Back Again Chapter 30

Sunday, June 19, 1977

Nick drove me to the airport and helped me find the gate where I was to board the plane heading for Denmark. When it was time to part, we both cried. I assured him that time would go by fast, and before we knew it, I would be back.

No one knew I was coming back to Denmark. I worried about how Bent would take it when he saw me. The plane ride back to Denmark didn’t seem as scary as it had when I first flew to Canada. When I got to Copenhagen, I still had to board one more plane to Karup. When I landed at that airport, I still had to figure out how to get the rest of the way to Skive. I was tired from the long flight and had not slept.

I never converted the money Grandma had sent me, so I was able to use it to take a taxi the rest of the way. As I drove up to the house, I could see Elisabeth outside playing. When she saw me get out of the taxi, she just stood there staring at me. It took her a few seconds to realize it was really me. Then she burst into tears.

I knew they were tears of joy, but I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “Why are you crying? Aren’t you happy to see me?” Elisabeth nodded her head as she sobbed. Then she ran towards me and jumped into my arms. I picked her up, and we hugged each other tight.

The taxi driver got my suitcase. After I had paid him, Elisabeth and I went into the house. Mom was happy to see me. Bent stood there in horror. You would have thought he had just seen a ghost. I put down my suitcase and opened it. I gave Elisabeth the present I had bought for her. She opened it in a hurry. Then I handed Mom and Bent their presents. Mom opened hers. Bent threw his on the windowsill as he gave me an angry stare.

Mom and Elisabeth were eager to talk to me. They wanted to know all about the trip coming back. Bent interrupted, “So Lover Boy didn’t want you after all!” I ignored his comment and only spoke to Mom and Elisabeth.

Elisabeth told me every night since I had left, she had prayed to Heavenly Father that I would be back this summer. She also told me she had been to the forest where there was a magick tree.

Elisabeth said, “I stood in the Wishing Tree just two weeks ago, and I wished you would come back. And you did! My wish came true!”

Despite the stinky house, it was good to be back. I didn’t even mind not having a room, a toilet, or a shower to come back to. I found there were worse things to live with.

Mom was nice to me. The next few days that followed, Bent only spoke to me to tell me how stupid and worthless I was. After having Nick’s mom yell at me the way she had, Bent’s rudeness didn’t bother me as much anymore.

Monday, June 20, 1977

Mom took me to town and had me pick out a bed. I told her I didn’t mind sleeping on the loveseat with Elisabeth. Besides, I didn’t know where in the world she planned on putting it. I knew Bent would never allow me to have his old room in the attic. Mom said, “Don’t worry, we are going to be moving around the furniture in the living room.” I responded, “But Lilly and Bent will get upset. They want things left where their mom and dad have put them!” Mom answered, “Don’t worry. Their parents are dead, and you are alive!”

When we got back to the house, Mom told Bent they needed to move some of the furniture out of the living room to make room for my bed that was being delivered.

When Bent heard this, he was furious! But to my surprise, he moved some of the furniture to the attic and put it next to the rest of the things that used to be his parents’. As mom and I helped him move the furniture, he seemed so angry that I thought he was going to cry! Neither Mom nor I paid any attention to it. Mom just looked at me behind his back and rolled her eyes.

Mom was tired of living the way they did. She told Bent that she would give him nine months to install a bathroom with a toilet, a washing machine, and hot running water. If he had not done so by then, she would divorce him. Bent didn’t seem to care.

Thursday, July 7, 1977

Nick called me today since it’s my 16^th birthday. He told me he was sad he couldn’t be here to celebrate with me. I told him it was okay. I was glad I was away from him. I had thought a lot about everything that had happened while I lived with him and his family. I couldn’t see myself going back to Canada again or spending the rest of my life with him.

Tuesday, July 12, 1977

I have been getting letters regularly from Nick since I got here. Today, I received a letter in which he asked why I wasn’t writing him and said I didn’t seem happy to talk to him when he called on my birthday. He wanted to know if I had found someone else. He told me he had cried after he had talked to me on the phone, and he was worried about losing me.

In the letter, he underlined, “I was not getting away from him!” He then apologized for not treating me very good while I lived with him and his family. He promised he would make it up to me. He then wrote that he was going to get a passport so he could come to see me. He was even thinking about coming to Denmark to live.

I quickly wrote him back to say I didn’t think that was such a good idea. At first, I only intended to write him to say not to come, but as I wrote, it turned into a long letter letting him know it was over between us.

Thursday, July 14, 1977

Lilly and Agner are here from Sweden. They went to see a lawyer with Bent. When they came back, I could tell there was tension. I went outside to pull weeds so I could be where it was peaceful. The window was left open. I could hear Lilly shout, “You can have it all! It’s not worth fighting over!” Then I could hear Agner say, “But Lilly, we can win this fight, half belongs to you!” Lilly responded, “I don’t want to fight over money, it’s not worth it to me!” Then Lilly and Agner packed their bags and headed back to Sweden. I never saw them again.

Saturday, July 16, 1977

Mom, Elisabeth, and I went to Copenhagen to see if we should move back to where we used to live. I was finally back in Copenhagen! I was excited to think I would finally find my dad.

We stayed with Mom’s old girlfriend in Glostrup. It was fun to see her and her kids again, especially Hanne. Last time I saw her, we were ten years old, and now we are 16. She took me to meet some of our old friends. It was strange to see them again after all these years. Everyone had changed so much.

Now all I had to do was find my dad. I told Hanne about it. She said, “Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s go to the phone booth, call the operator, and ask for your dad. This way, your mom won’t find out what you are doing.” As I talked to the operator, my heart was pounding. It was exciting to think that in just a few minutes I would be talking to my dad. I was so excited, I could hardly stand it!

The operator asked what town my dad lived in, and I told her that six years ago, he lived in Copenhagen. The operator said she couldn’t find anyone named Niels Peter Lund. She said he must have moved, and she couldn’t help me unless I knew the name of the town that he had moved to.

My heart sank! I was so close, but not close enough. Hanne felt bad for me. She didn’t know how to help me any further. I wondered if I had to accept that I might never see him again.

While we were in Copenhagen, we also visited with family. It was good to see everyone! Especially since I thought I would never see them again. Mom didn’t like Copenhagen anymore. After a week of visiting, we went back to Skive.

Friday, August 26, 1977

I am still getting mail from Nick. He is not accepting that it’s over. In one letter, he wrote, I shouldn’t go to school. Instead, I needed to get a full-time job, so I could pay for our wedding. Then he promised that after we were married, he would make “Heaven on Earth” for me. He has also sent a letter in which he threatened me. This letter only made it easier for me to get over him.

Then I got a letter where he was threatening suicide. I felt bad for him. I didn’t want him to kill himself, so I thought that maybe I needed to go back and try to work it out. I wrote him saying that if he moved away from home, I would come back.

I don’t know what I was thinking! Right after I had mailed the letter, I knew that no matter what, I could never go back. If Nick were to commit suicide, it would be his choice, and I couldn’t live my life worrying if that’s what he would end up doing. Even though I didn’t write him, his letters continued as if we were still engaged.

Sunday, August 28, 1977

Mom asked me if I wanted to come with her and Elisabeth to church today, so I did. Only about 25 people were there. All the members seem close and are very nice. Some of the members told us they traveled every Sunday, and it took up to 4 hours to get to church. I guess we are blessed to have the church just up the street from where we live.

Monday, August 29, 1977

I was nervous to start school. I wanted to make a good impression, so I put on a dress. Mom went with me to school so that she could fill out all the necessary papers. Then a lady from the office walked me to my class. My heart was pounding as she introduced me to everyone. I noticed that no one here wore dresses, not even the teachers. I felt so out of place! However, all the teachers and students were nice to me.

Friday, September 2, 1977

When I got home from school, Mom told me she had seen an ad in the paper at the local supermarket named Kvickly. They were hiring students to work in the cafeteria.

She told me she had gone and talked to the manager, and he said I could have the job and that I was to start this coming Monday.

Mom told me it was bad luck to start on a Monday, so she wanted me to call the manager to let him know I would start on Tuesday. I told her I didn’t believe in superstitions and I wasn’t worried about what day I was to start. Mom didn’t seem too happy about it, but to my surprise, she never said any more about it. I was excited to start earning money so I could buy some much-needed clothes for school.

Saturday, September 3, 1977

My classmates asked me if I wanted to go to the fjord with them. It sounded fun, so I went. I brought Elisabeth with me.

When we got there, everyone got naked and jumped into the water. I had my swimsuit on under my clothes, so I would be ready to get into the water. I was not prepared to see everyone get naked before they went in. I stood there stunned.

There was one boy left. He was standing right in front of me, jumping up and down, all while his dingaling went up and down with the rest of him, while he was trying to get his pants off over his shoes. He looked at me. Then he asked, “Come on! Aren’t you getting into the water?” I covered Elisabeth’s eyes because I did not want her to see this boy naked.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I just stood there. Then he held still and said, “Oh, you have a scar you are not ready to show yet.” I quickly nodded my head as I answered, “Yes, that’s it! I have a scar. I will be heading home. Tell the others ‘Bye’ from me.” I took Elisabeth by the hand and left. She was disappointed we didn’t stay to swim. I assured her we would find something else fun to do.

Saturday, September 17, 1977

I have made a lot of new friends. One of my classmates’ names is *Lotte. In just the short time I have been here, we seem to have hit it off right from the start. Lotte and I have also made a new friend named *Marian. Marian is Bent’s cousin’s daughter. She is a year older than Lotte and me. The three of us have a lot of fun together.

I don’t always understand what my friends are saying because their dialect is different from what I grew up with. Their humor is different from what I am used to. Since I speak Danish very well, they often forget that I haven’t lived in Denmark for very long, so my classmates sometimes make fun of me. However, it didn’t take me long to understand their way of life.

Between work, doing chores, and school, it’s hard to keep up with everything! I am glad I am working because then sometimes I get out of emptying the poop bucket, since it gets so full.

Fridays are the hardest. I get up at 8:00 a.m. School starts at 9:00 a.m. and ends at 2:35 p.m. I have to be at work by 3:00 p.m. I work until 5:30 p.m. On Thursdays and Fridays, I work until 8:30 p.m. By then, I am tired. Lotte, Marian, and some of my other friends are usually waiting for me to get out of work so that we can spend the rest of the evening together.

After I get home and have changed my clothes, I forget how tired I am, and we have a fun evening together. We go to a discotheque called Pussy Cat. It’s where all the teenagers hang out on the weekends. You can buy drinks. I don’t like the smell or taste of alcohol, so I drink pop or water. We usually hang out at Pussy Cat until 5 a.m., when it closes.

Tonight, while we were at Pussy Cat, out of nowhere, a guy came and sat next to me. Before I knew it, he had kissed me right on the lips. I quickly moved back. Just as I was about to slap him across his face. He looked into my eyes. He had deep blue eyes. Then he gave me the sweetest smile. He was the cutest guy I had ever seen! I quickly lowered my hand and smiled back at him.

His friend, who was standing close to us, laughed at what had just taken place. Then his friend said, “Okay, you did it! Now let’s get going!” The guy who had sat down close to me looked over at his friend and motioned to him to go ahead and leave. His friend shook his head and left.

Then the guy said, “Hi, my name is Per. I have never seen you here before.” He wanted to know where I was from and how I had ended up in Skive. Per, and I spent the rest of the time talking until it was time for the discotheque to close. It seemed so natural to be with him. I am glad he stayed.

Per had told me his birthdate. When I got home, I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget it.

None of my friends knew who Per was or where he lived. I hope to see him again.

Sunday, September 18, 1977

Mom woke me up so I could go to church with her. I was tired because I hadn’t gotten home until around 5:20 this morning, and it had taken me a while to fall asleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about Per.

I told Mom I would go to church with her another time. I didn’t want to think about church. Most people here in Denmark are Lutheran, but no one is active. Well, they call themselves Lutherans, but it’s more of a tradition than anything. They say you are an active Lutheran if you have gone to church four times in your life:

1. When you are born, you get blessed.
2. When you are 14, you are confirmed a member.
3. When you get married. (That is, if you get married. Most people consider it old-fashioned and just live together.
4. When you die and are buried. Also, on Christmas Eve, many people go to church because Christmas songs are being sung. It is so cozy.

No one seems to believe in God. It appears to me that you are considered a weak person if you do. I wanted to fit in, so I didn’t tell anyone that I was Mormon. Besides, I didn’t want to worry about religion.

Monday, September 19, 1977

My classmates asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with them. It sounded fun, so I went. It turned out to be a movie with a lot of pornography.

In Denmark, there is no age limit to see a movie with pornography. It felt wrong to be watching this kind of stuff. It was a comedy, and my friends were laughing. They were also laughing at me because they could tell that I was uncomfortable with what we were watching.

After the movie, my classmates told me I just needed to go with them to a few more movies like this one, and I would get used to it. I don’t think this is the kind of movie I want to get comfortable watching.

Friday, September 23, 1977

After work, as usual, my friends and I went to Pussy Cat. I was hoping I would see Per again. But to my disappointment, he never came.

Saturday, September 24, 1977

In the evening, I went with my friends to Pussy Cat. After we had been there for a little bit, Per and his friends walked in. As soon as Per saw me, we smiled at eachother and he came and sat by me. Per told me that he had hoped I would be there. I wanted to tell him I had hoped he would be here too, but I was too shy.

Per’s friends motioned to him to come and be with them. Per told them he would catch up with them later. Then Per said to me, “I would much rather be with you!”

Per and I were together again, cuddling, talking, and listening to music until 5 a.m. When Pussy Cat closed, we both left with our friends and rode our bikes home.

I really liked Per and wondered if our relationship would turn into something more than just seeing each other occasionally on the weekends at Pussy Cat. Then I thought to myself, “I am young, and I just got out of a 2-year relationship.” I was in a hurry to get into another one.

Wednesday, September 27, 1977

When I got home from school today, I saw that Per was in the local newspaper.

Friday, September 30, 1977

I had looked forward to the weekend and was hoping to see Per again. When I was done with work, and I had gone back to the house, I washed up in the sink like I always did. I hated that I couldn’t take a shower and feel clean. As I was getting dressed for the evening, I hoped my clothes didn’t smell like mold. Marian came, and then we met up with some of our friends. Later, we all went to our favorite hangout.

Once we got to Pussy Cat, I saw Per. We hung out together the rest of the evening. Per and I have such a nice time when we are together, and the time goes by so fast.

I wondered if dating was the same way in Denmark as it was in Canada, where the boy asked if you wanted to go steady, or if you just met up randomly at the local hangout.

Even though I really like Per, I reminded myself that I was not ready for anything permanent. At the same time, I wondered if Per liked me as much as I liked him.

Saturday, October 1, 1977

I got a letter from Nick saying he was upset because I hadn’t written to him. I wrote him back, saying I had given our relationship some more thought. I let him know I had moved on with my life and hoped he would do the same.

I cleaned the house, and last I took care of the poop bucket. I do what I can to not breathe in the horrendous odor, but it’s hard not to. When I was done cleaning out the bucket, it felt like I had poop in my nose from breathing in the awful fumes.

I wished I could take a shower and get clean from that awful job. I don’t know why Bent thinks it’s okay to live like this, in this day and age! I’m guessing it’s because he is not the one who has to clean out the bucket. Just then, Lotte came over and invited me to come to her place.

I told her I still needed to heat up some water so that I could take a so-called bath in the sink. Lotte said, “You can just take a shower at my place.” It almost seemed too good to be true! I hurried and got the clothes I had planned to wear for the evening, grabbed my makeup, and off we went.

Later in the evening, Marian came. We put on our makeup and got ready to go to Pussy Cat. I hoped I would see Per. I hated not knowing when I would see him again.

Later in the evening, Per showed up with his friends. It was so nice to have him come and sit with me. When it was time for Pussy Cat to close, Per asked if he could walk me home. We both had our bikes, so we rode them part of the way.

When we got to the top of Vindevej, I told Per I lived just down the street and that it was no problem for me to ride my bike the rest of the way by myself. Per responded, “I don’t live too far from here. Why don’t you just come home with me and spend the night?” I still had not gotten used to how things were in Denmark. Therefore, I didn’t realise it was no big deal to his parents if I had slept over. So I asked, “What would your mom say when she sees me in the morning?”

In Denmark, some people buy freshly baked buns at the local bakery for breakfast. “The buns are called Rundstykker.” Per thought I was worried that there wouldn’t be enough breakfast, so he responded, “Don’t worry, I will leave a note letting my mom know you spent the night, and she will be sure to buy enough rundstykker so that you can have some too.”

I was speechless. Then I smiled and said, “I’ve got to get home.” I didn’t quite know how to explain that this way of life was so different from what I was used to in Canada.

Per then said, “If you don’t want to come home with me, then I will go home with you.” I assured him that where I lived was not a place he wanted to be. I let him know that my mom would get upset if I brought a guy home. Per couldn’t understand my hesitation, so he responded, “Well then, just come home with me… Or don’t you like me?” I assured him that I liked him, but I couldn’t spend the night with him.

Before we parted, Per kissed me goodnight, then he said, “I will see you on Friday.” For the first time, it was planned when we would meet again.

When I got home, even though it was past 5 o’clock in the morning, I couldn’t fall asleep because I was excited to see Per on Friday.