Reunited Chapter 45

Saturday, January 22, 1983

I slept over at Ed’s and Mom’s place last night. I’m here a lot because I have been painting the kitchen and Beth’s furniture. Beth’s room is starting to look cute!

When I got up, Robbie was happy to see I was awake because he wanted to make me French toast. At first, I told him I didn’t want any because I was worried about my weight, especially after what Lisa said. But he wouldn’t hear of it and insisted I had some. He is such a cute kid! When I had eaten, I helped Beth clean her room.

When I got back to my place, the first thing I did was check the mail, but there was nothing from Dave. It’s been over a week since I heard from him. I know he is busy with school, but I do wish he would take time out to let me know what’s going on.

Tonight, when I rode my bike to work, it was raining hard. By the time I got to work, I was soaked clear through to my bra and underwear. Even my socks were wet. It was uncomfortable to work in wet clothes. It was raining just as hard when I got off work. When I got home, it was nice to take a hot bath and get warm again.

Sunday, January 23, 1983

Rose was putting on the fireside tonight. I wanted to stay home and write letters to family and friends. She was sad because it didn’t look like very many people were planning to attend, so I ended up going. During the fireside, my thoughts were so far away. I wondered how Dave was doing and how this whole mess would turn out.

When the fireside was over, we all ended up in the kitchen for refreshments. There is a newly-returned missionary in our ward. He asked me where I had met my fiancé. I told him that he had served his mission in Denmark. Then he said, “Oh, you are one of those girls?” It made me feel bad. Jace quickly came to my defense. He said, “No, she is not one of those girls!” Then Jeff added, “No, she was here in the U.S., dating us guys and enjoying herself while Dave was still on his mission.

(Jeff looked at Jace and smiled since they had both dated me.) When Dave got off his mission, he was lucky to get a few dates on the nights that she was free, and he was able to catch her. When he caught her, off he left for Hawaii, and he said, “See you, Honey. Take care of yourself and take care of all the wedding plans while I am gone.’” It sounded funny, and everyone laughed.

Rose was standing quietly, looking on. I was afraid she was going to figure out that I had been dating Jeff, so I said, “No, that’s not quite how it happened.” I told him I had been working for Dave’s mom, and that’s how we ended up seeing a lot of each other and fell in love. Everyone wanted to know the wedding day. I felt like a fool because I didn’t have one.

When we left, I noticed that Jeff didn’t open the car door for Rose like he used to. After Rose and I were home again, Rose was down. I tried to cheer her up, telling her that Jeff wasn’t worth it and that I was sure someone else would come along.

Before I went to bed, I wrote Dave a letter, but I ended up throwing it away. Since I haven’t heard from him for so long, I didn’t know what to write him.

Monday, January 24, 1983

While I was painting for Mom today, she told me about some of the problems she has been having with Ed and his family, and that she was ready to pack up and leave.

I put down the paintbrush and said, “You know, I don’t know why I am doing this. There are so many things I need to get done, and this is taking up so much of my time.” I realized I was putting all my energy into trying to help her make this marriage work. But she had to do her part, too!

Mom was crying hard. I sat down and talked with her for two hours. Mom ended up promising me she would try harder to stay married. Then Ed called to tell Mom that I had put a note in his lunch bag. It had made him cry, so he had to go to the bathroom so that he could pull himself together again. I am glad he liked it. I put the letter in his lunch bag because I wanted him to know I appreciated him being there for me.

When I got home again, there was mail from Dave. I was disappointed because his letter was short. It only talked about school. He also mentioned that he was getting weak and that he wanted to see other girls, but he was still staying faithful to me. Other than that, there was nothing personal about us, and still no wedding date.

This evening, before I went to work at the restaurant, I took off my engagement ring. I didn’t want to wear it anymore because I no longer felt engaged. When I got off work, I went over to the Laws’ to ask Ed to let the lawyer know that I didn’t think I was getting married and that we would have to fill out different papers so that I could stay in the country.

The Laws were just finishing up Family home evening when I got there. They were talking about problems that had come up between everyone last week. Just as I was getting ready to leave, Mom told me Ed had read the letter to the family I had stuck in his lunchbox this morning. She said that while he read it to the family, he cried. I sure hope this family can work things out.

Before I went to sleep, I got out the letter that Dave had sent me. Looking at his handwriting made me miss him, but I still don’t know if we are meant to be together.

Then the phone rang. I wondered who would be calling this late at night. It was Jace. He wanted to know where I had bought my journal. I told him that Rose works at a bookstore that sells them, and that she would know more about it. Rose ran to the phone to talk to him. Jace said, “No, I don’t want to talk to her. It was you I called to talk to!” He said he was worried about me and that he had really called to ask how I was doing.

Just then, Rose grabbed the phone out of my hand and said to me, “You go to bed now. Good night! Remember, you are an old married woman.” I was kind of glad that she had taken the phone. I didn’t want to talk about what was going on in my life right now. Even though I was very tired from the day, it was past midnight before I was finally able to fall asleep.

Tuesday, January 25, 1983

This morning, instead of reading my scriptures and getting my journal up to date, I wrote a long letter to Dave. I told him to go ahead and date other girls because I didn’t want him to feel like he was missing out on anything before we got married, since he kept making it clear to me how he felt. I also let him know I was having doubts about us, but for him not to worry, because I was sure I would be able to work through it and that everything would be fine.

When I had written it, I went to have Mom check the spelling so I could rewrite it. She was surprised by what I had written and asked if I was sure this was what I wanted to tell him. I told her that we had always promised to be honest with each other, and that was how I felt right now. I rewrote the letter to avoid any spelling mistakes and mailed it off on my way to work.

One of the girls I work with asked why I wasn’t my cheerful self. I didn’t know what to say. Then she noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring, so she said, “Yeah, you’ve got to be sure about the man you marry because it’s a lifetime commitment.” I thought to myself, no, it’s for time and all eternity! I smiled and said, “Yes. I’m not sure if we are meant to be together.” When I got back home, I put my ring back on because I didn’t want Rose or anyone else to ask any questions.

Wednesday, January 26, 1983

When I got home from work, Mom and Beth came over to sleep at my place. Mom was upset because Robbie and Eddie had complained about her cooking.

Mom’s lawyer called this evening. He told me it would take longer to get my paperwork in order since I am not getting married. I told him it was fine, because I wasn’t sure I would be getting married after all.

Thursday, January 27, 1983

I have a lot of back pain because I have been working hard at my mom’s place, moving the fridge and stove, so I could paint. I have also been doing heavy lifting at the restaurant. I wanted to call Lisa to tell her I wasn’t going to make it today, but I went because I needed the money, and I knew Lisa was relying on me to clean her house.

When I got there, Lisa wasn’t there because she had taken Mom out to lunch. I was glad I didn’t have to talk to her, because I don’t know what to say to her.

When I got home, there was a long, sweet letter from Dave. Now I am so confused about whether we should marry. I wish letters didn’t take so long to get back and forth, and that it wasn’t so expensive for us to call each other.

I worked tonight at the restaurant. When it was closing time, I got on my bike and rode home, just like I always did. As I crossed the street and was heading for home, a white car started to follow me. It had four guys hanging out the window, yelling at me in Spanish. My heart was pounding, and I rode my bike as fast as I could. I saw a few houses with lights on. I thought about jumping off my bike and ringing the doorbell to ask for help. I kept a strong prayer in my heart that I would come out of it alive. I heard a clear whisper that I should keep going until I got to the end of the street.

At the end of the street, there is a little hill with a railroad crossing. Usually, when I get there, I have to carry my bike across. The feeling was so strong that I wondered if I’d be able to ride fast enough to get away from the white car.

When I got to the end of the street by the railroad crossing, the car had me cornered. I felt like a mouse that had just been trapped.

The four guys got out of the car. They looked at me and laughed because they knew I could not get away. One guy had a bottle of alcohol in his hand. They passed the bottle around and drank. The second man was waving a knife at me while laughing. The third man had a rope that he held up to show me that he was ready to use on me. The fourth man had handcuffs, which he waved in the air as he laughed at me. I stood there and watched while they were drinking, laughing, and talking in Spanish as if to plan out what they were going to do to me.

I thought about throwing my bike and running as fast as I could up the hill to see if I could cross the railroad before they could catch up.

The whole time, I felt I wasn’t alone. It was so strong that I turned to see if anyone was standing beside me. I heard another clear whisper to hold on to my bike handles and just stay put. The whisper had me so convinced that everything was going to be okay.

I looked into the sky to see if Heavenly Father’s hands would pick me up and carry me away because this was the only way I could think I would get out of it alive. When I saw there was nothing in heaven, I thought maybe the person beside me was here to take me back to heaven when it was all over. It was here to help comfort me through this ordeal.

I wondered if they were going to mutilate my body so badly that Mom would not be able to identify my body once it was found. I felt sad that I wouldn’t be able to see Elisabth grow up. I felt sorry for whoever would find me. I had so many thoughts and feelings run through my head. I felt like if I had to die, then I was ready and I had no regrets, except that I would not be able to be there for Beth, and I would never know what it was like to be a mother.

When they had finally finished the bottle of alcohol, the first guy took the bottle and hit it on a rock to break it. He then held the bottle by the neck, the jagged edges facing me. He waved it in the air and held it as if he was already starting to cut me into pieces. As he did this, he signaled the rest of the men that it was time to move in.

They raised their weapons and started toward me, while laughing. A van was parked behind me, its windows dark-tinted. None of us had noticed the vehicle. It had originally looked as if it had been parked there, with one in it. Just then, the van turned on its bright lights, blinding the four men who were approaching me.

No one was next to me, but I heard a clear whisper, “Get on your bike now and go straight to the end of the street as fast as you can!” I jumped on my bike, and then I peddled harder than I had ever peddled before!

The four men ran back to their car and started it up so they could follow me. The van kept following me, the white car right behind it. I did not turn around, but it sounded to me as if the van was weaving back and forth, so the white car could not pass it. The men in the white car were yelling out the window at the van to get out of their way.

When I got to the end of the street, there were no cars at the intersection. I heard the voice say, “Go back to the restaurant.” I said in my mind, “I can’t. It is locked.” The voice repeated, “Go to the back of the restaurant, now!” I hurried across the street to the back of the restaurant.

Just as I had crossed the street, other cars were crossing the intersection, so neither the van nor the white car could follow me.

When I got to the back door, it was unlocked, so I hurried in and locked it behind me. The two workers who were still there looked at each other in disbelief. Then one said to the other, “I thought you locked the door!” and the other worker said, “No, I thought you locked the door!” I asked them why they were still here. They told me they had been counting the till, and it was way over, and when they recounted the money, it was way under. They had counted it several times, and it just didn’t add up.

They asked me why I was there, so I told them. Then they counted the till up again, and this time it was right on. We talked about what had happened. We all knew it was a miracle that I had escaped, that the door was unlocked, and that the cash register had not added up. My life had been spared.

I called Mom, and she came in Ed’s car to pick me up. When I got home, I went to my room and knelt to thank Heavenly Father. I was grateful I made it out alive.

Friday, January 28, 1983

I finally finished sanding and painting all the furniture in Beth’s room. I then went with Mom and Beth so that she could pick out curtains and a bedspread for her room. It looks so beautiful! I sure hope Beth will feel more at home now.

I have been fasting all day to get an answer about whether I am to marry Dave. When I went to sleep, I dreamt that I saw a man with dark hair from behind, but I could not see his face. Dave has dark hair. Since I only saw the man from behind, I wondered if it meant I was meant to marry someone else with dark hair.

Saturday, January 29, 1983

Ed picked me up from work tonight. When we drove home, he told me I was always welcome to come over and have something to eat, and to remember that I was part of their family. That meant so much to me!

Sunday, January 30, 1983

Dave had written to me that he would be calling me this morning at 8:00 a.m. I woke up early because I was excited for his phone call. I was going crazy waiting for 8:00 a.m. to come.

When he called, he told me that I could go to school at B.Y.U. Hawaii and his dad would pay for it. They wanted me to go to school before we got married. Even if we didn’t get married, I could keep going to school. I worried that if we broke up, I would feel bad about having his dad pay for my schooling. I told him I would have to think about it.

I cried myself to sleep tonight. I love Dave, but I don’t understand why we can’t get married and then go to school together. It’s as if they won’t take a chance on me or accept me for who I am.

Thursday, February 3, 1983

While I was working for Lisa today, she got a letter from Dave. She started reading the letter to me, then stopped. I could tell that she skipped a few lines. It made me wonder what he had written and why she couldn’t read it out loud. Then she asked me how Dave and I were doing. I told her I honestly didn’t know. Then she told me that I would always be welcome in her home, even if things didn’t work out between us.

Friday, February 4, 1983

I bought a tape player today so I can talk to Dave and send him the tape. This way, I don’t have to worry about any spelling mistakes.

Monday, February 14, 1983

Tonight at work, they had a blowout. It’s because they’re running a sale, and there is too much work and not enough workers. It was awful! I had already had a full day of painting for Mom before I got to work. I couldn’t wait to be back home again!

This morning, before I went over to Mom’s to paint, I cleaned my apartment. When I got home, Jeff was here, and the kitchen and the apartment were a mess again!

Jeff has started to hang around because they are thinking about getting married. Jeff and Rose plan to take over the apartment when I’m married. They are already starting to take it over, and I am not even gone yet. I feel like I am their live-in maid.

Tonight, I had enough with the way the apartment looked. I wanted to explode, but instead I calmly reminded them I was still living here and that I would appreciate it if they cleaned up after themselves so it wouldn’t be such a mess when I got home after a long day.

They both seemed unfazed about what I had just said. It was late before I had everything cleaned up. Nothing seems to be going right. I am beginning to hate my job. The oven at work is so high, and it’s hard for me to take the food out. I have burn marks up and down my arms. Mom’s place is taking up any spare time I have, and the work I am doing there seems pointless. I need a break. I want to get away from it all!

Friday, February 17, 1983

Dave called today. He asked me when I thought we should get married. I told him I didn’t know, since it was up to him because of his schooling. It was so nice to hear his voice again. We talked for two hours, but we still don’t have a date planned.

Tuesday, February 22, 1983

After work today, I made a cheesecake for the Laws and brought it to their house because they have been having problems. I told them I’d come over for a family meeting. It got really quiet when I said why I was there. I told them I wanted to hear everyone’s side and discuss what needed to be worked on. Everyone spoke what was on their mind. When I went home, I wondered if it had done any good, but I don’t know what more I can do for them.

Sunday, February 27, 1983

I had a chance to talk to Robbie alone today. He told me that he is worried about Mom and Ed getting divorced. I feel so bad for him because he says he loves Mom, Beth, and me. He seems so lost right now.

Thursday, March 3, 1983

When I was done working for Lisa today, she drove me home. I usually get mail from Dave on Thursdays, and she wanted to read it. When we got to my place, I was kind of glad there wasn’t any mail, because I felt funny about her asking to read it.

It’s been raining hard lately. The rain is unlike anything I have ever seen before. They say it’s because it’s the rainy season. I have been taking my work clothes in a bag to the restaurant so I can change there. There hasn’t been much work lately because people are staying away because it’s raining so hard outside. I got sent home early again today. I sure hope I can pay this month’s rent.

Sunday, March 6, 1983

Dave has sent me some papers to fill out because he wants me to take the TOEFL test. He also sent me $25.00 because that’s how much the test will cost. I’m not sure what it’s about. I guess I am to take a test so the school will know how smart I am. I went over to Mom’s after Church so that she could help me fill out the papers. Ugh, I can’t even fill out the papers by myself, so I wonder how the test will go.

Thursday, March 10, 1983

Today, while I was working for Lisa, she showed me some dishes she has started buying for Dave and me. It is a set that you could buy one piece at a time. It was the ugliest dishware I had ever seen! Then she showed me smaller plates and cups that go with them. She told me I was to start buying this set so I would have it when Dave and I get married.

I had to tell her I was barely making enough to pay my share of the rent. She seemed disappointed! But I hope she will understand. Especially since I thought it was kind of bold of her to take it upon herself to pick out the china that she thought I should collect.

Saturday, March 12, 1983

I am all done sanding and painting Mom’s kitchen. It looks nice, but I don’t know if it’s done the family any good because they seem to have just as many problems. Now that I am done painting at Ed’s place, I have a little more free time. I went to the beach with Valarie and some of her friends. It was so nice to finally have some time to relax before I had to go to work this evening.

Wednesday, March 16, 1983

The dishes in the apartment have not been done for two weeks. I have gone on strike and refuse to do them, since they are not mine. I have only washed what I need. Rose doesn’t seem to be bothered by the mess, so I finally asked her if she could do them. I also asked her if she would mind helping out with vacuuming and cleaning up the bathroom. Rose seemed upset by it. When I got home from work, the vacuum was broken. I don’t understand why it has to be like this. I wish things were better between us.

Saturday, March 19, 1983

I got a letter from Dave. He asked me if I would come to Hawaii during his spring break. He said he would get a job and pay for the ticket. I would love to go, but then I wouldn’t be able to work and pay the rent.

I have been spending a lot of time with my friend Valarie because we have both been called to serve as Stake Missionaries.

Valarie had been thinking about moving away from home, so I asked if she wanted to come live with me. It’s a two-bedroom apartment. Rose has one room, and I have the other. If Valarie moved in with us, she and I would be sharing my room. I also asked her if she could pay my part of the rent while I am gone. Then, when I get back from Hawaii, she could move into Rose’s room, and I would ask Rose to move out since it’s not working out between us.

Valarie thinks it’s a great idea, so it looks like things are falling into place for me. I am excited to see what Hawaii is like and to see Dave again.

Thursday, March 24, 1983

I wished I didn’t have to work for Lisa anymore. Today, when I got to her house, she proudly showed me she had bought the whole china set.

I just assumed she had bought it for Dave and me, so I hugged her and said, “Wow, thank you! I know that must have been expensive.” Then she looked at me and said, “Oh, no! It’s not for you. I bought it for myself!” I felt like such an idiot.

While I was working for her today, she told me she wanted to record our conversation on tape. Then she would mail it to Dave. I wasn’t comfortable with it, and I told her three times I didn’t want to do it. She would not hear of it. When it was time for me to take a break and eat lunch, she had us sit together and talk. It was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I ever had! I wish I knew how to be more assertive when I tell people no.

When I left her place, she gave me a piece of paper that said, “Assignment for the week: Talk to Dave on tape for one week each night before going to bed.” I am surprised that she is trying to get so involved in our relationship. I worry about what she will be like as a mother-in-law.

Tuesday, March 29, 1983

After work today, Valarie came over to start moving in with me. Beth came, too, because she doesn’t like being over at the Law’s place, since there is so much contention there. Tonight, the three of us slept in my room. Together we had a lot of fun.

Wednesday, March 30, 1983

This evening, Valarie and I sat down to talk to Rose. We let her know that Valarie has moved in and that she will be staying in my room. Rose seemed fine with it. I am glad because she has no choice.

Beth also stayed at my place tonight. It’s as if she’s moved into my room, too. My bedroom is crowded, but none of us seems to mind, since we have a lot of fun together.

Thursday, March 31, 1983

While I was working for Lisa today, Dave called. When I found out it was him that Lisa was talking to, I got excited to talk to him too. Dave knew I was there, but he seemed in no hurry to get off the phone with his mom.

After Dave had talked to his mom for two hours, he finally talked to me. When I got on the phone with him, he seemed distant, and it was as if he didn’t know what to say to me. It made me nervous, so I didn’t know what to say to him, especially with his mom standing next to me listening in.

Our conversation was less than five minutes. Then he talked to his stepdad for 15 minutes. I couldn’t believe it. I wish I had not been at their place today.

When it was time to go home, Lisa wanted to drive me because she hoped there would be mail from Dave for me. Before we left, I hurried and called Mom. It’s nice that I can talk to her in Danish, because I asked Mom to go over to my place and, if there’s any mail from Dave, to hide the letter.

When Lisa and I got to my place, Mom was still there. She had taken my letter and hidden it under my pillow. Lisa went home with Mom. Man, was I grateful Mom was able to do that for me! I don’t like Lisa reading my letters, even if they are from her son.

Friday, April 1, 1983

Mom told me that she is leaving Ed and she wants to move to Salt Lake City. Until then, she is staying at my place, too. I feel bad for the Law family, but it looks like things just aren’t going to work out.

Saturday, April 2, 1983

Mom flew to Salt Lake today. She is going to see if she can find a job and a place to live. In the meantime, Beth will be staying with me.

Monday, April 4, 1983

Valarie’s mom, Sister Morrison, has been helping me to sew my wedding dress. While she works on it, I have been cleaning her house in return. She finished it today, and it turned out beautiful!

I was happy about it! But Sister Morrison could tell there was something wrong. She said, “You don’t look well”. I started to cry. I told her I would still use the dress, I just didn’t think it would be for Dave. Then I told her I was worried about what would happen, since I was moving with Mom and Beth to Salt Lake City. Sister Morrison is such a neat lady. After I had talked to her, I felt better.

Thursday, April 7, 1983

I didn’t go to work for Lisa today. I told her I had too much to do. I just couldn’t get myself to go there today because I always feel horrible about myself after I have been there. Tonight, when I came home from working at the restaurant, I was glad Valarie was at my place. She always knows how to make me laugh. I feel so blessed to have her in my life!

Friday, April 8, 1983

Mom came back from Salt Lake City today. While she was there, she found an apartment and a job. Now it’s for sure that we will be moving.

Before I went to sleep tonight, Valarie told me she would miss me terribly. I told her I would miss her, too.

I am kind of looking forward to moving to Salt Lake because that is where I had prayed to live in the first place. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Who knows what Salt Lake has in store for us?

Sunday, April 10, 1983

I got a letter from Dave. He wrote that he was looking forward to me coming to Hawaii in a couple of weeks, but he would not be able to pay for the ticket after all. He was hoping I had been able to save up enough money for it. I called Dave to tell him that I couldn’t afford it. He said he needed to see me to keep his love for me alive. I didn’t know what to tell him because I just didn’t have the money to pay for the ticket. I thought that if it was that important to him, he would help me find a way to raise the money. I felt really bad after our phone conversation. It’s as if he no longer cares about me.

Monday, April 11, 1983

Lisa called me to say Dave had called her because he wasn’t happy with our conversation yesterday. I can’t believe he gets her involved in everything. I told her I was pretty sure it was over between us. She didn’t seem to believe me, and she hopes we can work it out.

Wednesday, April 13, 1983

Mom and I have been busy packing. I took a break and went to the restaurant to tell them that I would no longer be coming in because I was moving. When I got home, Mom drove me to Lisa’s house so that I could give her back all of Dave’s things. As I handed Lisa the box, I told her we had come to say goodbye and to tell her in person that it was over between Dave and me. When I hugged Lisa and her husband goodbye, they both cried.

Lisa’s husband told me he was mad at Dave for leaving me behind and not marrying me. Lisa asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted. I assured her that my mind was made up and that Dave would likely be relieved when he finds out that it was over between us.

Friday, April 15, 1983

Dave called me from Hawaii. He told me that his mom had called to let him know I had broken up with him. I knew she would. Dave always tells his mom how he feels about me and what is going on between us, and I always seem to be the last one to know. I thought, for once, it was his turn to be the last to know how we were doing.

Dave said he would fly here as soon as he could, but only if I would see him so we could talk face-to-face. I was surprised he could afford a ticket and that he cared enough to want to come. I told him I would see him if he came. I must admit I think it will be interesting to see him again, and I am kind of looking forward to it.

Sunday, April 17, 1983

Today was Jace’s farewell at Church. Mom didn’t go to church because she stayed home to pack. After Church, Mom and I drove around to visit different members to say goodbye and thank them for being so good to us while we have been here.

Later, we went to Jace’s place because they were having an open house for him. While we were there, Jace came up to talk to me. He told me he thought Dave was a fool for leaving me behind the way he did. It made me feel better about myself because this whole ordeal has been hard on me.

Monday, April 18, 1983

While Valarie, Rose, and I have been living here, we mostly eat oatmeal because it is cheap. Today I went to the store and bought a big bag of oatmeal and a bag of oatmeal cookies, and set the table nicely. I put a note by it that read, “The oatmeal is your dinner, and the oatmeal cookies are for dessert.” I thought they might get a laugh out of it. The rest of the evening, I went to Ed’s place to help Mom finish packing.

Tuesday, April 19, 1983

Mom rented a U-Haul truck. Today was busy packing the last of our things.

Wednesday, April 20, 1983

As I was helping to load the U-Haul this morning, Dave showed up.

I answered yes. I could tell that he felt insecure. Now that he knows I have broken our engagement, he doesn’t quite know where he stands. He asked me if I wanted to go eat somewhere. I suggested that we go to the restaurant where we ate the morning that we got engaged.

The last time we were at this restaurant, I was the one with a heavy heart and not hungry. This time it was Dave. The tables had turned. When we were done eating, we went to my place because I knew neither Valarie nor Rose would be there. This would give us a chance to talk in private.

When we got there, Dave asked me why I was not wearing my ring. I told him I wouldn’t wear it until he gave me a wedding date. He told me that he wanted to let me know, but right now, he just didn’t know. I thought to myself, I didn’t care anymore, and for now, I would just have a good time with him while he was here, and once he went back to Hawaii, it would be over for sure.

Dave told me he loved being with me and wanted to spend every day with me while he was back in Los Angeles. I told him I would love to spend time with him, too. I could tell he was confused about me. He told me he was afraid of losing me and that he just couldn’t figure me out anymore. I told him not to worry about it and just to enjoy the time we were together.

Later, we went to the movies. After the movie, we sat and talked in his car. He told me he wanted to wait at least a year until we have kids. I didn’t want to talk about marriage. I just wanted to have a light conversation.

When Dave drove me home, he asked me if he could see me tomorrow. I told him I would look forward to it. When I went to bed, I thought to myself that I didn’t care if he gave me a wedding date at this point. I don’t want to wait any longer for him. I have waited long enough.

Thursday, April 21, 1983

Dave came this morning to help us load the U-Haul. Well, he did most of the work. I don’t know what we would have done without him. Later, we went to his mom’s and stepdad’s house for dinner. They seemed so happy to see us both together again. I kind of felt bad for them because they didn’t know I’d made up my mind that it was over.

When we were done eating, Dave and I went roller skating. We had a good time together. When we got back to the car, Dave drove to a quiet place where we could talk. We both knew that our moments together would soon come to an end. It was as if neither of us wanted it to be over, and before we knew it, I fell asleep in his arms. When we woke up again, it was 5:00 a.m.

Friday, April 22, 1983

I spent the day with Dave again. In the evening, I went with Dave to watch a play. I don’t know what the play was about because all I could think about was Dave going back to Hawaii in the morning. We would have to part, and it would be over. I did all I could to hold back the tears because I felt so torn apart. Then, out of nowhere, I asked him how he felt about me going with him to Hawaii in the morning.

Dave’s face lit up. He seemed like the happiest man in the world!

When we got back to Lisa’s house, we talked to her about it. She knew neither of us could afford it, so she offered to lend me the money for the ticket. I told her I would pay her back. Which I did. 

We then went back to my place to pack my clothes. When Mom found out I was leaving for Hawaii in the morning, she got livid! Dave was standing right there as she was throwing her fit. I was scared to death of her, but I still managed to stay brave as I grabbed my suitcase. I told her I was sorry and I would meet her in two weeks in Utah.

When we left, Dave kept telling me how proud he was of me for standing up to her. Then he told me there was something wrong with my mom and my relationship. I didn’t know what to say to him. I thought even if I tried to tell him about my life, he would never believe me. I figured it was better not to say anything. Then we were off to sleep at Dave’s mom’s place for the night.

I felt bad for leaving Mom at a time like this, and that she was upset about me leaving. Mom and Beth are leaving for Utah in the morning. Since Mom can’t drive the U-Haul, Ed is driving it for her. Then he will take a plane back to Los Angeles. I know it’s bad timing for me to run off to Hawaii. But if I had not done it, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

Dave and I are excited to be going to Hawaii together. Since all this has happened, I figured it was best to put my engagement ring back on. All this has definitely brought us closer together. It is as if nothing could ever tear us apart again.