Wednesday, January 12, 2022
I got a message from Tiffany saying she wasn’t sure if I could help her. She couldn’t get a hold of her dad. He always called her on her birthday. When she tried to call him, the recording said his number had been disconnected.
I called my stepmom. Her number said it had been disconnected as well.
I posted on Facebook asking if anyone could help me find my brother in Denmark.
Within minutes, I heard back from my friend Bodil. She discovered that my stepmom had changed her last name and her phone number.
I called the number that Bodil gave me. My stepmom was shocked and upset that I had found her.
The first thing she said was, “How did you manage to find me?!” Before I could respond, she said, “If you don’t know what’s happened to your brother, I am not going to tell you anything!” I thought it was an odd way to start out our conversation. I knew if I answered with the same tone, I was not going to get anywhere.
I started talking about when my kids were little and how much she had meant to us. I told her she was more of a grandmother to them than my own mom. I told her I had missed her and how it used to be.
She softened up. Then she said she missed those times as well. Then she told me that my brother had passed away on November 24, 2021, but she couldn’t give me any more information than that. I asked her why she had not emailed Sander’s daughters or me to let us know. She said, “I thought about it, but I was too sad!” I knew she wasn’t being honest, and I wondered why.
After talking to her, I wanted to look into my brother’s death to see if I could find out what happened and how he died.
Thursday, January, 13, 2022
I sent Bodil a message that there were too many things about his death that didn’t add up, or why she wouldn’t tell me how he died.
Bodil gave me email addresses and phone numbers I needed to look into it.
Tuesday, January, 18, 2022
I have spent the last few days making phone calls to Denmark. I have to do it during the night because of the time change.
Tiffany had also looked into his death. Between the two of us, we discovered that Sander was not living with my stepmom when he died.
To make a long story short:
The police report said that a neighbor who lived across the street from Sander had last seen my stepmom leave Sander’s place on November 24, 2021.
After three days had gone by, this neighbor wondered why she had not seen anyone come or go from Sander’s apartment. She went and looked in his window. She saw him lying lifeless on the floor. She immediately called the police.
The police came out to investigate. At the beginning of their report, it said a criminal investigation was underway. He had been found naked and dead on the floor. He was lying next to bottles and broken glass, and there were blood splatters.
They had called my stepmom since she had been the last person seen leaving his apartment. She had told them that she didn’t know anything and that he had no living relatives. She told them to go ahead and cremate him.
No autopsy was performed. Even though the report had started out as a criminal investigation, they closed the case and cremated him.
When Tiffinaly and I got involved, they opened up the case. Since they had already cremated him, they closed the investigation again.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what might have happened. I wondered about so many things. Especially why my stepmom had changed her last name and phone number in hopes of not being found.
In 2023, I called up my stepmom. Just like last time I had called her, she seemed hostile at first. Again, I talked about old times to put her at ease. During our conversation, I said, “I have a theory of what happened the evening Sander died. She got silent.
I said, “Knowing how violent Sander can be, I bet he had been drinking; he came at you. You grabbed a bottle, and you hit him over the head.” Then I hurried and added, “I don’t blame you if you had.” She let out a nervous laugh. She never confirmed or denied it.
After a few seconds of silence, she said, “Near the end of his life, I couldn’t have him live with me since he had become so violent towards me. That’s why he lived in an apartment, but since I still cared about him, I would visit him.”
I said, “I don’t blame you for protecting yourself. I would have done the same thing. Now he can’t hurt anyone else.” She responded, “Yeah,” and then she changed the subject.
I went online to look up his name just like I had so many times before, just to see what would come up.
The first thing it said was “Best search engine for True crime.” When I clicked the link, 7 of his mug shots appeared.
My earliest memory of him was when I was two, when he tormented me in my baby carriage.
I have so many awful memories of him. Then I realized I also had a few good ones.
We were both victim of our circumstances. I wondered what his life would have been like if our mom had taught him it was wrong to beat me. If she had never abandoned him in Canada. I’m sure his life would have been so different. It makes me sad to think about.
Monday, January 24, 2022
Ever since this happened, I have gotten closer to two of Sander’s daughters. Especially Tiffinay. She told me she didn’t have much that had belonged to her dad.
I called Arnie so that Beth and I could pick up our moms’ jewelry. Then we would go through it together, and I would send some of it to Sander’s girls.
When I talked to Arnie, he sounded upset. I thought it was because he didn’t want to look for it.
Saturday, January 29, 2022
Beth went with me to Arnie’s house to clean out more of my mom’s belongings and to go through her jewelry.
When we got there, Arnie got nervous when I asked him for the jewelery. Then he said that he had dropped it off at the local thrift store. My first thought was to go there to see if I could get it back.
But then my gut told me he lied. He was someone who could never get rid of anything! That was why Beth and I had been going to his house in the first place.
In her jewelry, there were some things that belonged to me. It made me mad; I wondered what he had done with it. I didn’t want to cause trouble. The jewelry was gone, so I didn’t pursue it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2022
Back in January 2021, I got a message from an old friend in Denmark. He said, I remember you telling me that you were moving to America so that you could find a man of your faith and marry in the Mormon Temple.
He had heard through mutual friends what had happened to me. He wrote, “Well, that obviously didn’t work out for you. Why don’t you just come home? Then we can get married.”
I told him I wish it were that simple. My kids and grandkids are here. He said he had quite a bit of money in the bank and I could go visit them anytime I wanted to.
Throughout the past year, he has written to me at least once a week trying to talk me into moving back home. He promised me he would treat me well. I missed Denmark terribly, so his offer sounded tempting.
In one of his last messages, he said he was dying of cancer and wanted me to let him know if I would marry him before it was too late. I only responded with a thinking emoji along with a smiling one. In his last message, he only sent a heart.
I missed our conversations and wondered if he was really dying.
Today, on his Facebook page, his daughter posted that her dad had passed away.
I wish I had been able to go to his funeral. I also wanted to see where my brother was buried; I wondered if I would ever be able to afford to go back at least one more time before I die.
Thursday, February 18, 2022
I went online to see how much a plane ticket cost. I was shocked to see that it only cost $568.10. I told Laila. She said, why don’t you go! I said, “But we need to save money so we can get stairs put in the back so you can get a daycare license.” She responded, “Do it! We will get the stairs eventually!”
I sent my friend Inge-Lise a message to let her know. She told me she would come pick me up at the airport and that I could stay with her for as long as I would like.
I then booked a ticket for February 24, and I’ll be returning March 2, 2022. I am scared to travel alone, but so excited to go to Denmark again!
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