Thursday, September 3, 2020
Laila and I do our best to read scriptures nightly. We also read from “Preach My Gospel” together.
Before Richard left, he placed his extra set of scriptures under mine. I hadn’t thought much of it since they were hardly ever used.
As Laila and I sat down to read, she had forgotten her scriptures downstairs. I told her she could just use the extra one that I had.
Then I handed it to her. When she opened it up, she found $6.00.
I looked at the scriptures and realized they were Richard’s extra set.
Years ago, when my children were little, my mom had given them each $2.00 in a Christmas card. It was their Christmas present from her. Jared right away had put his money in his pocket. The other 3 kids had left their money on the table.
The next day, I went to grab the money because I had told the kids we would go buy ice cream with it. The money was nowhere to be found. I asked Richard if he had seen it. He told me I must have misplaced it.
Turned out that he must have grabbed it and put it in his scriptures, but then forgotten about it.
It’s so crazy for me to think that he would do that to his own kids. I am still having a hard time accepting that he was so deceitful.
Friday, September 4, 2020
I got an email from my lawyer saying that Richard wants copies of the utility bills the church had paid for. I thought it was because he was going to start paying them like he had been ordered.
Saturday, September 5, 2020
My sister lives an hour away. I drove to her house so Kevin could help me scan all the utilities and email them to my lawyer.
After I had emailed them to her, I found out that Richard wanted a copy of them so that he could claim them on his taxes when he files next year. He claimed that we were still doing preschool and since his name was still on the house, he was still the manager of it. I was floored that he had the audacity to be so arrogant!
I get charged every time I hear from my lawyer and also when I respond. I can’t believe how much he’s trying to get away with. It makes me so angry!
Monday, September 7, 2020
I got tables ready for yet another yard sale. I was tired, and it was getting late. I wanted to go inside, but I needed the money to keep paying the lawyer.
It was getting dark, and the wind started to blow. As I was putting things on the table, the wind grew stronger. It started blowing everything off the table. I went to get a blanket and some rocks to hold it down.
The rocks I had placed on the table weren’t strong enough, so I picked up bigger rocks. The wind was blowing so hard that I dropped the rock that I was holding. It fell right on my leg.
It hurt so bad! I still needed to take care of the rabbits and the chickens, so I did what I could to ignore the pain and continued on.
When I came inside, it was almost 10:00 pm. By now, Laila had gone to bed. Since the yard sale was tomorrow, I wanted to get the dishes before I went to bed. As I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher, I started to pass out from the pain. I quickly lay down on the floor. I thought I would lie there until the pain passed and then I would finish the dishes.
The pain did not pass. Instead, my leg swelled even bigger than it already had. I lay on the floor until 2:00 am. I was going to wait until the morning to get help.
I could tell that even though I was lying down, I was about to pass out again. From past experience, I knew it might mean I could go into shock.
Since Laila was asleep with the baby, I posted on our ward Facebook page and asked if anyone was awake because I needed to go to the hospital.
No sooner had I posted it when my neighbor who lived behind me responded that he was on his way over. Luckily, I had forgotten to lock the front door, so he was able to walk right in.
I tried to get up, but it hurt too much. He was a big, strong guy, so he picked me up and carried me to his car, and off we went to the emergency room. On the way there, he told me that I was lucky that he had seen my post because he hadn’t been able to sleep.
When we got to the hospital, he said that he would wait for me to get done so that he could bring me home again. I told him it was okay, and that I was sure I would be able to find a ride back. He said, “Not at this hour!” I assured him I would find a way home.
I had a hairline fracture. They gave me some painkillers, wrapped my leg, and told me to come back September 10th. By then, the swelling should be gone, and they could get me into a cast.
By now it was 4:00 am. I posted on the ward Facebook page and asked if anyone could come get me. I immediately received a response from another member of my ward saying he would come get me.
As we were driving home, he told me I was lucky he had seen my post because he had just woken up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt the Lord had watched over me and provided me a way both to and from the hospital.
I wondered why I wasn’t being watched over in my divorce, since it didn’t seem like I was getting anywhere. I wondered why I had to work so hard to pay for the lawyer. I figured the Lord must have his reasons.
Tuesday, Speteber, 8, 2020
Gretch kept calling me to ask for papers I had already emailed her. It makes me so angry because I am being charged for her time.
Kevin helped me write a letter to the lead lawyer, telling him he needed to take over my case because of how Gretch was handling it. Now I am just waiting to hear back. I am sure I will be charged for that too.
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
Can’t wait for my leg to get all better so that I can walk on it again.
Thursday, September 10, 2020
My leg and foot were black and blue because they were all bruised up, but at least the swelling had gone down.
Laila drove me to my doctor’s appointment.
I told the Doctor that I had a hard time with casts, so he gave me a boot instead. Man, was I grateful for that!
Friday, September 11, 2020
It was chilly, so I got my hoodie out of the closet. As I was looking at it, I remembered that Richard had gotten it for me last spring and that he had a matching one. He was the one who had bought them and insisted we wear them when we were together.
As I held the hoodie in my hands, I reminisced about the time he got it for me. I broke down crying. At times like this, I have to remind myself who he really was and be gentle with myself for not knowing.
It is so crazy to me that I had to separate who I thought he was from the con artist that he turned out to be. It’s all so bizarre to me!
Saturday, September 12, 2020
As I was doing the yard sale, people from the neighborhood came over to see what I had for sale. Just like they have all the other times, I can tell they seem to be looking more at me instead of the items I have for sale.
When a lady from the neighborhood came, she kept glancing at me. She pretended to look at what I had for sale. I asked her, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” She looked nervous as she responded yes.
I asked, “Does everyone in the neighborhood know what’s happened to me?” She looked surprised that I knew. Then I said, “I get how the members in my ward know, but how does everyone else in the neighborhood?” She answered, “Oh, Honey, your husband made sure to make his presence known to everyone! I am a hairdresser. The news about him shocked everyone and spread like wildfire!”
After that, whenever I spotted someone looking at me and pretending to look at what I was selling, I would say, “Go ahead, ask me any question you like.” It was kind of funny because at first it caught them off guard, but then they were excited to ask me all kids of questions.
It’s been rewarding. I am getting to know people I never knew existed. When they hear my story- why I am having one yard sale after another- they buy something to support me.
One lady even gave me $200.00 and didn’t buy anything. She was missing some teeth, and I could tell by the way she was dressed that she needed the money herself. I told her that I couldn’t take her money. She said things had happened in her life that were beyond her control, so she insisted I take the money.
She even came back a week later and gave me another $300.00.
I am to keep $3,000.00 in my bank account at all times for my lawyer. With the money I made from yard sales, the money Laila made selling things online, and the money the lady gave me, I had just enough to keep $3,000.00 in the bank.
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
I got a text from my Bishop asking me how I was holding up. After I told him, he said he was sorry to hear that the divorce was still dragging on, but for me to know that I could count on the ward to cover any needs that I was unable to come up with myself.
It’s so comforting knowing he cares and that the church is there for me!
Wednesday, September 16, 2020
I have needed new glasses for the past few years. I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist today. The ophthalmologist also happens to be my Stake President.
During my eye exam, the Stake President told me that Richard had gone to his house and talked to him right after I had kicked him out. He said Richard had told him that I had gone crazy and drained our account.
Then he asked how I was doing. I broke down crying and told him I had not kicked Richard out and what had really happened.
He said, I have known you for a long time, so I honestly thought it was him who had gone crazy, and therefore I didn’t believe a word he told me.
He told me not to hesitate to ask my Bishop for help because we live in an affluent area, and people in our stake were generous with their fast offerings. Any money not used by the end of each month was sent back to headquarters.
He also let me know I could get therapy, and the church would pay for it. I told him that the therapist that I had seen for my C-PTSD was not one of the church’s. He assured me that it was okay to see her for as long as I needed, and the church would cover the cost.
After leaving his office, I cried. They were tears of gratefulness. It has been so hard for me to ask my Bishop for the help I have needed. It was comforting to know that our Stake had a surplus, so it was okay for me to get help from the church.
After leaving his office, I went ahead and made an appointment with my therapist.
She has a waiting list, so I didn’t think she would be able to see me for at least a couple of months. But just like last time, due to the severity of my case, she made herself available for me to see her right away.
I got a text from my Bishop saying, “I’ll do whatever I can to help you, and I’m glad to stand by you. I can’t imagine how lousy this is for you. I admire your courage and ability to just survive this.”
Again, I felt comforted. With so much love and support, surely David would eventually slay Goliath!
Thursday, September 17, 2020
I was able to see the therapist early this morning. Even though I have been starting to disconnect again, I was still able to drive myself to the appointment.
The therapist helped me understand that I was not stupid, naive, or gullible. I am a trusting person, and I would never do to him or anyone what he has done to me.
Seeing her again made a huge difference in what I was going through. She wanted to see me again right away, but I told her since the church was paying for it, I was okay with seeing her once a month.
Before I left her office, she told me when I could to make sure to write my story. I assured her I would.
When I got home, the main lawyer called me and said he would be taking over my case. He told me it would cost me a lot more to have him on the case. (I thought, how much more could it possibly cost?!) He assured me that with all the proof I had, we should have a solid case. After talking to him, I felt so much better about the whole thing! I thought for sure David would finally slay Goliath!
He had gotten a hold of Richard’s lawyer, and I should be getting the stimulus checks soon. But I couldn’t get alimony started because Richard and his lawyer still claimed that I was working.
He told me it was a good thing it was postponed because it would give him time to look into Richard’s account and see what he could find, and that I was to do what I could to gather more evidence against him. I don’t know what more I could get, but at least I’m prepared and was looking forward to getting the divorce over with.
He asked me to get the police report written when the police had come out. He also told me that even though it wasn’t me running the preschool, there was a chance Richard could still claim the money Laila was making.
The lawyer said I was to pay him an additional $3,000.00 if he was to proceed with my case. I was worried about how I was going to come up with that amount of money because I knew the yard sales I was having wouldn’t be enough to cover it.
The lawyer told me the court date was still set for November 13, and to be prepared that the divorce might not be over that day, because Richard had requested another 90 days before the divorce was finalized. The lawyer wasn’t sure the judge would grant it. He told me not to be disappointed if the judge allowed it to go on.
Arnie told me that my mom had left me some money, but he had been afraid to give it to me in case I would have to share it with Richard, so he gave me just enough cash to cover the amount I hadn’t been able to come up with myself.
Now I wonder how much money Mom had left me. He said he would give it to me in cash as needed to help pay for the lawyer. I was still to do my part to raise money because there wasn’t a whole lot. At the rate the lawyer was charging me, I would soon run out of money.
Friday, September 18, 2020
Laila didn’t want to risk Richard taking her money, so she told all the parents that she couldn’t do preschool anymore.
She was sad to have to close it down because she had just gotten started with so many sweet kids and loved what she was doing.
With all the work that I have put into it and getting to know all the new kids, it just broke my heart!
Instead of doing preschool, Laila is going to help me sell some of the donated stuff online and get ready for the next yard sale.
Hopefully, we will be able to raise enough money to afford the lawyer.
I got a message from the Bishop asking me how things were going. After I told him, he messaged back, “Sorry to hear that. You know that, until this is over, you can count on the ward for any needs you can’t cover.” I thanked him.
His text was such a comfort because I have been so stressed about everything.
Saturday, September 19, 2020
The Bishop messaged me to say that Richard had asked him to tell me to meet him at the bank so he could give me the money from the stimulus checks.
I told the Bishop that my lawyer had requested that he should mail them to me so that I wouldn’t have to see him. The Bishop said he would go with me to the Bank. I told him I still didn’t feel good about it.
When I told Jared about it, he sent his dad a message. He told Richard to Venmo him the money so there would be a record of it, and said he would pass the money on to me.
As the Bishop and I were texting back and forth, I asked the Bishop if he could send someone over to look at all the loose wires I had hanging in the garage.
My home teacher came over. He had a device to check whether the wires in the garage were live. They were! He then went to Home Depot to get some stuff so that he could fix it.
Sunday, September 20, 2020
A man came to buy something that I had posted on Facebook. He came into the garage to pick it up. Then he happened to look over at the air compressor. He asked me if I used it; I told him I did. Then he said, “Do you mind if I fix the wires that are sticking out?” I had totally forgotten about them, so I was grateful he had noticed.
He asked me to turn off the main switch so he could put the wires back in the box where they belonged. As he fixed it, he was in disbelief that no one had been hurt.
I couldn’t thank him enough for fixing it! I felt like I had been watched over.
Monday, September 21, 2020
I went to the police station to get a copy of the report from the day Richard came and got furniture and other things he wasn’t supposed to.
It read, Wife has mental issues and kicked her husband out of the house without talking to him about it first. Police were called. Wife is irate! Police stayed to make sure that he could get his belongings.
It made me so angry to read the report. But there was nothing I could do about it. Hopefully, getting a copy of the report will prove he came and got things before they were approved.
I got a letter in the mail today from my dentist. It said he would need $2,800.00 in advance before my next appointment.
My Bishop went ahead and paid the dentist. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am that the church has been there for me!
Tuesday, September 22, 2020
Richard has been told that he is in violation for failing to pay the utilities and internet. But he still wasn’t complying.
The Bishop had tried to get a hold of him to talk to him about it. But when he called him, he sounded weird and couldn’t talk with him. He thought Richard was just tired and would try to call him another day.
I told the Bishop I wasn’t surprised that he couldn’t talk to him because when I had access to his messenger, he was bragging to a friend about smoking a bubbler and other things he had been trying. I didn’t know what smoking a bubbler meant, so I had looked it up online.
I told the Bishop I was sure Richard wasn’t tired and that he was probably just stoned, and that was why he was having such a hard time communicating with him.
Later in the day, Crystal brought me to the dentist because I had an appointment.
When I got there, the dentist implanted a screw and told me to come back in 2-3 weeks, depending on how I was doing.
Even though I was numb, I could still feel every move he made.
By the time he was done, I felt like my skull had been cut open. I can’t wait for this ordeal to be over! Especially so I won’t have to walk around with a missing tooth feeling like such a Hobo.
Monday, September, 28, 2020
I got a message on Messenger from a man. He said he was Sarah’s boyfriend. He claimed that Sarah’s dad was encouraging her to prostitute herself to some men that he would provide. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call him.
At first, I was going to call, but since there was nothing I could do about it, I blocked him.
Saturday, October 10, 2020
I only made $351.50 from everything I sold today. It was so much work! I am running out of things to sell. So I posted on my Facebook page asking if anyone had stuff they no longer needed. Since Deseret Industries is not accepting donations due to COVID, they were welcome to drop their items off at my house.
I feel so drained and want to die! I never want to do another yard sale for as long as I live, but I have no choice since I still need to come up with more money for the lawyer.
Friday, October 16, 2020
Laila hasn’t been able to get her car inspected or fixed because she’s been giving me all the money she has to help pay for the lawyer. So we have both been using my car to get around.
My car has been shaking when we drive it, and the check engine light has been on for some time. Today the car shook even worse. Jared told me to take it to a place in Tooele before the car completely broke down.
Before I brought my car to the shop, I checked with the Bishop to make sure that it was okay. The Bishop told me to get it diagnosed, get a quote, and then have it sent to him so I could get it fixed.
Wednesday, October 21, 2020
My car is still in the shop, and to make matters worse, with all the laundry that we have done trying to get rid of the bedbugs, the washing machine stopped working.
I Googled the code that came up to see if I could fix it myself. I did everything that was suggested, but nothing worked.
The Bishop told me to go ahead and call a repairman.
Thursday, October 22, 2020
I drove my car to the shop to get it fixed. Jared met me there so he could drive me back home.
I don’t know what I would do without the church and so many other people who are there for Laila and me during this time!
Friday, October 23, 2020
The repairman wanted $305,31 up front. I had 31 cents in my wallet. I messaged the Bishop. Luckily, he was home, so he could come over and pay the bill.
I was so sick from the screw that was implanted, and I could tell the fever was back.
I called the dentist. He said the soonest he could get me in was October 27.
Saturday, October 24, 2020
Even though I was sick from the implant, I went ahead and had a yard sale. I was grateful that Laila was able to help me with it.
I got a bill from my lawyer for $3,700.93. Since I had not expected to be charged that amount, I didn’t have enough money in the bank. I also incurred an overdraft fee from the bank.
I was charged $100.00 for the email that said there wasn’t enough money. I emailed back that the money would be in the bank later today. That cost me another $100.00.
By the time we were done emailing back and forth about it, I had incurred an extra $600.00. It just isn’t right that the lawyer is allowed to charge that much.
Since I didn’t have enough money, my stepdad gave me some of my mom’s inheritance to cover the cost.
Tuesday, October 27, 2020
Crystal drove me to my dentist appointment since I was too sick to drive myself.
The dentist removed the screw. Then he implanted cadaver bone again.
He said this time it should work.
I was skeptical and thought my mouth should heal before he did anything else to it.
I should have followed my instinct, but since he was the dentist, I had to trust that he knew what he was doing. He told me to come back in two months so that he could implant another screw.
Over the next couple of weeks, the cadaver bone fell out just like it had last time. It’s so nasty when I am eating, and I can feel it gets mixed into my food. I spit it out. I am so grossed out by it! Especially since I feel like I am eating a dead person.
Saturday, October 31, 2020
My car is still in the shop, so my friend Heather let me use her car. I turned on the radio. It worked! I missed having music in my car!
I felt bad about my life and how it turned out, so I started to cry. I had lost so many years that I couldn’t get back. I wondered how I could have made such a huge mistake. Just then, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before.
It was called Moral of the Story.
Here are some of the lyrics.
Talking with my lawyer, she said,
“Where’d you find this guy?”
I said, “Young people fall in love
with the wrong people sometimes”
Some mistakes get made
that’s alright, that’s okay
You can think that you’re in love
when you’re really just in pain.
They say it’s better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.
That could be a load of crap
But I just need to tell you all.
Some mistakes get made
That’s alright, that’s okay
You can think that you’re in love
when you’re really just engaged.
Some mistakes get made
That’s alright, that’s okay
You can think that you’re in love
when you’re really just in pain.
Some mistakes get made
That’s alright, that’s okay
In the end, it’s better for me
That’s the moral of the story, babe.
I felt like the song had been sent just for me. Through my tears, I was able to smile. The person who had written this song knew what I was going through.
The verse in the song that said, “Some mistakes get made that’s alright, that’s okay in the end it’s better for me.” I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me there was a reason for everything, even if I didn’t understand.
When I got home, Laila was getting Lily ready to go trick-or-treating. She asked me if I wanted to come with them. Since I had not been able to buy any candy to hand out this year, I thought I might as well come along.
I had a Mini Mouse costume from a few years ago that I had not been able to sell, so I wore it.
I am so grateful to have this little unicorn in our lives. She helps me be able to endure the pain that I am going through.
Tuesday, November 10, 2020
The lawyer has asked to meet with me since we have to go to court on Friday. I showed the lawyer all the screenshots I have. I have printed them all out and organized them in a binder. He told me that all my evidence meant nothing. I was shocked! He said he thought he had gathered enough and was sure we would still win the case.
Then he told me that he wasn’t going to ask Richard for the money that the insurance gave him for the roof. He said, “I can’t prove that you didn’t spend the money with him.” I said, “But I never knew about it, and therefore I never signed the check that was issued to him. Can’t you get proof of that?” He claimed that it didn’t matter since the insurance company had already approved payment for a new roof.
I felt that Richard should still repay the insurance company. It all sounded so corrupt to me.
He told me that, based on what he had gathered, we had a chance of winning the case.
Then he said that Richard had asked that we still meet on Friday, and reminded me that he wants a 90-day extension after that before we finalize everything. I asked him if he thought it would be granted; he said it would depend on how our hearing goes. We would find out on Friday.
I am sick about it. I sure hope after Friday it will be over once and for all!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
I asked the Bishop a few days ago for the evidence I needed to show I was never disfellowshipped.
He messaged me today to apologize for not getting back to me because he had surgery. A new Bishop had been called. I was to contact him, and it shouldn’t be a problem for him to get any records that I would need. I was to work with him from now on.
I sent the new Bishop a message. I got a message back from the ward clerk. He told me that my new Bishop wanted to meet with me on Sunday.
On Sunday! By then it would be too late! He apologized and said his hands were tied, and said that the new Bishop asked if I could meet with him right after church.
Thursday, November 12, 2020
I am so nervous about going to court tomorrow! My lawyer says I can’t use the evidence I have gathered and spent so many hours organizing. I can’t prove I was disfellowshipped. All I can do is pray that the judge rules in my favor and that the divorce will be over so that I will never have to deal with it ever again!
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