“Richard” Chapter 47

Sunday, May 8, 1983

Mom, Beth, Mom’s sister Jytte, and her husband Mike came to the airport to pick me up. To my relief, Mom never said one word about me taking off to Hawaii. Instead, everyone seemed happy to see me and wanted to know all about my trip. After Aunt Jytte and Mike left, I went to church with Mom and Beth.

Monday, May 9, 1983

While Mom was at work and Beth was at school, I did a few chores, then arranged the furniture and tried to make the apartment feel homier.

Tuesday, May 10, 1983

When I unpacked my suitcase, I found a sweet letter from Dave. It was a nice surprise. Especially since I had been thinking about the day Dave and I visited his friend at her apartment. I guess it still bothered me. It also bothered me that none of his friends knew he was engaged. I tried not to let it get to me and to focus only on the good times we had together while I was in Hawaii.

Mom has tried to call Grandma in Denmark ever since Sunday, since it was Mother’s Day. But she has had no luck getting a hold of her. Tonight, Mom called the police in Skive to ask them to check in on her. We are so worried about Grandma and hope she is okay.

Wednesday, May 11, 1983

While Mom was at work and Beth was at school, I got a phone call from Inger, who is one of the branch members in Skive. Inger told me that after Mom had called, she went with the Police to Grandma’s place. When they let themselves into Grandma’s apartment, they found her dead on the floor. It looked like she had tried to reach for the phone and didn’t make it.

When Mom and Beth came home, I told them about Grandma. Mom got upset with me for not calling her at work as soon as I had this news, so that she could have come home right away. I don’t understand why she would need to hurry home. Grandma had been dead since Friday, and there was nothing she could do about it anyway. Mom cried hysterically while she called family members to tell them the news.

While Mom talked on the phone, I held Beth in my arms. Beth was sad about it, too, but she took the news the same way I did. We love Grandma, but in a way, we are glad that she has passed away. She was 82 years old and lived alone, with no family nearby. She is a lot happier where she is now. Beth and I felt her peace around us, and we know we will see her again someday. I hope Mom will calm down soon so she can feel the same peace.

Thursday, May 12, 1983

Mom got the day off from work. She desperately wants to go to Denmark. I don’t see why, since she doesn’t have the money for it, and it won’t bring Grandma back. Since Mom can’t go to Denmark, she wanted to visit her sister Jytte. When we got into town, Mom couldn’t figure out how to get to Aunt Jytte’s house. She asked a policeman for help. Since Mom has a strong accent, he thought we were tourists who were lost, so he gave us a ride to where we needed to go. I thought it was funny. It would be nice if the police could always drive us where we wanted to go.

Saturday, May 14, 1983

As soon as I arrived in Utah, I called my cousin Colleen to let her know we had moved here. She was just as excited as I was to spend more time together.

We planned for her to come and pick up Mom, Beth, and me so that we could go to the Zoo with her and her family. She’s like a big sister I always wished I had.

Monday, May 16, 1983

We got a letter from Grandma Helfred. It was strange to receive her letter since we knew that she was dead. In the letter, she wrote that she wouldn’t be coming to America because she wouldn’t live much longer. She let us know that she loved us and that we would see each other again. If not on earth, then on the other side. I thought it was crazy that Grandma knew that her time was almost up when she had written the letter.

Thursday, May 19, 1983

While Mom is at work and Beth is at school, I spend the time cleaning the apartment and cooking for them.

Dave called today. He has been thinking about some of the things I had told him just before we parted. He can’t seem to understand why I lived with the Italian family or anything about my past. He wants a nice Mormon girl who is a virgin and lived all the rules.

I know my past is hard to understand. I guess I must have shocked him. Now he wonders if I am good enough for him, and that’s why he called. He wanted me to say sorry to him and ask for his forgiveness. I told him I was sorry if he didn’t understand my past. Other than that, I did not need to apologize because this was between Heavenly Father and me.

I had come to peace with it, and that is what the atonement was for. If he didn’t understand that, then this was something he would have to work through on his own.

When I got off the phone with Dave, I thought, maybe I am not good enough for him. I can’t help how I grew up. I don’t expect him to understand my life or the hell I have been through because of it. I have repented. I am at peace with my past, and if he can’t accept it and wants someone clean and pure, I am okay with it.

Saturday, May 21, 1983

I went to my cousin Colleen’s house last Thursday evening. It’s been nice to get away. We have planned for me to stay at her place until next Friday. Then on Friday, Colleen was going to drive me back.

I love Colleen and her family, and I was excited about spending the rest of the week with them. Mom called this morning and demanded that I come home.

I told her that I would be home on Friday, just like we had planned. Mom demanded that I come home right now! She said this was no time for me to be thinking about myself.

Even though I wanted to stay with Colleen, I did as I was told. I took the bus back to Mom’s place. The bus system is not like it is in Denmark. It took me four hours to get back.

When I got to Mom’s place, she told me that she had bought a brand-new knitting machine for $600.00. She wants me to take classes right away and learn how to use it. I don’t want to have anything to do with it! But Mom says it’s my wedding present, and she is convinced that it will make us rich. I tried to tell her how I felt about it, but my opinion did not matter. To keep the peace, I went along with it.

I cried myself to sleep tonight. I wanted to stay with Colleen and her family. Mom could have waited with the knitting machine. It would still have been there next week. I wished Mom had understood. I am unsure about my future. I feel so lost!

Sunday, May 22, 1983

Colleen called to tell me that she was disappointed about me not being able to stay at her house. Then she asked me when I would come and stay with her for a few days. I didn’t know what to tell her. Colleen can’t understand the hold Mom has on me. I want to go to Colleen’s house, but I am too scared of Mom. Oh, I hate that she has such a hold on me!

Thursday, May 26, 1983

I have been taking classes every day this week to learn how to work that stupid machine. The machine doesn’t work! It keeps getting jammed.

The lady at the shop says it’s because the machine just needs to be broken in. She also said we could trade it in for another one that costs twice as much because the more expensive one would work better. But Mom can’t afford it. She couldn’t even afford the one that she had already bought.

If you ask me, it doesn’t work because it’s a piece of crap, and Mom just needs to get her money back! But she won’t hear of it because she is so convinced that this is our ticket to becoming rich.

Saturday, May 28, 1983

Mom has asked the Bishop for a table and some chairs. It got delivered this afternoon. It’s brand new. It is so nice to sit at a table again when we eat.

At the place where Mom bought the machine, they asked me to knit an afghan so I could break it in. Man, that Afghan is a lot more work than I could ever have imagined! Since the machine keeps getting jammed, it would have been quicker to knit it by hand. I wish Mom would just ask for her money back!

Sunday, May 29, 1983

I feel so out of place in our new ward. The Relief Society President told me I should go to the singles ward because there would be other people my age. I told her I was fine with going to this ward because I was getting married and would be leaving soon.

I received a letter from Dave today. It sounds like he still wants to get married and that he misses me. I have been talking to him on tapes and sending them to him. Tonight was the first time since I have been in Utah that I missed him, too.

Monday, May 30, 1983

I worked some more on the stupid Afghan. I wonder if I will ever get it done!

Tuesday, May 31, 1983

What an awful day today was! It was horrible getting to the knitting class because the streets were flooded. When I saw all the water running down the streets, I was ready to go back home, but I didn’t want to upset Mom.

I finally managed to make it to the store. It was even worse trying to get home. The buses stopped running because of all the water everywhere. I still had to walk 10 miles before I was back at Mom’s place.

People stopped their cars to offer to give me a ride, but I said no. After I had walked in the water for about an hour, another car stopped to offer me a ride. This time, I accepted.

When I got in the man’s car, he gave me a cold, hard stare. Then he pushed a button on his side of the door, and all four doors locked. I was scared, and I couldn’t believe I had accepted this ride! I tried to break the silence by talking to him, but he never said a word.

I thought, “This is it! I am going to be dead in a few minutes”. When I got close to Mom’s apartment, I told the man that this was where I needed to get off. I was sure he wouldn’t unlock the doors. But to my relief, he did. I thanked him for the ride. He just stared at me as I shut the door behind me. Man, was I glad to be out of his car!

Sunday, June 5, 1983

When I got ready for church, some girls from the singles ward showed up at Mom’s apartment. They said the Relief Society President from my ward had asked them to come get me. Since I didn’t know them, I didn’t want to go with them.

I thought it would be a waste of my time to get to know them, since I wasn’t planning to stay in Utah much longer. But I was polite and went with them anyway.

Everyone in the singles ward was nice to me. It was Fast and Testimony, so I bore my testimony. I didn’t say anything about being engaged, since Dave hadn’t mentioned it in his testimony while I was with him in Hawaii.

When I finished bearing my testimony, a young man in a brown suit got up to bear his. He introduced himself, saying his name was *Richard. When I had sat down, I looked up to see who was talking. I saw Richard for the first time. I thought he was cute. Then I thought I shouldn’t be thinking this since I was already engaged.

While I was at the singles ward today, three guys approached me at different times to ask for my phone number. They were all returned missionaries. I showed them my engagement ring and told them I was engaged, and that I couldn’t go out with them.

When I was about to leave, I saw Richard come walking down the hall towards me. When he saw me, he smiled. I thought, “Oh, no, he is going to ask me out. He will want my phone number, and I will have to turn him down as well.”

To my surprise, that is not what he asked for. Instead, he said, “There is a bunch of us who get together for Family Home Evening on Monday night at 7:00.  Would you like to go to it?” It sounded fun, so I answered, “Yes.” Then he said, “Do you have a car or will you need a ride?” I told him I would need a ride. Then he asked me for my address so that he could pick me up.

I was glad I didn’t have to turn him away. Now I was looking forward to going to family home evening.

When I got home from church, I cried. Mom and Beth wanted to know what was wrong. I didn’t know what to tell them since I couldn’t understand it myself. It’s just that all the people in this new ward were so nice to me. I didn’t want to get to know them since I’m leaving soon. Oh, I wish Dave had just married me so that I could have gotten on with my life.

Dave called from Hawaii tonight. We talked for about 30 minutes. It had been a nice conversation. I thought that after talking to him, I should have felt better about everything, but I didn’t.

Monday, June 6, 1983

While Beth and I were in town today, I saw a cheap wedding veil you could finish yourself. Even though it didn’t cost a lot, I still couldn’t afford it. I told Mom about it. To my surprise, she gave me the money that I needed for it.

This evening, I thought it was of no use for me to attend the FHE that the singles ward was having. I should just stay home and work on my veil. I tried to call Richard to let him know I wasn’t going after all. But I didn’t have his phone number, and no one I called did either.

Richard said he would pick me up at 7:00 p.m. but he never showed up. I got out my veil and started sewing it on.

At 8:00 p.m. Richard finally showed up. He asked me why I was sewing a wedding veil. I didn’t want to tell him it was for me. Instead, I packed it away and got ready to go with him. Richard kept asking me who the veil was for.

Since I didn’t want him to know I was already engaged, I kept ignoring his question. Richard wouldn’t let it go.

In Mom’s apartment, you can walk in a circle, around the kitchen, through the living room, and then you’re back in the kitchen again.

I kept walking around the loop while Richard followed close behind, repeating his question. I finally answered, “Me!” Richard looked disappointed and started walking away. I ran after him and told him to wait up for me since I still wanted to go with him to Family Home Evening.

FHE turned out to be a lot of fun. We went to a park and played games. Later, when Richard drove me home again, he told me that he had served his mission in British Columbia, Canada. I told him I had lived there for five years.

Richard said he had taken pictures while he was there and asked if I would like to see them one of these days. I told him I would love to, and then I could show him the few pictures that I had from when I used to live there. I thought it was interesting that he happened to serve his mission in the same place I used to live.

Tuesday, June 7, 1983

This morning, Mom’s job called to tell her that they didn’t want her to come to work for them anymore. They said it was because they could tell her heart wasn’t in it. We are already receiving help from the church with food, and now we will need even more. I can’t get a job because of complications with my papers. I sure hope Mom can find another job soon!

Saturday, June 11, 1983

I called to wish Dave a Happy Birthday. We couldn’t talk for very long since it’s so expensive. I wish I could have been with him to celebrate his birthday. However, I was glad to have been able to talk to him for a few minutes.

Sunday, June 12, 1983

I was about to go to the singles ward, but Mom asked me not to. Instead, she wants me to come with her to her ward. Mom is depressed because she has lost her job, so I went with her and Beth to their ward.

Monday, June 13, 1983

This evening, Richard came to pick me up since the Singles ward is going rollerskating for FHE. It was a lot of fun. Afterward, we all went out for ice cream. I had no money, so one of the young men in the ward offered to pay for me. Richard came and sat next to me. He started to ask me a lot of questions about Denmark.

I could tell that one of the girls at the table liked Richard. Her name is *Sherry. All evening, I noticed that she had done everything she could to be near Richard. I could tell she was annoyed that Richard was talking to me. Then she said, “Tell us about your fiancé in Hawaii!” When she said that, Richard got a strange look on his face.

I wished that she had minded her own business. I wanted to change the subject, but Sherry insisted that I talk about Dave. When it was time to go home, Sherry asked Richard to give her a ride to her house. I went in the back seat and kept to myself.

Richard drove past the Salt Lake Temple. While we were driving, I was looking down because I was knitting. Then Richard said, “Anna, look up!” because he wanted me to see the Temple. It was getting dark, and the Temple was all lit up. I had never seen the Temple like this before.

It looked just the way it had in my dream a few years ago. I wanted to share this with them, but I knew they would never understand. So instead I said, “Wow, that’s beautiful!”

When we got close to my place, I was sure Richard would drop me off first, but to my suprise he drove past my apartment and dropped off Sherry. I laughed to myself and thought, “Oh, he must like me, or else he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to make sure to take me home last.” Then I thought, “I shouldn’t try to interfere with them, especially since I will be leaving soon.”

Wednesday, June 15, 1983

I had to take the bus to the store for my knitting class. The buses still aren’t running like they should because of all the flooding. It took me two hours to get to my class, and I didn’t get home until late. Man, will I be glad when these classes are over!

Thursday, June 16, 1983

I went with a lady from Mom’s ward to the bishop’s storehouse. Since her family gets food too, we have to work it off. Mom sends me since she doesn’t want to go. I didn’t mind. Working with this lady made it fun because she kept making me laugh. I don’t like receiving help from the church, so I am grateful I can do service in return.

Saturday, June 18, 1983

This evening, Ron, one of the singles in the ward, called to invite me to watch some movies with him and others from the ward. I told him that my Mom had gone out for the evening and I didn’t want to leave my sister home alone. Ron said that she was welcome to come too.

Richard wasn’t there because he had to work. I thought it was for the best since I needed to focus on Dave.

When we got home, Mom was all shook up because she had been on a blind date with a guy who belonged to the reorganized Mormon Church. He already had other wives at home. He had shown Mom some scriptures about plural wives, leaving her confused about whether we belonged to the right church.

I was amazed to see how easily she had been shaken, and to think that she would even begin to listen to someone who had more than one wife!

It’s hard enough to accept plural wives in heaven. I couldn’t imagine having to live it here on earth. Especially mom.

Sunday, June 19, 1983

We have heard there is a Danish ward here in Salt Lake, so that’s where we went today. All the talks were in Danish. It was all old people. All the members were so kind towards us. It’s as if I already knew them, because most of them knew my Grandma Helfred and her brothers and sister, since they had grown up with them in Aalborg, before they immigrated to Utah.

When I got home from church, Dave called. He asked me to come to Hawaii and work so I could be close to him again. He then added that his Grandma was sick and he wanted me to come as soon as possible, so I could take care of her. His Dad was willing to pay me. I told him I would have to think about it.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dave had asked of me. I couldn’t see myself living there without us being married first. I could just imagine him breaking off the engagement and taking off with some of the girls from his school, while I was stuck with his Grandma. It would make me too vulnerable and too open to get hurt.

Monday, June 20, 1983

I got a letter from Dave today. In it, he wrote that he had been on a double date, but that I should know it was only as “friends.” I don’t care if it was only as “friends!” I was still hurt over it.

Richard came to pick me up for FHE. Before he came, I wanted to take off my engagement ring, but I thought I had to stay strong, so I kept it on. When F.H.E. was over, Richard drove a couple of people home first. When it was just the two of us in his car, Richard hit me on the knee and asked, “You want to go for a drive and see the lights over Salt Lake?” I figured if Richard was living the single life, I didn’t see any harm in going with Richard to see the lights, so I answered, “Yes, I would like that.”

Richard drove up a hill, then parked the car so we could look at the lights. Then he said, “I was really happy when I saw you for the first time when you bore your testimony. But then I got so disappointed when I found out that the wedding veil that you were working on was for you because you were already engaged.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I just looked down. Then he added. “I am tired of dating, and I am tired of playing games. I am ready to find a steady girl and settle down.” I thought. Wow! That is the exact opposite of anything that Dave had said about dating.

Richard looked so sweet standing there. I wanted to put my arms around him and say, “I feel the same way, and I would be more than happy to be that steady girl that you are looking for and settle down with you!” Instead, I just smiled at him. Then Richard said, “Dave is one lucky guy. I don’t understand how he could ever part from you! Let me be the first to know if you don’t marry him after all.” I assured Richard that he would be the first to know.

As we were driving home, Richard asked me to go out on a date with him. I told him, under the circumstances, that it would not be possible. Then Richard said, “What if I promised you that it would only be as friends and nothing more?” Richard had said the magic word. I could almost see the word “friends” in neon lights, with quotation marks.

I thought, if Dave can go out on a date as “friends,” then why can’t I? So I responded, “Yes, if it’s only as friends. I think it would be fine!” Richard told me there was a Luau this Saturday. It sounded like fun, so I agreed to go with him.

When we got to Mom’s apartment, Beth said, “Dave called.  He wants you to call back collect as soon as you get home.” When Richard heard this, he said, “I’d better get going. I will call you later about our date, and it will be only as friends.” I smiled and said, “Yes, as friends!”

When I called Dave up, he asked me, “Do you know there is someone overseas who loves you!” Then he asked me if I would fly to Hawaii this Wednesday to live. His Dad had said he would pay for the ticket, and I wouldn’t have to pay him back, because he wanted me for his daughter-in-law and didn’t want to risk his family losing me. Then he added that his dad needed me to come help take care of his Mom. He would even pay me well for doing it.

I thought, “I would have done it for free if we had been married, and wow, that was a drastic change from the way his Dad had felt about me before he had met me.” I told Dave I’d been thinking about it since he called last Sunday, and my answer was no. He said it would mean a lot to him if I came, and it would mean a lot to his Dad and Step-Mom. Then he added, “My Dad says if you don’t like it here, you can go back to Utah and he will pay for the ticket.” My answer was still no because I just didn’t think it was right to go there without us being married first. I wanted to be there as his wife, not as the hired help. Once we were married, I wouldn’t mind helping out with his Grandma.

Our conversation ended with Dave asking if I would be coming to California in July so we could get our engagement picture taken for the wedding announcement and plan our wedding that was coming up in December. I told him I would be there.

Saturday, June 25, 1983

Mom has invited family over this evening for a family reunion.

Richard called to ask me if we were still going out tonight. I let him know I was planning on it. Then I told him some of my family would be at my mom’s place, and many of them knew I was engaged. Since I didn’t want to explain to them that I was going out with someone else, I wanted him to pretend he was Dave when he got here. Richard answered that it was fine with him.

Many family members were disappointed when they learned I would not be there for the party. I wanted to stay, but I had been looking forward to going out with Richard all week, and I just couldn’t pass it up.

When Richard got here, it was kind of funny because we both wore Hawaiian shirts since we were going to a Luau. Richard fit the part of Dave perfectly. Richard and I laughed about it as we walked to the car.

When we got to the dance, Richard and I had a great time together. While we were there, Richard noticed I had taken off my engagement ring. Then he said, “I was kind of hoping that you weren’t going to be wearing it.” I answered, “Yeah, I thought it would be weird for me to wear it, even if we were only going out as friends.” Then I added, “Going out with you is kind of like going out with the missionaries while I lived in Denmark. We couldn’t hold hands or do much either.” Richard said, “Yes, I can imagine. I know you have to leave soon, so I will just cherish every moment that we are together.”

It had been fun being with Richard, and it was hard to think about leaving soon.

Sunday, June 26, 1983

Before I left for the singles ward, Mom said she had a lot of food left over from the family party and asked me to invite some people from the singles ward to dinner.

When Richard drove me home from church, I invited him and his friend Ron to come in for dinner. In Dave’s last letter, he said he would call me this evening. I didn’t want him to call while Richard was here, so I unplugged the phone. After dinner, when Richard had helped me with the dishes, he told me I owed him a kiss for his help. I laughed and told him I would make a note of it.

Monday, June 27, 1983

Richard wasn’t at Family Home Evening tonight because he had to work. We were about 15 people gathered. Three girls and most of the rest were returned missionaries. Jody, who is one of the guys in the ward, asked if he could give me a ride home. Just as we were about to leave, Richard showed up. As I passed Richard, we stopped and talked for a few minutes. We couldn’t talk for long since Jody was waiting for me in his truck.

When we got to Mom’s place, Jody walked me to the door. He asked me if he could take me to Lagoon on July 11th. I told him I couldn’t go since I would be in California getting ready for my upcoming wedding. Jody kept talking. I told him I couldn’t invite him in because my mom and sister were asleep. He said he didn’t mind. Instead, we sat by the door and ended up talking for two hours.

Jody told me that he had served his mission in Mexico and had been home for two years. He said he wasn’t married because he had not found the right girl. Jody is good-looking and a really nice guy. If I hadn’t already been engaged and hadn’t met Richard, I would have loved to go out with him. I’m sure he will get married soon. After he left, I thought it was funny that I didn’t feel guilty towards Dave for spending time with Jody. However, I did feel bad towards Richard. I should just phone Dave up and call everything off, and then I thought I was probably just having a hard time because Dave was so far away.

Saturday, July 2, 1983

Richard called to ask if it was okay for him to come over and show me the pictures from his mission. When he got here, Mom asked us to go buy some food for her. While Richard and I were walking home from the store, Richard asked me, “Would you like to go buy a boat with me? Then we could sail away together?” I looked at him and laughed because I thought he was funny. Then he said, “Since we are looking at boats, we might as well look for a house together, since we are looking at a house, we might as well look for a ring.” I didn’t answer him. I just smiled and shook my head.

After we got to Mom’s place and had dinner, Richard got out his pictures. Mom, Beth, and I had a good time looking at them. It was fun for us to see some of the places that we knew from when we lived there.

Sunday, July 3, 1983

After church, Richard asked if I wanted to go with him to Temple Square. I told him yes. Richard took me to Hotel Utah, where you could sit on a couch and look out the window at the Temple. While we were sitting there, we watched the sun go down behind the Temple. It was so beautiful!

While we watched the sunset, Richard said, “If you marry me, will you mind that I don’t have much money?” I told him that money didn’t matter to me. Then he said, “You will have to work to help pay the bills.” I told him I would work until we had kids. Here we were talking about our future together, and we aren’t even engaged. It just seemed natural. I felt so torn!

When we got back to Mom’s place, she handed me a note saying Dave had called and wanted me to call him back as soon as I got home. When Richard saw it, he said, “I’d better leave!” I told him not to worry about the note.

After Richard left, I called Dave back. He was upset that I had not been home when he had called. He wanted to know where I had been. I said I had been at Temple Square with some of the young adults from my ward. Dave said, “There is no single adult activity on the first Sunday of the month.” I answered that it was just a “small” group of us who had decided to go there.

After Dave and I had talked for a while, he said I had changed. Then he asked me if I would still come to California next week to see him. I told him I didn’t know. Then he said that we didn’t have to make plans for our wedding.

We could just see each other and have fun together, just like we used to. We could wait to talk about getting married until I was ready. Then he said he had already mailed me the plane ticket, and it should arrive any day. I told him I was tired and asked him to call back when I was more awake. He said he would call me back on Tuesday.

I am having a hard time deciding whether to go to California next week, even though we weren’t going to talk about our wedding.

Monday, July 4, 1983

Richard came over this morning because he said he had something that he wanted me to have. Then he put a gold chain around my neck. He said it was a necklace that he had bought on his mission for his future wife. Then he added, “Even though you are marrying Dave, I still want you to have it.” Then he kissed me on the cheek.

I didn’t quite know what to say, so I just thanked him for the necklace. Then Richard told me that he would drive me to the airport when I was going to California. Later in the day, Richard took Mom, Beth, and me to Provo for the Fourth of July so we could see all the festivities. When it got dark, we saw all the fireworks.

After Richard drove us home, I worried I would regret breaking it off with Dave. I got out a pen and a piece of paper and made a list of Richard’s and Dave’s pros and cons side by side. Even though Richard is neither rich nor educated, he still came out as the person I would rather spend the rest of my life with.

I thought it interesting that both Richard and Dave had bought necklaces for their future wives while on their missions. Dave had hesitated to give it to me, yet Richard was willing to give me his, even though we might never get married. I thought it was a clear sign. It is Richard who I should marry. Tomorrow I will go and cancel my plane ticket to California.

Tuesday, July 5, 1983

Beth went with me into town to cancel my plane ticket so that Dave would get his money back.

Dave called just like we had planned. Dave asked me how I thought our relationship was going. I told him I wanted him to tell me first. He said that he thought we had drifted apart. He loved me, but the love we had for each other had turned into something more like siblings, and since that was his conclusion, we should break off our engagement.

I was so relieved that he was the one to break it off. Then I said, “Oh, good, that is how I feel too, and that is why I have canceled the ticket, and you will be getting your money back.” I could tell Dave was stunned by what I had just said. He said that he had looked forward to seeing me again.

He knew I hardly had any clothes, so he said he could buy me another ticket and, when I came down, he would buy me a whole new wardrobe.

I must admit that it did sound tempting, and I had to think about it for a few seconds. I decided I didn’t want to be away from Richard, so I told Dave I was sorry, but I wasn’t coming. Then he said he would like to see me one last time, and maybe we could talk about getting together again after his schooling was over. I thanked him for the offer, then told him I had already made up my mind, and I was staying in Utah.

After I hung up the phone, I cried. We had been engaged for seven months, and now it was over!

Wednesday, July 6, 1983

Mom got a job at the Church Office Building.  It looks like things are looking up for her.

When Richard came over today to take me to the airport, I told him I wasn’t going to California after all and had called off my engagement. Richard looked happy. Then he asked me to go for a walk with him. His parents didn’t live far from Mom, so we went to their house.

While we were visiting with them, his Mom asked Richard when he was going to take me to the Temple. He answered soon. His dad then got out an 8″ by 10″ picture of Richard’s older brother. As he was showing me the picture, he said, “Don’t marry Richard, he’s no good! This is his older brother, who is on his mission in Hawaii; he’s the one you should marry!”

I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I looked over at Richard to see his reaction. He looked hurt. Then Richard said, “Well, we’d better get going!” Then we left.

After we left, I asked Richard what in the world that was all about? He told me that he wasn’t close to his parents because they would be abusive toward him at times, and that was why he had moved away from their house and was living with one of his friends.

It had me a little worried about how his dad had treated him while we were there. Then I thought mom could be awful at times, too, and that it was a good thing we could make our own life together. Just the two of us. Then I wondered when Richard would propose to me and when we would get married. I have a feeling this is not going to be another long engagement with no end in sight.