark, I thought I had seen and heard it all. But boy was I wrong!

I couldn’t believe how many men had sent him pictures and clips of themselves. After a while, all the penises started to look the same. With so many pictures and clips getting exchanged back and forth, it’s no wonder he never had any time to spend with our family or to fix up the house.

He was also in a group chat, where it was clear the men in the group had high callings. They were giving each other new names and sending pictures of themselves, both naked and in their garments.

As I looked at some of the men’s Facebook profiles, I would never have guessed they were living double lives. Then I went to their wives’ Facebook profiles. Most of them had pictures from their wedding day in front of the Temple where they were married. I wanted to tell the women about what their husbands were up to, but I didn’t know how or where to begin since there were so many of them.

I wanted to report them to someone in the church. But after realizing some of them had high callings, who was I to report them to?

I discovered there were places in Salt Lake where they could meet up. I was sickened by everything I was seeing. It made me wonder if any men in the church could be trusted or if they all used the church as a cover-up.

I also discovered that there was a place they could meet once a week for Gay Yoga. They would all do yoga naked, and when the session was over, the lights were turned off, and it was a free-for-all. Richard described in detail what he had done and what was done to him when the lights were turned off.

He was also a member of a gay group where they gave each other advice about hiding money before they left their wives. They would let everyone know when they had told their wives that they were leaving. Then they would all congratulate the person for ending their marriage.

I also discovered that he had been meeting with a group where there were both men and women having group sex. One of the women talked about how she had thrown her bra at Richard while he had been having sex with one of the men in the group. Richard told them it was exciting for him to have sex with the man while the women had cheered him on. Then they talked about when they would all meet up next.

It sounded like some of these women had kids, and their husbands watched their little ones while they went away with the group for the weekend. I felt bad for the husbands and wanted to let them know what their wives were up to.

The Bishop called to tell me that he had tried to get Richard to pick up his stuff from my driveway, but Richard had told him he was going to the Temple to feel better. He had been so depressed since I had kicked him out. I assured the Bishop that the Temple was the last place that he was thinking about going.