Friday, October 7, 1977
I thought Friday was never going to get here! I made sure my clothes, makeup, and hair was perfect! Then I went with my friends to Pussy Cat as soon as it opened.
I waited and waited for Per to show up. I was getting discouraged and thought he must not care about me.
Finally, he showed up with a bunch of his friends. When Per saw me, he came and sat by me. He said he had been to a party for one of his classmates, or else he would have been there sooner. Then he fell asleep on my shoulder.
After he had slept for about an hour, he woke up and said, “I have to get home because I have to get up early in the morning to go to work.” Per kissed me goodnight. Then he said, “I will see you tomorrow,” and then left.
I was so disappointed! I thought I should’t take our relationship seriously because I probably don’t mean as much to him as he did to me.
After Per left, a guy I had never seen before came and sat next to me. He told me his name was Jorgen. We talked for a little bit, then he pulled out a piece of paper from a magazine and showed it to me. It was him. He said he earned money being a model. I could see why they would use him as a model, because he was good-looking.
Then he leaned over and kissed me. Since I had not resisted his kiss, he said, “I thought you were Per’s girlfriend. That’s what Per told me.” Then Jorgen told me that he was a friend of Per. I felt terrible! I didn’t think Per had thought of me as his girlfriend, or that ourrelationship was anything serious. Then, when it was time for Pussy Cat to close, Jorgen said, “See you tomorrow.”
I felt awful about what had happened. I wondered what would happen tomorrow, since I had a date with both Per and his friend.
Saturday, October 8, 1977
While I was at Pussy Cat with my friends, I was wondering whether Per or Jorgen would show up first, and how I would explain to Per that what had happened yesterday with Jorgen was a mistake.
Per and Jorgen showed up together. When they saw me, they both turned their backs towards me. Then they met up with some of their friends.
I tried to enjoy the rest of the evening with my friends. But I was sad, because I knew I had probably lost Per. Just then, the Disc Jockey played a song called “Black is Black.” I want my baby back.” I had never noticed the song before. I liked the song, and even though it made me feel worse about what had happened, it became one of my favorites.
Saturday, November 5, 1977
It’s been three weeks and one day since I last talked to Per. Whenever I see him at Pussy Cat, he acts like he doesn’t see me. I need to accept that it’s over.
Monday, November 7, 1977
I am still getting letters from Nick as if we never broke up. Today I got a letter from him telling me he had moved out of his parents’ house and that he was waiting to get baptized in the Mormon Church because he wanted me to be there. He pleaded with me to give him one more chance to show me how happy he could make me. He said he wasn’t going to give up on me because he loved me too much. I never wrote him back.
I wish he would get over me so that he can move on with his life!
Saturday, November 28, 1977
Mom asked Bent if they should clean out the attic and get rid of some of his parent’s clothes so that they could use the room for Elisabeth and I. Bent got upset. He wants things left the way they have always been. It’s like he is waiting for his parents to return.
The house is so drafty, and you can definitely tell it is winter. Bent doesn’t want to put in new windows to help keep out the cold. Mom tried to tell him that he would save money on heating the house, but he would not hear of it. It is obvious to Mom that Bent will not change anything about the house, so she is looking for an apartment for us to move into.
Monday, January 2, 1978
I have a new boyfriend named Flemming. He is such a nice guy, and his family is so kind towards me. One evening, around 9:00 p.m., while we were at his house. I thought I’d better get home. It was already dark outside.
I went to say goodbye to his parents and thank them for the food they had given me while I was there. His mom was surprised that I was leaving. She told me that the couch in the living room turned into a double bed, and she had already gotten it ready for Flemming and me to sleep on for the night. I was shocked! I assured her that I needed to get home or my mom would be upset.
Then Flemming’s mom asked, “What kind of mother would let her daughter ride her bike home in the dark?” I was confused and wondered what kind of mom would get a bed ready for her son and his girlfriend so they could spend the night together. I soon found it was normal to sleep together if you are going steady.
I am still not used to how some things are done in Denmark. Since it’s normal to sleep with someone, my friends have asked if I prefer girls. I assure them that I like boys. They wonder why I don’t sleep with anyone.
Even though Flemming and his family were the nicest people you could ever want in your life, I didn’t date Flemming for long.
When I broke up with Flemming, I was surprised to see him cry. He asked me what he had done wrong. I told him he was the best boyfriend a girl could wish for. I told him that after being in a long relationship in Canada, I just wanted to be friends.
Thursday, January 5, 1978
Mom found a new apartment, and we moved in today. It was nice to have hot running water again. The first thing I did when we moved in was to take a long, hot shower. I knew as long as I lived, I would never take hot, running water and flushing toilets for granted!
Elisabeth doesn’t seem to mind that her parents are getting divorced. I don’t think she fully comprehends what is going on. Elisabeth is excited about having her own room, hot running water, and a toilet. After I finished my shower, she took a long, hot bath.
Friday, January 6, 1978
This morning, Lotte and a few other classmates came to pick me up for school. Before we left, I showed them our new apartment.
Thursday, January 28, 1978
Mom has started a new business. She is making a lot of money. She works out of her apartment. Life is so much better now. Mom has also found an apartment for Grandma Helfred and arranged for her to come to live here in Skive. Her apartment is not too far from where we live. The only thing I want now is to find my dad. I don’t want to accept that I will never see him again. I began praying that somehow, we would find each other.
Monday, February 28, 1978
Mom is starting to act toward me the way she always has. I don’t mind helping out with chores, but she wants me to do everything! I am already going to school and working a lot of hours. I try to keep up, but what Mom is expecting of me is impossible! Mom got upset with me for not being able to do all that she had asked. If mom and I worked together, we could do it, but she says she has too many book orders and has to take care of them for her business.
Monday, March 6, 1978
Mom has complained to Mina, her visiting teacher, about her housework, so Mina came to help her clean the apartment. It takes Mina 30 minutes by train to get here. After Mina had done this a couple of times, she realized she was going beyond what is expected of a visiting teacher. Since Mom couldn’t get Mina to keep coming back, she got upset with me again. No matter how much she gets upset, I still can’t get it all done!
Monday, March 13, 1978
Mom has hired a maid. She told me I am to pay for what she does. I told Mom I didn’t think it was fair. She told me I owed it to her since I won’t do anything around here. It was not true, I did a lot, but I knew it was no use arguing with her. Then she added, “Consider it rent for living here.” She’s asked me to pay quite a lot. More than what she is paying, the lady she has hired. I tell myself that at least I still have some money left over.
Monday, March 20, 1978
I bought a beautiful green dresser with my own money. Since my room is in the attic, the window in the ceiling is right above the dresser.
When I got home from work, I saw my window had been left open. It had rained, and my dresser was soaked. The green stain was partly washed off and dripped onto the carpet. My dresser looked terrible, and so did the carpet!
I asked Mom why my window was open. She told me it was the maid. I had already told Mom that I didn’t want her in my room, especially since I am keeping it clean! There was no reason for her to go in there! Before I knew it, Mom was yelling at me.
Here I am– the one with the ruined dresser, stained carpet, and somehow, I’m the one in trouble. It just makes me so mad to think it’s my money she is using to pay the maid. I don’t understand her!
Tuesday, March 28, 1978
I was still getting letters regularly from Nick. I don’t respond to them, and I just throw them in the garbage.
Today, I got a letter letting me know he was getting on with his life. He didn’t want to tell me how he was doing, because as he put it, he didn’t think I would care. He wanted me to know his life was a puzzle, and I would forever be the missing piece. He also wrote that it had been nine months since I left, and if I ever changed my mind, he would always be there for me because he would love me forever. I never wrote back. I am glad he finally accepted that we were done and that he was getting on with his life.
Saturday, April 8, 1978
Elisabeth was in my room and saw my wallet lying on my table. She picked it up and saw the picture of my dad. She wanted to know who the man was and why I always carried this picture.
Mom had told me I was never to tell Elisabeth that we have different dads. Elisabeth had caught me off-guard, so I said, “It’s Dad.” She responded, “What do you mean, Dad? He looks nothing like Dad!” I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want Mom to get mad at me. I said, “Yes, it does! He was just really young in this picture. It was taken before his hair had fallen out.” Elisabeth looked at me as if I was nuts, but to my relief, she didn’t question me any further.
Friday, May 19, 1978
Today is the last day of school. This morning, the students played soccer with the teachers. I made the first score! Later, we sang in the streets. It’s tradition for graduating students to sing to everyone. That was a lot of fun. The Danish people know many songs by heart. It’s part of the culture.
Later in the day, I had to hurry home. I had to get changed and get to work on time. After work, I hurried home again to change so I could meet up with my classmates for a farewell-to-school party. When we were done eating, there was a dance.
Wednesday, May 24, 1978
Now that school is out, my boss says I can work full-time. I should get an education, but I am too scared to try. I was made supervisor of the dishwashing area, and I am making a lot of money, so I figured I should be content.
Mom told me that because I was working full-time, she had laid off the maid, and I would have time to do all the chores now. I asked if this meant I didn’t need to pay rent since the maid was no longer here.
Mom said, “No, you need to pay more rent.” When she told me the amount, I was shocked! I talked to a co-worker about it. She told me that for that amount Mom was asking, I could afford to rent a place of my own and still have a lot of money left over. She showed me some ads in the paper so I could see what it would cost to live on my own. It sounded exciting. I wanted more than anything to have my own place, but I am scared of how Mom would react if I did.
Thursday, June 13, 1978
In Denmark, you start school in first grade, when you are seven, and you stay at the same school with the same teachers and classmates until grade 10. When you have completed grade 10, you can go on to college.
All the 10th-grade students were tested today to see if we could get our graduation certificate. I was nervous since I have such a hard time with spelling and math. I wasn’t sure I was going to graduate.
We have all been given nine books to read because they will test us on them as part of the graduation. I misunderstood, and I thought I only had to read one of the books.
All the students waited in the hall, and we were asked into a room one at a time to be tested. While Lotte and I waited for our turn, she asked me if I had read all the books, since she knew I had such a hard time reading. I told Lotte I thought we only had to read one of the books. Lotte said, “No, it was all nine. Wow, I guess you are not graduating today!”
When it was my turn, the teacher picked one of the nine books. It just happened to be the one I had read! I had a hard time answering the questions because it had been so tough for me to get through the book. In the middle of the questions, one of the teachers told me she knew my mom.
My mom was very well-known in the town because she owned her own business and was very well-liked. She could be charming and funny. No one knew what she was like behind closed doors.
All the other teachers joined in and asked how my mom was doing. Instead of questioning me on the different subjects, we spent the rest of the time talking about my mom.
When our interview was over, they told me, “Congratulations, you have graduated from school!” To top it off, they told me I graduated with a high score. I was so excited! I thanked them and went back into the hall where the rest of my classmates were waiting.
Man, I was glad the teacher just happened to pick the only book I had read! When Lotte finished her interview, she asked me what my score was. I told her. She got upset when she found out my score was higher than hers.
Lotte angrily said, “That’s not fair!” She went and talked to the principal about it. It didn’t make any difference.
Her score was lower than mine, all because the teachers happened to know my mom. She was right, it wasn’t fair. I was just glad I had graduated!
Wednesday, November 1, 1978
Mom told Elisabeth and me that she wanted Sander to come live with us. She had sent him a plane ticket, and he would be coming this Christmas. My first thought was maybe he could help me find our dad.
It was going to be the best Christmas ever!
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