October 14, 1983-The Big Day!
A man called to tell me that we couldn’t rent the Cultural Hall after all. There had been a mistake and it had been double booked by accident. Someone else had rented it for a basketball game. I was shocked to think that a basketball was a priority over a wedding reception.
I explained to him that our wedding announcements had already gone out. People would be showing up tonight and I had already decorated the cultural hall last night. He hesitated at first but then finally agreed to let us have our reception there as planned. After I got off the phone, Richard and I went to the cultural hall to drop off a few things. It was a good thing we did because all the tables and chairs had been pushed aside and there were about 20 ladies who were exercising while their kids were running around tearing all the wedding decorations apart. I felt terrible because everything was borrowed, and I had to give it back. I could not believe this was happening! Richard and I told the ladies that we had rented the hall and that they would have to go exercise somewhere else. They seemed completely oblivious that their kids were running around and tearing everything up and seemed upset about being asked to leave. After they had left Richard and I then put all the tables and chairs back and tried to fix the decorations that were torn.
When we were done, Richard and I had to hurry to the Temple. When we got there, I was pleasantly surprised to see how many families and friends were there waiting for us. Richard and I were married and sealed for time and all eternity!
When we got outside and were about to have our pictures taken, I realized I had left my hairbrush behind. I asked Mom if she could get it for me. Mom told me that she was not my maid and that if I needed my brush to go get it myself. I told her that it was hard to run in my wedding dress. She rolled her eyes at me and responded, “That is not my problem!” When I got back inside to get my brush, I noticed other brides were there with their mothers. I then noticed how lovingly they were helping their daughters to get into their dresses and with whatever else they needed. It hurt to see this. I thought someday I will come here with my daughter, and it would be different. I would be there for her! In the meantime, I couldn’t let this ruin my day and I should just be grateful to be getting away from her! This thought helped me the rest of the day because Mom did all she could to ruin it for me.
Sander called me a few weeks ago from Canada because mom had told him I was getting married. He wanted to know if he and his wife would be able to attend the wedding. I told him since it was a Temple wedding, only people who have a Temple recommend could attend. Sander said it didn’t seem right that the church kept family and friends from attending the wedding. I felt bad that this was their policy. I told Sander that I would have a special program just for him and his wife, at the reception.
At the reception I was overwhelmed by all the help and food, Richard and I had received from ward members and family. If it weren’t for them, I would not have had a wedding. Sander and his wife never came, but we went ahead with the program as planned. Elisabeth played the flute. That is, she couldn’t get through the song since she was crying too hard. Richard surprised me with a song that he wanted to sing for me. It was a song called, “If”. It was a really nice surprise. The song itself is such a pretty song. Richard sang it totally off key and I was kind of embarrassed for him. But it meant a lot to me that he had gone ahead and practiced this song and wanted to sing it for me on this special evening.
Before the reception I had told Richard’s mom that I didn’t want a line up for my wedding. She told me it was tradition here in America. I had explained to her that it wasn’t where I came from, and I just wanted a simple wedding. Especially since I wasn’t able to afford bridesmaid dresses and rent tuxedos for the men. After the program Richards siblings and others went to lined up to greet people. None of the supposedly bridesmaids had matching dressing. My wedding colors were burgundy and gray. All the bridesmaids that Richards mom had picked out were all wearing mix matched burgundy dresses. I was bothered that my wish wasn’t respected and that she had taken this upon herself. Their partners were wearing mix matched whatever Sunday clothes they had. I have been conditioned never to complain and to keep my mouth shut so that’s what I did. Here I was in a lineup of people I really didn’t know. Some I had never even met before.
When it was time to leave, I was overjoyed to see so many presents that people had bought for us, especially since I had not expected anything!
After the reception some of the guests told us to go ahead and leave and they would make sure to clean up the hall and lock up. As we were about to leave Richard’s sister Janet told Richard that she needed to talk to him. I thought it was odd to want to talk to him as we were about to leave, but it seemed important, so they went into a room and shut the door. I started to help clean up, but the people who had stayed behind to help told me to sit down and not worry about helping. I sat outside the room where Richard and his sister were talking. After 40 minutes, I was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to get done talking. The people who were still there started to tease me. They asked if Richard was afraid of our wedding night. I was embarrassed sitting there waiting so I knocked on the door to see if they were about done. Janet was crying. Richard was just standing there. He told me to leave them alone and wait for them to get done. After sitting there for over an hour, the hall had been cleaned up and everyone had left. If mom wasn’t such an awful person, I would have gotten a ride back to mom’s place and then have the marriage annulled. I felt terrible and regretted going through with the wedding. As the last people left, oh how I wanted to ask them to give me a ride back to mom’s place. I didn’t because I didn’t want Mom to have the satisfaction of telling me, “I told you so!” So, I just sat there alone waiting for them to get done talking.
When they finally came out of the room and Janet had left, I asked Richard what was so important that she needed to talk to him about. He told me that she was sad that he had gotten married. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. So was my sister, but you didn’t see her keeping us from leaving. Oh, how I wished I could just get this wedding annulled! Instead, I didn’t say anything and off we went to spend our first night together at Hotel Utah.
I was going to make the best of this marriage and make it work at all costs. After all, being married to Richard couldn’t be worse than living with Mom.
I wish I could write, “We lived happily ever after. The End” But that is not how my life was meant to be.
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