Chapter 121 Aunt Jytte

Sunday, November 14, 2004

It looks like Richard’s medicine is starting to work. Hopefully, he will be able to get a job soon.

I applied for food stamps and was approved. I am so glad because now we can start getting the food that we have missed.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Things are going so well with Sarah. She started going to public school this month. It looks like she can catch up on all the missing work so that she can graduate from high school.

Friday, December 3, 2004

Richard still hasn’t found a job. He has applied to quite a few places. He is getting one rejection letter after another.

I got a Christmas card from my cousin Andrew. My Aunt Jytte and her family live 45 minutes from us, but we haven’t seen them in years. The last time I saw Andrew, he was 14, and now he is 40.

His Christmas card said, “I miss you. I wish we were closer as a family. Love Andrew”

When we first moved to Utah, I was excited to be near my aunt and her boys. We visited them a few times. Whenever we came over, it upset Jytte’s husband, Mike. When we contacted Jytte, Mike would physically beat her. My mom tried to help her sister get away. But she was too afraid to leave. For Jytte’s safety, we stopped having any contact with her and their boys.

I called Beth to tell her that I got a Christmas card from Andrew. We decided to make some cookies and bring them out to them to see how they were doing.

I just hope that when we show up, Jytte’s husband, Mike, won’t get too upset.

Saturday, December 4, 2004

Beth, her husband, Richard, Sarah, Laila, Johny, and I all went to Jytte’s house to give her the cookies.

Mike opened the door. Jytte stood behind him without saying a word. Her hair was long and unkept. Her nails were long and dirty. She was wearing an old worend out stained nightgown. One that should have been thrown out years ago. My heart broke for her. I had never seen her like that before. She stared at us as if she were afraid to blink. It was obvious that she was scared.

Mike let us in. I gave him the plate of cookies and asked where their boys were. Jytte never said a word. She just stood there rubbing her hands together, trying to deal with her anxiety. Mike said that Andrew was sleeping, and Philip was out Christmas shopping. I asked Mike if I could wake Andrew up. He said no. While Mike was busy talking to Beth and her husband, I carefully opened the door to Andrew’s room.

Andrew was lying on his bed in a fetal position, rocking back and forth. I asked him if he was okay. Andrew was afraid to speak to me. I sat next to him and gently touched his back. I spoke softly. I told him everything was going to be okay. He whispered, “You don’t understand. In the past, every time you came to visit, my dad beat us because we were not allowed to talk to you.”

I talked to him for a little bit. When he calmed down, he told me that ever since he graduated from high school, his dad had locked him in the house. I asked him if his brother Philip was out Christmas shopping. He shook his head. Then he pointed to a card that read “Utah State Hospital.” It is for adult patients with severe mental illness. I quickly wrote down the phone number on the card. I asked him what his brother was doing there. He said he had been locked up for the past few years, and he hadn’t seen him since.

I wrote down my phone number and gave it to him. I told him he could call me anytime.

When Mike saw us talking, he got upset. Beth, her husband, and my family quickly wished them a Merry Christmas and left.

Monday, December 6, 2004

Richard and I went to the hospital in Provo to visit with Phillip. It was strange to see him again. The last time I saw him, he was 17; now he was a 44-year-old man. While I talked to Phillip, he stared straight into space and kept clicking his teeth. It was clear that he was on some heavy medications.

I told Phillip who I was, then I asked him if he remembered me.

I asked him how he could remember so many things from my visit. He said, my visit had brought so much joy into his life. Then he said he missed me. I was surprised by the things he had said.

I asked him what happened and why he was there. He told me that when he and Andrew had graduated from high school, their dad had locked them in the house. They were not allowed to go anywhere. A few years ago, his dad got Parkinson’s and couldn’t drive to the store, so he had Phillip drive. Since Phillip hadn’t driven since he was 16, he got into a car accident. When the cops got to the scene, they thought it was best to lock him up.

He had tried to tell the police and the hospital staff about the situation at home, but no one listened. Instead, they put him in this Hospital, where he had been for the past few years.

I felt so bad for Phillip. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know what to do.

Friday, December 24, 2004

We have been invited to spend Christmas Eve with Beth and her family. Mom and Arnie were there too.

Sander is in Wyoming. He is wanted by the police in Utah, so Mom and Arnie drove him to Wyoming and dropped him off at a homeless shelter. I was glad to hear that he was so far away and that if he was caught in Utah, he would be sent back to prison.

After we had eaten dinner, it was time to exchange Christmas presents. When it was Laila’s turn to open a present, she took a present from under the tree. She thought it was her name that was on the package because it’s hard to read my mom’s handwriting.

When Laila opened it, it turned out to be for her cousin K. My mom got upset that Laila had opened K’s present. Laila tried to tell her it was an accident. My mom started to scold her. She told her that she was a selfish, greedy child who wanted all the presents for herself.

I wanted to go smack my mom. Instead, I said, “Sarah, Laila, and Johny, grab your stuff! We are leaving!”

Richard helped me quickly gather up our things. I felt bad for Beth’s family because they had planned such a nice evening for us. But I didn’t want to put up with my mom’s verbal abuse towards my children, so we left.

Laila and Johny cried all the way home because of the awful things my mom had said to them. I let Laila and Johny know what she had said wasn’t true. But it still made us all feel bad.

I hope never to see my mom again!

Saturday, December 25, 2004 – Christmas Day

Jared was allowed to call us this morning from his mission since it’s Christmas. It was so nice to hear his voice! It sounds like he misses us, but he is doing well.

Since Richard didn’t have a job, the Relief Society President had asked me what we wanted for Christmas. I thanked her, then told her we didn’t want anything. I let her know that I was embarrassed and didn’t think it was right for the members to pay for presents for us.

The RS President came early this morning with neatly wrapped gifts. She said, “I know you have said you didn’t want anything, so I hope you are not mad that the ward members got you something anyway.

I am grateful for the presents that we were given. Otherwise, Sarah, Laila, and Johny would have had nothing to open this morning.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Andrew called me. He said he could only talk for a few seconds and might have to hang up if his dad came back into the house. He told me he drove his dad to the store once a week. Then he said that while they were at the store last Saturday, he heard my voice calling to him. I told him it wasn’t me. He started to cry. I asked him why he didn’t run away. He said he was afraid to, since this was the only life he had ever known.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Beth’s husband Kevin, Beth, Sarah, and I went back to visit with Jytte. Mike is no longer able to beat Andrew and Jytte since he has Parkinson’s. While Kevin talked to Mike, I asked Andrew if he liked the cookies I had brought last time we were here. Andrew said he was not allowed to have any. Then he excitedly said, but I was allowed to be outside for a few minutes when I took the garbage out.

Andrew wanted to play ball with Sarah outside. Mike reluctantly agreed to it. It was so strange to watch him. Since he has been locked up for so many years, his mentality is still like that of a teenager.

When Sarah and I drove back home, Sarah said, “And I thought my life was bad! I guess I have a lot to be grateful for!” Then she said, “I love you, Mom!”

It was hard to comprehend that Phillip, Andrew, and Jytte had lived this way for so many years.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Kevin, Beth, and I went with a man and a lady from the state to visit Jytte and her family. Mike was not happy to let these two strangers into his home. We assured Mike that we just wanted to stay and visit with him and his family for a little bit.

The man and the lady from the state asked Mike, Jytte, and Andrew a few questions. It was clear that the family needed medical and emotional help. Mike angrily said, “We didn’t need any help!” Then the couple asked Jytte and Andrew. They both looked scared and quickly said they were fine.

When we left the house, the couple from the state told us, “Since Jytte and Andrew are adults, there wasn’t much they could do for them.”

Clearly, they could see what was going on and that Jytte and Andrew needed to be removed. I was so frustrated! Beth and I had to accept that we had done our best to get them the help that they needed.

A few months later, I got a call from the state saying that Andrew had drunk himself to death, and Jytte and Mike were brought to separate nursing homes.

Mike was angry that he no longer had control over Jytte. He ended up going on a hunger strike and said he wouldn’t eat until he could be with Jytte again. Mike ended up starving to death.

We visited with Jytte over the years. At first, she seemed distant, but then she gradually improved. She was happy when we would come to see her. It was nice to see that she finally got the help that she needed. She passed away in the nursing home in November 2017.