Sunday, October 19, 1980
This morning Mom and I met up with Bent Ramsdahl and Elisabeth because we had to unload the truck. Bent has a cousin here in Skive that owns a huge warehouse and that’s where we will be storing our stuff until mom finds a place we can live. When we were done, his cousin and family invited us to have lunch with them. When we had eaten, we went to Bent’s house. The first thing Elisabeth did was to run over and play at her friend’s house.
Inge and Sven came over. They are a couple from our branch. They asked Mom if she would step outside so that they could talk to her.
Inge and Sven told Mom that Bent Matteson was at their house all shaken up. They said that he had gone over to the house to visit Mom at 12:10 p.m. We were done loading up the truck and were out of there at 12:00 noon. That meant he had missed us by 10 minutes. I felt blessed that we had managed to be out of there before he had come over.
Inge and Sven also told Mom that Bent Matteson had driven his car all the way here to Skive and showed up for church this morning hoping we would be there. Since we had not shown up, he had asked Inge and Sven where they thought that we might be and that’s why they had come to Bent Ramsdahl’s place. Then they asked Mom to come with them to their house so that she could talk to Bent Matteson because he was all in tears.
While I was waiting for Mom to come back, I helped Bent Ramsdahl with his dishes and then I showed him some pictures I had taken while we had been gone.
When Mom came back, she said that Bent Matteson had promised her to get a blessing for his temper. He has asked Mom if they could please make their marriage work. Mom had told him that she couldn’t afford the house, so they are putting it up for sale and then they are going to take it from there.
Later Mom, Elisabeth, and I went back to Grandma’s place. In the middle of the night, Bent Matteson called to talk to Mom again. He seems desperate to make this marriage work. I think it’s because he realizes that mom wants a divorce and he will not be able to live off of her and he will have to find a job so that he can support himself.
Monday, October 20, 1980
I went with Mom so that we could find an apartment for both of us. Mom has been so uptight today and yells at me for everything. She told me it was my fault that her marriage had not worked out. I can’t wait to find my own place to live. Maybe then I won’t have to be a part of this mess anymore. Mom has no reason to blame for for what has happend or to take her anger out on me and yell at me the way she does.
Mom is not able to set up her typesetting machine because it makes too much noise in Grandma’s apartment. Mom asked Bent Ramsdahl if she could set up her machine at his house and then she would pay rent for letting her have it there. Bent was more than happy to have her set up her business at his house.
When we got back to Grandma’s place, Mom told Grandma that we were living at her place. Grandma was relieved to know that we are back and told Mom we were welcome to stay for as long as we needed to.
Tuesday, October 21, 1980
I have been looking for a job so that I can afford to live on my own, but it doesn’t look like anything is available so I signed up for Welfare. It was something I don’t want to do, but I didn’t have a choice if I am to live on my own.
From there, Mom and I went to the bank because Mom wanted to close her account since Bent Matteson is still on it. When we got to the bank, the man at the counter told Mom that her husband had, not only drained her account, but he had also taken out the maximum loan he could get. She was also told that her first payment was due November 1. Mom said that she has been moving and, therefore she was not able to come up with the payment they were expecting. Mom was told that they would have to take her car if she was not able to come up with the money. It looked like Mom’s life had been turned upside down and she started to cry. You could tell the man at the counter felt bad, but he was only doing his job.
Thursday, October 30, 1980
I have put an ad in the paper saying that I needed a room to rent. About 15 people have responded. I spent the whole day looking for a place to live. I picked the place that is closest to town. I am excited to finally have a place of my own.
I called my dad to tell him my new address. He was disappointed to hear I had moved back to Skive. He asked me why I had not called to let him know sooner. I told him it all happened so fast, and besides I didn’t think he cared. Dad quickly answered, “Of course, I care Søs! you are my only daughter!” I was surprised to hear his quick response. It was good to talk to Dad again.
Sunday, November 2, 1980
The bishop called me into his office. He could tell this marriage has been hard on me. He told me it was important that I move out on my own. Then he gave me 1500 kr. of his own money to help me buy things like pots and pans and whatever else I might need. I told him I would pay him back a little at a time. He said if I felt the need to pay it back to do it with my tithing. Over the next short while, I was able to pay back the money the bishop had given to me.
Monday, November 3- November 14, 1980
I have moved into my new place. I have painted it, and I have even talked Bent Ramdahl into coming to help me wallpaper. He complained the whole time, but he did it. My new place is so cozy. I wish I had been able to do this so much sooner. But at least I finally have a place I can call home!
Elisabeth has come over to spend the night. When we had eaten dinner and got ready to go to bed, Mom came. She said she had changed her mind about letting her stay. I don’t understand why Elisabeth couldn’t have spent the night. Elisabeth cried, but Mom didn’t care. I felt bad for Elisabeth, but I am glad I am away from Mom.
Wednesday, November 19, 1980
Elisabeth came over this evening to visit with me. While she was here, Bent Ramsdahl came over. He was very down because Mom has not been at his place to work on her machine. I didn’t want to tell him that Bent Matteson was back in town and that he was staying at Grandma’s with Mom because they are trying to work things out.
I don’t want to get involved in this mess so I said, “I haven’t seen Mom these past few days, either.” Then Bent Ramsdahl asked me what I thought about us all moving back to Canada. My stomach turned. I couldn’t imagine ever moving back there again. I quickly answered that I liked Skive and this was my home now. When Bent Ramsdahl left, he was still really down.
Monday, December 1, 1980
I have been applying for jobs and, so far, I have had no luck. This afternoon after I ate some nuts my stomach was in so much pain and I threw up blood. I don’t have a phone so I said a prayer that when I went down to the street I would see the missionaries. I laid down for a little bit, and then I went outside. Just then the Elders came walking down the street. I asked them if they could call a doctor and have him come to my place. The missionaries said they had a strong impression to come walking down this way, and now they knew why.
When the doctor came he pushed on my stomach. He said, “It looks like you have an ulcer. For now, stay in bed and take it easy until you can see a regular doctor.”
I can’t believe I have an ulcer. I have been wondering why my stomach has been hurting. I am happy with my life now but I guess mom’s last marriage has taken a toll on me. I don’t want to deal with this pain. I sure hope I will get better soon.
Tuesday, December 2, 1980
The missionaries told Grandma that I was sick, so she stopped by with a lot of groceries for me. I was sure grateful since I was still in a lot of pain and I couldn’t go to the store myself.
Thursday, December 4, 1980
I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it up I was surprised to see Mom and Elisabeth standing there. They were both crying. I told them to come in. Mom said she had just stopped by to tell me that they were on their way to Copenhagen. Bent Matteson was waiting for them in his car outside. I asked Mom what had happened. Mom said that Grandma had kicked them out because Bent Matteson and Grandma had gotten into a verbal fight and then Bent Matteson had hit Grandma and broken her glasses and her hearing aid. Then Mom and Elisabeth left with him. I don’t know where they were going, I didn’t think to ask.
I felt bad for Grandma. How could Bent Matteson have hit her and why in the world would mom go with him after that? I wished I had asked Mom if Elisabeth could stay with me, but it all happened so fast. Besides Mom most likely wouldn’t have allowed Elisabeth to stay with me. I feel terrible that Elisabeth has to be a part of this mess.
Sunday, December 7, 1980
Grandma came to my place because she was worried that I had not come to church today. I told her I was still in a lot of pain. Since Bent Matteson had broken Grandma’s hearing aid she could not hear a word I was saying. I finally gave up talking to Grandma and just listened to what she was saying. She told me all about the fight she and Bent Matteson had. I wish I could have talked to Grandma, but I was glad I was able to listen.
Later in the day, I threw up some more blood. I went downstairs to ask the landlady if she could call a doctor for me. When the doctor came, he gave me some pills and told me that if these pills didn’t make me better, then he would admit me to the hospital.
Monday, December 8, 1980
Mom came to my place to tell me that they were back in town because there is an apartment available for them to move into. Mom told me that Elisabeth had a program at school tonight and asked me to come. I told her I would come if I was up to it.
I missed Elisabeth and wondered how she was doing, so I went. When I saw Elisabeth, she looked so sad. I asked her what was wrong. She said, “If I talk about it, I will cry.” I hugged her and said, “Yeah, I know.” Then Elisabeth added, “I don’t understand why it has to be like this.” I agreed with her.
When Elisabeth’s Christmas program was over, Mom told me to come over tomorrow to help them move into their new apartment. I told Mom that I had an culcer. I had been throwing up blood and therefor the doctor has asked me to take it easy, but that didn’t seem to faze Mom, she still insisted I was to help. I didn’t respond. I know Mom will be fine without me. Bent Matteson will just have to get off his butt and help her.
Wednesday, December 10, 1980
Mom came over, she was really upset. She said that she and Bent Matteson have been fighting all morning and she was afraid that he was going to start hitting her.
A few months ago I asked Mom if she would like to move to America. Since Mom had been fighting with Bent Matteson, she brought up our conversation about moving to America.
Saturday, December 20, 1980
Bent Matteson packed his things and moved out of Mom’s apartment. I asked Mom what happened. Mom told me that Bent had said that he was going to night school and when she checked it out, he wasn’t enrolled. When she confronted him, his explanation didn’t make sense.
Friday, January 9, 1981
When I went over to Mom’s place today, Bent Matteson was there. There were presents on the table for Mom and Elisabeth. The presents were all very expensive things. I guess Mom could see the look of disbelief on my face. When Bent went into the bathroom, Mom told me I needed to be nice to Bent. I have always been polite to him, but mostly I keep to myself. Mom wanted me to invite him over to my place for dinner. I wanted to ask Mom what planet she was living on, but instead, I said, “I better get going.” On the way out the door, Mom told me I was jealous because Bent had bought presents for her and Elisabeth and nothing for me. I will never understand Mom’s way of thinking!
I worry about Elisabeth having to be in this mess. I prayed that Mom would see Bent for who he is so that she could be rid of him once and for all.
Saturday, February 5, 1981
The mailman always brings Mom her work. Since Mom does all her business through the mail, all the people at the post office know who she is. This morning the mailman brought a large package for Mom. He said that Bent Matteson had a P.O. Box at the post office and it was getting pretty full so he thought he would be nice and bring his mail to mom’s place. When the mailman left, Mom opened up the package to see what all this mail was for Bent. It turned out he had an ad in the paper and a lot of women had responded. It was clear that some of these ladies who were corresponding with Bent had been having an affair with him and was wondering when they were going to see him again. Mom was livid when she found out! Bent had told mom that he had been looking for a job when he was out of town. Instead of looking for a job, he had been seeing women all over Denmark. It was finally clear to Mom that she needed to end this marriage once and for all.
Sunday, February 6, 1981
I got a job a few weeks ago at the cafeteria where I used to work. I work as a cashier and help make the food. I used to like working there, but not anymore. I don’t unstand why I have so much anxirty.
At time I didn’t know that I had CPTSD from everthing I had gone threw these past 6 months.
My life seemed to be going nowhere. When I saw Mom today, I told her I have been thinking about moving to Utah. Mom said, “Sounds like a good idea. I want to come, too. Tomorrow we should look into how we can make it happen.” I sure hope that somehow, some way it can come to pass.
Tuesday, June 16, 1981
I received a letter a few months ago saying I got excepted into a school where I will learn how to cut hair. 400 hundred people have applied to this school and only 83 people got accepted. I am one of these 83. The government is paying for my schooling. Part of me was excited about it, but what was going to happen to my plans of moving to Utah? I will be done with the school right before I turn 21 and then I had planned on going on a mission. The school is starting at the end of this month. I realised I could just move to Utah after I had completed school and then go on a mission.
Monday, June 29, 1981
I am so torn. I have been thinking a lot about going to school and how that will all work out. I don’t have a way of supporting myself while I go to school full-time. I talked it over with Mom to see what my options are. Mom was more than happy to have me move back in with her and do her chores. I knew I could not move back with mom or my mental health would get worse, so I made the heart-wrenching decision to drop school and continue working full-time so that I can keep saving up money to move to Utah and then go on a mission.
Elisabeth and I outside my apartment in Skive
Sunday, August 9, 1981
When we got out of church today, Mom couldn’t find her car. I had walked to church so I didn’t know where she might have parked it. I thought, how could a car just disappear? Mom must have forgotten where she had parked it. Mom kept insisting that she had parked it right in front of the church. Mom started to cry. Then one of the members said, “Look! There is a note under that rock.” It was written by Bent Matteson. It said he had taken the car. If mom wanted it back she would have to give him 1600 kroner. It also said that if mom was thinking about makings his life hell, he would know tricks to make her life even worse and not to mess with him.
Mom stood there crying, and all the members stood looking at Mom in disbelief. There were two missionaries here from Copenhagen. Since they are assistants to the Mission President, they have a car. They offered to take Mom to the police station so that she could report her car stolen.
When they got to the police station, the police told Mom that even though the car is in her name, it couldn’t be considered stolen because she and Bent are still married. Therefore there was nothing they could do about it.
Mom had invited the two missionaries visiting from Copenhagen and the four missionaries from here to come over for dinner. Grandma and I were also invited to come eat with them. While we were eating dinner, Mom was still very upset about her car. This time Mom took it out on Grandma. It was extremely uncomfortable sitting at the dinner table. What happened to Mom was bad, but taking it out on Grandma was not going to make it any better! The Elders tried to make casual conversation at the dinner table, but it was still awkward.
Friday, August 21, 1981
A few days ago, I took Elisabeth to the fair that was in town. While we were there, I saw three teenagers that are members of our ward. They are all inactive. It’s hard being a member here in Denmark when there is not much support from the friends around you. You have to be strong and not be afraid to stand out.
I have decided that when I have a family of my own, this is not where I want to raise them. I have put an ad in the paper and I am going to sell all my belongings. I feel strongly that now is the time to prepare to leave or it will never happen.
Tuesday, September 1, 1981
Sander called Mom collect to give her a sob story that he needed 1500 kroner. With the messy divorce that mom is going through she didn’t have that kind of money to give to him.
Mom called Bent Ramsdahl to see if he could lend Sander the money. To Mom’s surprise, Bent Ramsdahl’s phone had been disconnected. Then Mom called one of Bent’s close friends to ask her if she knew what was going on with Bent. She told Mom that Bent had sold the house, along with all the land, and moved back to Canada 14 days ago.
When Elisabeth heard this, she cried. She was hurt that her dad had not told her this himself. She never got to say bye to him before he left. I could maybe understand that he never told Mom or me, but I thought it was heartless that he never called or came by to tell Elisabeth, who is his only child.
Mom could not believe this news, especially since he supposedly loved the house so much. When I stopped by Mom’s place and she told me what happened, she told me she still had a key to Bent’s house. Mom gave me the key and asked if I would go over to Bent’s house and have a look around.
I went over to the house. When I got there I went in the back so that the neighbors wouldn’t see me. I was scared! The house has always seemed haunted to me. The back way is not very well lit because of all the trees nearby. As I walked through the back door I walked right into a cobweb and got it all over my face, I did all I could not to scream. It was so creepy! As I walked up the stairs they creaked. My heart was pounding so hard. I looked in the living room. It was empty. I started to look around the house, and it looked like he had cleared out everything. I didn’t go upstairs or in the basement because it was creepy enough to walk around on the main level. It was clear that Bent was gone so I ran out of the house as fast as I could and locked the door behind me.
It was nice to be back outside in the fresh air again. That house has such a strange smell of mold to it. I looked at the garden. This was the only place that once was so peaceful to me. But even that seemed haunted. I hurried back to Mom’s place so I could tell her that I was sure that Bent was gone.
Friday, September 4, 1981
Sander had called Mom to tell her that Bent was not in Canada. Mom wants Bent to pay child support, so she wanted to see if she could find him. Mom asked me if I would go with her to Bent’s house because she wanted to see if there was any mail or if he had it forwarded. When we got inside the house we could see there was lots of mail that had come through the door. It was mostly bills. Bent had left no forwarding address and it was apparent he had taken off from all his bills.
When we got back outside, I noticed that Mom had left the light on. We had to go back and turn it off so that no one would know that we had been there. Once we got back inside, I saw through the window that three older women were coming towards the house. Mom hurried and locked the door, then we stayed out of sight and waited until they left again.
While we were waiting we could hear them talking. They were Bent’s relatives. They had come to visit Bent. I guess they didn’t know he was gone. They walked around the outside of the house and checked all the windows and all the doors. They walked around both the front and the back of the house. These three ladies were in no hurry to leave. Mom and I were beginning to wonder if we would ever get out of the house without being noticed. The ladies finally left one and a half hours later.
When we got back, Mom made a lot of phone calls because she was determined to find out where Bent was. It looked like he had sold the house for cash and left the country without paying taxes on it. Mom was not able to find out where Bent had disappeared to.
Later in the evening, Bent’s cousin and her husband came by mom’s place. They had brought a huge box for Elisabeth. They said that Bent had given it to them about a month ago and asked them if they could deliver it to Elisabeth. He had specifically asked that they wait a month before they dropped it by. Mom asked them if they knew where Bent was, but they said they didn’t know anything. Elisabeth opened the box. It was a bunch of old junk that should have been thrown away a long time ago. It might have had sentimental value to Bent. It all smelled like mold, just like the old house. Elisabeth looked like she was about to cry.
Monday, September 21, 1981
The store down the street delivered a beautiful new bike for Elisabeth since it was her birthday. It turned out Bent had ordered the bike and asked them to deliver it before he left the country. Mom told Elisabeth that the bike was from her. She told me I couldn’t tell Elisabeth the truth because it didn’t matter. Elisabeth was sad that her dad had not gotten her anything for her birhtday.
Sunday, November 15, 1981
The bishop has heard that I am preparing to move to Utah. He told me that in the old days, the members were asked to move to Utah. But now the Prophets encourage the members to stay where they are at. I told the bishop I knew that, but I also felt that this is not where I am meant to live. Then the bishop said that he has seen a lot of youth try to move to America, only to end up back in Denmark again because it’s not as easy to immigrate to America as it once was. . Then he told me it was my duty to stay in Skive and build up Zion. He said, if I didn’t stay there would come a day when they would have to close this branch down. I told the Bishop I don’t belong here and that I had to try or I would forever regret it. The Bishop could see I was determined. Then he said that he would miss me and wished me the best of luck in my journey.
Sunday, December 21, 1981
It was extremely cold today. The bishop didn’t have enough time to warm up the building before the meetings were to start. The Bishop was going to call off church. Mom thought it was a shame since a lot of members had come from so far away. Mom said that we could have church at her place.
We were about 36 people altogether. We had all the meetings at Mom’s place. We even had The bread and water. I thought it was kind of cozy to have church this way. Mom was uptight the whole time. I don’t know why she told the bishop that church could be held at her place when she was going to act the way she did. But other than that, all the meetings went well.
Thursday, December 31, 1981
Today is the last day of the year. I am still planning to move away from here. I don’t know how it will happen, I just know it will. I have held a yard sale and sold most of my belongings. I have also got a passport for Elisabeth and got mine up-to-date. I hope that Mom will get hers updated too.
I feel bad about leaving Grandma behind. Grandma says that if we get established in America, then she would sell her stuff and come live with us.
Mom says that we can’t move, because it would be impossible for her to sell her business and her apartment. I have been fasting and praying that it will come to pass. I believe in miracles. I have faith that somehow, someway we will move to America next year.
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