Sunday, May 8, 1983
Mom, Elisabeth, Mom’s sister, Jytte, and her husband, Mike, came to the airport to pick me up. To my relief, Mom never said one word about me taking off to Hawaii. Instead, everyone seemed happy to see me and wanted to know all about my trip. After Aunt Jytte and Mike left, I went to church with Mom and Elisabeth.
Monday, May 9, 1983
While Mom was at work and Elisabeth was at school today, I did a few chores and then I arranged the furniture and tried to make the apartment look homier.
Tuesday, May 10, 1983
When I unpacked my suitcase, I found a sweet letter from Dave. It was a nice surprise. Especially, since I had been thinking about the day that Dave and I went and visited with his friend at her apartment. I guess it still bothered me. It also bothered me that none of his friends knew he was engaged. I tried not to let it get to me, and only focus on the good times that we had together while I was in Hawaii.
Mom has tried to call Grandma in Denmark ever since Sunday because it was Mother’s Day. But she has had no luck getting a hold of her. Tonight Mom called the police in Skive to ask them to check in on her. We are so worried about Grandma and hope she is okay.
Wednesday, May 11, 1983
While Mom was at work and Elisabeth was at school, I got a phone call from Inger, who is one of the ward members in Skive. She told me that after Mom had called, she went with the Police to Grandma’s place. When they let themselves into Grandma’s apartment, they found her dead on the floor. It looked like she had tried to reach for the phone and didn’t make it.
When Mom and Elisabeth came home, I told them about Grandma. Mom got very upset with me for not calling her at work as soon as I had this news so that she could have come home right away. I don’t understand why she would need to hurry home. Grandma had been dead since Friday and there is nothing she could do about it anyways. Mom cried hard while she called family members to tell them the news.
While Mom talked on the phone, I held Elisabeth in my arms. Elisabeth was sad about it too, but she took the news the same way I did. We love Grandma, but in a way, we are glad that she has passed away. She was 82 years old and lived alone with no family near her. She is a lot happier where she is now. Elisabeth and I felt her peace around us and we know we will see her again someday. I hope Mom will calm down soon so that she will be able to feel this peace too.
Thursday, May 12, 1983
Mom got the day off from work. She desperately wants to go to Denmark. I don’t see why, since she doesn’t have the money for it and it’s not going to bring Grandma back. Since Mom can’t go to Denmark, she wanted to go visit with her sister Jytte. When we got into town, Mom couldn’t figure out how to get to Aunt Jytte’s house. She asked a policeman to help us. Since Mom has a strong accent he thought we were tourists who were lost, so he gave us a ride to where we needed to go. I thought it was funny. It would be nice if the police could always take us where we needed to go.
Monday, May 16, 1983
We got a letter from Grandma Helfred. It was strange to receive this letter since we knew that she was dead. In the letter she wrote that she wasn’t going to come to America because she wasn’t going to live much longer. She let us know that she loved us and that we would see each other again. If not on earth, then on the other side. I thought it was crazy that Grandma knew that her time was almost up when she had written the letter.
Thursday, May 19, 1983
While Mom is at work and Elisabeth is at school, I spend my time cleaning the apartment and cooking for them.
Dave called today. He has been thinking about some of the things I had told him just before we parted. He can’t seem to understand why I lived with the Italian family or anything about my past. He wants a nice Mormon girl who has grown up in a nice Mormon home and lived all its teachings. I know my past is hard to understand. I guess I must have shocked him. Now he wonders if I am good enough for him and that’s why he called. He wanted me to say sorry to him and ask for his forgiveness. I told him I was sorry if he didn’t understand my past. Other than that I did not need to apologize because this was something that was between me and Heavenly Father. I had come to peace with it, and that is what the atonement was for. If he didn’t understand that, then this was something he would have to work through on his own.
When I got off the phone with Dave, I thought to myself, maybe I am not good enough for him. I can’t help how I grew up. I don’t expect him to understand my life or the hell I have been through because of it. I am at peace with my past and if he can’t accept it and wants someone better, I am okay with it.
Saturday, May 21, 1983
I went to my cousin Colleen’s house last Thursday evening. It’s been nice to get away. We have planned that I will stay at her place until next Friday. I love Colleen and her family and I was excited about spending the rest of the week with them. Mom called this morning because she wants me to come home. I told her that I would be home next Friday just like we had been planned. But Mom demanded that I come home right now! This was no time for me to be thinking about myself. Even though I wanted to stay with Colleen, I did as I was told. I took the bus back to Mom’s place. The bus system is not like it is in Denmark. It took me four hours to get back.
When I got to Mom’s place, she told me that she had bought a brand-new knitting machine for $600.00. She wants me to take classes right away and learn how to use it. I don’t want to have anything to do with it! But Mom says it’s to be my wedding present and she is convinced that if I do lots of knitting on it, it will make us rich. I tried to tell her how I felt about it, but my opinion does not matter. To keep the peace, I went along with it.
I cried myself to sleep tonight. I wanted to stay with Colleen and her family. Mom could have waited with the knitting machine. It would still have been there next week. I wished Mom would have understood. I am unsure about my future. I feel so lost!
Sunday, May 22, 1983
Colleen called to tell me that she was disappointed about me not being able to stay at her house. Then she asked me when I would come and stay with her for a few days. I didn’t know what to tell her. Colleen can’t understand the hold Mom has on me. I want to go to Colleen’s house, but I am too scared of Mom. Oh, I hate that she has such a hold on me!
Thursday, May 26, 1983
I have been taking classes every day this week to learn how to work that stupid machine. The machine doesn’t work. It keeps getting jammed. The lady at the shop says it’s because the machine just needs to be broken in. She also said we could trade it in for another one that cost twice as much because the more expensive one would work better. But, Mom can’t afford it. She couldn’t even afford the one that she has already bought. If you ask me, it doesn’t work because it’s a piece of crap and Mom just needs to get her money back! But she won’t hear of it because she is so convinced that this is our ticket to becoming rich.
Saturday, May 28, 1983
Mom has asked the church for a table and some chairs. It got delivered this afternoon. It’s brand new. It is so nice to be able to sit at a table again when we eat.
At the place where Mom bought the machine, they have asked me to knit an afghan so that I can break in the machine. Man, that Afghan is a lot more work than I could have ever imagined. Since the machine keeps getting jammed, it would have been quicker to knit it by hand! I wish Mom would just ask for her money back!
Sunday, May 29, 1983
I feel so out of place in our new ward. The Relief Society President told me that I should go to a singles ward because there would be other people my age. I told her I was fine with going to this ward because I was getting married so I would be leaving soon.
I received a letter from Dave today. It sounds like he still wants to get married and that he misses me. I have been talking to him on tape and sending them to him. Tonight was the first time since I have been in Utah, that I missed him as well.
Monday, May 30, 1983
I worked some more on the stupid Afghan. I wonder if I will ever get it done!
Tuesday, May 31, 1983
What an awful day it was today. It was horrible to get to the knitting class because there was flooding in the streets. When I saw all the water coming down the streets I was ready to go back home, but I didn’t want Mom to get upset with me. I finally managed to make it to the store. It was even worse trying to get home. The buses stopped running because of all water everywhere. I still had to walk 10 miles before I was back at Mom’s place. People stopped their cars to offer to give me a ride, but I said no. After I had walked in the water for about an hour another car stopped to offer me a ride. This time, I took it. When I got in the man’s car, he pushed a button on his side of the door, and all four doors locked. I was scared and I couldn’t believe I had accepted this ride! I tried to talk to the man to ease the silence, but he never said a word to me. I thought, “This is it! I am going to be dead in a few minutes”. When I got close to Mom’s apartment I told the man that this is where I needed to get off. I was sure he wasn’t going to unlock the doors. But to my relief, he did. Man, was I glad to be out of his car!
Tonight on the news, they talked about all the flooding in the streets, and they showed people helping out by putting sandbags everywhere.
Sunday, June 5, 1983
When I got ready for church, some girls came from the singles ward. They said that the Relief Society President from my ward had asked them to come get me. Since I didn’t know them, I didn’t want to go with them. I thought it would be a waste of my time to get to know them since I wasn’t planning on staying in Utah for much longer. But I was polite and went with them anyways.
Everyone in the singles ward was nice towards me. It was Fast and Testimony, so I bore my testimony. I didn’t say anything about being engaged, since Dave had not said anything about it in his testimony while I was with him in Hawaii. When I was done bearing my testimony, a young man in a brown suit got up to bear his testimony. He introduced himself and said his name was Richard. As he was talking I went to sit down. When I turned to see who was talking, I saw Richard for the first time. It was love at first sight! Then I thought I shouldn’t be thinking this since I was already engaged.
While I was at the singles ward today three guys came up to me at different times to ask me for my phone number. They were all returned missionaries. I showed them my engagement ring and told them that I was engaged and I couldn’t go out with them.
When I was about to leave, I saw Richard come walking up the hall. As he came towards me, he smiled at me. I thought, “Oh, no! He is going to ask me out. He will want my phone number, and I will have to turn him down as well.” To my surprise, that is not what he asked for. Instead, he said, “There is a bunch of us who get together for Family Home Evening on Monday night at 7:00. Would you like to go to it?” It sounded fun so I answered, “Yes.” Then he said, “Do you have a car or will you need a ride?” I told him since I didn’t have a car, I would need a ride. Then he asked me for my address so that he could pick me up. I was glad I didn’t have to turn him away. Now I was looking forward to going to Family Home Evening.
When I got home from church, I cried. Mom and Elisabeth wanted to know what was wrong. I didn’t know what to tell them since I couldn’t understand it myself. It’s just all the people in this new ward were so nice to me. I hate to get to know them since I’m leaving soon. Oh, I wish Dave would have just married me so that I could have gotten on with my life.
Dave called from Hawaii tonight. We talked for about 30 minutes and our conversation was very nice. I thought after talking to him I should feel better about everything, but I didn’t. I thought maybe it was because I still don’t know when Dave and I would see each other again.
Monday, June 6, 1983
While Elisabeth and I were in town today I saw a wedding veil that was cheap because it was one you could finish yourself. Even though it didn’t cost a lot, I still couldn’t afford it. I told Mom about it. To my suprise, she gave me the money that I needed for it.
This evening, I thought it was of no use for me to go to the Family Home Evening that the singles ward was having. I should just stay home and work on my veil. I tried to call Richard to let him know I wasn’t going after all. But I didn’t have his phone number and everyone I called didn’t know it either. Richard had said that he would pick me up at 7:00 p.m., but he never came. I got out my veil and started to sew on it.
When it was 8:00 p.m., Richard finally showed up. He asked me why I was sewing a wedding veil. I didn’t want to tell him it was for me because I thought he was really cute. Instead, I packed it away and got ready to go with him. Richard kept asking me who the veil was for. Since I didn’t want him to know I was already engaged, I kept ignoring his question. Richard wouldn’t let it go. He kept repeating his question. I finally answered in an irritated voice, “Me!” Richard looked disappointed and started to walk off. I ran after him and told him to wait up for me since I still wanted to go with him to Family Home Evening.
Family Home Evening turned out to be a lot of fun. We went to a park and played games. Later when Richard drove me home again he told me that he had served his mission in British Columbia, Canada. I told him I had lived there for five years. Richard said that he had taken a lot of pictures while he was there and asked if I would like to see them one of these days. I told him I would love to, and then I could show him the few pictures that I had from when I used to live there. I thought it was interesting that he happened to serve his mission in the same place I used to live.
Tuesday, June 7, 1983
This morning Mom’s job called to tell her that they didn’t want her to come to work for them anymore. They said it was because they could tell her heart just wasn’t in it. We are already getting help from the church with food, now we will need even more help. I can’t get a job since there are complications with my papers. I sure hope Mom will be able to find another job soon!
Saturday, June 11, 1983
I called to wish Dave a Happy Birthday. We couldn’t talk for very long since it cost so much money. I wish I could have been with him to celebrate his birthday. However, I was glad I was able to talk to him for a few minutes.
Sunday, June 12, 1983
I got ready to go to the singles ward, but Mom asked me not to go. Instead, she wants me to come with her to her ward. Mom is depressed because she has lost her job, so I went with her and Elisabeth to their ward.
Monday, June 13, 1983
This evening, Richard came to pick me up since the Singles ward is going rollerskating for Family Home Evening. It was a lot of fun. Afterward, we all went out for ice cream. I had no money, so one of the young men in the ward offered to pay for me. While we were all eating our ice cream, Richard came and sat next to me. He started to ask me a lot of questions about Denmark. I could tell that one of the girls at the table liked Richard. Her name is Sherry. All evening I noticed that she has done everything she can to be near Richard. I could tell she was annoyed that Richard was talking to me. Then she said, “Tell us about your fiance in Hawaii!” When she said that, Richard got a strange look on his face. I wished that she would have minded her own business. I wanted to change the subject, but Sherry insisted that I talk about Dave. When it was time to go home, Sherry asked Richard to give her a ride to her house. I sat in the back seat and kept to myself.
Richard drove past the Salt Lake Temple. While we were driving, I was looking down because I was knitting. Then Richard said, “Anna look up!” because he wanted me to see the Temple. It was getting dark, and the Temple was all lit up. I had never seen the Temple like this before. It gave me goosebumps because it looked just the way it had in my dream a few years ago. I wanted to share this with them, but I knew they would never understand and they would most likely think I was crazy, so instead I said, “Wow, that’s beautiful!”
When we got close to my place I was sure that Richard was going to drop me off first, but instead, he drove past the apartment where I lived and dropped off Sherry. I laughed to myself and thought, “Oh, he must like me or else he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to make sure to take me home last.” Then I thought, “I shouldn’t try to interfere with them especially since I will be leaving soon.” When I went to bed, I had a hard time falling asleep because I was trying hard not to think about Richard.
Wednesday, June 15, 1983
I had to take the bus to the store for my knitting class. The buses still aren’t running like they should because of all the flooding. It took me two hours to get to my class, and it was late before I was able to get home again. Man, will I be glad when these classes are over!
Thursday, June 16, 1983
I went with a lady from Mom’s ward to the bishop’s storehouse. Since her family gets food too, we have to go work it off. Working with this lady made it fun because she kept making me laugh. I am grateful I can help out so that we don’t get help from the church for nothing in return.
Saturday, June 18, 1983
This evening, Ron, who is one of the singles in the ward called to invite me to come watch some movies with him and some of the other people from the ward. I told him that my Mom had gone out for the evening and I didn’t want to leave my sister home alone. Ron said that she was welcome to come too. When we got there, I must admit that I was disappointed to find out that Richard couldn’t come because he had to work. I thought it was for the best since I needed to stop thinking about him and focus on Dave.
When we got home, Mom was all shaken up because she had been on a blind date with a guy who belonged to the reorganized Mormon Church. He already had other wives at home. He had shown Mom a bunch of scriptures that had her all confused about our church. I was amazed to see how easily she had been shaken, and to think that she would even begin to listen to someone who had more than one wife! I told her not to listen to him and to pray so that she could get her testimony back.
Sunday, June 19, 1983
We have heard there is a Danish ward here in Salt Lake, so that’s where we went today. All the talks were in Danish. It was all old people. All the members were so kind towards us. It’s as if I already knew them because most of them knew my Grandma Helfred and her brothers and sister since they had grown up with them in Alborg, Denmark before they had immigrated to Utah.
When I got home from church, Dave called. He asked me if I would come to Hawaii and work so that I could be close to him again. He then added that his Grandma was sick and he wanted me to come as soon as possible, so I could take care of her. His Dad was willing to pay me for the help I would render to them. I told him I would have to think about it.
When it was time for bed, I had a hard time falling asleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dave had asked of me. I couldn’t see myself living there without us being married first. I could just imagine him taking off with some of the girls from his school, while I was stuck at home with his Grandma. It would make me too vulnerable and too open to getting hurt.
Monday, June 20, 1983
I got a letter from Dave today. In it, he wrote that he had been on a double date, but for me to know that it was only as, “friends.” I don’t care if it was only as “friends!” I was still very hurt over it.
Richard came tonight to bring me to Family Home Evening. Before he came, I wanted to take my engagement ring off, but I thought I had to stay strong, so I kept it on. When F.H.E. was over, Richard drove a couple of people home first. When it was just the two of us in his car, Richard hit me on the knee and asked, “You want to go for a drive and see the lights over Salt Lake?” I answered, “Yes, I would like that.” Richard drove up a hill where we could see all the lights shining. He parked the car so that we could get out and walk around. Then Richard said, “I was really happy when I saw you for the first time when you bore your testimony. But then I got so disappointed when I found out that the wedding veil that you were working on was for you because you were already engaged.” I didn’t know how to respond so I just looked down. Then he added. “I am tired of dating, and I am tired of playing games. I am ready to find a steady girl and settle down.” I thought. Wow! That is the exact opposite of anything that Dave had said about dating.
Richard looked so sweet standing there. I wanted to put my arms around him and say, “I feel the same way, and I would be more than happy to be that steady girl that you are looking for and settle down with you!” Instead, I just smiled at him. Then Richard said, “Dave is one lucky guy. I don’t understand how he could ever part from you! Let me be the first to know if you don’t marry him after all.” I assured Richard that he would be the first to know.
As we were driving home, Richard asked me if he could take me out on a date. I told him under the circumstances that it could never be possible. Then Richard said, “What if I promised you that it would only be as friends and nothing more?” Richard had said the magic word. I could almost see the word, “friends” in neon lights with quotations all around it. I thought, if Dave can go out on a date as “friends” then why can’t I? So I responded, “Yes if it’s only as friends. I think it would be fine!” Richard told me there was a Luau this Saturday. It sounded like fun, so I agreed to go with him.
When we got to Mom’s apartment, Elisabeth said, “Dave called. He wants you to call back collect as soon as you get home.” When Richard heard this, he said, “I better get going. I will call you later about our date, and it will be only as friends.” I responded with a smile and said, “Yes, as friends!”
When I called Dave up, he asked me, “Do you know there is someone overseas that loves you!” Then he asked me if I would fly to Hawaii this Wednesday to live. His Dad had said that he would pay for the ticket and I wouldn’t have to pay him back because he wanted me for his daughter-in-law and he didn’t want to lose me and he needed me to come help take care of his Mom. He would even pay me well for doing it. I thought, “I would have done it for free if we had been married, and wow, that was a drastic change from the way his Dad had felt about me before he had met me.” I told Dave that I had thought about it since he had called last Sunday, and my answer was no. He responded that it would mean a lot to him if I came and it would also mean a lot to his Dad and Step-Mom. Then he added, “My Dad says if you don’t like it here you can go back to Utah and he will pay for the ticket.” My answer was still no because I just didn’t think it was right to go there without us being married first. I wanted to be there as his wife and not the hired help. Once we were married, I wouldn’t mind helping out with his Grandma.
Our conversation ended with Dave asking me if I would be coming to California in July so that we could get our engagement picture taken for our wedding announcement and plan out our wedding in December. I told him I would be there.
Saturday, June 25, 1983
Mom is having a lot of family members over for a family reunion. Richard called to ask me if we were still going out tonight. I told him that I was planning on it. Then I said to him that we were having a family reunion at my mom’s place and a lot of the family knew that I was engaged. Since I didn’t want to explain to them that I was going out with someone else, for him just to pretend that he was Dave when he got here. Richard answered that it was fine with him.
A lot of family members were disappointed when they found out that I would not be there for the party. I wanted to stay, but I had been looking forward to going out with Richard all week and I just couldn’t pass it up.
When Richard got here, it was kind of funny, because both Richard and I wore a Hawaiian shirts since we were going to a Luau. Richard fit the part of Dave perfectly. Since no one had met Dave, no one knew any different. Richard and I laughed about it as we walked to the car.
When we got to the dance, Richard and I had a lot of fun together. While we were there, Richard noticed that I had taken my engagement ring off. Then he said, “I was kind of hoping that you weren’t going to be wearing it.” I answered, “Yeah, I thought it would be weird for me to wear it, even if we were only going out as friends.” Then I added, “Going out with you is kind of like going out with the missionaries while I lived in Denmark. We couldn’t hold hands or do much either.” Richard said, “Yes, I can imagine. I know you have to leave soon, so I will just cherish every moment that we are together.”
When I got home, I couldn’t fall asleep. It had been fun to be with Richard, and it was hard to think that I would be leaving soon.
Sunday, June 26, 1983
Before I left for the singles ward, Mom said that she had a lot of food left over from the family party and asked me to invite some people over from the singles ward for dinner.
When Richard drove me home from church, I invited him and his friend Ron to come in and have dinner with us. Dave had written that he was going to call me this evening. I didn’t want him to call while Richard was here, so I unplugged the phone. After dinner, when Richard had helped me with the dishes, he told me that I owed him a kiss for helping. I laughed and told him I would make a note of it.
Monday, June 27, 1983
Richard wasn’t at Family Home Evening tonight because he had to work. We were about 15 people gathered. Three girls and most of the rest were returned missionaries. Jody, who is one of the guys in the ward, asked if he could give me a ride home. Just as we were about to leave, Richard showed up. As I passed Richard, we stopped and talked for a few minutes. We couldn’t talk for long because Jody was in his truck waiting for me.
When we got to Mom’s place, Jody walked me to the door. He asked me if he could take me to Lagoon on July 11th. I told him I couldn’t go since I would be in California getting ready for my upcoming wedding. Jody kept talking. I told him I couldn’t invite him in because my mom and sister were asleep. He said he didn’t mind. Instead, we sat down by the door and we ended up talking for two hours. Jody said that he had served his mission in Mexico and had been home for two years. He said he wasn’t married because he has not found the right girl. Jody is good-looking and I’m sure he will get married soon. After he left, I thought it was funny that I didn’t feel guilty towards Dave for spending time with Jody. However, I did feel bad towards Richard. I should just phone Dave up and call everything off, and then I thought I was probably just having a hard time because Dave was so far away.
Saturday, July 2, 1983
Richard called to ask me if it was okay that he came over so that he could show me the pictures from his mission. When he got here, Mom asked us if we could go buy some food for her. While Richard and I were walking home from the store, Richard asked me, “Would you like to go buy a boat with me? Then we could sail away together?” I looked at him and laughed because I thought he was funny. Then he said, “Since we are looking at boats, we might as look for a house together, since we are looking at a house, we might as well look for a ring.” I didn’t answer him. I just smiled and shook my head.
When we got to Mom’s place and had eaten dinner, Richard got out his pictures. Mom, Elisabeth, and I had a good time looking at them. It was fun for us to see some of the places that we knew from when we lived there.
Sunday, July 3, 1983
After church, Richard asked if I wanted to go with him to Temple Square. I told him yes. Richard took me to Hotel Utah where you could sit on a couch and look out the window at the Temple. While we were sitting there, we watched the sun go down behind the Temple. It was so beautiful! While we watched the sunset, Richard said, “If you marry me, will you mind that I don’t have much money?” I told him that money didn’t matter to me. Then he said, “You will have to work to help pay the bills.” I told him I would work until we had kids. Here we were talking about our future together and we aren’t even engaged. It just seemed natural. I loved being with Richard. It’s as if I have always known him and that we are meant to be together. I felt so torn!
When we got back to Mom’s place, she handed me a note that said that Dave had called and he wanted me to call him back as soon as I got home. When Richard saw it, he said, “I better leave!” I told him not to worry about the note. After Richard left, I called Dave back. He was upset that I had not been home when he had called. He wanted to know where I had been. I said I had been at Temple Square with some of the young adults from my ward. Dave said, “There is no single adult activity on the first Sunday of the month.” I answered that it was just a “small” group of us who had decided to go there.
After Dave and I had talked for a while, he said I had changed. Then he asked me if I would still come to California next week to see him. I told him I didn’t know. Then he said that we didn’t have to make plans for our wedding. We could just see each other and have fun together, just like we used to. We could wait to talk about getting married until I was ready. Then he said that he had already mailed me the plane ticket and it should be coming in the mail any day. I told him I was tired and asked if he could call back when I was more awake. He said he would call me back on Tuesday.
It got late before I was able to fall asleep because I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to go to California next week, even if we weren’t going to talk about our wedding.
Monday, July 4, 1983
Richard came over this morning because he said he had something that he wanted me to have. Then he put a gold chain around my neck. He said it was a necklace that he had bought on his mission for his future wife. Then he added, “Even though you are marrying Dave, I still want you to have it.” Then he kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t quite know what to say, so I just thanked him for the necklace. Then Richard told me that he would drive me to the airport when I was going to California. Later in the day, Richard took Mom, Elisabeth, and me to Provo since it was the fourth of July so that we could see all the festivities. When it got dark, we saw all the fireworks.
After Richard had driven us home, I had a hard time falling asleep again. I was worried that I would regret breaking it off with Dave. I got out a pen and a piece of paper and I made a list of both Richard and Dave’s pros and cons side by side. Even though Richard is not rich or educated he still came out as the person who I would rather spend the rest of my life with.
I thought it was interesting that both Richard and Dave had bought a necklace while they were on their mission for their future wife. Dave had hesitated to give it to me, yet Richard was so willing to give me his, even though we might never get married. I thought it was a clear sign. It is Richard who I am to marry. Tomorrow I will go and cancel my plane ticket to California.
Tuesday, July 5, 1983
Elisabeth went with me into town so that I could cancel my plane ticket so that Dave would get his money back.
Dave called just like we had planned. Dave asked me how I thought our relationship was going. I told him I wanted him to tell me first. He said that he thought we had drifted apart. He loved me, but the love we had for each other had turned into more like we were siblings, and since this was his conclusion, we should break off our engagement. I was so relieved that he was the one to break it off. Then I said, “Oh, good that is how I feel too, and that is why I have canceled the ticket and you will be getting your money back.” I could tell Dave was stunned by what I had just said. He said that he had looked forward to seeing me again. He knew that I didn’t have very much clothes so he said that he could buy me another ticket, and when I came down he would buy me a whole new wardrobe. I must admit that it did sound tempting and I had to think about it for a few seconds. I concluded that I didn’t want to be away from Richard, so I told Dave I was sorry but I wasn’t coming. Then he said that he would like to see me one last time and maybe we could talk about getting together again after his schooling was over. I thanked him for the offer, and then I told him I had already made up my mind and I was staying in Utah.
After I hung up the phone, I cried. We had been engaged for seven months and now it was over!
Wednesday, July 6, 1983
Mom got a job at the Church Office Building. It looks like things are looking up for her.
When Richard came over today, I told him that I was not going to California after all and that I had called off my engagement. Richard looked so happy. Then he asked me if I would go for a walk with him. His parents didn’t live far from where Mom lived so we went to their house. While we were visiting with them, his Mom asked Richard when he was taking me to the Temple. He answered soon. His dad then got out an 8″ by 10″ picture of Richard’s older brother. As he was showing me the picture he said, “Don’t marry Richard, he’s no good! This is his older brother who is on his mission on Hawaii, he’s the one you should marry!” I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything. I looked over at Richard to see his reaction. He looked hurt. Then Richard said, “Well we better get going!” Then we left. After we left I asked Richard what in the world that was all about? He told me that he wasn’t close to his parents because they could be pretty abusive toward him at times, and that was why he had moved away from their house and was living with one of his friends.
It had me a little worried about how his dad had treated him while we were there, then I thought that mom could be awful at times too, and that it was a good thing we could make a life together of our own. Just the two of us. Then I wondered when Richard would propose to me and when we would get married? I have a feeling this is not going to be another long engagement with no end in sight.
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