Wednesday, May 4, 1977
I got a letter from Mom and Elisabeth. Elisabeth wrote she has lost six teeth since I left Denmark. I miss her so much. I wish I was there to see her grow and change.
Thursday, May 5, 1977
After school, I went to visit Sander. I asked if I could please move in with him. He asked why I would want to do that. I explained that I wanted to get away from Nick’s mom. Her abuse has become a daily thing and is unbearable. He said, “I have a hard time taking care of myself. I can’t take care of you too!” I started to cry and then I told Sander I would find a job somewhere and help pay for the rent. Sander said, “I am sorry you are having a hard time, but I can’t help you!” I left his house feeling so discouraged.
When I got back, Nick wanted to know where I had been. I told him I had just been over to see my brother. Nick has been annoyed with me lately. I think he feels it is my fault his mom treats me the way she does. It has caused a lot of tension in his family having me stay here. Before I knew it Nick started hitting me. I wanted him to stop so I pulled his shirt forward and bit his chest. I hung on as tight as I could. Nick finally stopped hitting me. He threw me back onto my bed. He pulled up his shirt to look at the bite. It looked pretty bad. He went upstairs to put on a different shirt. Nick’s mom had been standing on top of the stairs listing to the whole thing. She asked Nick what was going on. He showed her the bite mark. Nick’s mom started yelling. Over and over again she repeated what she was yelling. Nick came downstairs again. He said, “My mom wants you to go with us to the hospital to show them what you have done to me!”
As we were driving to the hospital Nick translated for his mom. She said, “When they see the bite mark, they will know what kind of monster you are!” When we got to the hospital they gave Nick a tetanus shot. The doctor asked me why I bit him. I told the doctor that he was beating me and I just wanted him to stop. The doctor realized I had done this in self-defense. The tables turned on Nick and his mom because now the doctor wanted me to press charges against him for abuse. I told the doctor I didn’t want to press charges and it was my fault that he had hit me. The doctor excused Nick and his mom because he wanted to talk to me alone. The doctor told me that no one had the right to hit me. The doctor then tried to talk me into pressing charges. I didn’t want to, so the doctor made me promise if Nick ever hit me again I was to call the police. By now Nick and his mom were worried. They were relieved to find that I had not pressed charges. As we drove back I told Nick if he ever hit me again I would call the police and fill out a report.
Friday, May 6, 1977
While I was at school today, my friend, Julia, told me she works for a banquet and serves food on Saturdays. She said the company needed more servers and asked if I would come along and work with her tomorrow. I told her I would love to!
Saturday, May 7, 1977
I walked to Julia’s house and from there, her dad drove us to the banquet. When the party started, we served the food. There must have been at least 100 people at the dinner. I had so much fun and the time went by fast.
Sunday, May 8, 1977
Nick and I went to the Catholic Church again today. After Nick had kissed his hand, made the Sign of the Cross, and knelt at the statue’s feet, it was my turn. As I walked close to the statue it just seemed so wrong. Again I hurried past the statue of Mary and sat down. Nick asked why I was so disrespectful to Mother Mary and why I had not knelt or made the Sign of the Cross. I told him I didn’t think it was right to worship a statue. Nick said we needed to talk more about it when we got home so that I could understand why it was important. Then he added “Don’t you want to become Catholic? Don’t you want my mom to start accepting you?” I answered, “I do.” Nick added, “Well then, I guess you need to learn to accept that you have to respect Mother Mary.”
When it was time for bed I had such a hard time falling asleep. It seemed so confusing to me. If it didn’t matter what church I belonged to, why did it feel so wrong to kneel in front of the statue? Maybe I just needed to get used to it.
Monday, May 9, 1977
I have not seen Mary around at school for a few days. I asked her friends if they knew where she was. They told me she had dropped out. I was surprised to hear that. Mary was always such a good student and had always gotten good grades. I wanted to call her and ask her if everything was all right. I was afraid Nick would find out so I never called. I never saw Mary again.
I haven’t seen Sander for a few days, so this afternoon I walked over to his place to see how he was doing. One of the boys that lived there told me Sander had been kicked out because he couldn’t get along with the other boys in the apartment. He didn’t know where Sander had moved to. I was disappointed once again that Sander had not bothered to tell me where he was.
Tuesday, May 10, 1977
I thought my period was going to start yesterday. Since I didn’t have any money to buy tampons I made my own pad out of toilet paper. When I got to school I went to the bathroom and rolled up a bunch of toilet paper. Last night before I went to bed my period still had not started, so I threw the rolled-up toilet paper in my garbage can, thinking nothing of it. You would think I should have learned not to put trash in my garbage can from what happened last time!
When I got home from school Nick’s mom was yelling. I asked Nick why she was upset this time. He said, “She had been through your garbage can, and she is upset you roll up toilet paper and throw it away.” I thought to myself, “Oh, Gross!” I had been wearing that toilet paper all day. I guess she was hoping to find something exciting in the toilet paper as she was unrolling it. I don’t know why she goes into my room and goes through my garbage can in the first place. It makes me feel so violated! I told Nick to tell her that it was not her toilet paper, but toilet paper I had gotten from school. Nick tried to explain it to her but she wasn’t listening. She was excited and began to say Mother Mary and Jesus Christ over and over again.
When it was time for dinner and we all sat down to eat, his mom kept going over and over about the toilet paper she had found in my room. I told Nick to go ahead and tell her what it had been used for, but he wouldn’t translate it. I felt bad the family had to sit through these dinners where she yells the way she does. I can tell it’s really hard on all of them, especially her husband.
Wednesday, May 11, 1977
When I got back from school today I had to go to the bathroom. Nick’s mom has decided she must go with me. It was so awkward. I can’t go when someone is standing there watching me. She feels it is her right now that she has found the toilet paper in my garbage can. I waited a little while, then later in the day, I went to the bathroom again. This time I hurried and locked the door before she had a chance to get in. Man, was she mad at me!
Thursday, May 12, 1977
When I got home from school, Cosmo was there. This time Mrs. Petruzzelli was yelling again. I asked Cosmo what I had done this time. He said that his mom was sure I was spreading rumors about her at school. I said, “What?” Cosmo said, “Don’t worry about it!” But it’s hard not to. I went downstairs to my room to write my weekly letter to Mom. Then Mrs. Petruzzelli came in and stood over me to watch me write. She would leave for a while, and then she came running back into my room. I knew she couldn’t read, so she couldn’t tell what I was writing. She was trying to make me feel threatened by just standing there. I think she’s nuts! I pretended she wasn’t there and just kept writing. She left again, and then suddenly showed up again. She turned off the light. Up the stairs, she went where she started yelling again. She said I wrote bad things about her to my mother. Man, I wish I could get some peace from her!
Friday, May 13, 1977
As I was walking back from school I saw Kjeld, the man who used to be our home teacher when we lived on William Street. He had been waiting for me to come home. I wondered what he wanted. As I got closer to him, he asked, “Hi, how are you?” I just gave a shy smile and said, “I am fine.” Then he said, “Your mom wrote to me that you are back in Vancouver. I haven’t seen you at church.” I didn’t want to talk to him since I was planning to join the Catholic Church. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I kept walking past him into the house. As he turned to walk away, he asked, “Do you have a copy of the Book of Mormon?” I answered, “Yes.” Then he asked, “Have you ever read it?” I said, “No.” Then he said, “Joseph Smith died so you could have that book. I hope you will take the time to read it.” With that, he left.
I went to my room wanting to forget what had just happened. But deep down, I was curious! Did I still have my copy of the Book of Mormon? I opened up a box I kept some of my belongings in. I found the Book of Mormon. I wondered to myself, who was Joseph Smith? I thought…if he died so I could have this book then the least I could do was read it. I opened up the book and tried, but the words were too difficult for me. I closed the book and held it close to me. I felt tremendous love for the book and for Joseph Smith. It was as if I was not alone. I felt confused. I was going to be turning Catholic. Becoming a Catholic was going to solve everything. Nick’s mom would finally like me! Nick and I would get married and have a family of our own. So many thoughts….could this book be true? Could I have been born into the only true church? No, it couldn’t be. Why would I be born into the only true church if the Lord wouldn’t even allow me to have a real family, a family that truly cared about me?
My grandma’s words came into my mind. “Hold fast to the church. It will bring you true happiness. Find a man who will marry you in the temple. You and your family will be blessed.” I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t the Lord still bless me if I didn’t marry a man who could take me to the temple?” Oh, I just had to read this book and find out more about it.
When Nick came home I told him about the book. Nick thumbed through the pages. He said, “It sounds like an interesting book. Let’s read it together.” We sat down on my bed and he started to read. Over the next few weeks, Nick read the whole book to me. Nick was so interested in the book that he brought it with him to school and read it in his spare time. The more he read the more he was convinced that it was a true account of what had happened long ago. I wanted to share his excitement about the book. I felt it was true, but I knew it would only make matters worse with his mom. I worried about how everything was going to turn out.
Saturday, May 14, 1977
Julia called to talk to me. It was Nick’s mom who answered the phone. Instead of letting me know there was a phone call for me, she started to yell at Julia. She swore at Julia in Italian. Julia is also Italian so she could understand what was being said. Julia tried to call me back later in the day only to have the same thing happen to her all over again. It makes me mad that I can’t even talk to my friends when they call.
Sunday, May 15, 1977
Nick wanted to go to the Mormon Church to see what it was like. Nick’s parents just assumed we were going to the Catholic Church. Nick looked up the Mormon Church in the phone book and we called to see what time the meetings started. We didn’t want to make ourselves too noticeable, so we only went to Sacrament Meeting. We were able to walk in and sit in the back and then slip out again when it was over. When we left Nick said, “Wow, I actually got something out of this meeting. I liked the feeling that was present. We should find out more about this church.” I was nervous his mom would find out where we had been. Nick told me there was no way she could find out unless we told her.
When we got back from church his mom was waiting for us. I thought for sure she knew where we had been. She started yelling again. I asked Nick if she had found out. He said, “No, she thinks your room is a mess.” I said, “What?” Then we went into my room. I had made my bed before we left and nothing was out of place. I asked Nick why she has to yell like that. He said, as usual, “Don’t worry about it.” I thought to myself, “Man if she knew where we had been then she would have something to yell about.”
Monday, May 16, 1977
Today I got a letter from Grandma. She had sent 100 kroner along with her letter. I was happy to see the money. I put it in my wallet and thought I would get the money exchanged as soon as I could get to the bank.
Later that evening, Nick’s mom started yelling again. This time she was upset that my grandmother had sent me money and I hadn’t reported it to her. I told Nick that I needed to keep the money so I could buy personal hygiene products. He translated this to his mom. She yelled, “No matter! She should still have let me know she got the money. She should let me know out of respect.” I don’t know why she would care! I have never asked her or Nick for money. I realized the only way she could have known I had Danish money was if she had gone through my purse. I was so frustrated! She is the one without respect!
This evening while Nick’s dad was gone, Mrs. Petruzzelli had left her bedroom door open. As I passed by I could see the light was off and she had lit a candle and was standing in front of the mirror calling out to Mother Mary and Jesus Christ. It was quite scary to see and hear. I don’t know if this was her way of praying, but it looked more like she was casting a spell.
When I went to bed and had fallen asleep I woke up because I could feel something cold next to me. I turned my head to see what it was. I couldn’t see anything. Then I could hear someone talking to me in my thoughts. It was the strangest thing. It said, “I am right here.” I looked down and there on the floor, I saw a spirit laying there. It looked like Mrs. Petruzzelli. I could see right through her. Her arms were folded across her chest and she was holding a knife in her hands. We were able to communicate through our thoughts. I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to kill me, but if I became Catholic she would spare my life. I was so scared I hurried and pulled my blankets over my head. I tried to go back to sleep. I could still feel the cold spirit lying on the floor. I thought to myself I was losing my mind. It seemed forever before morning came.
Tuesday, May 17, 1977
All day at school I was tired since I had not slept much during the night. When I saw Nick I wanted to tell him what had happened, but I was afraid he would think I was crazy. When I went to bed I was scared to fall asleep. When I finally fell asleep, I was woken up once again. The spirit was talking to my mind just like it had yesterday. This time it was coming from out in the hall. It kept calling for me to help it. I wondered what was going on because the spirit sounded so sincere about needing help. I got out of bed and went into the hall. The hall was dark, so I stepped back into my room. Then the spirit said, “Please…help me!” I thought it might be Nick lying in the hall, needing help. I spoke out loud, “Nick is that you?” It just kept saying, “Help me!” I said, “Nick if it is you please take my hand.” I stretched my hand out to the shadow. Just as I did that, it flew away. I stood there stunned for a few seconds. Then I hurried back to my bed and pulled the blankets over my head again. It took me a while to fall back to sleep.
Wednesday, May 18, 1977
I was beside myself all day at school. After school when I saw Nick he asked me if I was okay. I told him about what had been happening to me the last couple of nights. Nick explained that he had read somewhere in the scriptures, that I could raise my hand to the square and command the evil spirit to go away. He told me, “If it happens again tonight, you need to command it to go away.” I promised him I would try it.
That night I was afraid to go to sleep. Sure enough, just as I was dozing off, a cold wind shook my whole body. There it was again standing at the foot of my bed. At first, I pulled the covers over my head hoping it would go away. I was so scared. After laying there for a few minutes, I realized it was not going anywhere. I said a silent prayer for the Lord to help me to command it to go away. I pulled myself together and pulled the covers off my head and faced it as I raised my hand to the square as I said, “In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to go away!” The spirit came right at me with a wind that was so strong it blew my hair aside and pushed my bed as it flew out of the room. A peaceful feeling filled the room. I was able to lie down and not be afraid. I said a prayer and I thanked Heavenly Father for helping me. I soon fell asleep.
Thursday, May 19, 1977
When I got back from school, Nick asked me if anything had occurred last night. I told him everything as it had happened. We were both so grateful he had read about how to make the spirit go away. Now, I just hope it will stay away.
Leave a Reply