Sunday, January 2, 2005
Richard still hasn’t found a job.
Whenever I see Beth and her husband, they have all kinds of advice about my mom. They are close to her and can’t understand all the contention. I told Beth that her relationship with our mom is different than the one I have. I also told Kevin he had not been in the family long enough to understand what was going on.
Kevin and Beth both told me I needed to write Mom and apologize for what happened at Christmas. I needed to do it for their sake and for our family.
I have apologized to Mom in the past for things I have not done to patch things up for Beth’s sake. I will not do it again! I felt like I was getting re-victimized by Kevin because he thinks he has the answers to everything.
Saturday, January 5, 2005
Kevin tells me that my mom was expecting an apology letter or email from me, and he had let her know it was coming.
I sent my mom an email saying that if my children were so bad, it was best that we had nothing to do with each other. That of course, made her even more upset. She emailed me back, saying she thinks I need to discipline my children. I wrote her back that I think she needs to stay out of my life.
I am sure Mom is going to tell Kevin and Beth all about it! It will be interesting to see how this all ends.
Sunday, January 6, 2005
We have not been able to pay our phone bill, so the internet was turned off. I went to the neighbors and asked if I could use their computer to write my weekly letter to Jared. My neighbor said I was welcome to come to their house anytime.
Monday, January 7, 2005
I always look forward to Mondays because that’s when I get an email from Jared letting me know how he is doing on his mission. Since our internet is turned off, I can’t check my emails. I hope we can get our internet back soon because I have had to run to the neighbors’ every time I want to go on the computer.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
My kids are doing fine. Now it’s one of the kids that I tend that is a nightmare! I wish I didn’t have to put up with him. I sure hope I can quit tending soon!
Since we no longer have the internet, Mom wrote me a handwritten letter. It makes me so mad that she feels the need to keep harassing me! I wish she would leave me alone!
Monday, January 24, 2005
Richard started a new job today. He works with computers. It’s a small company with only a few employees. He doesn’t make much, so the ward is still paying for Jared to be on a mission. Richard still hopes he can find a job that pays more.
Now that he is working, we can’t get food stamps. It’s messed up, since we still need to eat.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
When Sarah came home from school today, she told me she could check her email on the school’s computer. My mom had emailed her to let her know she had mailed her money. She has also told her that she didn’t understand my hostility towards her.
It made me so angry! Now she was using Sarah to get to me. Sarah told me not to worry because she emailed her back, letting her know she was not going to accept the money. She also let her know that she was aware of all the abuse I had suffered over the years because of her.
I hugged Sarah and told her that I was glad that my mom couldn’t use her to get to me, and thanked her for defending me.
I have been getting letters from my mom in the mail. Whenever I see they are from her, I don’t open them. Instead, I write, return to the sender. I am sure this gets Mom riled up because she is no longer able to control me.
Monday, February 14, 2005
I wanted to call my farmor to wish her a happy birthday. Since we no longer have a phone, I went to a phone booth. Calling Denmark cost more than I had. I went back home and wrote my farmor a letter. It will take at least a week to get to her, but hopefully she will understand why I have not been able to call her. It’s so frustrating always being so broke. I feel so pathetic.
When Richard started his job, he was told he would get medical insurance. Now he is told they are not going to give it to him after all. Since Richard’s pills are costly, he said he will stop taking them when they run out. I am worried that he is going to get depressed again before he can find a new job.
I don’t know how we are going to manage to pay for the pills that Laila needs since she can’t do without them.
I took Sarah off her medication. I’m hoping she will outgrow whatever she is going through and that she will be okay till then.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Johny and Laila are doing schoolwork at the kitchen table.
Even though we need the money, I quit tending this week. It was too much for me, and I just want to focus on my own kids.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Beth called to tell me that Sander was caught driving in Wyoming, drunk. He has been sentenced to 6 months in jail. It looks like I won’t have to worry about him coming back to Utah for a while.
Sunday, May 1, 2005
Beth has invited us over for Mother’s Day to eat dinner. Mom is going to be there, so I let Beth know we weren’t coming.
Beth and her husband are frustrated with me for not trying to make peace with Mom. I am frustrated that they won’t try to understand my point of view.
Sarah gave me this note for Mother’s Day.
When she was younger, she used to say Shichkabob to me, which meant she wanted me to hug and kiss her.
It meant the world to me!
Monday, May 9, 2005
Sarah is 17 years old today. I asked her if she wanted a birthday party. She said since she had no friends, no one would come. It broke my heart.
She has a boyfriend named *Cory who lives up the street. I told Sarah that he was welcome to have dinner with us. But not to expect much, since money is tight. Sarah responded that she didn’t want him to come over. I feel bad that I couldn’t do more for her 17th birthday to show her just how much I love her.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
We bought some seeds so that we can have fresh vegetables.
Johny and Laila are planting a garden as part of their homeschooling.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
We have the internet back. My uncle, Sonny, emailed me and told me about Skype. Now I can make long-distance calls for just pennies through the computer.
Once we got it working, my uncle called me to test it out. We both thought it was surreal that technology has made it possible for us to see and hear each other.
After I had talked to him, I wanted to call my dad, but he was at work. Then I called my farmor. She doesn’t have a computer, but I was still able to talk to her.
The phone calls are not always clear, but at least they are cheap. Having Skype is like having a new toy!
Saturday, July 9, 2005
The Church is having a huge celebration since Joseph Smith is turning 200 this year. Laila and I were in a choir of about 1,500 people, singing at the event.
It was held at Rice Stadium. Everyone singing got yellow T-shirts. It was an amazing experience!
Sarah didn’t want to go. Johny wanted to, but he couldn’t since he is not yet 12. I felt bad for him because what would it matter if he had come along?
I wish Sarah had come with us, but she has no interest in anything church-related. It’s too bad that Johny can’t go in her place. Life is not fair.
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