Monday, September 6, 1982
Dave called to invite Mom, Elisabeth, and me over for dinner. Since we don’t have a car, he came and picked us up. When he got to our place, he told me that he was going to invite me to go roller-skating with him that night I left with Jeff, then he asked me if we could go out this week instead. I can’t go this week because Mom said I have to go with a lawyer to Utah to fill out some papers so that we can stay in the country. Mom was going to go, but she said she didn’t want to go and is making me go instead. I don’t mind because then I can see my family again while I am there. Dave said we could just go out when I get back.
Tuesday, September 7, 1982
Jeff had promised me that he was going to call me this evening, but he never did. I had looked forward to it! I wish he wouldn’t say he was going to call and then not do it.
Wednesday, September 8, 1982
I left this morning with the lawyer to Utah. The lawyer is a 26-year-old single, returned missionary. He is super nice and we had a fun time traveling. We went through Las Vegas where he bought me lunch. Las Vegas is very extravagant. It was an experience to remember! However, it broke my heart to see people sitting there mindlessly putting one coin after another into the slot machines.
While we traveled, the lawyer let me drive a lot of the way. Since I don’t have my driver’s license, it’s been good practice for me.
Tuesday, September 14, 1982
It’s been a wonderful week visiting with family in Utah. It was so good to see everyone again and the week went much too fast.
I’m not sure why I needed to come along on the trip, since I never filled out any papers or did anything with the lawyer but travel back and forth. But at least I got an unexpected free trip to Utah because of it.
When I got home Mom said that both Dave and Jeff had called while I was gone and had asked me to call back to let them know when I was home again. I called and talked to Dave, but I never called Jeff because he had made me wait all Tuesday in vain for his call. Even though I was dying to talk to him, I thought it would be good for Jeff to wait for my call.
Wednesday, September 15, 1982
Dave came by this morning to show me his new car that his Mom had just bought for him. Then he asked me if I would go golfing with him tonight. I don’t like golfing, but I said yes anyway because Dave is fun to be with.
As I was getting ready to go out, Jeff called to see if we could go out tonight. I told him I couldn’t. Jeff said he would call during the week so we could make plans.
This evening while I was with Dave, he told me he had missed me while I was gone. Then he said he would always be there for me if I ever needed someone to talk to. I wanted to hug him and tell him thanks, but I didn’t want it to be taken the wrong way. Instead, I just smiled and thanked him for his kindness. Dave truly is a sincere friend and I thought whoever marries him is one lucky girl.
Saturday, September 18, 1982
Jace’s mom called to invite me over for dinner. I thought it was nice of her so I accepted the invitation. When we had eaten dinner and it was starting to get late Jace drove me home. This evening, Jace and I never said much to each other. I thought it was strange we had been so close and now it seems there is nothing to talk about.
When I got home and was about to go to bed, Jeff called and wanted to know if I would go see a movie with him. I responded, “What? This late?” Jeff said it will be fun, so I went. We did have a fun evening togetherlly like Jeff a lot and I wonder if he feels the same way about me.
Saturday, September 25, 1982
The big day! Mom and Ed got married in the temple today. While they were getting sealed, Elisabeth and I were brought into a room where we were asked to get dressed in white. As we were waiting to get sealed to them, my heart felt very heavy. I didn’t mind getting sealed to Ed, but I did not want to get sealed to Mom. I know if I was to say something Mom will get upset. I felt so trapped!
As we were waiting a Temple worker asked me to go with her because the Temple president wanted to talk to me. I sat across from him in his office, and then he asked me, “Do you fully understand what it means to get sealed to Ed Law? Do you realize this means you will be sealed to him forever?” I said yes. I was crying hard because I wanted so desperately to tell him that I didn’t mind getting sealed to Ed, it was my mom I didn’t want to get sealed to! But I never said anything. I just sat there and cried. The Temple president asked me why I was crying so hard. I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t know how. Or if he would even begin to understand what it was like having my mom for a mother. I wanted to tell him that it was hard enough to live with her here on earth and I couldn’t imagine having to spend all Eternity with her. But I never said anything for fear of what might happen if I did. Then he asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with this. I nodded my head yes. I just wanted to get it over with. I know the Lord is a merciful God and I hoped that he can help me straighten it all out on the other side.
When the Temple worker came to get me she could see I was crying. She put her arms around me and then she brought me to the room where I was to wait with Elisabeth. Elisabeth wanted to know why I was crying so hard. Elisabeth loves our mom and she has not been as hard on her as she has been on me. I knew Elisabeth would not understand if I were to tell her. So I told her everything would be okay.
After Elisabeth and I had waited for an hour and a half we were brought into the sealing room and were sealed to Mom and Ed.
Later, there was a reception held for them by some of the members of our ward. It was very nice. Dave had been in the Temple as was one of the witnesses, he was also at the reception and we had a good time together. When the reception was over, Ed and Mom went on their honeymoon, while Elisabeth stayed behind with me. We are staying in the apartment which is mine now. Ed has helped me fill out some papers and it looks like I will be allowed to work soon and then I will be able to support myself.
I am grateful that Ed has invited me to come to live with them, but I am even more grateful to be on my own so that I won’t have to be so involved in Mom’s life anymore. This way if she gets in a fight with Ed she can’t take it out on me. Or blame me for it, like she has done in the past when she was married to Bent Matteson.
Friday, October 1, 1982
Dave and his family know I am trying to find a job so that I can afford to live on my own. This whole week I have been at Dave’s house helping his Mom Lisa with whatever chores she needed to get done and then she paid me.
While I was at his place, Dave was there because he doesn’t have a job. He is waiting for school to start in January. Then he will be leaving for B.Y.U. Hawaii and live with his Dad while he goes to school there. I like working for his mom and helping out. I will miss Dave once he leaves.
I am not working for Lisa today because Dave went to Salt Lake City with a friend to a Missionary reunion and then he is going to watch Conference live. I noticed that his mom only has me come over whenever Dave is there. I guess I should take that as a compliment. I like Dave, but only as a really good friend.
I got my social security card. I looked in the paper to see if I could find a job. Since I don’t have any skills, there is not much available to me. I just hope I will find something soon!
Saturday, October 2, 1982
I went into town and walked from store to store and picked up applications. Then I went over to Ed’s place and had Mom help me fill them out. It looks like it will be limited what I can get, and how much money I can make. I wish I was smarter and had more confidence in myself.
When we were done filling out papers, Mom invited me to eat dinner with them. I’m sure grateful since my fridge is pretty much empty.
Monday, October 4, 1982
When I got home from working for Dave’s mom, Robbie called me. He wanted to know if I would help him with the dishes. When I got there I had some leftover dinner, and then he and I did the dishes. Right when I think I have nothing to eat, something always works out for me.
Thursday, October 7, 1982
I have worked again for Lisa this whole week. She is running out of things for me to do, so she told me I could have tomorrow off. This will give me some time so I can go look for a more stable job.
Jeff called me yesterday to see if we could do something tonight. I have been looking forward to it all day. As soon as I got home I hurried and changed my clothes, curled my hair, and cleaned the apartment inside out.
Jeff never came over. He didn’t even call to tell me that he couldn’t make it. I was so disappointed! Oh well, at least my apartment is sparkling clean.
Friday, October 8, 1982
I got my bike and went and returned all the applications that I had filled out last week. Most places said they are not hiring right now and to try back later. It seemed so hopeless to find a job. I was getting discouraged. I went over and visited with Mom and Elisabeth. Mom could tell I was worried. She told me that if I can’t afford next month’s rent, Ed has offered to would help me with it. Hopefully, by next month I will have a job so I can pay for it myself.
There is a member named Don who comes by every day with a little bit of food. And Joanne, the next-door neighbor, is always checking in on me and bringing me food that she has made. I’m truly blessed!
I still had one more application to hand out, I thought I might as well forget about handing this one back, but since I am passing by the restaurant on my way back I thought I might as well stop and hand it in.
When I got there, I saw the boss was giving a boy an interview for a job, and then a girl came in and she, too, had an interview, I thought they must have an opening here so I stayed and asked the boss if I could have an interview too. After the interview, the boss asked me to call him back on Monday to tell him if I still wanted the job. I was so happy when I left the restaurant I hurried over to Mom’s place to tell her and Ed the good news. With the money Lisa has been paying me and now this job it looks like I will be able to afford to live on my own.
Sunday, October 10, 1982
At church today, Jace came and sat by me. After the meeting was over Jace asked me if I was still going out with Jeff. I told Jace that I wasn’t seeing Jeff anymore because he had stood me up last week. Jace looked relieved and he said, “Darn, I wanted to take you to the fireside tonight but I didn’t think you could go with me. I already have an appointment to go out with the missionaries.” I told Jace that was okay and that we could just go out another time.
Valerie said she and a few other people were going to the fireside and she would pick me up on the way. The fireside started at 7:00 p.m. and since we got there right after it had started all the lights were turned off and it was hard to find a seat.
When the fireside was over and the lights were turned back on, I was surprised to see Jeff sitting there with his girlfriend Rose almost right in front of me. Jeff stood up and turned around. When he saw me, it was as if he got an electric shock. Jeff hurried and turned around as if he had not seen me. Then Rose stood up and turned around. She, too, saw me. It was obvious that she didn’t have any idea that Jeff and I have been dating. Rose came walking towards me then she put her arms around me and said “Hi, I haven’t seen you for so long!” Everyone around us except Rose knew the situation between Jeff and me. All eyes were glued on us. Poor Rose had no idea what was going on. I decided to play along and I said, “Yes, Rose it has been a long time. So how come Jeff doesn’t bring you to our ward anymore?” Of course, I knew it had been because of me. But I was curious as to what Rose’s answer was going to be. Rose responded, “Yes, Jeff says he has had car troubles and that’s why he hasn’t been able to bring me.” I answered, “Oh, that’s why.” Then I looked over at Jeff. He was staring at the ground with his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Rose and I talked for a while. She told me that she was having some trouble at home so she was living with her bishop and his family until she could find a place of her own.
After we had talked for a little while I talked to some other people who were at the fireside. Then I could see that Jeff had left Rose and then he came over to talk to me. I thought to myself this ought to be interesting to find out what he was going to say. Jeff seemed very sure of himself, then he asked, “So, you still want me to bring my TV over?” His question had caught me off guard, so I answered, “I don’t know.” Then he said, “What do you mean you don’t know? Either you want the TV or not!” I quickly responded with a very firm, “No, I don’t think so!” Jeff wasn’t going to let it go, he insisted that his TV was all unplugged and ready to come to my place. I then told Jeff as plainly as I could, “No!” Jeff started to back up and said, “I’ll talk to you later.” I responded “Yea,” and then I looked away.
It was all clear to me now! That was why he never took me out to see a movie unless it was late, and that is why he never came over or called me. He is still seeing Rose. I felt bad for her because you can tell she seems to care a lot for him. I’m sad that it had to turn out this way, but I am glad I found out before I got too involved in this mess.
When I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about Rose saying that she needed a place to live. I could have her move in with me and we could split the rent. This would be a perfect solution for both of us.
Monday, October 11, 1982
While I was working for Lisa today, Dave told me that he has been thinking about calling me all weekend to ask me out. He said when he had finally built up the courage to call me on Saturday, his friend came over. Then he asked me if I would like to come to his ward or if he could come to my ward one of these Sundays. I told him that would be fine and that I would like forward to it.
When I got home I called up the restaurant to see when they would want me to start working for them. They told me to come in for a second interview on Thursday.
I called up Jeff to ask him for Rose’s phone number. At first, Jeff seemed happy that I had called him, but when he found out I had only called to get Rose’s phone number he wouldn’t give it to me. He thought I was going to cause trouble. I assured him that was not my intent, but he didn’t believe me. Jeff said he was sorry about what has happened and about the way he has treated me. I told him it was okay. Jeff did all he could to keep me on the phone, but I had not called to talk to him. I only wanted Rose’s phone number. Since Jeff was not going to give it to me I hurried and got off the phone. Now, I have to see if I can figure out another way to get a hold of her.
Tuesday, October 12, 1982
When I got home from working for Linda today I went over to Mom’s place to visit for a little bit. While I was there I saw a list of chores lying on the table. It was written out to Elisabeth and Robbie and next to each chores was the amount that mom was going to pay if they did the chores. Mom saw me looking at the list, she said, “I don’t care who does these chores, so if you are willing to do them, I will pay you the amount it says.” I got the list done in no time. I had earned $6.25. Not bad, especially since I need all the money I can get right now.
When I got home I made a few phone calls to see if I could find Rose. I knew her bishop’s name so I was able to look it up in the phone book and that’s how I was able to find her. Rose seemed very excited about moving in with me. She told me she has a job and will be able to pay half the rent. Rose is going to make arrangements and then she will be moving in with me as soon as she can.
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