Saturday, December 23, 1978
Mom, Elisabeth, and I were excited to have Sander come and stay with us. Mom had planned that Elisabeth, and I could share rooms, and Sander could have my room. I didn’t mind. I figured now that we were older, he wouldn’t hit me like he had done in the past.
Rather than getting a one-way ticket for Sander, it was cheaper for Mom to get a ticket that was for three weeks vacation in Denmark.
When he arrived he told Mom that he was only going to stay for a few weeks and then he would be heading back to Canada. Mom got mad and told him that she had saved all this money for his ticket so he could come live with us. Sander said he had made a life for himself in Canada and he had a job and a girlfriend waiting for him to come back. Mom had to accept this.
Sunday, December 24, 1979
Grandma came early in the day to help Mom and I make dinner. Just before we were to sit down and eat, Bent came to the house. He had been invited to spend Christmas Eve with us. He put his present for Elisabeth under the tree along with the rest of the presents that we had already placed there.
Elisabeth was excited to open her presents but mom told her she had to wait until the dishes were done. Elisabeth was having a hard time waiting so I let her open one of the presents that I had bought for her. It was a game she could play with Sander and her dad. I thought this would keep her busy while she was waiting for Mom, Grandma, and me to get the dishes done. When the dishes were finished, we went into the living room and sang some Christmas songs. I love singing Christmas songs and thought it was so cozy.
There was a knock on the door. It was the two Elders who lived here in Skive. They would often come to our home and they had come to celebrate Christmas Eve with us. It was finally time to open the presents. I had given Elisabeth an outfit that matched what I was wearing. She was excited about it and put it on right away. Sander seemed bothered by the closeness that she and I shared, but I didn’t think much about it.
Elisabeth opened the present from her dad. It was two toy telephones that went together. Elisabeth tried to see how they worked. It looked like one of the phones had a short in it because it wasn’t working. I sat there watching Elisabeth opening her present and wondering if her dad could make it work. Bent said he would return the phones and get them exchanged for some that worked.
Out of nowhere Sander turned to me and asked, ‘Why did you break them?!” I assured him I had never seen or even touched the phones. How could it be my fault they weren’t working?
Sander stood up, his eyes got big and wild looking. As he walked towards me, he clenched his jaw and tightened his fist. I was afraid. I calmed myself down and thought, I am 17, it is time I stood up to him and put an end to his abuse once and for all! Besides what could he do to me with everyone watching? If he was to start hitting me, I was sure everyone around me would put a stop to it.
Once again I assured Sander that I had nothing to do with the phones being broken. Then he yelled, “Admit it! You broke them! Just admit it!” I stood my ground and told him I was not going to admit to something I had not done. Then he started violently hitting me. I yelled out “Help me!” To my surprise, Mom told everyone to get out of the room. I shouted even louder for help. One of the missionaries asked mom, “Shouldn’t we help her?” As Mom was pushing everyone out of the room she said, “No, they haven’t seen each other in a while, this is how they get along and they are just getting reacquainted!”
I couldn’t believe it! I was in trouble! I tried to fight back, but the more I fought back the more excited Sander got. He grabbed me by my hair and started to pound my head repeatedly into the wall. I knew if he didn’t stop I would be either knocked out or even dead. I went limp so he would think I was unconscious.
After what seemed like an eternity he stopped hitting me and let go of my hair and I fell to the ground. When he walked off I got up and ran out the door. It was very cold outside. There was new-fallen snow on the ground. I grabbed my bike and started peddling as fast as I could. I didn’t know where to go. I knew everyone was having their Christmas celebrations with their families.
I decided to go to Anne-Marie’s house. She lived almost four miles from Mom’s place. Her family was surprised to see me standing there in the snow without a coat. Her parents asked me to come in. I wanted to tell them what had just happened to me, but I didn’t know how. They could tell something wasn’t quite right, but neither of us knew what to say. It was obvious I had interrupted their evening and I was sure that if I was to tell them what had happened, they wouldn’t be able to comprehend the Hell I had just been through.
They asked me to come in and sit down and then they continued opening presents. It was awkward. After sitting there for a few minutes I told them I better get back. Anne-Marie’s mom said, “Yes, it is getting late, your mom is probably missing you, so you better go home.” I didn’t now how to tell her that I needed help. So I left.
I got back on my bike. I felt sick from the beating to my head. I needed to lie down, but the ground was frozen. I tried to stop crying because it was making my head hurt even worse. The tears froze as they came down my cheeks. I didn’t want to go back to Mom’s place. I thought about going to Laila’s place, but I knew I would be interrupting her Christmas Eve with her family also. Since I didn’t have anywhere else to go I went back. When I got there the door was locked, so I knocked. Mom opened the door. When she saw it was me she said, “Are you happy now?! You just had to egg him on, didn’t you?! You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?! You just had to ruin Christmas!” Sander stood behind her with his eyes still looking wild with anger and his hand was once again clutched. I never said anything for fear of what would happen to me. I hurried past them and went to my room and locked the door.
I was shivering. I was cold from being outside for so long without proper clothing. I lay down on my bed. I put my covers over me to try to get warm. As I lay there, I wondered why Sander was allowed to beat me like this and how anyone could have just stood there listening to it, as I was calling for help. I just didn’t get it! In the past, I would have given in and apologized for the broken toy. This time I thought for sure he wasn’t going to get away with it. Especially since I thought I would receive help from the people around me. I started to wonder if it was my fault that Christmas was ruined. Should I just have apologized? It just didn’t seem right to me since I had nothing to do with those stupid phones.
Monday, December 25, 1979
When I woke up I still had a terrible headache. We all pretended nothing had happened yesterday, and from then on I walked on eggshells and made sure I apologized for anything Sander thought I did wrong.
My friends came around and met Sander. They thought he was so charming and good-looking and told me I was lucky to have him as my brother. I didn’t say anything. They most likely wouldn’t believe me if I told them what it was really like to have him as a brother.
Friday, January 5, 1979
Sander told Mom he would be heading for Copenhagen to visit some old friends. He would then be going back to Canada. Mom got angry with Sander. She told him, since she had paid for his ticket he was to stay here for the whole three weeks. Sander told Mom he didn’t care what she thought and that he would be leaving first thing in the morning. I could tell Sander had been used to taking care of himself and doing just want he wanted. I admired that he was able to tell mom how he felt and did just what he wanted. I wished I could do the same!
After Sander left Mom cried a lot. She knew she couldn’t change the way things were, and she had started to feel a lot of regret over how things had turned out with him. I was glad to see him go.
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