Proposal Chapter 48

Sunday, July 10, 1983

Richard took me to Temple Square, where he proposed to me in front of the Christ statue.

Richard said, ” Let’s skip the part about praying if we should marry, because even if we get the answer no, I will still marry you!” I thought, “Wow, that’s so opposite of what Dave had said.” So I agreed to skip the prayer. Then Richard pulled out two tickets to Lagoon. He said, ” Tomorrow we will go pick out your wedding ring, and afterward we’ll go to Lagoon because it’s Stake Lagoon Day.”

The next day, Richard took me to a jewelry store where he let me pick out whatever ring I wanted. I got a pretty diamond just like I always wanted! After he had bought the ring, we were off to Lagoon. I finally got to see it for the first time. I smiled to myself because I had told my cousins a few years ago that one day I would see Lagoon, and it would be a very special day, and it was!”

Saturday August 6th, 1983

The Single Adults were having a swimming party by the lake. Richard and I went. I was on my period and having terrible cramps, and I knew from past experience that if I went into the cold water, it would get worse.

3 girls from the ward were already there. Richard seemed excited to see them and ran into the water to join them. I was hurt by the way he was flirting with them. I felt bad sitting there by myself watching them in the water.

Just then, Jody from the ward showed up. He asked me why I was sitting there by myself and why I wasn’t in the water with the other girls. I didn’t want to tell him that I was on my period, so I just smiled, embarrassed, and shrugged my shoulders.

Then Jody asked, “Isn’t that Richard out there in the water with those girls? Man, if I were engaged to be married to you, there is no way I would leave you sitting here by yourself and run off with them!”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled at him again. Then Jody said, “It’s not right the way he is flirting with them and then leaving you here sitting by yourself!

As Jody and I sat there looking at them, I must admit it made me mad the way Richard was acting with the girls. But I didn’t say anything. I could tell Jody was bothered by it, too. Then Jody said, ” What’s wrong with him?… This is not okay. Let’s see if we can get his attention! Maybe we can make him jealous!” Jody scooted close to me.

As we sat and talked, Richard didn’t notice us. Then Jody said, “This is incredible! He’s so busy with those girls that he doesn’t even notice us!” Then Jody scooted even closer and called out, “Hay Richard! I’m stealing your fiancé. You don’t even notice since you are paying so much attention to those other girls when you should be with her!” Then Jody pointed to me.

I was so glad Jody did this. Jody was the kind man I had hoped to one day marry, but because of the abusive way I had grown up, I thought Jody was too good for me.

When Richard noticed this, he came running out of the water towards us. I was hurt that it took Jody to get him out of the water and to stop flirting with the girls. I reasoned that Richard had done this because he wasn’t very bright, so I never mentioned it again.

September 1983

I was approved to work. I got a job working at the LDS church cafeteria. I could only get part-time work because the church was unwilling to provide benefits for full-time work. But that was better than nothing.

October 1983

A couple of weeks before the wedding, Richard’s mom offered to have a Bridal shower for me. I have a lot of family here in Utah, so Mom invited them. We also invited friends I have come to know, and people from Mom’s ward.

Richards’ mom asked for a list of who was coming to my shower, along with their phone numbers.

I was so excited to see who had all come to my shower. Richard’s mom had called everyone on the list and asked them to bring a few dozen cookies. As the guests arrived, she got the cookies and put most of them in her freezer. Then she put a few cookies on the table.

When the shower was over, my relatives asked why their cookies had not been on the table. Richard’s mom told them she had put them in her freezer for another time. It was awkward! I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say.

As our wedding day drew closer, Mom got rude towards Richard. He took it well and, to my relief, he still wanted to marry me.

When Mom realized I was serious about getting married, she told me to call off the wedding. She said she wanted me to wait to get married so that she could give me a great big wedding. I told her I didn’t want an elaborate wedding, and I was grateful for the help I was receiving from family and members of our ward.

Mom got upset. She told me that I would get divorced because all men were evil, and I needed to learn from her mistakes and never get married. I responded that I was lucky to find a return missionary, just as I had always wanted. If it ended in divorce, then at least I had tried it for myself.

Mom told me I needed to mind her because what I was doing was selfish and disloyal to her and Beth. She needed me here to help out, and it wasn’t right for me to break up our family.

I told Mom it was normal for someone my age to get married. Then Mom locked herself in the bathroom. I asked her to come out so that we could talk about it. She got upset and wouldn’t hear of it.

I laid down on the floor and tried to talk to Mom under the door. It was bizarre how hysterical she got! I could tell I wasn’t getting anywhere with her. I told her that I was sorry if she couldn’t understand or support me. I told her that it was normal for someone my age to get married, and I wasn’t going to call off the wedding.

People in the ward have been so kind towards me. Since they know I don’t have any money, someone in the ward lent me some wedding decorations from their daughter’s wedding.

October 7, 1983

I went to the Temple today with Richard, his parents, and Mom to receive my endowments, so I can come back next week to get married in the Temple. You are not to talk about what goes on in the Temple, so I didn’t know what to expect.

It was all so strange to me. I didn’t understand a thing that was happening! I looked around to see if anyone else thought this was odd. I was expecting someone to say, just kidding. But everyone seemed to take it all seriously, and I probably didn’t understand what was going on because I was dumb. I had so many questions. I kept them to myself, figuring that someday I would understand and it would all make sense.

October 13, 1983

Richard and I had planned to decorate the hall in the evening for our wedding reception tomorrow.

When he showed up, he told me that he had made plans to hang out with some of his friends from the singles ward. I told him we were getting married tomorrow, and I didn’t want to decorate the hall by myself.

Then he said he didn’t care whether the hall was decorated. I told him that I did. He said, “Then you go decorate it yourself!” I told him I was scared to go alone. He responded that it wasn’t his problem and left. I was shocked! I had never seen this side of Richard before. I wanted to call off the wedding.

I would have called it off if Mom had been a nice person. I figured that surely, he would be better to live with than her. Besides, I didn’t want Mom to rub it in my face that all men were evil.

I had been promised in my Patriarchal blessing that I would be led to a righteous man if that is what I desired. I convinced myself that it would all work out, so I decided to go ahead with the wedding.

I knew Mom wouldn’t go to the hall with me to decorate it. Since I was scared to go by myself, I had Beth come with me. I wiped away my tears, and together we decorated the hall for my reception.

Getting rid of the picture of Per was one thing; getting him out of my heart was another.