Our Wedding Chapter 49

As the big day was aprotching Richard kept trying to do more than just kiss. I told him we had to wait till after we were married, because it was important to me that we had a Temple wedding. He said that his sister and brother-in-law had done stuff, and they still got married in the Temple.

I let him know I didn’t care what they had done. I didn’t want to feel unworthy to enter the Temple.

I had already gone through repentance once, and I was not about to have to go through that again!

My Patriarchal blessing had promised me that if I obeyed the commandments and covenants I made, the Lord would clear the way and fulfill my righteous desires. My most righteous desire was to have a happy marriage, and I was not about to risk that!

Richard kept trying to convince me, and I kept insisting that the big day was almost here and that we had to hang in there.

October 14, 1983-The Big Day!

A man called to tell me that we couldn’t rent the Cultural Hall after all. There had been a mistake, and it had been double-booked by accident. Someone else had rented it for a basketball game. I was disappointed that a basketball was a priority over a wedding reception.

I told him our wedding announcements had already gone out. People would be showing up tonight, and I had already decorated the cultural hall last night. He hesitated at first, then he agreed to let us have our reception there as planned. After I got off the phone, Richard and I went to the cultural hall to drop off a few things.

It was a good thing we did, because all the tables and chairs had been pushed aside, and about 20 ladies were exercising while their kids ran around, tearing the wedding decorations apart.

I felt terrible because everything was borrowed, and I had to give it back. I could not believe this was happening! Richard and I told the ladies we had rented the hall and that they would have to go exercise somewhere else. They seemed completely oblivious that their kids were running around and tearing everything up, and seemed upset about being asked to leave. After they had left, Richard and I put all the tables and chairs back and tried to fix the torn decorations.

When we were done, Richard and I had to hurry to the Temple. When we arrived, I was pleasantly surprised to see how many families and friends were waiting for us.

I didn’t know I had to wear my Temple attire over my pretty white wedding dress that I had borrowed. Not what I had envisioned I would look like when I got married. But since that was the rule, I would have to comply. Richard and I were married and sealed for time and all eternity.

When we got outside and were about to have our pictures taken, I realized I had left my hairbrush behind. I asked Mom if she could get it for me. She told me she wasn’t my maid and that if I wanted my brush, I’d have to go get it myself. I told her that it was hard to run in my wedding dress, and asked her to please get it for me. She rolled her eyes and responded, “That is not my problem!”  

When I got back inside to get my brush, I noticed brides with their mothers. They were helping their daughters get into their dresses and whatever else they needed. It hurt to see that.

Sander called a few weeks ago from Canada because Mom had told him I was getting married. He wanted to know whether he and his wife could attend the wedding. I told him that, since it was a Temple wedding, only people with a Temple recommend could attend.

Sander said it didn’t seem right that the church kept family and friends from attending the wedding. I felt bad that this was their policy. I told Sander that I would have a special program just for him and his wife at the reception.

At the reception, I was overwhelmed by all the help and food Richard and I had received from ward members and family. If it weren’t for them, I would not have had a wedding.

Richard surprised me with a song he had practiced. It was a song called “If” By Bread. Richard sang it totally off-key, and I was kind of embarrassed for him. But I still thought it was sweet of him to sing it to me.

Before the reception, I let Richard’s mom know I didn’t want a lineup for my wedding. She told me it was a tradition in America. I made it clear that it wasn’t where I came from. I just wanted it to be Richard, me, Richard’s dad, her, and my mom in the line. With Beth next to them as my bridesmaid.

After the program, Richards’ siblings and others who I didn’t know lined up to greet the crowd. I was stunned. Especially since I had made it clear that’s not what I wanted!

None of the so-called bridesmaids had matching dresses. My wedding colors were burgundy and gray. All the bridesmaids that Richard’s mom had picked out were wearing mismatched burgundy dresses.

The men she had picked out were wearing whatever Sunday clothes they had. Except for one, he had rented a black tuxedo. Everyone looked totally out of place. I was irritated that my wish had not been respected and that she had taken it upon herself to ask people to be in my lineup.

I had been conditioned never to complain, to keep my mouth shut, so that’s what I did.  Here I was in a lineup with people I didn’t know, and one I had never even met before.

After the reception, some of the guests told Richard and I to go ahead and leave. They would clean up the hall and lock up.

As Richard and I were on our way out the door, his sister, Janet, told him she needed to talk to him. I thought it was odd to want to talk to him as we were about to leave, but it seemed important, so they went into a room and shut the door.

I started to help clean up, but the people who had stayed behind told me to sit down and not worry about it. I sat outside the room where Richard and his sister were talking. After 40 minutes, I began to wonder if they would ever be done.

The people who were still there started to tease me. They asked if Richard was afraid of our wedding night. I was embarrassed sitting there waiting, so I knocked on the door to see if they were about done.

Richard opened the door and asked me what I wanted. I saw that Janet was crying. He told me to leave them alone and wait for them to finish talking.

After waiting over an hour and a half, the hall had been cleaned. As I watched the last people leave, I wanted to ask them for a ride back to Mom’s place.

If Mom weren’t such an awful person, I would have left and then have the marriage annulled. I didn’t want Mom to have the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so!”

I felt terrible! I regretted having gone through with the wedding. I felt trapped in a marriage I didn’t want to have any part of.

Since I didn’t know where else to go, I sat there alone with most of the lights turned off and waited.

When they finally came out of the room, and Janet had left, I asked Richard what was so important that she needed to talk to him about. He told me she was sad he had gotten married.

I couldn’t believe what he had just said. My sister was sad too, but you didn’t see her keeping us from leaving. Oh, how I wished I could get this wedding annulled! Instead, I didn’t say anything. I had to make the best of it and make my marriage work at all costs.

Off we went to spend our first night together at Hotel Utah.

I wish I could write, “We lived happily ever after.” But that was not to be.