Sunday, June 19, 1977
Nick drove me to the airport and helped me find the gate where I was to board the plane heading for Denmark. When it was time to part, we both cried. I assured him time would go by fast and before we knew it, I would be back.
No one knew I was coming back to Denmark. I worried how Bent would take it when he saw me. The plane ride back to Denmark didn’t seem as scary as it had when I first flew to Canada. When I got to Copenhagen I still had to board one more plane going to a town that was close to Skive. When I landed in that airport I still had to figure out how to get the rest of the way back. I was tired from the long flight and had not slept the whole time.
I never did convert the money that Grandma had sent me, so I was able to use it to take a taxi the rest of the way. As I drove up to the house I could see Elisabeth outside playing. When she saw me get out of the taxi she just stood there staring. It took her a few seconds to realize it was me. Then she burst into tears! I knew they were tears of joy, but I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “Why are you crying? Aren’t you happy to see me?” Elisabeth nodded her head as she sobbed. Then she ran towards me and put her arms around me. I picked her up and hugged her.
The taxi driver got my suitcase. After I had paid him, Elisabeth and I went into the house. Mom was happy to see me. Bent stood there in horror. You would have thought he has just seen a ghost. I put down my suitcase and proceeded to open it. I gave Elisabeth the present I had bought for her. She opened it in a hurry. Then I handed Mom and Bent their presents. Mom opened hers. Bent angrily threw his on the windowsill, as he gave me a cold hard stare.
Mom and Elisabeth were eager to talk to me. They wanted to know all about the trip coming back. Bent interrupted, “So Nicky Boy didn’t want you after all!” I ignored his comment and proceeded to talk to Mom and Elisabeth.
Elisabeth told me every night since I had left she had prayed to Heavenly Father that I would be back this summer. She also told me she had recently been to a park where there was a magic tree. There is a legend that says if you stand under the big tree and make a wish it will come true, Elisabeth said, “I stood under the tree just two weeks ago, and I wished you would come back. And you did! My wish came true!”
Despite the stinky house, it was good to be back. I didn’t even mind not having a room, a toilet, or a shower to come back to. I found there were worse things to live with.
Mom was nice to me. The next few days that followed, Bent only spoke to me to tell me how stupid and worthless I was. After having Nick’s mom yell at me the way she had, Bent’s rudeness didn’t bother me as much anymore.
Monday, June 20, 1977
Mom took me to town and had me pick out a bed. I told her I didn’t mind sleeping on the loveseat next to Elisabeth, besides, I didn’t know where in the world she planned on putting it. I knew Bent would never allow me to have his old room in the attic. Mom said, “Don’t worry we are going to be moving around the furniture in the living room.” I responded, “But Lilly and Bent will get upset. They want things left where their mom and dad have put them.” Mom answered, “Don’t worry. Their parents are dead, and you are alive!” When we got back to the house, Mom told Bent they needed to move some of the furniture out of the living room to make room for my bed that was being delivered. When Bent heard this, he was furious! But to my surprise, he moved some of the furniture to the attic along with the rest of the things that used to be his parents. As he was moving the furniture he seemed so angery, I thought he was going to cry! Neither Mom nor I paid any attention to it. Mom just looked at me behind his back and rolled her eyes.
Mom was tired of living the way they did, she told Bent that she would give him nine months to install a bathroom and hot running water. If he had not done so in this time she would divorce him. So far three months have passed. It didn’t look like Bent was going to make any changes to the house.
Thursday, July 7, 1977
Nick called me today since it’s my 16th birthday. He told me he was sad that he could not be here to celebrate with me. I told him it was okay. I was glad I was away from him. I had thought a lot about everything that had happened while I lived with him and his family. I just couldn’t see myself going back to Canada again or spending the rest of my life with him.
Tuesday, July 12, 1977
I got another letter from Nick. He asked why I didn’t seem happy to talk to him when he had called on my birthday. He wanted to know if I had found someone else. He told me he had cried after he had talked to me on the phone and he was worried about losing me. In his letter, he underlined, “I was not getting away from him!” He then apologized for not treating me very well while I lived with him and his family. He promised he would make it up to me. He then wrote he was going to get a passport so he could come to see me. He was even thinking about coming to Denmark to live.
I quickly wrote him back to say I didn’t think that was such a good idea. At first, I was only intending to write him not to come, but as I was writing, it turned out to be a long letter letting him know it was over between us.
Thursday, July 14, 1977
Lilly and Agner are here from Sweden. They went to see a lawyer with Bent. When they came back I could tell there was tension. I went outside to pull weeds so I could be where it was peaceful. The window was left open. I could hear Lilly shout, “You can have it all! It’s not worth fighting over!” Then I could hear Agner say, “But Lilly we can win this fight, half belongs to you!” Lilly responded, “I don’t want to fight over money, it’s not worth it to me!” Then Lilly and Agner packed their bags and were on their way back to Sweden. I never saw them again.
Saturday, July 16, 1977
Mom, Elisabeth, and I went to Copenhagen to check on our options for living there. I was finally back in Copenhagen! I was excited to think I would finally find my dad.
We stayed with Mom’s old girlfriend. It was fun to see her and her kids again, especially Hanne. Last time I saw her we were ten years old and now we are 16. She took me to meet some of our old friends. It was strange to see them again after all these years. Everyone had changed so much. Hanne lived close to our old apartment. It looked the same to me. I told her, “Everything looks smaller.” She said, “It’s not smaller, you have grown since you were here last.” We both laughed. Here I was back where I had prayed so hard to be, but now everything was so different.
Now all I had to do was to find my dad, I told Hanne about it. She said, “Well what are we waiting for?” She encouraged me to call the operator and ask for my dad. My heart was pounding. It was exciting to think that I would soon be talking to him again. The operator asked what town my dad lived in, I told her six years ago he lived in Copenhagen. The operator said she couldn’t find anyone by the name of Niels Peter Lund. She said he must have moved and she couldn’t help me unless I knew the name of the town that he had moved to. My heart sank, I was so close, but not close enough. Hanne felt bad for me. She didn’t know how to help me any further. I wondered if I had to accept that I might never see him again.
While we were in Copenhagen we also visited with family. It was good to see everyone. Especially since I thought I would never see them again. Mom didn’t like Copenhagen anymore. So, after visiting there for a week we went back to Skive.
Friday, August 26, 1977
I am still getting mail from Nick. He is not accepting that it’s over. In one letter he wrote I shouldn’t go to school. Instead, I needed to get a full-time job so I could pay for our wedding. Then he promised that after we are married he would make “Heaven on Earth” for me. He has also sent a letter where he threatened me. This letter only made it easier for me to get over him. Then I got a letter where he was threatening suicide. I felt bad for him. I didn’t want him to kill himself, so I thought that maybe I needed to go back and try to work it out. I wrote him saying that if he moved away from home I would come back. I don’t know what I was thinking. But, a few days after I had written this letter, I knew that no matter what I could never go back. If Nick was to commit suicide it would be his choice and I couldn’t live my life worrying if that’s what he would end up doing. Even though I didn’t write him, his letters continued as if we were still engaged.
Sunday, August 28, 1977
Mom asked me if I wanted to come with her and Elisabeth to church today, so I did. Only about 25 people were there. All the members seem close and are very nice. Some of the members told us they traveled up to 4 hours to get there. I guess we are blessed to have the church just up the street from where we live.
Monday, August 29, 1977
I was very nervous to start school. I wanted to make a good impression, so I put on a dress. After Mom had filled out all the necessary papers, a lady from the office walked me to my class. My heart was pounding as she introduced me to everyone. I noticed that no one wore dresses here, not even the teachers. I felt so out of place! However, all the teachers and students were very nice to me.
Friday, September 2, 1977
When I got home from school, Mom told me she had seen an ad in the paper at the local supermarket named Kvickly. They were hiring students to work in the cafeteria. She told me she had gone and talked to the manager and he said I could have the job and I was to start this coming Monday. Mom told me it was bad luck to start on a Monday so she wanted me to call up the manager to tell him I would start on Tuesday. I told her I didn’t believe in superstitions and I wasn’t worried about what day I was to start. Mom didn’t seem too happy about it, but to my surprise, she never said any more about it. I was excited to start earning money so I would be able to buy some much-needed clothes for school.
Saturday, September 3, 1977
My classmates asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with them. It sounded like fun, so I went. I brought Elisabeth with me. When we got there everyone got naked and jumped into the water. I had my swimming suit on under my clothes all ready to get into the water. I was not prepared to see everyone get naked before they ran toward the water. I stood there stunned. There was one boy left. He was standing right in front of me, jumping up and down trying to get his pants off over his shoes. He looked at me and said, “Come on! Aren’t you getting into the water?” I put my hands over Elisabeth’s eyes because I did not want her to see this boy naked. I didn’t know how to respond so I just stood there. Then he held still and said, “Oh, you have a scar you are not ready to show yet.” I quickly nodded my head as I answered, “Yes, that’s it! I have a scar. I will be heading home. Tell the others ‘Bye’ from me.” I took Elisabeth by the hand and turned to leave. She was disappointed we didn’t stay to swim. I assured her that we would find something else that would be fun to do.
Saturday, September 17, 1977
I have made a lot of new friends. One of my classmates’ name is Laila. In just the short time I have been here, we seem to have hit it off right from the start. She sometimes even lets me take a shower at her place. Laila and I have also made a new friend named Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie is Bent’s cousins’ daughter. She is a year older than Laila and me, and the three of us seem to have a lot of fun when we are together.
I don’t always understand what my friends are saying because their dialect is different from what I grew up with. Their humor is so different from what I am used to. Since I speak Danish very well, they often forget that I haven’t lived in Denmark for very long so my classmates sometimes make fun of me. However, it didn’t take me long to understand their way of life.
Between work and school, it’s hard to keep up with everything. Fridays are the hardest. I get up at 8:00 a.m. School starts at 9:00 a.m. and is over by 2:35 p.m. I have to be at work by 3:00 p.m. I work until 5:30 p.m. Thursdays and Fridays I work until 8:30 p.m. and by then I am very tired. Laila, Anne-Marie, and some other of my friends are usually waiting for me to get off work so that we can spend the rest of the evening together.
After I get home and have changed my clothes, I forget how tired I am and we have a fun evening together. We usually go to a discotheque called Pussy Cat. It’s where all the teenagers hang out on the weekends. You can buy drinks there. I don’t like the smell or taste of alcohol so I usually buy pop or water.
Sunday, September 18, 1977
Mom woke me up so I could go to church with her. I was so tired since Laila and I had spent the evening at Pussy Cat. We had danced all night and we didn’t leave until it closed this morning at 5:00 a.m. I told Mom I would go with her to church some other time. I didn’t want to think about church. Most people here in Denmark are Lutheran, but no one is active. Well, they call themselves Lutherans, but it’s more of a tradition than anything. They say you are an active Lutheran if you have gone to church four times in your life:
1. When you are born you get blessed: 2. When you are 14 you are confirmed a member: 3. When you get married. (That is, if you get married. Most people consider it old-fashioned and just live together): 4. when you die and are buried. Also, on Christmas Eve many people go to church because many Christmas songs are being sung and it is so cozy.
No one seems to believe in God. You are considered a weak person if you do. I just wanted to fit in, so I didn’t tell anyone that I was a Mormon. I thought someday I want to get married in the Temple, but for now, I don’t want to worry about religion.
Monday, September 19, 1977
My classmates asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with them. It sounded like fun so I went. It turned out to be a movie with a lot of pornography. In Denmark, there is no age limit to see a movie like this. Since I had never been active in our church, I was not taught the values and principles of the Gospel. Still, it felt wrong sitting there looking at the movie. It was a comedy and my friends were laughing. They were also laughing at me because they could see I was very uncomfortable with what we were watching. After the movie, my classmates told me I just needed to go with them to a few more movies like this one and I would get used to it. I don’t think this is the kind of movie I want to get comfortable watching.
Saturday, October 1, 1977
I got a letter from Nick saying he was upset because I have not written him. I wrote him back saying I had thought more about it, and I had gone on with my life and hoped he would do the same.
Saturday, October 8, 1977
I am still not used to the way a lot of things were done in Denmark. I have a new boyfriend named Flemming. He is such a nice guy and his family is so kind towards me. We were at his house and it was getting late, around 9:00 p.m. I thought I better get home. It was already dark outside. Before I took off, I went to tell Flemming’s mom and dad goodbye. His mom was very surprised that I was leaving. She told me that the couch in the living room turned into a double bed, and she had already gotten it ready for Flemming and me to sleep on for the night. I was shocked! I assured her that I needed to get home or my mom would be upset. Then Flemming’s mom asked, “What kind of mother would let her daughter ride her bike home in the dark?” I thought to myself, “What kind of mother would rather have your son sleep with his girlfriend in their house?” I soon found this was normal in Denmark. I didn’t date Flemming for long. It was just so different dating in Denmark and I just wanted to have friends and nothing serious.
While dancing at Pussy Cat, I met another guy named Per. One evening after the discotheque closed, Per asked if he could walk me home. As we were walking he said, “I don’t live too far from here why don’t you just come home with me and spend the night?” I still had not gotten accustomed to this lifestyle, so I asked, “What would your mom say when she sees me in the morning?” In Denmark, they buy a lot of fresh baked goods for breakfast. Per thought I was worried that his mom wouldn’t have enough breakfast for me, so he answered, “Don’t worry, I will leave her a note letting her know you spent the night and she will be sure to buy enough breakfast for you too.” I was speechless for a few seconds. I smiled and said, “I’ve got to get home.” I didn’t quite know how to explain that this was so different from what I was used to. Per tried one more time to talk me into going home with him, I thanked him for the offer and told him that I just couldn’t spend the night with him.
I liked Per a lot, but I was not ready for a serious relationship. My friends were starting to ask me questions about why I didn’t sleep around like they did. Everyone started to think I was odd. Since I wasn’t active in the church I didn’t know how to tell them that I was baptized a Mormon and that even though I didn’t go to church, I still hoped one day to be active and marry in the Mormon Temple. I didn’t know how that was to come about because I thought I was a lost cause. But, for now, I was just going to take it one day at a time. I didn’t want to try to explain anything so I never answered their questions and I would change the subject.
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