Friday, November 20, 2020
Laila went with me to see the new Lawyer. I asked him to change the papers to say divorce due to infidelity, and not irreconcilable differences. He told me it should have said that from the beginning, and it was too late for him to change it now.
I showed him all the evidence that Richard had been unfaithful during our marriage. He seemed shocked that it was never used. He said that’s what my whole case should have been based on! He claimed he couldn’t use it since it should have been presented the first time we went to court.
As the lawyer was looking at his computer, he asked, “Are you aware of the amount of money your husband has taken out on you for life insurance?!” I said yes; the last lawyer told me, but I thought he had gotten rid of it.
The lawyer did a few taps on his keyboard. Then he said, “There, it’s removed. Now you don’t have to worry about it anymore!” I asked him if I could get a restraining order against him. He didn’t think I needed to worry about it, since he had the life insurance removed.
The lawyer could see that Richard had been ordered to pay for the utilities and that my lawyer had done nothing to enforce it. He assured me that was one of the first things he would take care of.
Then I asked about getting alimony started; he said since it had already gone through court, I would have to wait till after the divorce. To start getting alimony.
He had been looking through the papers that I had emailed him. He said if I had continued to use the last lawyer, I would have lost everything!
After he had looked at the invoice from my last lawyer, he said, “It looks like you have been taken for a ride. You should sue to get your money back.” I got excited and said, “Oh, that’s so awesome. When can we get that started! He responded, “The problem is, lawyers don’t sue other lawyers. Otherwise we get a bad reputation.” I asked, “So even though I have been wronged, there’s nothing I can do about it.” He responded, “There is, if you can find a lawyer who is willing to take it on.”
When I left his office, I was so frustrated with how my case had been handled and that I couldn’t do anything about it. But I had to be grateful that I had a new lawyer.
Lily had been babysat by the neighbor while Laila and I had been gone. I was so happy to see her again!
These past few weeks, I could tell she was ready to be potty trained. She has been doing so well.
While she played with her dolls, she must have thought the toy potty would be a perfect place for her to go.
She keeps me smiling! I honestly don’t know what I would do without her!
After she had peed, she proudly showed it to me. Even though there was pee all over the carpet, I still praised her. After all, she is not even 2 yet.
When Jared got off work, he went with me to the dentist so that I could get the money back that he had been paid. The dentist said he would not refund me since I was not the one who paid him.
I told him I needed the money to pay a different dentist so I could get my tooth fixed. He said he would give the church back the money they had paid, but only if I signed a paper saying I wouldn’t sue for the mess that he had made. Even though I didn’t feel good about it, I signed the paper because I was desperate to get my tooth fixed.
Saturday, November 21, 220
It’s getting colder, so Princess doesn’t want to go outside to pee. As soon as I bring her back in, she pees on the carpet. It drives me crazy! It’s so frustrating because I have enough to do with trying to get my house organized from everything that’s been donated to me.
I was donated so much furniture that I couldn’t fit my car in the garage. I have finally sold enough items online so there’s room for my car again.
When I got in my car to drive it back into the garage, I noticed that the steering wheel was lowered, just like Richard had done so many times before. I panicked.
I hurried inside and asked Laila if she had adjusted the steering wheel. She hadn’t. It made me sick to my stomach. Richard still had a key to my car and had refused to hand it over.
Then I noticed there was liquid on the ground. I wondered if Richard had messed with the radiator fluid. I called my Home Teacher, since he is a mechanic, to ask if he would mind checking my radiator fluid.
When he came, he was sure Richard had not messed with it. He thought I was probably just being paranoid. I still wasn’t convinced, so I called the police. I also wanted it on record that my steering wheel had been messed with.
When the policeman came, he barely looked at my car. He didn’t feel it necessary to write out a report because he was sure Richard hadn’t messed with it. Then he wished me a good day and left.
Sunday, November 22, 2020
When I got to church, the Bishop asked to see me after the meetings.
When I met with the Bishop, I asked him if he had received the money from the dentist. He said he had. I was relieved, thinking it would go to getting my tooth fixed.
The Bishop said, “It’s not the church’s responsibility to fix your tooth.” I said, but the money had already been approved. He shook his head. I felt awful because I had already signed that I would not come after the dentist for the damage he had done. I had signed it believing that I would be able to get my tooth fixed since I couldn’t afford it myself.
Then he showed me the hospital bill from when I had a hairline fracture. He asked me what I expected him to do with it. It was awkward. I said, “The last Bishop told me it was taken care of.” Then he handed me the bill and told me to take care of it.
He then asked me what I did to serve so that I could pay the church back for everything they had done for me.
It had been humiliating to get help throughout this whole ordeal. I had worked so hard in my life. I never imagined myself at this age having to depend on others the way I was. I already felt so degraded.
I started to cry. I told him my life had been turned upside down. My house was a mess from everything that I had been donated. Even though I was depressed, I was still getting up early and going to bed late so that I could fix and wash the donated items so I could sell them. I was spending all my time and energy doing what I could to pay the lawyers so I could overcome what Richard was putting me through. Therefore, serving hadn’t been on top of my list.
After telling him I was doing all I could to survive, I thought for sure he understood. Instead, he alluded to the fact that if I had been in tune with the spirit, my life wouldn’t be in such a mess in the first place. I was to come up with something to do so I could serve.
Every time I leave his office, I feel so demoralized!
Monday, November 23, 2020
I got a text from a repairman asking if I would be home the next few hours because he was coming to fix my dryer.
Even though I was desperate to get the dryer fixed because the bed bugs were back, I just didn’t have the money. I messaged back that I couldn’t afford it. He replied that it was already paid for.
When the repairman had fixed the dryer, I asked him who had sent him. He told me he had been asked not to tell me. Then he asked me to sign a paper saying it had been fixed. As I signed the paper, I saw in the corner that it had been paid for by Crystal.
After he left, I called my friend to thank her. She asked me how I knew it was her. I told her it was on the paperwork that I had to sign. She and her family had already done so much for me. I am overwhelmed by the love her, her family, friends, and my family have given me. Without it, there is no way I could have survived!
Kevin went to the previous lawyer’s office to pick up my documents. When he got there, the door was unlocked, and the office was empty. He figured the receptionist must have just stepped out.
He leaned over the front desk and saw a stack of papers marked for Mrs. Howland. There was also a note meant for the receptionist. It read, “Please call the judge. Tell her it’s an emergency and have her enforce the Howlands’ meeting as soon as possible.” That was a far cry from my lawyer agreeing to have it postponed for another 90 days.
Kevin took the stack of papers and left. Then he called to tell me what the note had said. It sounded to both of us that my lawyer didn’t have my best interest in mind. I am so glad I was able to cancel him before my divorce was finalized!
Tuesday, November 24, 2020
When I got all the documents, I was overwhelmed. Jerica offered to help me with them. I then went to her house so she could show me how to organize the papers on a flash drive. It seemed simple enough.
When I got back home, Laila helped me scan the papers into the computer. We didn’t have a flash drive big enough to hold everything. We looked online, but everything was way too expensive.
My neighbor up the street messaged me and asked if I was home. When she came over, she said, I got this for you! I figured you need it for all the documents that you have. I couldn’t believe it; it was a brand new Toshiba hard drive! Again, I was overwhelmed with the love and support that I have been given!
Friday, November 27, 2020
I got an email from Richard. He wrote that I needed to trust him, and asked me to call off my lawyer; if I did, then he would call off his as well. He said his lawyer had cost him over $16 thousand so far, money that he would have given to me if I hadn’t gotten lawyers involved.
I am guessing the new lawyer is doing his job, since Richard wants me to stop using him. I never responded to the email.
Saturday, November 28, 2020
Jerica worked all weekend helping me to organize everything I had on the hard drive into different folders.
She discovered that Richard had set up at least three different accounts during the time I had my inheritance and transferred the remaining money into them.
He had also made checks out to himself from our joint account.
This account was for the University Federal Credit Union, where he had transferred some of my inheritance.
No wonder my inheritance was gone!
Sunday, November 29, 2020
The Bishop called me into his office again. He told me that the church was no longer going to pay for my utilities. I told him that was okay because my new lawyer was going to enforce that Richard pay it.
Every two weeks, Laila and I were getting food orders from the church. The Bishop said, because of the help I was receiving, it was my duty to start serving. Then he asked me if I had come up with something to do. I hadn’t. Then he told me that our ward had a canery assignment this week and I was to make sure to sign up for it.
I told him I didn’t mind serving, but I wasn’t in a position to do so right now. I needed to focus on getting my life in order. When I got rid of all the chaos, I could start serving again. He told me it was my duty to serve now. I told him about the callings I had in the past, and about having the missionaries living at my house for free for 2 years. I asked him if it didn’t count for something. He responded, “No, when you went to the Temple, you covenanted to do so.” I was stunned.
Then he asked me if I remembered making that covenant. I thought, “Oh, I remember very well!’ Then in my mind I relived the covenants that I had made. Give up your time, talents, even your life if necessary to building up the Kingdom of God. It was already ingrained in me, and that’s what I had lived by! But I had always assumed the church cared about my well-being so I could keep living up to those covenants.
I told him I needed to get my life in order before I could continue to do what the church asked of me. He told me to put the church first, and therefore I was to go to the cannery and serve like I had been asked.
I left his office feeling discouraged and riddled with guilt, feeling no matter what I did, I would never be enough.
Monday, November 30 2020
Jerica came with me to the new lawyer. I was so grateful because I kept disconnecting. She was able to tell him about some of the things that she had found when she had organized the folders on the hard drive.
We then left the hard drive with him. He assured me that he would look into the different accounts.
Tuesday, December 1, 2020
I talked to the R.S. President about the cannery I was told to sign up for. Because of COVID, everywhere you go, you have to wear a mask. When I tried wearing one, I felt traumatized. I relive being confined by my brother, as he held me down and tortured me.
My doctor gave me a note stating that I am excused from wearing a mask because I have C-PTSD. Instead, I am to wear this clear mask that he has prescribed.
The R.S. President told me that the cannery wouldn’t allow me to wear the clear mask, and I was to wear the regular one.
I started to panic because it is pure torture. Laila told me not to worry; since she didn’t mind wearing a mask, she would go to the cannery and serve.
Wednesday, December 2, 2020
Laila went to the cannery this evening. I was so grateful she was able to go in my stead!
December 3, 2020
I was so excited about getting a new roof. Once it was done, I could remove all the buckets that I had everywhere catching the water that had been dripping in.
When the roof was done, I called up the insurance company to thank the man who I had been working with for making it possible.
I was told he no longer worked there.
I asked the lady if it had anything to do with him approving that I got money for a roof. She sternly replied, “I can’t discuss that with you!”
My house insurance went up $1,000 more a year. I tried to switch insurance companies, but I couldn’t find it cheaper anywhere else. I wondered if I had been tagged, since Richard had collected money twice during the time he lived here without putting it towards a roof.
I had a hard time organizing the papers that I had on the hard disk. I kept disconnecting. It was so frustrating! Jerica had me come over to her house so she could help me with it.
She spent hours on it. When she was done, I was able to look at the folders without shutting down.
Sunday, December 6, 2020
My lawyer forced Richard to Venmo me the COVID money that was accidentally sent to him.
A few minutes before sacrament started, I handed the Bishop an envelope with my thithing from the COVID checks.
Due to my financial situation, it was the hardest thithing I had ever paid, but since my Temple recommendation was important to me, I felt it was the right thing to do. As I handed the Bishop the envelope, he told me he wanted to see me after the meetings were over.
When I got to his office, it was clear that he was upset that I had not gone to the cannery. I told him I didn’t think it mattered if Laila went in my stead. He said, I had specifically asked you to go. I told him I would have gone if I had been allowed to wear the clear mask.
I then explained to him why I couldn’t wear the regular one. I don’t know why I had expected him to understand. Instead, he told me it was time I got over my issues. I was horrified by the way he was treating me.
There was nothing I desired more than to get over it! Since no amount of therapy could help me fully recover from the trauma I had suffered as a child, I started to cry.
As I was sitting there crying, he told me I needed to come up with something to do for service! Then he added, I hear that Laila got a job. Therefore, you can no longer get food from church. I told him she didn’t start her new job for another two weeks, and then it would be another two weeks before she got her first paycheck. It didn’t seem to matter to him.
I told him we still needed to come up with money to pay the new lawyer, and we had neglected to fix a lot of things in the house since we didn’t have the money. It would be a while before we could get on our feet. He still didn’t seem to care.
Then he said. “Since all you have ever done in your life is babysit (He made it sound so degrading), and only have a 12th-grade education, you need to start thinking about going back to school.” I said I am almost 60, and I disconnect, so I have a hard time learning. He said, “It’s time you pulled yourself together!”
Then he asked me if I was a full tithe payer. I told him I was. Then we started talking about all the things that had been donated to me that I had sold. I told him I didn’t see that money as surplus since it was donated items so that I could afford a lawyer.
He said, “I will have to revoke your Temple recommend, meaning you no longer have the blessings of the Temple.”
My Temple recommend meant everything to me! For him to revoke it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me! I felt his words tear through every fiber of my being. He might as well have slapped me as hard as he could, even though it wouldn’t compare to how badly his words hurt.
I felt physically ill. I couldn’t wait to get out of his office! But he was not done with me. Then he asked me if I read my scriptures and prayed daily. I told him I had never prayed harder in my life than I do now, but I had to admit I was struggling to read my scriptures daily because I was so exhausted at the end of the day from what I was going through.
Then he said, “You are not to be a burden to the church or its members! Is that understood? I had never thought of myself as a burden to the church or its members. But what he had said was loud and clear.
His words, “You are not to be a burden to the church or its members,” got engraved in my mind, body, and heart!
I got up to leave his office. As I was about to walk out, he said, “Make things right with the Lord, and I will restore your Temple recommend. Read your scriptures daily, and do the things you have been taught to be right; you will be blessed. Remember, obedience brings blessing.”
By now I was a complete mess. The words “Obedience brings blessing.” kept echoing in my mind!
Ever since I got my Patriarchal blessing at 17, I had done nothing but be obedient, waiting for the promised blessings.
My Temple recommend had been revoked; Richard was still a member and had received all the blessings. (My money) Plus, he had a good-paying job.
When I got home, I felt so hopeless! I had been abandoned by my husband. A person whom I thought I could trust and had devoted my whole married life to. Instead, he turned out to be a con artist.
I just got abandoned by the church. A church I had devoted my whole life to. I lay down on my bed and cried. With everything I had gone through this year, I didn’t think I had any tears left in me, but I was wrong. I felt like my head was going to explode because it hurt so bad from crying. I didn’t have to do myself in because I was sure I was going to die from a broken heart instead.
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