Chapter 178 Lawyers

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Richard tried to get into the house. He kept pushing the code on the door, but couldn’t open it since Kevin had changed the locks.

Richard got upset and began banging on the door violently. I went to the window to tell him to stop. He pretended that he couldn’t hear me. I repeated it more loudly, but he still acted like he couldn’t hear me. I opened the window so he could hear what I was saying.

He leaped over to try to get a hold of me. I slam the window shut just in time! Then he ran to all the windows and doors and tried to get in. I called two men in the ward and told them that Richard was trying to get in and that I was scared. They both assured me that they were on their way.

By now, he was furious! I was afraid that he was going to break the window, so I went close to it and told him that he couldn’t be here unless there were men from the ward that I trusted. One of the men was his friend Scott, with whom he had served in the Bishoprick. The other one was his friend *Mark. I let him know who they were on their way.

I went into the laundry room and shut the door while I waited for them to arrive.

When they got here, we went to the living room. Richard was upset that his junk was in the driveway and started telling them that I had gone crazy and had kicked him out. As he was complaining about me, Scott told him to stop. Then he said, “You have blindsided her! Can’t you see she is scared? She needs to park her car in the garage. You will have to come get your stuff.” Richard kept insisting that I put it back. Scott told him that it wasn’t up to me to store it for him. Richard seemed surprised that Scott wasn’t buying into what he was saying.

After Richard and Mark left, Scott stayed behind. He told me that Richard had been at his house last Saturday and said that I had gone crazy, kicked him out, and left him penniless. I believed him at first, so I went into the bedroom to get some money to give to him, but then I got a strong impression that what he had told me was not true, so I put the money back. Then I recalled how much he had messed with my mind while we served together in the Bishoprick.

Then Scott asked, “Do you remember when the tithing that went missing? I told him I did. Then he asked me to tell him what I remembered about it, so I did. Then he said, “He had me believing that I had lost it. I have gone over it at least a hundred times! I am pretty sure he had it all planned out because of the way he had distracted me when I went to deposit the money.”

When everyone stopped talking about the missing money, Richard would bring it up in meetings and claim that I was the one who had lost it. I have had many sleepless nights because of it! I know that he can be cunning, so I can only imagine what you must be going through.

I was so grateful that he understood and hoped the Bishop would, too.

I got a text from the Bishop saying he wanted to speak with both Richard and me this evening. When the Bishop arrived, Richard was sitting in his car, waiting for him. Richard waved him over to his car. Then he drove off with him. By the time they came back, the Bishop didn’t have any time to speak with me. The Bishop told me that he would be back tomorrow with Richard and a few other men to help Richard move some more things. I was so frustrated and hoped that the Bishop could see through what was happening.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

As I was watering the plants, I noticed that the chickens were out of food and water. Richard loved his fresh eggs, so he always made sure they were well cared for. I thought, “He must have forgotten to feed them, I’d better remind him when he gets…. Oh yeah, he’s not coming home.” It was so strange to me that for a split second, I had forgotten what had happened.

I saw a message on Messenger in which he told his cousin he would convince me not to get a lawyer because he would be fair with me. Then he added that the lawyer whom he had hired was once LDS. He had been married in the Temple and had two boys. When he had come out and wanted a divorce, his divorce was dealt with unfairly. Therefore, he became a lawyer and vowed to help other Gay men get everything they deserved. He was expensive but was one of the best lawyers you could hire. This lawyer had agreed to take his case.

In the evening, Richard showed up with the Bishop and a few other men from the ward. They had all brought their trucks. I told the Bishop that they couldn’t remove anything that hadn’t been agreed to. Especially the filing cabinet, since it contained important papers I needed copies of.

Richard called the police. When he showed up, it was the same one who had asked me to put everything back in the garage. He sternly looked at me and asked, “What’s your problem?” I told him that whatever was in the house had to go through mediation.

He put his hands in his pockets. Then he started to rock back and forth. Then he sternly looked at me and said, “It’s HIS stuff! I’m here to make sure you don’t interfere, and that everything goes smoothly! Then he motioned to Richard to go ahead.

The police also had me unlock the shed so that he could take whatever he wanted.

All I could do was stand there and watch as expensive furniture that I had paid for with my inheritance was removed. Last, they took the locked filing cabinet containing all the proof I needed for when we went to court.

When there was no more room on any of the trucks, off they drove to Richard’s new apartment.

I couldn’t believe what had taken place. I felt helpless!

Friday, January 31, 2020

The Relief Society President came over. She was a good friend of both Richard and me. She told me that Richard had asked her to tell me not to get a lawyer because he was going to be fair with me. She seemed to believe him. I couldn’t believe how many people he was getting involved—all to try to get away with what he had planned.

Kevin went with me to talk to a divorce lawyer. Right off the bat, I had to pay him $3000.00. I told him that I had no money coming in. He assured me that he would get forced alimony started right away.

I then gave him all the money that I had. Since I didn’t have enough, Laila gave me the rest.

I showed him the bank statement where I had withdrawn $7,000. But then replace $4000. He looked at me, as if I were stupid, and asked, “Why would you put the money back?!” I told him because I believed that having a lawyer involved would ensure everything was divided equally. He shook his head and said, “In all the years I have been a lawyer, I have never seen anyone do something like that!” He made me feel like I had done something wrong and that I was naive in thinking things would be done fairly.

I told the lawyer that I want the papers to say, “Infidelity.” He told me no one did that anymore and that he would file it under “Irreconcilable differences.” I told him that I could provide proof, and therefore, it needed to say Infidelity. He left it the way he had written it. I figured he would fix it later.

The lawyer told me that if Richard came back to get more things, I was to take pictures of everything that he took. Then figure out how much each item was worth and write it down. He had me believe that if I did that, I would get a fair settlement in the end.

Laila and I ended up wasting hours figuring out the cost of each item that he took. There were some nights we worked late into the evenings, because we were sure that, in the end, it would pay off.

As I left his office, I believed that the lawyer had my best interest at heart, especially since I had given him so much money.

Saturday, February 1, 2020

I took pictures of all the expensive tools Richard had bought with my inheritance, and everything else he might come back to get.

Just as I had done that, Richard showed up with the Bishop and a few other men. As they were filling up their truck, Richard shouted at me from the driveway. “You are a Hoor, and you were disfellowshiped because of it!” I turned to the Bishop and said, “I have done something in my past, but it wasn’t bad enough that I was disfellowshipped! I am sure you can go through my church records and see if I have ever been disfellowshiped!” The Bishop didn’t respond to what I had said.

Richard kept shouting that I had sex with a man from our old neighborhood and all kinds of other awful things about me. Since no one told him to stop, I went to tell him to knock it off. Just then, the Bishop grabbed me by the arm and told me not to engage in what Richard was shouting.

I stood there in shock while Richard called me all kinds of names and said things about me that weren’t true. He shouted to make sure the whole neighborhood could hear. I was so angry and felt humiliated!

Then he told the men to help him carry out the fridge and the microwave. They told him that he needed to think not only about me, but about his daughter and granddaughter. What were we to do without it? He didn’t care. It was his, and he was adamant about getting it. Thank goodness they wouldn’t help him with it.

When it was time for bed, I wanted to write something down, so I opened up my nightstand to get out a pen and a notebook. This was the same nightstand that Richard used to put sweet notes and treats for me. When I opened it up, I couldn’t believe what I saw!

He had left his scriptures along with overdue bills. Mixed in was the $400.00 water bill. There was also a bill for a landline that I didn’t even know that he had in the basement. Where was I to come up with that much money? Then I started to worry that the power would be turned off.

In all our married life, I had done nothing but try to be there for him. I had a hard time accepting that he was so evil. I didn’t deserve any of what he had done to me!

I was in so much pain and couldn’t stop crying. I thought for sure I was going to die from a broken heart. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t sleep. At around 2:00 a.m., I went on my knees to tell Heavenly Father that what was happening was more than I could bear.

As I sat by my bedside crying, I could hear little pidder padders in the hall. I opened the door and saw Lily with her mom right behind her. Lily jumped into my arms. I asked Laila what they were doing up at this hour. She said Lily woke up and kept asking for you.

I held Lily as I cried. I felt Heavenly Father was letting me know that he had heard my prayer.

Sunday, February 2, 2020

I didn’t go to church. I hadn’t slept much since I had so much heartache, and I didn’t want to have to face the members who were sure I had gone crazy.

Later in the day, I had an appointment with the Bishop. I got ready to see him and brought all the past-due bills with me.

I told the Bishop that I had seen on Richard’s messenger that there was a group of gay men, some of whom were Bishops, sending unimaginable messages and pictures in the group. Therefore, it had me wondering just how many men in the church were gay. Before we proceeded with our meeting, I needed to know if he was Gay. He looked at me as if he thought I had for sure gone crazy.

I told him I could show him the messages and the pictures that the men had sent in the group. He could see for himself that they were all LDS. He didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Then he assured me that he wasn’t gay and that he could be trusted.

Then I asked him if Richard had been excommunicated. He told me that he couldn’t do that since Richard had done nothing wrong. I told him that I had proof of things he had done. He didn’t want to see that I had because it wasn’t up to him to have Richard excommunicated.

I thought it was odd because I remember my Bishop in Denmark excommunicating a couple of members. One, because she had sex with a boy. The other one was a man who came to church and disagreed with everything that was being taught. Then I thought. “Maybe things were done differently in America.”

I told the Bishop that Laila and I weren’t making very much from Preschool and that the lawyer had already asked for $ 3,000. Then I showed him all the past due bills.

He told me I needed to pay for the lawyer, and he would make sure I had food and that the unpaid bills were taken care of.

I asked him if I should get rid of the two chickens that I had because they weren’t laying eggs. I also asked if he thought I should get rid of my pet rabbits. He said to keep them because I had suffered enough loss.

When I went to bed, I was sure I would fall asleep right away since I had not slept well the night before. As I was lying there, I felt something crawl across my arm. I turned on the lights to see what it was. I saw a bug crawling away as fast as it could.

I wondered if it was a bed bug. I was about to lift my mattress when Laila came into my room holding a bug she had found. She asked me if I knew what it was. I told her I was sure it was a bed bug. Then I told her what had just happened to me and asked her to help me lift my mattress. To our horror, we discovered that we had bed bugs.

We went downstairs and looked under the bed where Richard had slept. The mattress was covered with small blood spots, and it was obvious that it was where they had started.

Laila and her baby slept right next to this room. He must have known that he had them since he moved into his office. He knew how badly Laila and Lily had been bitten, yet he had us believing they were spider bites.

Walmart was open 24 hours, so I went and bought some spray to kill them.

Getting rid of them was a lot harder than I could ever have imagined!
No matter how much we sprayed and washed everything, they kept coming back. It took us over a year before we were finally rid of them.

Monday, February 3, 2020

A man came to the door, handed me an envelope, and left. It was divorce papers. The papers were stamped on the 7 of January. I thought there had to be a mistake, but there wasn’t. This meant that he had been planning it even before he told me that he wanted to separate.

I could see on Messenger that he was telling friends and family that I had gone crazy, had kicked him out, and left him penniless. I was dying to send them all the divorce papers with the stamp marked the 7th, to prove that he had been planning to leave for some time.

He had even written to my cousin Colleen and made an appointment to see her. He wanted to know what mental illnesses we had in the family. He was trying to gather a case against me so that he could get me locked up.

I took screenshots of his messages to prove he was slandering my name.

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

I called the lawyer to get Richard to stop lying to people about me. He told me for now there was nothing that could be done about it, but he would make sure it was brought up in court. In the meantime, I was not to say anything bad about him or discuss with anyone what he had done to me, or else I would be the one in trouble.

I had a hard time believing there was nothing that could be done about it. I also struggled to accept that I couldn’t say anything to defend myself when people asked me questions about what he had done to me.

Being the naive person that I am, I figured the lawyer knew what he was talking about and that I needed to trust him. With all the proof I had, and given how much he was charging, surely he had my best interests at heart. I just had to trust that everything would work out in my favor in the end.

Thursday, February 6, 2020

I realized that with the way Richard had lived his life, I could be at risk of having an STD. So I went to the doctor to get tested.

When I got to the doctor’s office, I recognized the nurse. Her mom was BeNae. She was the lady who had taught me how to lead music. Her daughter asked me why I had come in. I said, “You probably already know that my husband is gay and has left.” She said, “Yeah, I heard.” I told her that I needed to be tested. She asked me for what? I realized I had no idea what was out there. I started to cry, then I said, “I don’t know what STD’s are out there. I need to be tested for everything!”

After she had drawn my blood, I told her to tell her mom hi from me, and then I left.

When I got home, I saw there was a message from her mom to Richard. I was curious to see what she had written him, but I had to wait till he had seen it first.

When I could tell he had opened it, I read her message. It said, “You are right, she has gone totally crazy! She went to her doctor, cried hysterically, and said that she needed to be tested for everything. She was sure she had an STD.”

I was so disappointed. I had considered her a close friend. I wasn’t crying hysterically, and I would like to know how she would have reacted if she had discovered that her husband had been sleeping around. Knowing that she might be at risk of having an STD, I am sure she would have gotten tested. I wanted to report her daughter for violating my right to privacy. But then I knew she would get fired, and I didn’t wish that for her, so I kept it to myself.

Friday, February 7, 2020

Johny called to tell me that Richard had invited him and his wife to lunch. At first, he was excited about it because he had never really had a relationship with him. While eating, Richard asked Emily about the bank she worked at and about what she did there.

Then he started coming to the bank to talk to her and watched her count up the money. It had made her uneasy. It got to the point that when the other employees at the bank saw him coming, they would warn Emily. Then she would go to the back room and wait for him to leave.

Johny called his dad to tell him to stop going to her work. Johny said if he didn’t respect it, then he would get a restraining order against him.

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Richard was supposed to come and pick up all the stuff in the driveway first thing in the morning.

Jared called to tell me that his dad had called him and told him to come get it and to store it in his garage because he was having a “Mental Health Day.” He claimed that he was depressed about being kicked out of his home.

I told Jared that I could see on his Messenger that he had bragged to a friend about hiking on Antelope Island with a group of men. They had even posed naked in a picture. He looked happy to be with them. I asked Jared if he wanted me to send it to him so that he could see it for himself. Jared assured me that he didn’t want to see it. I told him it was all junk that was in the driveway, and I was sure it wasn’t something he wanted stored in his garage.

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Before Richard left, he had made himself Co-Admin of our ward’s Facebook page. I saw on Messenger that he was responding to members’ questions. He was also sending messages to new members welcoming them into the ward.

I felt up to going to church. Besides, I wanted to have Richard removed as an admin from our wards’ Facebook page. I told the Bishop what he was doing and asked him to remove him. He said he had nothing to do with it.

I went and talked to the other admin. He had always liked Richard and didn’t see a problem with what he was doing, and therefore, he wasn’t going to remove him.

While I was at church, a man I had always looked up to told me he had kept in contact with Richard, unlike all the other people, I had managed to turn against him. I was dumbfounded.

Then he added, “Richard was already depressed because you kicked him out. Now you have turned your boys against him, making him feel even worse! You need to talk to your boys and make it right with them, instead of poisoning them! Just imagine what he must have gone through all these years repressing who he was. Now he is finally brave enough to live his true self. You need to be more understanding and supportive of what he has gone through!”

Wow, he had no clue! He truly believed Richard was the victim in our marriage. I knew it was no use trying to defend myself, so I said, “Both boys are grown, men. I am sure they can think for themselves.” Then I walked away.

I was so upset! I couldn’t believe how many people Richard had contacted and convinced them of things that weren’t true.

Monday, February 10, 2020

I had made some ornaments and gave them to Richard for our first Christmas since we didn’t have any money to buy decorations.

I took everything I had made for him out and set it aside. After all, they had been made for him, and I had no use for them.

I placed it outside, in the middle of all his stuff that was in the driveway.

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Richard was supposed to pick it up this evening. When my phone notified me that he was here, Laila and I went to the basement and watched him through the doorbell camera to make sure that he didn’t try to break in.

We watched him look at all his stuff. The only thing that he took was the gift bag. Then he left without taking any of the junk with him.

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

If he wanted to go in there again, he could have let me know, and I would have unlocked it before we left.

I took pictures of the damage to the shed and emailed them to my lawyer, believing Richard would be held accountable for the damage that he had done.

The lawyer led me to believe it would be taken care of when we went to court.

Friday, February 14, 2020

The lawyer asked me if I was aware that Richard had taken out a huge life insurance policy on me a couple of years ago. I knew that he had, but I wasn’t aware of the amount. He said it concerned him, so I asked him to remove it. I assumed that he would, especially since he had seemed concerned about it.

The next-door neighbor’s son brought me a cookie along with the sweetest Valentine’s card. As he handed it to me, he said, “I heard what happened to you, and it made me sad. To cheer you up, I made a Valentine’s card along with a cookie.”

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Richard had told the Bishop he would pick up everything in the driveway this morning, but he never did. By now, I had not expected him to.

The driveway was such a mess. I didn’t know how I was going to get all his junk to the dump. Just then, my friend Crystal stopped by and asked if her son could help me clean it all up.

Sunday, February 16, 2020