Back to School Chapter 26

Friday, December 24, 1976

I got a letter from Mom. She had sent me $25.00 for Christmas. I am grateful for the much-needed money. I felt bad that I had not gotten it in time to buy anyone anything for Christmas. Then I realized I would need this money to buy personal products for myself.

Saturday, December 25, 1976

Christmas was depressing. I didn’t come upstairs when the family was opening their presents. Besides, there were no presents for me under the tree, and no one invited me to come and celebrate with them. As I sat in my room, I thought about Mom, Elisabeth, and Grandma and wondered how their Christmas had gone.

Friday, December 31, 1976

Nick and his band played at a club for a New Year’s Eve party. Cosmo helps out with the lighting effects, so he was there too. It’s quite impressive to see the lights he’s built to create special effects in the background.

The band played from 9:00 p.m. until 3:00 a.m. It was kind of fun because I was able to dance with Cosmo when he wasn’t fiddling with the lights.

When the dance was over, I helped them carry all their instruments to the cars. It always takes a long time to set it up and pull it down again. I was very tired when I got to my room and went straight to sleep.

Monday, January 3, 1977

I am sick of being cooped up in this room all day with nothing to do!  I called my old school, Britannia, to find out how to enroll. They told me I could not return to Britannia and that I should call Templeton High School because it was closer to where I lived.

I was disappointed I couldn’t go to the same school as Nick. It would have been easy for me to get a ride to and from school every day. It’s about a four-mile walk to Templeton, so I asked Teresa if she would mind waking me up in the morning so I could get a ride with her and her friends to school. She said, “Yes, that would be fine.”

I am scared to go back to school, but it seems a whole lot better option than sitting here in this room all day.

Tuesday, January 4, 1977

I woke up at 10:00 a.m. I was disappointed in Teresa because she never woke me up as she had promised. We used to be such good friends before I moved in, but now she never talks to me.

I called Sander to ask him if he would drive me to school. He said he would be over in about 15 minutes. I got ready to go. While I waited for him, I wrote Mom a letter.

I get a letter from Mom about once a week, and I try to answer it as soon as I get it because she worries a lot about Sander and me.

I wrote her that we were fine, just like I always did. As I was writing to Mom, I wondered whether Sander would ever show up or if I would be able to sign up for school today, since it was getting so late.  

After waiting two hours, he finally came. When I got to the school, they told me I could start the next semester, which was the following month, February 7. It seemed like a long time to wait. Sander drove me back to Nick’s house and then quickly left for work.

Sunday, January 9, 1977

It’s Cosmo’s 18^th birthday today. It’s kind of sad because he never got a cake or any presents. The only reason I found out it was his birthday was that his girlfriend gave him a present. Otherwise, no one acknowledged him. I don’t understand this family.

Monday, January 10, 1977

I got a letter from Mom today. She says 1976 was the hardest year she has ever had to live through. It has been a very cold and tough winter in Denmark, and hard for her to get to and from work on her bike in the awful weather.

Mom added that she and Elisabeth cry a lot. They are both sad that we had to leave Canada, and they are stuck in that gross house.

Mom still worries about Sander and me. Once again, I wrote back that we are doing fine. In my letter, I asked if and when Elisabeth and Mom were coming back to Canada, and if Bent was going to sell the house in Denmark. I could tell he had no intention of selling the house he lives in here in Canada.

Thursday, January 13, 1977

Nick’s mom always acts nice toward me when her husband is here. Mr. Petruzzelli likes me, and he gets upset when she is mean to me.

Sander came over to see how I am doing. I showed him the letters that I had received from Mom and Elisabeth. As Sander was looking at the letters, he started to cry.

I knew, even though he doesn’t write to them, he misses them a lot. I realize he has a lot of anger because he had been left behind in Canada. After Sander had read the letters, he left. Even though he didn’t stay long, I was glad he had stopped by to see me.

Friday, January 14, 1977

I got two letters from Mom and Elisabeth. In Elisabeth’s letter, she wrote, “I don’t know how you can live without me, because I sure can’t live without you.” It made me cry because I missed her so much, more than I had ever imagined I could! I wrote back to Elisabeth and assured her that I missed her just as much as she missed me.

Saturday, January 15, 1977

Nick and his drummer, Fred, have been talking about going to Bellingham, a city in Seattle. It’s a store that sells cheap clothing across the U.S. border. 

Fred came over today, and we all left for Seattle. It only took about an hour and a half to get there. Nick bought himself a pair of pants and a pair for me, too. While we were in Seattle, we went to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, a smorgasbord. It was so much fun.

When we got back to Nick’s house, Teresa asked if we wanted to go to a disco where we could dance and eat. Teresa gets an allowance from her parents. She said that she would pay for a pizza if we went with her. We went and ate pizza and danced. It was a lot of fun. There was a guy there that Teresa liked. I guess that is why it was so important for her to go there tonight.

Monday, January 17, 1977

Man, I can’t wait for school to start! I am so bored sitting around in my room, doing nothing all day. I washed my laundry and went to hang it outside, just as I have been doing over the past few months.

Nick’s mom started yelling at me because she didn’t think I was hanging my laundry correctly. What does she care? It’s my laundry! I think she must feel better about herself by putting me down. Why else would she yell so much, and over such stupid things? 

Monday, February 7, 1977

I had my first day of school today! I used my alarm clock and got up early enough to walk there. I talked to the school counselor. He said that if I worked hard this semester, he would let me start 10th grade next year, and I wouldn’t have to make up any of the half-year I missed in the 9th grade. I sure hope I can do it!

As I walked the halls, I saw Mary. She looked so nice! When she saw me, she came running over to hug me. I asked her what she was doing at this school. She told me she had transferred last year because this school was much nicer.

She asked me if I wanted to come be with her and her friends. Oh, how I wanted to, but I was afraid to talk to her. I told her I had to get going. She said, “Okay, maybe some other time.” As I walked away, I almost started to cry. Mary had always been so good to me, and so had her family.

I thought of the time we had jumped on her bed and sang our hearts out to the song called “Going to the Chapel.” We both sang as loud as we could while we danced and held a hairbrush in our hand for a microphone. At the time, it seemed like nothing could ever tear us apart.  

I wanted to run after Mary and yell, “Wait for me!” But I was afraid that if Nick’s sister, Teresa, saw us together, she would tell her brother.

Oh, how I envied Mary. She seemed to have everything I ever wanted, and she was so willing to share it with me.

Oh, my dear Mary, you will never know how much you meant to me!

When I got back from school, there was mail for me from Mom and her half-brother, Eli. Uncle Eli sent me an invitation to my cousin Colleen’s wedding in Utah. I wish I could go there. I looked at her picture. Colleen looked so grown-up! I hadn’t seen her since she and her family came to visit us a few years ago, when we first moved to Canada.

Mom wrote Bent was back in Denmark. He was there because he had to see a lawyer with his sister, Lilly, and her husband, Agner, because they are not happy about Bent not sharing what their parents left behind.  I can’t see why Bent doesn’t just sell that old house and all the land that goes with it and then give half to his only sister. I wondered how it would turn out.   

Saturday, February 12, 1977

I went over to see how Sander was doing. He has found himself a cat. He seemed so happy about it. I am glad he loves it, but now I can’t go see him unless I stay outside, because I get so sick when I am near it. I can’t breathe, and my eyes swell up so badly that I can’t see.

Monday, February 14, 1977

I got a letter this week from Mom saying that, since she and Elisabeth missed us so terribly, they are planning to come and visit this summer. Mom wanted to know if I knew of a place they could stay while they are here.  

I don’t know why she just can’t stay in the house where we used to live, on William Street. I wondered if Bent had told Mom she couldn’t stay there while she visits here.

I am excited to know they are planning to come and stay for the whole summer just to be with Sander and me.

However, I wondered whether Sander would be able to see them much at all, since he works full-time and doesn’t have any vacation time. I am so excited to see Mom and Elisabeth again!

Saturday, February 19, 1977

Monday, February 21, 1977

I got a letter from Mom this week. She wrote to Sander asking whether she and Elisabeth could stay with him when they came for a visit. Sander wrote back that they can stay with him, but only if they pay him rent.

Sander had to pay Mom’s rent from the time he was 14.  He feels it would only be fair if she did the same while she stayed at his place. I could tell by Mom’s letter that she was really upset with Sander. It sounded like she was mad at me, too. I can’t help what Sander wants and what he feels is fair. In a way, I don’t blame him.

Mom wrote, “You’d better watch your tongue when you are with Sander. After I have read Sander’s letter, I am sure all you do is badmouth my husband and me and talk about how awful he was towards you, after all he has done for you!”

I wonder if Mom has completely blocked out how cruelly Bent had treated us while we lived with them on William Street. Mom ended her letter by saying that she and Elisabeth are not coming after all because she was very upset with Sander for asking her to pay rent while they are here.

Tuesday, February 26, 1977

When I got home from school, the mailman had brought me two letters from Mom. In one of the letters, she wrote about being in the hospital because she had a nervous breakdown. She is now going to rehab to recover. This letter made me sad. 

In the other letter, Mom wrote that she and Elisabeth are coming to Canada after all. She asked me to make sure Sander wrote to her.

Sander has started to lift weights with Nick two nights a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This evening, he came to pick Nick up. Before they left for the gym, I did as mom had asked, and asked him to write to her.  He has such a temper!  He got very angry! I thought he was going to hit me. I don’t think I will ever ask him to write to her again.

Friday, March 4, 1977

Since I started school, I have met a lot of my friends from my old school, Lord Nielson Elementary. I have also run into some friends who used to go to Britannia High School last year. I am surprised by how many people I know at this school. It’s nice because I don’t feel so alone. I still see Mary in the halls once in a while, but I don’t talk much with her since I am afraid. I miss her friendship so much!

After we had eaten dinner, Nick’s mom went to work with Teresa. His mom works some nights as a janitor. It’s nice when she is not home.

Nick went outside to work on his car. While he worked on his car, I wrote a letter to Mom letting her know I still wanted her to bring Elisabeth and come for a visit.  I wanted to see them, even if Sander didn’t.

I am sure that if I sang, they would lose business. Sometimes, after they finish practicing, we go out and eat pizza.

Tuesday, March 8, 1977

Sander wrote to Mom and told her that, instead of using her money for a plane tickets to bring her and Elisabeth to Canada, he would rather she just send the money to him. Sander also wrote about how angry he still is with Bent for the way he treated us.  

When I got home from school today, I got a letter from Mom saying she was very upset with Sander’s letter. She has changed her mind again about coming to spend the summer in Canada.

It’s not my fault that Sander is so blunt and tells her just how he feels. Mom also wrote that Bent was so good to us and that Sander and I are ungrateful for all he has done for us.

I wrote back, “I am sad to read that you have changed your mind about coming after all. I thought you were coming for both our sakes. I am sorry that Sander had written that he would rather have the money.” I also explained that Sander had lost his job and right now, all he could think about was money. “He is asking you not to come, but doesn’t he know that you are coming not just to see him, but to see me too? I don’t understand how he can only think about himself and not consider my feelings, too.” He just makes me so mad! He doesn’t seem to care for anyone but himself.

I also told Mom about the other night, when Sander was here, he had asked me to give him $15.00. I showed him I only had $5.00 in my purse, which I badly needed. Before I knew it, he grabbed the money and said, “I will pay you back next week.” I told her that I knew I would never see the money again. I don’t get that he didn’t care that I said that I needed that money. 

I continued to write about how bad I felt that Mom had insisted Bent was so good to us. I reminded her of some of the things he had done to us that were mean and unfair.

It is as if she is in complete denial about what happened to Sander and me while we were together. I ended my letter by telling her that she had written that it was of no use coming where she is not welcome. I let her know that she was always welcome to come and see me. I also let her know I had nothing to do with Sander’s letter.

Wednesday, March 9, 1977

While I was in math class today, Sherri, my old friend from Britannia, leaned over and asked me how my mom and sister were doing in Denmark. I never got a chance to answer her because the teacher looked at me, and then I got in trouble. Oh, it made me so mad. Then the teacher said, “Anne, I will call your parents and let them know you are not behaving in class!” I answered, “Go ahead and call them, but I’ve got to warn you, they live in Denmark, so it will be an expensive bill!” The whole class laughed. The teacher got even more upset with me. After class, Sherri apologized for getting me into trouble. I told her it was okay.

Monday, March 18, 1977

Mom’s friend, Vivi, who lives here in Vancouver called last week to invite Sander and I to her place to eat dinner with her and her husband, Gert.

When I got home from school, Sander came and picked me up. We went to their home. Vivi had made such a nice dinner for us. We had new potatoes, gravy, rød kåll, and turkey.  For dessert, we had rice pudding with strawberries. It was a real Danish meal!  It was fun to talk Danish again. We laughed a lot while we were together. They are the nicest people you could ever meet!

After we left their house, Sander took me to his girlfriend’s place. We didn’t talk much. We mostly just watched T.V. and then Sander drove me back to Nick’s house.

Tuesday, March 19. 1977

When I got home from school, I got another letter from Mom. She wrote, “How evil is it possible for one’s own children to be?!”

Sander writes letters to Mom about how he feels. I sat down to write her back. I wrote that whatever Sander writes to her and whatever she writes to him is between the two of them. It is not fair that she gets angry with me for what he writes, especially since I am not the one writing the mean letters. I let her know I understood she was upset, but that didn’t give her the right to take it out on me.

She writes that she will send Sander the money instead of buying a plane ticket. I wrote back that if this is what she was going to do, there was nothing I could do about it. I also let her know I was sad to learn that neither she nor Sander seemed to care how I felt.

Tuesday, March 22, 1977

I got my report card from school today. I got a B in science. It’s mostly because of my science partner, Julia, that we got such a good grade.

Since I have a hard time reading, she reads the assignments to me, and we discuss the answers. Since I have a hard time spelling, she writes, and I copy what she has written. I love Julia! She is the best, and she makes science so much fun, and we laugh a lot while we are together. 

Wednesday, March 23, 1977

I usually love my cooking class.  Today was different.  The teacher told us the school needed money, so they are going to have a bake sale. She showed us all a piece of paper that said all students were to bring baked goods from home. We are to bring them to the office, and once they are there, they become school property. We were asked to sign a document to confirm we understood what was being asked of us.

The teacher had a different paper for each of us. She walked down the aisles and handed each person a paper.  She watched as each student signed the paper.

When it was my turn, the teacher handed me a paper which said I was to make a cake and decorate it. I explained to the teacher that I didn’t live at home and didn’t have the money to buy the ingredients to make a cake.

The teacher said, “If you don’t sign the paper, then you will fail this class!” Then she added, “The school is not interested in your personal life and your excuses for not bringing what you have been asked.” I was horrified! I didn’t want to fail the cooking class. It seemed like I didn’t have a choice. I reluctantly signed the paper. When Nick got home from work, I told him about the assignment. Nick said he would buy the ingredients, and I could bake and decorate it while his mom was at work.

Thursday, March 24, 1977

It makes me so mad that I am forced to do this assignment!  On top of it all, they call it a baking “contest,” but I don’t remember volunteering for this contest. I wanted Nick to help me write a letter to the principal, telling him how wrong I thought it was. But I was afraid of what the principal would do to me in return.

Tonight, as soon as Nick’s mom left for work, I baked the cake and decorated it. I was scared she would return sooner than she usually does. I have cleaned the kitchen and done my best not to leave any trace of my being there.