Sunday, September 5, 1976
Mom told me she has written the letter she wants Nick to sign, and then added that she wanted Nick’s dad and Nick’s uncle to sign it too. I could understand if she wanted his mom and dad to sign it, but not his uncle. I asked, “Why don’t you have his sister, his brother, and all his aunts and uncles sign it too while you are at it?” Bent was sitting right there. He angrily responded, “Don’t get smart with your mom, you Snot-Nosed Brat!” I know he will be glad when I am gone, and I likewise will be more than happy to get out of here!
Monday, September 6, 1976
I woke up at 4:45 a.m. because it was hard to sleep with Elisabeth on top of me, not to mention that stupid clock that makes sure to gong every half hour. And all the other gongs that came with it on the whole hour.
The mailman had nothing for me today. I wondered if Nick had really given up on me and if he would ever write to me again. Later in the day, Mom, Bent, and Elisabeth went into town. I was left here to get the chores done. When they had gone, I started unpacking my suitcase because I was trying to accept the fact that this was where I would be living for a while. But there is nowhere for me to put my things, so I put them back in my suitcase. I cried really hard. I hate this place! I wonder if I am really stuck here until I am old enough to move out on my own. Would I really have to endure these conditions? Is there really no way out of here?
Tuesday, September 7, 1976
When the mailman came today, he had a letter from Nick. In the letter, he sounded really down because he didn’t know if I was ever going to come back. He also told me that he was losing weight over this whole thing.
We have been invited to eat lunch at Bent’s aunt’s house. I have been to her house once when we first got here. She is a nice lady and always has lots of good food, including home-baked goods, for whoever comes over. I am not allowed to go with Mom, Bent, and Elisabeth. I have been told to stay behind and wash their clothes, and then get the rest of the chores done.
I knew they would be gone for a long time. Once they were out the door, I started to write some letters. I wrote to Nick that I only have one piece of paper left and a few more stamps. When I was done with the letters, I stole some envelopes and paper from Mom so I could mail my letters and have some paper to keep writing on. Then I hurried into town to send my letters.
When I got back, I listened to the radio that Bent had inherited from his dad. Bent has inherited quite a few things from his dad, including the house and all the land.
When Mom found out that Bent got all the land, she asked him to sell part of it so they would have money to fix up the place. Bent told Mom that his dad had built the house with his own hands, and it was good enough for his Mom, and therefore it was good enough for her.
Mom tried to tell him that we were now living in 1976 and that things were different from when he was a child. Mom also pointed out to him that we were the only people without hot running water, a toilet, and a bathroom. We didn’t even have the garbage man come to pick up the garbage. She added that she was sure it was illegal the way we had to get rid of it, and that he would get a fine if anyone reported it. Bent didn’t say anything. I doubt anything will ever change; he seems content with the way things are.
Later in the day, when Elisabeth came back, the neighbor lady asked me if I would babysit her girls again. I told her I would love to. She doesn’t pay me. I don’t mind because it is nice to go to their house, and even nicer to use a real toilet! Elisabeth came with me, and together we had fun with the girls while we were there.
Wednesday, September 8, 1976
I walked up the hill three times today to see if the mailman was coming. Finally, the third time I saw him. I ran towards him.
He was really late today. When I got close to him, I could tell he was a little tipsy. When he saw me, he handed me one letter from Nick. The mailman smiled and said, “I guess I was worth the wait.” I smiled and walked back to the house while I read my letter. Nick wrote that he is working a lot of overtime so that he can afford my plane ticket.
Thursday, September 9, 1976
Today, when the mailman handed me a letter from Nick, he said, “That’s all I have.” I smiled and answered, “That’s all I want!” When I got back to the house, I counted down to see how many days there are until November 15th. If all goes as planned, I have 68 days left here.
Before I went to bed tonight, I was in a lot of pain. I am starting to get another boil on my back. I sure hope it will go away soon!
Friday, September 10, 1976
Mom, Bent, and Elisabeth are off visiting with his family again, and again I am left here to do the chores. I am glad they are gone so I can have some privacy to write. When I was finished with the chores, I wrote a letter to Nick. It had to be short because I have only one stamp left. If I write one more page, it will cost too much, and I will not be able to send it off.
This evening, when everyone was back, I got thinking about my dad, and about how my brother and I had been ripped away from him. I also thought about the children who live around here. They all looked so carefree as they ran around playing. It made me wonder why my life has to be so much harder than the average person’s. Since it doesn’t make any sense to me, it made me cry. I was worried that Mom or Bent would see it, so I kept my head held low. Luckily, they never noticed I was crying; they only seem to notice me if I don’t get the chores done.
Saturday, September 11, 1976
In one of the letters I got from Nick today, there was a picture of his car. He calls it our car. I can’t wait to ride in it!
Just before Mom and Bent went into town today, she handed me a list of chores that she had written down that she wanted me to get done while they were gone. When they had left, I started my daily letter. I realized I didn’t know when they would get back. I thought I’d better get the list done so that Mom won’t get upset with me when she gets back.
When Mom and Bent were back, Bent told me he had forgotten to buy something while he was in town. He asked me to get it. To my surprise, he gave me 10 kroners for doing it. It is so out of character; I guess he wants me to have money for stamps so I can keep writing to Nick. Now I have enough money for five more letters.
The boil in my back is hurting worse, and I can tell I am getting a fever. It made it even harder to sleep with Elisabeth. I prayed hard that it would be gone by tomorrow.
Sunday, September 12, 1976
Bent has shown Mom that there is a Mormon church just up the street from where we live. This morning, Mom, Elisabeth, and I went to church. I have never seen such a small branch before. Not many members belong to it. There were two girls a little younger than me, but we never spoke to each other. There were two Elders here from America. They came up and talked to us. It was nice to speak English again.
After we had been to the first meeting, there was a break for lunch, and then we were to come back again for the second half. By now, I was in a lot of pain because of the boil in my back, and my fever was getting worse. Mom called the doctor, and when he saw the boil, he said that we needed to go to the hospital immediately. It was raining outside. Mom didn’t want to ride her bike, but I needed medical help, so she didn’t have a choice.
When we got there, a lady doctor with really thick glasses took a look at me. I was very worried when she was about to give me a shot and cut into me. After the shot, I told her I could still feel that she was cutting into me. I was glad she wasn’t afraid to give me another shot because she ended up giving me a total of five. By then, I could still feel it, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been last time I was cut into. After she cleaned it out, she pushed some gauze into the open wound. She told me to see my own doctor tomorrow so that he could remove it.
When I got back to the house, even though I was sick with a fever, I helped out with the chores because I knew Mom would never agree to letting me rest.
When it was time for bed, it was excruciating to have Elisabeth sleep with me. I have no other alternative because there is no carpet on the floor. We are not allowed to sleep in Bent’s old room. Only Lilly and Agner are allowed to sleep in the beds up there when they visit. Even though I doubt they will ever come back to visit, I know I still wouldn’t be allowed up there. The painkiller that I was given at the hospital soon wore off, and it ended up being a very long night!
Monday, September 13, 1976
I got $20.00 in the mail from Nick today. Now I won’t have to steal paper and envelopes from Mom. I was relieved because I was afraid she would find out I had been taking it from her.
When I went back to the doctor today, he pulled out the gauze, then got a Q-tip and put some alcohol on it. Without numbing me first, he dug into the open cut. When he was done, he got some long tweezers and began to push new gauze back into it.
I don’t understand why he didn’t numb me first!
I can’t believe how much pain I have to go through, all because of that gross old couch!
Tuesday, September 14, 1976
I got the letter back today that Mom had asked Nick, his dad, and his uncle to sign. I am relieved to know that’s taken care of!
It’s been another rough night! Before I went to the doctor today, I was told to pick up Elisabeth from school and then meet Mom at the hairdresser.
When Elisabeth and I got to the doctor, I thought he was going to take out the gauze and put a Band-Aid on. But instead, after he had pulled out the gauze, he said the boil was still very infected, so he got another long Q-tip, and just like before, he put alcohol on it, pushed it into my back, and proceeded to clean out the cut. Then he got some new gauze and pushed it into the open wound. Ugh, how many times do I need to go through this?
From there, we met Mom at the hairdresser’s, as we had been told to do. Both Elisabeth and I thought we were going back to the house, but we ended up at a daycare center instead. Mom wants Elisabeth to start going there after school. I don’t understand why Elisabeth can’t just come home from school just like she always has. After Mom finished signing her up, she told Elisabeth she had to stay there. Elisabeth got upset and started to cry. Mom didn’t care. I wanted to help Elisabeth, but I have no say in it.
When Mom and I got back to the house, Mom started to read the newspaper. Then she said, “There is an ad that says Dr. Thompson needs someone to watch his kids and take care of his house while he and his wife go to work.” I told Mom it would be dumb for me to apply for the job since I was going back to Canada in a few weeks. Mom told me that was not true, and that I was to lie when Mrs. Thompson asked how long I could stay on the job. Before I knew it, Mom had called her up and set up an interview.
Mrs. Thompson said we could come right away. In the interview, Mrs. Thompson said she wanted me to stay on for at least a year and that her last babysitter had quit after only a few months. Then she added, “It’s just too hard on the kids to get used to a different babysitter!” I felt sick to my stomach because I knew I couldn’t commit to what she was asking. I looked over at Mom. Mom quickly responded, “Oh, yes! She can do that.” I felt even sicker.
After Mrs. Thompson had talked to us for a while, she said that she thought I was too young for the job. I was so relieved. It was as if a heavy weight had just been lifted off of me.
When we got back to the house, Mrs. Thompson called us back to say she had talked it over with her husband. Her husband remembered me from the night he had come and given me a shot in my behind, and he wanted me to have the job. Mom told her I would be there first thing in the morning.
When mom got off the phone, I asked her why she would agree to this when she knew I would be leaving for Canada. Mom said, “It is time you learn it is a cruel world out there. That’s why there is a saying, Every man for himself! Just think, now you will have money again, and you don’t have to worry about going to school.” I wasn’t worried about going to school because I figured if they hadn’t come back for me by now, they weren’t going to. As for the money, I don’t think it would be worth deceiving the Thompsons over. Even though Mom seemed so sure of it, it just didn’t seem right to me.
When Elisabeth got back from daycare, she was upset about being left there. Mom assured her that she would get used to it. Elisabeth told me all about the daycare as we fell asleep. I felt bad for her, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Wednesday, September 15, 1976
When I got to Mrs. Thompson’s house, she introduced me to her two children. Her baby boy was a year old, and her daughter was six. Then she showed me how she wanted her house cleaned. She also told me that I had to answer the phone when she and her husband were out and take messages for any sick patients who called. This made me really nervous since I can’t spell worth beans. Then she left for work.
Later in the day, Dr. Thompson came home sooner than expected. He told me I could leave for the day. From there, I went and saw my own doctor. This time, I was sure he would put a Band-Aid on. But no. Just like the other times, after he had pulled out the gauze, got the long Q-tip, put alcohol on it, and pushed it into the wound to clean it out once again. After he had cleaned it out, he pushed in yet another piece of gauze. I asked him why he couldn’t just put a Band-Aid on it. He told me it was still too infected.
When I got back to the house, I did the chores. When it was time for bed, Elisabeth told me all about the daycare again. I don’t think she’ll get used to it anytime soon!
Thursday, September 16, 1976
When I got back from working for the Thompsons, I saw that Mom was wearing my dress. I had everything neatly folded in my suitcase. I could tell that she had rummaged through it. I asked Mom why she was wearing my dress. She arrogantly said, “It’s just as much my dress as it is yours!” I reminded her that I had paid for it with my own money, that I had earned while we lived in Canada.
Mom kept walking around as if she didn’t hear me. I was not going to back off! She had no right to take my dress, especially without asking me first! She finally took the dress off and threw it at me. I can’t understand why she has no respect for me. She would have flipped out if I had taken any of her clothes. Even if I asked her, she would never let me wear anything of hers.
Friday, September 17, 1976
Before I went to the babysitting job, I saw the doctor again. This time, after he had cleaned out my sore, he FINALLY put a Band-Aid on it. The doctor said, “This time it should heal, but just to make sure, come back and see me on Monday.” I was glad to know the sore is getting better. Even though it’s been painful, I haven’t had a fever as high as the one I had the last time I had a boil.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are kind to me. I feel bad about making them think that I am here to stay. When I was done working for the Thompsons and got back to the house, there was a letter from Nick. In one of the letters, he sounds mad at me and wants me to write him every little detail of what I do each minute of the day. He also asked me to send him copies of the letters I sent to my girlfriends in Canada. I wrote him back that I was upset with him for not trusting me. I told him that since I could not yell at him, I would write in all capital letters. I wanted to let him know I did not appreciate his letter!
Later in the day, I went out in the backyard to pick an apple. Bent has told me that if I ever want an apple or a pear, I have to ask first. There are so many apples, and most of them fall to the ground and go to waste, but I thought I’d better respect his request. I didn’t know where he was, so I asked Mom if I could pick an apple. She said, “Sure.”
As I was picking the apple, Bent saw me. Then he ran towards me while he was yelling at me. “If you want to eat MY apples, you are to eat the ones on the ground! You are NEVER to pick the apples off the trees!”
I guess he thinks the apples on the trees are too good for me. He wants me to eat the ones that are on the ground, bruised, filled with worms, and ants crawling all over them. If this was how he felt, I don’t know why he can’t just tell me. I don’t understand why he feels it is necessary to yell at me like this.
While we lived in Canada, I was only allowed 6 oz of powdered milk a day, but now that we live in Denmark, they don’t have powdered milk. At dinner time, Mom drank two glasses of milk. I asked if I could have some too. Mom quickly responded, “No, the milk is almost all gone.”
After dinner, when Bent had left the table, I told Mom that at the place where I babysit, the milkman delivers milk and other dairy products for free. Bent overheard what I was saying, so he came running back into the living room and started to yell at me again.
I told him there was no need for him to yell at me like this, and the only reason I gave Mom this information was so she wouldn’t have to carry milk from town. I just thought having the milkman come might lighten the load. This only made Bent angrier. He demanded I shut up, and then he called me the usual names, “No-good-for-nothing! Snot- Nosed, Brat!”
Mom never defended me. Instead, she started to kiss Bent as she smiled at him. Before I knew it, they were making out pretty heavily. I got uncomfortable. I am not allowed to leave the table unless I ask first. I asked if I could be excused from the table. Neither one of them answered me. Mom just looked at me and laughed.
I got up and left the table. When I put the food back into the fridge, I saw there were two more bottles of milk left. There was plenty for me to have had some. I don’t understand why Mom had lied to me, or why I can’t have any. When I had done the dishes, I went to turn on the T.V. Bent then started to yell at me again, “Don’t you ever touch MY T.V! If you want it turned on, you ask ME to turn it on for you! Do you understand that?” I wanted to walk over and spit in his face, but, of course, I didn’t; instead, I said, “Okay.”
Sunday, September 19, 1976
It’s Sunday and even though the L.D.S. church is right up the street, we didn’t go. I think Mom only wanted to go last week out of curiosity.
Later in the day, Elisabeth went to turn on the T.V. I didn’t want Elisabeth to be yelled at, so I hurried and said, “You’d better ask Dad before you turn it on, or he will get upset with you.” Elisabeth looked puzzled. Then she said, “Dad doesn’t care if I turn on the TV.” Bent was standing right there. He smiled at Elisabeth as she turned it on. Oh, it just makes me so mad how the rules are so different for me! But as usual, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want Bent to have an excuse to start in on me again.
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