Sunday, March 16, 1980
When I got to Canada, Sander picked me up from the airport. He seemed very happy to have me here. Sander told me he had been thinking a lot about suicide before I wrote that I was coming. Sander drives a truck for a living, so I drove around with him all day. I had only planned on a quick visit just to get my things from Nick. But Sander seemed so lost. I told him I would stay for a few days, and I would keep him company while he did his job.
Saturday, March 22, 1980
I had not planned on staying this long but Sander seems very depressed and I am worried about him. I don’t have a job to return to so I am in no hurry.
I am surprised at how many questions Sander has about our church. I try to answer them to the best of my ability. I have told him to come with me to church but he assured me that he is not interested.
Since Sander didn’t live far from William St. I asked him if we could stop by and see the house we used to live in. It was strange to see the top window where I had spent so many hours looking out. Then I went inside the gate and walked into the backyard. I thought of all the things that had happened in that house and there it was standing empty as if it was a ghost from the past. I wondered what would happen to it.
After we had seen the house, we went to Nicks house. I knocked on the door and to my suprise Nick opened the door. He asked what I wanted. I told him I was there to pick up my things that I had left behind. He told me he had nothing that was mine. I asked about the valuable rocks that he had kept for me, and a few other items. Nick repeated, I have nothing that belings to you! As Sander and I were walking towards the car, Nick’s mom came running out of the house with her fist up in the air as she was screaming and yelling in Italian. I managed to get in the car just in time and locked the door.
It was so strange to see Nick again after all this time. I was sad that Nick would not give me my belings. This was not that way I had expected it to go! I was not suprised by the way his mom had acted when she had found out I had been there. I was so relived that we were able to get away just in time.
Sunday, March 23, 1980
I went to church by myself. I saw a few members who I knew from long ago. I also got to see my faithful home teacher, Kjeld, and his brother, Gert.
Saturday, April 5, 1980
I ran into Nick’s cousin at the store. She had been one of my close friends when I went to high school. She told me that Nick was getting married at the end of this month. He met her a year after we broke up. She was pure Italian and Catholic. I guess that answered my question if he was ever going to get baptized or not. I said, “Oh, that ought to make his mom real happy!” We both laughed. It was good to see her again.
Wednesday, April 30, 1980
A lot has happened since I got here. I even ended up getting a job from Sander’s neighbor. I told her I could only do it temporarily, but she would love for me to stay on. It was as if my life was going to be here. I was making good money and it was tempting to stay. However, Sander was starting to get abusive, so I called up my cousins in Utah to let them know I was coming. Sander started to cry when he saw my suitcase was packed. I felt bad for him, but it was time for me to move on.
Friday, May 2, 1980
I took the Greyhound to Utah. When I got here my cousin, Joyce, came to pick me up. She showed me the room I would be living in and then told me I was welcome to stay as long as I liked. Joyce asked me, “What is the first thing you would like to do while you are here?” I told her I wanted to see the Temple and do baptisms for the dead. She said we would go first thing in the morning.
Saturday, May 3, 1980
I had a hard time sleeping last night because I was excited to go inside the Temple. When we got to the Temple, I was surprised to see it was in the middle of town. From the pictures I had seen, I had imagined it would be standing on top of a mountain. I was even more surprised to see people walking around outside the Temple grounds smoking. I had assumed that everyone in Utah was an active Mormon.
My heart was pounding as we got closer to the Temple doors. I couldn’t believe it! I was finally here! When I got to the entrance a worker asked me if he could see my recommend. A recommend? What was that? The worker explained to me what a recommend was and told me I needed to get one from my bishop. My heart sank. I would have to be content with seeing the temple from the outside.
Sunday, May 4, 1980
When I got to church it was Fast and testimony meeting. I wanted to let everyone know how blessed they were to live so close to a temple. I also said I would have loved to have gone inside. I had saved up for months and lived worthy to go inside, but no one had told me that I needed a recommend. In closing, I encouraged the members to attend the temple as often as they could.
After the meeting, the Bishop came up to me and said, “It’s a shame you have come all this way, and not be able to do baptisms. I will see if I can help you get a recommend. I was excited to think I might be able to go inside the Temple, after all. The bishop then told me to come to his house Tuesday evening. I told him I would be sure to be there.
Tuesday, May 6, 1980
Joyce brought me to the bishop’s house as planned. When I got there he said, “I have two phones here, I will be on one and you on the other and I will listen in on the interview.” Then the bishop added, “Does your bishop speak English?” I said no. Then he responded, “Oh no! That is a problem.” My heart sank once again. Then he said, “You have come this far, let’s not give up yet.” The phone seemed to ring forever and I was afraid no one was home. I had forgotten the time change and it was in the middle of the night in Denmark. When someone finally answered the phone, I was surprised to hear it was the bishop’s son. He told me he had just returned from his mission to England. When I told the American bishop who answered the phone he said, “Perfect he can translate for us.”Soon all four of us were on the phone – my bishop giving me an interview and his son translating for the American bishop. I was grateful to the American Bishop for taking the time to help me get my recommend.
Wednesday, May 7, 1980
I have only been here a few days and my cousin has introduced me to a lot of relatives. All the relatives are so kind and have told me I am welcome to come and stay with them while I am here. This trip is turning out even better than I could ever have imagined!
Friday, May 23, 1980
One of the missionaries named Karl, who helped baptize Mom’s new boyfriend, has just returned from his mission. He knew I would be in Utah so he has asked that I come spend this weekend with him and his family. While I was visiting, he congratulated me on my mom’s marriage. What! Mom got married while I have been gone? I thought she was going to wait and get married in the Temple. I was sure there must have been a mistake. Mom would have written this to me if it were true. Surely I wasn’t the last one to know of this news! Karl could tell I took it hard, so he apologized that I should find out this way, but he was pretty sure that’s what happened while he was still in Denmark.
I had been living a dream while I was here, and now I was brought back to reality. I was worried about how Elisabeth was doing. Elisabeth is now about the same age as I was when Mom brought Sander and me to Canada. I hoped that this wasn’t going to be as hard on her as it had been for me.
Friday, June 6, 1980
I am now staying with my Aunt Jytte and her family. Her husband, Mike, said to me today, “Since you love it here so much, you can live at our house as long as you like until you get your passport in order and find a place of your own.” Jytte and her boys were excited about the idea, too. Yes, I would love it here! I thought about Elisabeth and was still worried about her, so I thanked Mike for the offer and told him I would have to think about it.
While I have been staying with Aunt Jytte, I finally got to do baptisms for the dead. Now I am looking even more forward to someday marrying in the Salt Lake Temple.
Saturday, June 14, 1980
I have more family here than I could ever have imagined. I have been invited to come stay at their place. I told my relatives that I would love to stay with them but it was time for me to go back.
My plane ticket was for Seattle airport since this was the cheapest way to fly. I was going to take a bus to Seattle. Sander had called me to see how I was doing because he wanted to come down and get me and have me stay a couple of weeks at his place again. I told him I couldn’t and that I needed to get back to Denmark. Sander started to cry and said he was sorry for treating me like he had. To prove to me he was sorry, he said that he would take me anywhere if I came back for just a couple of weeks. I believed him, so I agreed to his plan.
Sander drove down here. He has made up with his girlfriend, so she and her brother, Detlef, come along, too.
Sunday, June 15, 1980
My cousins have all told me about Lagoon and they want to take me there. There has been so much to do while we have been together and we ran out of time. After we went to Church with my cousin, Colleen, she told me that since today was my last day here, she and her siblings all wanted to take me to Lagoon. I had looked forward to it, but I didn’t want to go since today is Sunday. My cousins said, “It’s okay. The Lord will understand if you go on Sunday because it’s your last day here.” I felt pressured. All my cousins had gathered together so that we could go. I said a silent prayer for the Lord to help me stay strong. I felt a peace come over me and I was able to respond, “Tell you what! You guys let me tend your kids while you go and I am sure the Lord will bless me. One day I will come back and I will see Lagoon and it will be a very special day! You will see!” Just as I had said that, I felt that it was going to come to pass. The feeling was so strong that it made me wonder when and how I would one day see Lagoon.
While everyone was gone, I had a fun a time with their little kids. It made me sad to think that today was my last day with these cute little ones. I am going to miss everyone!
When everyone got back from Lagoon, it was late evening and time for Sander, Detlef, Yvonne, and me to go back to Canada. Neither my relatives nor I could believe how fast these past few weeks have gone by. My cousin, Colleen, asked me to come back again real soon and told me I was welcome to come stay as long as I liked. It was hard to say goodbye and a lot of us cried. When it was time for me to get in the car, Sander said, “You got everything because once we get on the road there is no turning back. I got in the car and Sander turned on the engine. I was leaving and there was no turning back!
As we drove off, I was still crying. Then Sander said, “What, you miss them already?” I answered a weak, “No.” Detlef said, “Sander leave her alone!” When we got on the freeway, I was tired but I did not want to go to sleep. I looked out the back window, I wanted to see every last bit of Utah while I still could. Detlef was sitting beside me, Then he said, “It’s tough leaving, isn’t it?” I answered, “Yes.” As we left the city, it looked so beautiful with all the lights. I could see the Temple standing there shining in the middle. I thought to myself I will be back. This is where I will find my husband, this is where I belong. Someday I will live here!
Monday, June 16, 1980
When we got back to Canada, Sander told me he had a new job and I couldn’t come with him to work. When Sander got off his job, he took off with his girlfriend. I was disappointed because I had only come back to Canada since Sander had asked me to. But now that he and his girlfriend have made up he doesn’t need me here. My ticket was made out for two weeks so I am stuck here until then.
While I had been in Utah, Detlef moved in with Sanders and is his roommate. When Detlef got home from work, he said, “Now that you will be staying here you can have my room and I will sleep on the sofa.” I thought that was so nice of him. Detlef could tell I was disappointed that Sander had left, so he said, “I will order us some food.” We ate while we watched T.V. together.
Sunday, June 29, 1980
It’s time to go back to Denmark. I was getting bored staying in Sander’s apartment during the day while he was at work. When he got home from work he would take off with his girlfriend. I was glad Detlef was there because when he got home from work he would take me out to eat or to go see a movie. When I got my suitcase and said bye to Detlef, I was surprised to see he was crying. He told me he would miss me and hoped to see me again. I thanked him for taking such good care of me while I was here.
When Sander and I got to the airport and were waiting for me to board the plane, Sander told me how lucky I was not to have been left behind in Canada. I assured him that being brought to Denmark was no picnic either. But Sander didn’t seem so sure of it. He wanted to know why the Church had become so important to me. I told him that my life didn’t make any sense. But the gospel did and it has given me hope for a brighter future.
When I checked in at the airport the lady at the counter told me that I wouldn’t be able to board the plane since my visa had expired and that I would have to go back to Denmark through America. I was so confused. When I had made all my plans from Denmark for my trip I had made sure all my papers were in order. Originally I had planned to go from America to Denmark and had only come back because Sander said that he needed me here with him. I started to panic. How was I to get back to Denmark? Would I have to fly to America first? My ticket to Denmark was made out of Seattle. If I went back to America would I have to buy another ticket?
Sander started yelling at me. He cussed and called me all kinds of names and told me how stupid I was. Sander got himself more and more worked up. If we had been alone I was sure he would start to hit me. He was getting so irate that I thought he was going to start hitting me right then and there.
I started to cry. I told the lady to excuse me because I had to hurry and go to the bathroom, or else I would pee my pants. I have never gotten so scared before to the point I couldn’t control my bladder. I felt so lost and helpless.
The lady at the counter must have been able to tell I was in danger. When I got back from the bathroom she said, I fixed it. You can leave from this airport after all. Then she smiled at me as if she was trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay.
When it was time to board the plane, I was glad to leave Sander. I was not looking forward to seeing Mom or her new husband again, but I missed Elisabeth and I was eager to see her and find out how she was doing.
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