July-September 1984
I still couldn’t get enough hours at the donut shop. Richard told me they were always looking for people to work full-time at ZCMI, where he worked. Richard worked moving boxes in the warehouse. There was a job available in the office, so I applied.
A lady showed me around and told me that I would be answering calls and calling people when their payments were late. She told me it was pretty easy and asked when I could start.
Given how I had been treated growing up, I didn’t think I was smart enough, so I was scared to try it. I felt the job was too good for me, so I ended up taking a job downstairs in the warehouse where Richard was working. I would be putting price tags on merchandise that came in boxes.
I really wanted the office job and felt bad that I hadn’t even tried to see if I could do it.
Richard seemed excited that I would be working with him. He said then we could sneak in a kiss when we saw each other. It sounded exciting, and I was looking forward to working close to him.
The job was easy. I soon became friends with a girl named Tracy. We seemed to think alike and enjoyed working together. Even though Richard and I both worked in the warehouse, we were at opposite ends. I was always on the lookout for Richard. Hoping I would see him.
One day at work, Richard came through the area where I was working. I was so happy to see him.
He completely ignored me. Instead, “he yelled out, “Lavern!” Everyone in the area turned to see what was going on. Lavern was an older, heavy single lady who had never been married.
Lavern lit up. She smiled and yelled, “Yes, Richard, what can I do for you?!” He smiled at her, making kissing noises as if to kiss her. She laughed as she yelled, “Oh, stop!” He responded, “You know I’m crazy about you!”
I was in complete disbelief as to what I had just witnessed. Richard then left. Lavern looked over at me and said, “Oh, he is just so cute!” All the girls I was working with looked at me to see how I would respond. I was humiliated and embarrassed. To think my husband had just flirted with this older lady while I had been standing there watching. I didn’t know how to respond, so I just kept working.
When it was time for us to drive home, I met Richard at the exit just like I always did. As we drove home, I asked him why he had done that. He said that it had all been in fun. I told him that I was hurt and embarrassed by what had happened. Richard acted as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. I wondered if he was really that stupid. It seemed like he was, so I explained to him why it had humiliated and hurt me. I asked him not to do that again.
The thought never crossed my mind that he had done it deliberately to hurt me. He told me he was sorry and that he would never do it again.
A few days later, Richard came to our area again. He had two shirts with him that we had just priced. Richard held one of the shirts to his chest and said, “I can’t decide which one looks best on me.” I was about to give him my opinion.
Richard ignored me. He looked at Tracy to get her opinion. She, too, seemed confused that he was asking her rather than me. You could tell she felt uncomfortable, and she reluctantly said she thought the one on the right was the one. Then he held up the one on the left as he asked her, “You don’t think this one? Or should I get both?” Since he was always telling me how poor we were, I didn’t think we could afford either. My opinion didn’t seem to matter, so I just stood there watching and listened to their conversation.
Richard ended up getting both shirts.
When we left work that day, I asked Richard what that was all about. He acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. Since I believed he was stupid and hadn’t done this on purpose, I explained to him that I was his wife and that he should have asked me. I let him know that he had once again humiliated and hurt me. He continued to act like he had no idea what I was talking about.
I also brought up that there he would always tell me he had no money when I wanted to buy something. Richard said he could see my point, and from now on, we would always talk it through before we bought anything.
I felt empty and alone. After he did things to hurt me, he would buy me chocolate and tell me how much he loved me and that he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose.
I was confused and figured he was really that dumb, so I had to be patient with him, and it would all work out.
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