Saturday, January 22, 1983
I slept over at Ed’s and Mom’s place last night. I’m here a lot because I have been painting the kitchen and Elisabeth’s furniture. Elisabeth’s room is starting to look cute!
When I got up, Robbie was happy to see I was awake because he wanted to make me French toast. At first, I told him I didn’t want any, because I was worried about my weight, especially after what Lisa said about it. But he wouldn’t hear of it and insisted I had some. He is such a cute kid! When I had eaten, I helped Elisabeth clean her room.
When I got back to my place, the first thing I did was to look for mail, but there was nothing from Dave. It’s been over a week since I have heard from him. I know he is busy with school, but I do wish he would take time out to let me know what’s going on.
Tonight when I rode my bike to work, it was raining hard. I have never seen so much rain come down all at once. By the time I got to work, I was soaked clear through to my bra and underwear. Even my socks were wet. It was uncomfortable to work in wet clothes. It was raining just as hard when I got off work. When I got home, it was nice to be able to take a nice hot bath to try to get warm again.
Sunday, January 23, 1983
Rose was putting on the fireside tonight. I wanted to stay home and write letters to family and friends. She was sad because it didn’t look like very many people were planning to attend, so I ended up going. During the fireside, my thoughts were so far away. I wondered how Dave was doing, and how this whole mess was going to turn out.
When the fireside was over, we all ended up in the kitchen for refreshments. There is a newly-returned missionary in our ward. He asked me where I had met my fiance. I told him that he had served his mission in Denmark. Then he said, “Oh, you are one of those girls?” It made me feel bad. Jace quickly came to my defense. He said, “No, she is not one of those girls!” Then Jeff also spoke up. He added, “No, she was here in the U.S. dating us guys and enjoying herself while Dave was still on his mission. (Jeff looked at Jace and smiled since they had both dated me.) When Dave got off his mission, he was lucky to get a few dates on the nights that she was free and he was able to catch her once he did, off he left for Hawaii and he said, ‘See you, Honey. Take care of yourself and take care of all the wedding plans while I am gone.’” It sounded funny and everyone laughed.
Rose was standing quietly looking on. I was afraid she was going to figure out that I had been dating Jeff, so I said, “No, that’s not quite how it happened.” I told him I had been working for Dave’s mom and that’s how we ended up seeing a lot of each other and fell in love. Everyone wanted to know the wedding day. I felt like a fool because I didn’t have one.
When we left, I noticed that Jeff didn’t open the car door for Rose like he used to. After Rose and I were home again, Rose was down. I tried to cheer her up and told her that Jeff was not worth it and that I was sure someone else was going to come along.
Before I went to bed, I wrote Dave a letter, but I ended up throwing it away. Since I haven’t heard from him for so long I didn’t know what to write him.
Monday, January 24, 1983
While I was painting for Mom today, she told me about some of the problems she has been having with Ed and his family and that she was ready to pack up and leave. I put down the paintbrush and said, “You know, I don’t know why I am doing this. There are so many things I need to get done and this is taking up so much of my time.” I realized I was putting forth all the energy I could to try to help her make this marriage work. But she had to do her part, too.
Mom was crying hard. I sat down and talked with her for two hours. Mom ended up promising me that she was going to try harder to stay married. Then Ed called to tell Mom that I had put a note in his lunch bag. It had made him cry, so he had to go to the bathroom so that he could pull himself together again. I am glad he liked it. I had put the letter in his lunch bag because I wanted him to know that I appreciated that he was there for me.
When I got home again, there was mail from Dave. I was disappointed because it didn’t say much. It only talked about school. He also mentioned that he was getting weak and that he wanted to see other girls, but he was still staying faithful to me. Other than that, there was nothing personal about us, and still no wedding date.
This evening before I went to work at the restaurant, I took off my engagement ring. I didn’t want to wear it anymore, since I don’t feel like I am engaged. When I got off work, I went over to the Law’s to ask Ed to let the lawyer know that I didn’t think I was getting married and that we would have to fill out different papers so that I could stay in the country.
The Law’s were just finishing up Family home evening when I got there. They were talking about problems that had come up between everyone last week. Just as I was getting ready to leave, Mom told me that Ed had read the letter to the family that I had stuck in his lunch box this morning. She said while he read it to the family, he cried. I sure hope this family will be able to work things out.
Before I went to sleep, I got out the letter that Dave had sent me. Looking at his handwriting made me miss him, but I still don’t know if we are meant to be together.
Then the phone rang. I wondered who would be calling this late at night. It was Jace. He wanted to know where I had bought my journal. I told him that Rose works in a bookstore where they sell them and she would know more about it. Rose ran to the phone because she wanted to talk to him. Jace said, “No, I don’t want to talk to her. It was you I called to talk to!” He said he was worried about me and he had really called because he wanted to know how I was doing. Just then Rose grabbed the phone out of my hand and said to me, “You go to bed now. Good night! Remember you are an old married woman.” I was kind of glad that she had taken the phone. I didn’t want to talk about what was going on in my life right now. Even though I was very tired from the day, it was past midnight before I was finally able to fall asleep.
Tuesday, January 25, 1983
This morning, instead of reading my scriptures and getting my journal up-to-date, I wrote a long letter to Dave. I told him to go ahead and date other girls because I didn’t want him to feel like he was missing out on anything before we got married since he was always making it clear to me that this is how he feels. I also let him know I was having doubts about us, but for him not to worry because I was sure I will be able to work through it and that everything would be fine.
When I had written it, I went over to have Mom look over the spelling so that I could rewrite it. She was surprised at the things I had written and wanted to know if I was sure this is what I wanted to tell him. I told her that we have promised always to be honest with each other and that was how I was feeling right now. I rewrote the letter so that it wouldn’t have any spelling mistakes in it and mailed it off on my way to work.
One of the girls I work with wanted to know why I was not my cheerful self. I didn’t know what to say. Then she noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring, so she said, “Yeah, you’ve got to be sure about the man you marry because it’s a lifetime commitment.” I thought to myself, no it’s for time and all eternity! I smiled and said, “Yes. I’m not sure if we are meant to be together.” When I got back home, I put my ring back on because I didn’t want Rose or anyone else to ask any questions.
Wednesday, January 26, 1983
When I got home from work, Mom and Elisabeth came over to sleep at my place. Mom was upset because Robbie and Eddie had complained about her cooking.
Mom’s lawyer called this evening. He told me it would take longer to get my paperwork in order since I am not getting married. I told him that was fine because I wasn’t sure if I would be getting married after all.
Thursday, January 27, 1983
I have a lot of back pain because I have been working hard at mom’s place moving the fridge and stove so I can paint. I have also been doing heavy lifting at the restaurant. I wanted to call Lisa to tell her I wasn’t going to make it today, but I went because I need the money and I know Lisa is relying on me to clean her house.
When I got there, Lisa left because she took my mom out to lunch. I was glad I didn’t have to talk to her too much because I don’t know what to say to her at this point.
When I got home, there was a long sweet letter from Dave. Now I am so confused about if we should marry or not. I wish letters didn’t take so long to get back and forth and that it wasn’t so expensive for us to call each other.
I worked tonight at the restaurant. When it was closing time, I got on my bike and started to ride home just like I always did. As I crossed the street and was heading for home, a white car started to follow me. It had four guys hanging out the window yelling at me in Spanish. My heart was pounding and I rode my bike as fast as I could. I saw some lights on in a few houses and I thought about jumping off my bike and ringing the doorbell to ask for help. I kept a very strong prayer in my heart that I would come out of it alive. I heard a clear whisper that I should keep going until I got to the end of the street.
At the end of the street, there is a little hill with a railroad crossing. Usually, when I get there, I have to carry my bike across. The feeling was so strong that it made me wonder if it meant that I was going to be able to ride fast enough to get away from the white car.
When I got to the end of the street by the railroad crossing, the car had me cornered. I felt like a mouse that had just been trapped. The four guys got out of the car. They looked at me and laughed because they knew I could not get away. One guy had a bottle of alcohol in his hand. They passed the bottle around to each other and proceeded to drink. The second man had a knife that he was waving toward me while he was laughing. The third man had a rope that he was getting ready to use on me. The fourth man had handcuffs. I stood there and watched while they were drinking, laughing, and talking in Spanish as if to plan out what they were going to do to me. I thought about throwing my bike and running as fast as I could up the hill to see if I could get across the railroad while hoping they would not be able to catch up.
The whole time I felt like I was not alone. It was so strong that I turned to see if anyone was standing beside me. I heard another clear whisper to hold on to my bike handles and just stay put. The whisper had me so convinced that everything was going to be okay. I looked into the sky to see if Heavenly Father’s hands would pick me up and carry me away because this was the only way I could think I would get out of it alive. When I saw there was nothing in heaven, I thought maybe the person beside me was here to take me back to heaven when it was all over. It was here to help comfort me through this ordeal.
I wondered if they were going to mutilate my body so badly that Mom would not be able to identify my body once it was found. I felt sorry for whoever would find me. I had so many thoughts and feelings run through me. I felt like if I had to die then I was ready and I had no regrets, except that I would never know what it was like to be a mother.
When they had finally finished the bottle of alcohol, the first man took the bottle and hit it on a rock so it broke. He held the bottle by the neck with the jagged edges facing towards me. He waved it in the air and held it as if he was already starting to cut me into pieces. While he did this, he gave the rest of the men the signal that it was time to move in. They proceeded to hold up their weapons and start towards me while they laughed. There was a van parked behind me with dark-tinted glass. None of us had noticed the vehicle. It had originally looked like it had been parked there with no one in it. Just then, the van turned on its bright lights and shined them toward the four men who were coming toward me. I heard a clear whisper, “Get on your bike now and go straight to the end of the street as fast as you can.” I peddled as I had never peddled before. The four men ran back to their car and started it up to follow me. The van continued to follow me with the white car right behind them. I did not turn around, but it sounded to me like the van was weaving back and forth so the white car could not pass them, while the men in the white car were yelling out the window at the van to get out of their way.
When I got to the end of the street, there were no cars at the intersection. I heard the voice say to me go back to the restaurant. I said in my mind, “I can’t. It is locked.” The voice repeated, “Go to the back of the restaurant, now.” I hurried across the street to the back of the restaurant. Just as I crossed the street, other cars were crossing the intersection so that neither the van nor the white car was able to follow me. When I got to the back door, it was unlocked, so I hurried in and locked the door behind me. The two workers who were still there looked at each other in surprise and one said to the other, “I thought you locked the door!” and the other worker said, “No, I thought you locked the door!” I asked them why they were still here. They told me that they had been counting up the till and it was way over and yet when they recounted the money, it was way under. They had counted it several times and it just didn’t add up.
They asked me why I was there, so I told them. They counted the till up again and this time it was right on. We talked about what had happened. We all knew that it was not by chance that I had been able to escape and that the door happened to be unlocked and that the cash register had not been able to add up. Father in Heaven was watching over me.
I called Mom and she came in Ed’s car to get me. When I got home, I went to my room and got on my knees to thank the Lord for getting me home safely. I was grateful I made it out alive.
Friday, January 28, 1983
I finally finished sanding and painting all the furniture in Elisabeth’s room. I then went with Mom and Elisabeth so that she could pick out curtains and a bedspread for her room. It looks so beautiful! I sure hope Elisabeth will feel more at home now.
I have been fasting all day to get an answer if I am to marry Dave or not. When I went to sleep, I dreamed that I saw a man from the back with dark hair. Dave has dark hair. Since I only saw this man from the back, I wondered if it meant I am to marry someone else with dark hair. I know the Lord will let me know what it meant when the time is right.
Saturday, January 29, 1983
Ed picked me up from work tonight. When we drove home, he told me that I was always welcome to come over and have something to eat and for me to remember that I was part of their family. This meant so much to me!
Sunday, January 30, 1983
Dave had written to me that he would be calling me this morning at 8:00 a.m. I woke up early because I was excited about his phone call. I was going crazy waiting for it to be 8:00 a.m. When he called, he told me that I could go to school at B.Y.U. Hawaii and his dad would pay for it. They wanted me to go to school before we got married, and, even if we didn’t marry, I could continue to go to school. I worried that if we did break up, I would feel bad about having his dad pay for my schooling. I told him I would have to think about it.
I cried myself to sleep tonight. I love Dave, but I don’t understand why we can’t be married and then we could go to school together. It’s as if they won’t take a chance on me or accept me for who I am.
Thursday, February 3, 1983
While I was working for Lisa today, she got a letter from Dave. She started to read the letter to me, but then I could tell that she skipped a few lines. It made me wonder what he had written and why she couldn’t read it out loud. Then she asked me how Dave and I were doing. I told her I honestly didn’t know. Then she told me that I would always be welcome in her home, even if things didn’t work out between us.
Friday, February 4, 1983
I bought a tape player today so that I can talk to Dave and send the tape to him. This way I don’t have to worry about any spelling mistakes.
Monday, February 14, 1983
Tonight at work, they had what is called a blowout. It’s because they have a sale going on and there is too much work and not enough workers. It was awful! I had already had a full day of painting for Mom before I got to work and I was looking forward to getting back home again.
This morning before I went over to Mom’s to paint, I cleaned my apartment. When I got home, Jeff was here and the kitchen and the apartment were a mess again. He has started to hang around because they are thinking about getting married. Jeff and Rose are planning on taking over the apartment when I’m married. They are already starting to take it over, and I am not even gone yet. I feel like I am their live-in maid. Tonight I had enough with the way the apartment looked. I wanted to explode, but instead, I calmly reminded them that I was still living here and that I would appreciate it if they could clean up after themselves so it wouldn’t be such a mess after I got home from a long day.
They both seemed unfazed about what I had just said. It was late before I had everything cleaned up. Nothing seems to be going right. I am beginning to hate my job. The oven is so high and it’s hard for me to take the food out. I have burn marks up and down my arms. Mom’s place is taking up any spare time I have, and the work I am doing there seems to be in vain. I need a break. I want to get away from it all!
Friday, February 17, 1983
Dave called today. He asked me when I thought we should get married. I told him I didn’t know since it was up to him because of his schooling. It was so nice to hear his voice again. We talked for two hours, but we still don’t have a date planned.
Tuesday, February 22, 1983
After work today, I made a cheesecake for the Law’s and brought it to their house because they have been having problems. I told them I came over so that we could have a family meeting. It got really quiet when I said why I was there. I told them I wanted to hear everyone’s side and talk about what things needed to be worked on. Everyone spoke what was on their mind. When I went home I wondered if it had done any good, but I don’t know what more I can do for them.
Sunday, February 27, 1983
I had a chance to talk to Robbie alone today. He told me that he is worried about Mom and Ed getting divorced. I feel so badly for him because he says he loves Mom, Elisabeth, and me. He seems so lost right now.
Thursday, March 3, 1983
When I was done working for Lisa today, she drove me home. I usually get mail from Dave on Thursdays and she wanted to read it. When we got to my place, I was kind of glad there wasn’t any mail, because I felt funny about her asking to read it.
It’s been raining hard lately. The rain is not like I have ever seen before. They say it’s because it’s the rainy season. I have been taking my work clothes in a bag to the restaurant so that I can get changed when I get there. There hasn’t been much work lately because people stay away since it’s raining so hard outside. I got sent home early again today. I sure hope I will be able to pay this month’s rent.
Sunday, March 6, 1983
Dave has sent me some papers he wants me to fill out because he wants me to take a test called, TOFEL. He also sent me $25.00 because that’s how much the test will cost. I’m not sure what it’s about. I guess I am to take a test so the school will know how smart I am. I went over to Mom’s after Church so that she could help me fill out the papers. Ugh, I can’t even fill out the papers by myself, so I wonder how the test will go.
Thursday, March 10, 1983
Today while I was working for Lisa, she showed me some dishes that she has started to buy for Dave and me. It is a set that you could buy one piece at a time. I would not have picked it out in a million years. She also showed me smaller plates and cups that go with them. Then she asked me to start buying this set so that I will have it when Dave and I get married. I had to tell her that I was barely making enough money to pay my part of the rent and I didn’t have enough money to buy this set. She seemed very disappointed! But I hope she will understand. Especially since I thought it was kind of bold of her to take it upon herself to pick out the china that she thought I should collect.
Saturday, March 12, 1983
I am all done sanding and painting Mom’s kitchen. It looks nice, but I don’t know if it’s done the family any good because they seem to have just as many problems. Now that I am done painting at Ed’s place, I have a little more free time. I went to the beach with Valarie and some of her friends. It was so nice to finally be able to have some time to relax before I had to go to work this evening.
Wednesday, March 16, 1983
The dishes in the apartment have not been done for two weeks. I have gone on strike and I refuse to do them since they are not mine. Rose doesn’t seem to be bothered by the mess, so I finally asked her if she could do them. I also asked her if she would mind helping out with vacuuming and cleaning up the bathroom. Rose seemed upset by it. When I got home from work, the vacuum was broken. I don’t understand why it has to be like this. I wish things were better between us.
Saturday, March 19, 1983
I got a letter from Dave. He asked me if I would come to Hawaii during his spring break. He said he would be getting a job, so he would pay for the ticket. I would love to go, but then I wouldn’t be able to work so I can pay the rent.
I have been spending a lot of my time with my friend Valarie because we have both been called to be Stake Missionaries. Valarie had been thinking about moving away from home so I asked her if she would want to come live with me. It’s a two-bedroom apartment. Rose has one room and I the other. If Valarie moved in with us, she and I would be sharing my room. I also asked her if she could pay my part of the rent while I am gone. Then, when I get back from Hawaii, she could move into Roses’s room and I would ask Rose to move out since it’s not working out between us. Valarie thinks it’s a great idea so it looks like things are falling into place for me. I am excited to see what Hawaii is like and to see Dave again.
Thursday, March 24, 1983
I wished I didn’t have to work for Lisa anymore. Today, when I got to her house, she proudly showed me that she had bought the whole china set. I just assumed she had bought it for Dave and me, so I hugged her and said, “Wow, thank you! I know that must have been expensive.” Then she looked at me and responded, “Oh, no! It’s not for you. I bought it for me.” I felt like such an idiot.
While I was working for her today, she told me that she wanted to record us talking on tape. Then she would mail it to Dave. I was not comfortable with it and told her three different times that I didn’t want to do it. She would not hear of it. When it was time for me to take a break and eat lunch, she had us sit together and talk. It was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I ever had. I wish I knew how to be more assertive when I tell people no.
When I left her place she gave me a piece of paper that said, “Assignment for the week: Talk to Dave on tape for one week each night before going to bed.” I am surprised that she is trying to get so involved in our relationship. I’m kind of worried about what she will be like as a mother-in-law.
Tuesday, March 29, 1983
After work today, Valarie came over to start moving in with me. Elisabeth came, too, because she doesn’t like being over at the Law’s place since there is a lot of contention going on there. Tonight the three of us slept in my room. Together we had a lot of fun.
Wednesday, March 30, 1983
This evening, Valarie and I sat down to talk to Rose. We let her know that Valarie has moved in and that she will be staying in my room. Rose seemed fine with it. I am glad because she doesn’t have a choice.
Elisabeth also stayed at my place tonight. It’s as if she has moved into my room too. My bedroom is crowded, but none of us seem to mind since we have so much fun while we are together.
Thursday, March 31, 1983
While I was working for Lisa today, Dave called. When I found out it was him who Lisa was talking to, I got excited to talk to him too. Dave knew I was there, but he seemed in no hurry to get off the phone with his mom. After Dave had talked to his mom for two hours, he finally talked to me. When I got on the phone with him he seemed distant and it was as if he didn’t know what to say to me. It made me nervous, so I didn’t know what to say to him, especially with his mom standing next to me listening in. So, our conversation was less than five minutes. Then he talked to his stepdad for 15 minutes. I couldn’t believe it. I wished I had not been at their place today.
When it was time to go home, Lisa wanted to drive me because she was hoping there would be mail for me from Dave. Before we left, I hurried and called Mom. It’s nice I can talk to her in Danish because I asked Mom to go over to my place and, if there was mail from Dave, to hide the letter. When Lisa and I got to my place, Mom was still there. She had taken my letter and hidden it under my pillow. Lisa went home with Mom. Man, was I grateful Mom was able to do that for me. I don’t like Linda reading my letters, even if they are from her son.
Friday, April 1, 1983
Mom told me that she is leaving Ed and she wants to move to Salt Lake City. Until then, she is staying at my place, too. I feel bad for the Law family, but it looks like things just aren’t going to work out.
Saturday, April 2, 1983
Mom flew to Salt Lake today. She is going to see if she can find a job and a place to live. In the meantime, Elisabeth will be staying with me.
Monday, April 4, 1983
Valarie’s mom, Sister Morrison, has been helping me to sew my wedding dress. While she works on it, I have been cleaning her house in return. She finished it today and it turned out beautiful!
I was happy about it! But Sister Morrison could tell there was something wrong. She said, “You don’t look well”. I started to cry. I told her I would still use the dress, I just didn’t think it would be for Dave. Then I told her I was worried about what was going to happen to us because it looked like we were moving to Salt Lake City. Sister Morrison is such a neat lady. After I had talked to her I felt better.
Thursday, April 7, 1983
I didn’t go to work for Lisa today. I told her I had too much to do. I just couldn’t get myself to go there today because I always feel horrible about myself after I have been there. Tonight when I came home from working at the restaurant I was glad Valarie was at my place. She always knows how to make me laugh. I feel so blessed to have her in my life!
Friday, April 8, 1983
Mom came back from Salt Lake City today. While she was there she was able to find an apartment and a job. Now it’s for sure that we will be moving.
Before I went to sleep tonight, Valarie told me that she was going to miss me terribly. I told her I would miss her too.
I am kind of looking forward to moving to Salt Lake because that is where I had prayed to live in the first place. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Who knows what Salt Lake has in store for us?
Sunday, April 10, 1983
I got a letter from Dave. He wrote that he was looking forward to me coming to Hawaii in a couple of weeks, but he would not be able to pay for the ticket after all. He was hoping I had been able to save up enough money for it. I called Dave to tell him that I couldn’t afford it. He said that he needed to see me to keep his love alive for me. I didn’t know what to tell him because I just didn’t have the money to pay for the ticket. I thought if it was that important to him, he would help me find a way to come up with the money. I felt really bad after our phone conversation. It’s as if he no longer cares about me.
Monday, April 11, 1983
Lisa called me to tell me that Dave had called her because he wasn’t happy about his conversation with me yesterday. I can’t believe he gets her involved in everything. I told her that I was pretty much sure that it was over between us. She didn’t seem to believe me and she hopes we can work it out.
Wednesday, April 13, 1983
Mom and I have been busy packing. I took a break and went to the restaurant to tell them that I will no longer be coming in because I was moving. When I got home, Mom drove me to Lisa’s house so that I could give her back all of Dave’s things. As I handed Lisa the box, I told her we had come so that we could say goodbye and also so I could tell her in person that it was over between Dave and me. When I hugged Lisa and her husband goodbye, they both cried. Lisa’s husband told me he was mad at Dave for leaving me behind and not marrying me. Lisa asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted. I assured her that my mind was made up and I was sure that Dave would most likely be relieved when he finds out it was over between us.
Friday, April 15, 1983
Dave called me from Hawaii. He told me that his mom had called to let him know I had broken up with him. I knew she would. Dave always tells his mom how he feels about me and what is going on between us and I always seem to be the last one to know. I thought for once it was his turn to be the last to know how we are doing.
Dave said he would fly here as soon as he could, but only if I would see him so that we could talk face-to-face about things. I was surprised that he cared that much to want to do that. I told him I would see him if he came. I must admit that I think it will be interesting to see him again and I am kind of looking forward to it.
Sunday, April 17, 1983
Today was Jace’s farewell at Church. Mom didn’t go to church because she stayed home to pack. When Church was over, Mom and I drove around to a lot of different members to tell them goodbye and to thank them for being so good towards us while we have been here.
Later, we went to Jace’s place because they were having an open house for him. While we were there Jace came up to talk to me. He told me that he thought that Dave was a fool for leaving me behind the way he has. It made me feel better about myself because this whole ordeal has been hard on me.
Monday, April 18, 1983
While Valarie, Rose, and I have been living here, we mostly eat oatmeal because it is cheap. Today I went to the store and bought a big bag of oatmeal and a bag of oatmeal cookies and set the table nicely. I put a note by it that read, “The oatmeal is your dinner and the oatmeal cookies are for dessert.” I thought they might get a laugh out of it. The rest of the evening I went to Ed’s place to help Mom finish packing.
Tuesday, April 19, 1983
Mom rented a U-Haul truck. Today was busy trying to pack the last of our things.
Wednesday, April 20, 1983
Dave came over this morning. He brought me a beautiful lei from Hawaii. As he was putting it around my neck, he was shaking. Then he asked me if it was alright if he kissed me. I answered yes. I could tell that he felt insecure. Now that he knows I have broken our engagement he doesn’t quite know where he stands. He asked me if I wanted to go eat somewhere. I suggested that we go to the restaurant where we ate the morning that we got engaged.
The last time we had been at this restaurant, I was the one with a heavy heart and was not hungry. This time it was Dave. The tables had turned. When we were done eating, we went to my place because I knew neither Valarie nor Rose would be there. This would give us a chance to talk in private.
When we got there, Dave asked me why I was not wearing my ring. I told him I didn’t want to wear it until he could give me a date for when we were to get married. He told me that he wanted to let me know, but right now he just didn’t know. I thought to myself I didn’t care anymore and for now, I would just have a good time with him while he was here and once he went back to Hawaii, it would be over for sure.
Dave told me that he loved being with me and that he wanted to spend every day with me while he was back in Los Angeles. I told him I would love to spend time with him too. I could tell he was confused about me. He told me he was afraid of losing me and that he just couldn’t figure me out anymore. I told him not to worry about it and just to enjoy the time we were together.
Later, we went to the movies. When the movie was over, we sat and talked in his car. He told me he wanted to wait at least a year until we have kids. I didn’t want to talk about marriage. I just wanted to have a light conversation. When Dave drove me home, he asked me if he could see me tomorrow. I told him I would like it. When I went to bed, I thought to myself that I didn’t care if he gave me a wedding date at this point. I don’t want to wait around for him any longer. I have waited long enough.
Thursday, April 21, 1983
Dave came this morning to help us load the U-Haul. Well, he did most of the work. I don’t know what we would have done without him. Later, we went and had dinner at his mom and stepdad’s house. They seemed so happy to see us both together again. I kind of felt bad for them because they don’t know that I have made up my mind that it was over.
When we got done eating, Dave and I went rollerskating. We had a good time together. When we got back to the car, Dave drove to a quiet place where we could talk. We both knew that our moments together would soon come to an end. It was as if neither of us wanted it to be over and before we knew it, I fell asleep in his arms. When we woke up again it was 5:00 a.m.
Friday, April 22, 1983
I spent the day with Dave again. In the evening, I went with Dave to watch a play. I don’t know what the play was about because all I could think of was Dave would be going back to Hawaii in the morning. We would have to part and it would be over. I did all I could to hold back the tears because I felt so torn apart. Then out of nowhere, I asked him how he felt about me going with him to Hawaii in the morning. Dave’s face lit up. He seemed like the happiest man in the world.
When we got back to Lisa’s house, we talked to her about it. She knew neither of us could afford it, so she offered to lend me the money for the ticket. I told her I would pay her back. Which I did. We then went back to my place to pack my clothes. When Mom found out I was leaving for Hawaii in the morning, she got livid. Dave was standing right there as she was throwing her fit. I was scared to death of her but I still managed to stay brave as I grabbed my suitcase. I told her I was sorry and I would meet her in two weeks in Utah.
When we left, Dave kept telling me how proud he was of me for standing up to my mom. He told me there was something that wasn’t right about my mom and my relationship. I didn’t know what to say to him. I thought even if I tried to tell him about my life, he would never believe me. I figured it was better not to say anything. Then we were off to sleep at Dave’s mom’s place for the night.
I felt bad for leaving Mom at a time like this and that she was upset about me leaving. Mom and Elisabeth are leaving for Utah in the morning. Since mom can’t drive the U-Haul, Ed is driving it for her. Then he will take a plane back to Los Angles. I know it’s bad timing for me to run off to Hawaii. But, if I had not done it, I knew I would forever regret it.
Dave and I are so excited to be going to Hawaii together. Since all this has happened, I figured it was best if I get my engagement ring back on. All this has definitely brought us closer together. It is as if nothing could ever tear us apart again.
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