Money Chapter 60

Saturday, February 22, 1986

Richard said his work gave him a gift card to a nice restaurant. It was to thank him for the overtime he has been doing. The only dress I own is the maternity dress I wore while expecting Jared. Even though Jared is 6 months old, I wear the same dress to church every Sunday.

Richard’s dad showed up randomly with two outfits for Jared. It surprised me, since I had never seen that side of him. He said he had noticed how Jared was dressed, so he figured he could use some new clothes.

Mom came with Beth at 2:15 pm to pick up Jared, so that Beth could babysit him. Our reservation wasn’t until 6:30 pm. We had planned to drop him off at 6:00 pm. I was nervous about it since I was still nursing him. Especially leaving him for that long!

Both Mom and Richard told me I was just being paranoid and an overprotective Mom, and that he would be fine! It was the first time I had left Jared. Beth assured me that she would take good care of him. I gave in to the pressure and let Beth take him.

After they left, Richard and I got ready to go out. Before we left, we danced in our living room to a song called “The Wedding Song.” I loved that song. It helped me feel closer to Richard.

Since we still had plenty of time before we had to be at the restaurant, we went to the mall and looked in the windows of a few stores. I was worried about Jared, so I had a hard time enjoying myself.

When we got to the restaurant, I could tell my milk had come in. I felt like I was going to burst. I knew that Jared, too, must be having a hard time. Richard told me to enjoy the dinner and assured me that he was fine.

The bill came to $88.00. Richard assured me his work paid for it, since he always worked so much overtime. All the courses included with the meal took so long that it was 9:30 pm before we could pick Jared up.

When we got to Mom’s place, Jared was crying hard. I felt so bad that we had left him for so long! Especially since I was still nursing him. I knew better and wondered how I could have let this happen.

Sunday, March 9, 1986

Richard hasn’t wanted to go to church lately. I didn’t go either since I can’t drive and I don’t like going by myself.

He says he feels bad about being so far behind on our tithing. He told me it was my fault because of the new dress that I got. I felt terrible! If I had known that we couldn’t afford it, I would never have gotten it!

I am worried we are going inactive. I am going to try harder to help us do better! I want to go to the highest kingdom so that I can spend all eternity with Richard and our son.

Saturday, March 15, 1986

I would like to know how much money Richard is making and how much we are spending, since we never seem to have any money. Richard told me he didn’t want me to worry, so he wouldn’t tell me anything.

I trusted him and had no reason to doubt that he was doing his best to make ends meet.

Richard told me we didn’t have enough money to make it through the rest of the month, so we went to the swap meet and sold some of our belongings. We made $73.00.

Once again, Richard took charge of the money and told me we had just enough to get by until he was paid again.

Sunday, March 16, 1986

When we got to church today, no one was there. It was Stake Conference, so church was already over. We didn’t know it was Stake conference, since we haven’t been to church in a while.

Sunday, April 6, 1986

It is General Conference today. We went to Temple Square to sit on the lawn and listen to the talks. It was a nice day to be outside, pushing Jared in the stroller while we listened to the talks.

Tuesday, April 8, 1986

Jared is trying to crawl. I love watching him grow. He is so happy to see his dad when he comes home from work. I am so grateful for my precious family!

Wednesday, April 9, 1986

Richard has signed me up for classes at the high school so that I can get my driver’s license. I was scared to death! I cried and told him that I could never learn how to drive. Richard told me he wouldn’t always be able to take time off work whenever I needed to take Jared to the doctor.

I promise Richard that Jared would never get sick again. We both knew that wasn’t possible. Even though I was scared to take the classes, I knew it was best for me to know how to drive, so I reluctantly agreed to go.

Tonight was my first class. I was the only adult. Everyone else were teenagers, excited to get their driver’s license. If they could do it, so could I. That thought quickly put me at ease.

Richard dropped me off at the high school at 6:30 pm. He watched Jared while I was in class. Class ended at 8:30 pm, and Richard was supposed to pick me up. Everyone else had gotten picked up. I stood outside the school by myself.

It was getting dark. I was starting to wonder if Richard had forgotten me. He finally showed up at 9:20 pm. He apologized, saying he had lost track of time.

I thought it was odd since Jared needed to be nursed. But I didn’t think Richard would lie to me, so I believed him.

Thursday, April 10, 1986

I had driving class again tonight. It was from 6:00 pm to 7:30 pm. Richard promised he would be on time.

Again, I stood alone outside and waited. Richard finally came after 8:00 pm. When he showed up, Jared was crying. Jared seemed sick.

When we got home, I did what I could to help Jared feel better. Richard got upset with both Jared and me.

I wondered why Richard seemed so far away and what was going on with him, but he didn’t want to talk about it and ignored me the rest of the evening.

Friday, April 11, 1986

I told Richard that I needed some new shoes. I had a pair of high-heeled shoes for church and another for daily wear. The ones I used daily were coming apart at the seams. Richard told me I would have to make do because we didn’t have money for new ones.

Saturday, April 12, 1986

We are almost out of food. Richard said we can’t go to the store because we have no money in the bank. I don’t understand it because I don’t spend anything. I don’t have any credit cards, and I don’t have a checkbook. Richard gives me only a little cash for bus fare. I use that money only when I absolutely have to go somewhere.

Ever since Richard graduated from Bryman, he has been working full-time at Hercules. I’m guessing living in the trailer is cheaper than what we were paying when we lived at the house. It doesn’t make sense.

I told him that with all the overtime he was putting in, he had to be making more than what he used to. Richard said he was paid a monthly salary, so it was a fixed rate. He convinced me that in order to keep his job, he had to put in overtime.

I wish Richard would let me in on our finances, but he told me it’s not for me to worry about. I don’t want to fight, so I trusted him.

Tuesday, April 15, 1986

I had seen a place where you could bring in empty pop cans and get money for them.

When Jared woke from his nap, I put him in his stroller and went looking for cans, but I found only two.

Friday, April 18, 1986

I have some material, so I started making some bears from it. I hope someone will buy them, since we never seem to have money for even the necessities.

Monday, April 21, 1986

Since we live in a trailer court, there are garbage cans set out around the grounds. This evening after dinner, Richard and I took Jared out for a walk in his stroller while I looked in the garbage cans for empty soda cans. I found a few. I am hopeful that with enough cans, I will finally be able to get some much-needed shoes.

Tuesday, April 22, 1986

When I opened Richard’s lunchbox to put his lunch in, I was so happy to find a note from him. It was such a sweet note and all about how much he loves me.

Tuesday, April 29, 1986

I had my driving class this evening. Richard told me I had to bring Jared, since he had to go help his dad. I asked Richard if he could help his dad tomorrow evening when I didn’t have class. Richard insisted he had to go help this evening, and therefore, I had to bring Jared!

Richard was so excited to help his dad that he dropped us off early. He assured me that he would pick us up on time.

As I waited for the class to start, other students had arrived early. As we stood around, waiting for the teacher to unlock the door, a woman who looked Asian motioned to me that she wanted to hold Jared. She didn’t speak English.

I was uncomfortable and tried to ignore her. But she insisted on holding him. I knew that Jared didn’t want to be held by strangers, so I let her, figuring that he would start to cry so that I could hurry and take him back.

The lady showed Jared some pictures on the wall. Jared was looking at what she was showing him, so he didn’t cry.

Just then, another lady started to talk to me. It seemed important. I didn’t quite understand what she was saying. She was also Asian. This lady did her best to keep my attention.

I looked over to see how Jared was doing. The other lady was far down the hall with him. I quickly ran after her. She started to run. Once I caught up to her, I ripped Jared out of her arms. Then the woman ran off. I looked over to see the other lady who had tried to get my attention, but she was gone!

I was shocked, wondering what had just happened! I walked back to the other students. They looked stunned. It was as if we all had a hard time processing what had taken place. Since it was hard to believe, no one said anything about it.

When the teacher arrived, he unlocked the door and began teaching. Jared was good throughout the whole call.

When class was over, Richard came to pick up. One of the students said to Richard, “Your child almost got kidnapped tonight!” Richard responded, “What are you talking about?!” I started to explain.

Another student said, “Yeah, it was crazy! These two ladies worked together and tried to take off with your kid!” Richard asked why I had not called the police. I told him because I was shocked by the whole thing, and grateful I’d been able to get him back.

By now, it was too late to call. Richard was angry with me for letting a stranger hold our son. I don’t blame him for being upset. The whole thing seemed so surreal!

Thursday, May 1, 1986

I went to the fairgrounds to take my written driver’s test. Jared was with me, and I made sure he was right next to me the whole time! He was so good, and I was able to fill out the paperwork in no time. I passed the written test! I was so excited!

I still have to pass the driving test. Richard won’t let me drive, so I haven’t had much practice.

This evening, Richard and I went grocery shopping. I asked him if I could drive. Richard got upset and told me I was an awful driver. He said that he didn’t want me to ruin the car. I was hurt.

When we had finished shopping, I told Richard that I was going to drive home since I needed the practice. Richard insisted he would drive because I was no good at it.

I sat down in the driver’s seat and asked for the car keys. Richard told me we were going nowhere until I moved over and let him drive. I told him that if he didn’t let me drive, I would walk home. He said that was fine with him.

I stepped out and started walking. Richard drove off. It was a long walk! When I was about halfway home, Richard came back and told me to get in the car. It was getting late, and I was scared, so I got in. Jared was asleep in his car seat.

When we got home, Richard told me how much he loved me and apologized for being so mean. He promised he would let me drive, so I could get practice. He also promised me he would never insult me as he had.

Friday, May 2, 1986

I had my driving test today. I passed. I am so excited about it! I have my very own driver’s license!

Saturday, May 3, 1986

Richard and I went looking for cans. We got quite a few! I am looking forward to finding out what we can get for them!

Tuesday, May 6, 1986

We have been getting bounced checks in the mail. Richard couldn’t tell me why there were so many. He only said, we had bills.

After Jared’s nap today, I was going to take him with me to the mall to see if I could find a job. I was hoping to find a job that would let me work in the evenings so Richard could watch Jared when he got home from work. This way, we wouldn’t have to pay someone to babysit.

When I got ready to leave, the rain was pouring down. We only have one car, so I would have to take the bus. I didn’t want to take Jared out in the rain, so I ended up staying home.

Wednesday, May 7, 1986

After I cleaned up the trailer, I got ready to go look for a job. Just as I was about to leave, Richard’s mom stopped by. She told me that she needed $500.00 since she was going to see a therapist because it had been hard on her to be Richard’s mom, and she figured he needed to pay for her therapy.

I told her we didn’t have that kind of money, and that I was on my way out to look for a job so we could make ends meet. She looked surprised.

Then she told me that ever since Richard was little, he had hidden money away for himself because he had always been selfish. She said his job paid well, that there was no reason we couldn’t make ends meet, that she was sure Richard was hiding money, and that we had enough to pay for her therapy.

I assured her that Richard was not like that! Then she asked, do you know what money is coming in and what’s going out? I told her that Richard wouldn’t share that with me because he didn’t want me to worry about money. I also told her that Richard would never keep any money from me. We were open and honest with each other, especially when it came to money.

Richard’s mom told me tonight that when Richard came from work, to have his favorite meal ready for him. After he had eaten, I was to put on a negligee and then tell him he had to give me $500.00 so I could give it to her.

I was so shocked. She then told me not to tell anyone what she had asked and that it was to be our secret.

She then gave me a ride downtown so that I could look for a job. Before she left, she said she would call me tomorrow so I could let her know when she could pick up the money.

I couldn’t believe what she had asked of me! I wanted to tell her off! Especially since she asked me to put on a negligee. It was a sore spot because of the way Richard had looked at me when I had put one on in the past.

Since I didn’t want to make any waves, I agreed to do as she had asked. Inside, I was screaming, “Hell No!”

It was depressing looking for a job. I had Jared in a stroller as I went from store to store, hoping someone had something available. Everywhere I went, I was told the same thing. There were no openings, and to check back again another day.

Later, when Richard came home from work, I told him his mom had been to see me and what she had said about our little secret. He told me to just ignore it. He said it wasn’t his fault that his mom was crazy. I told him she would call again tomorrow. He said, “Just tell her that we don’t have the money.”

Thursday, May 8, 1986

All morning, I dreaded her call. The phone rang, and when I answered it, sure enough, it was her. I let her know I didn’t have the money. She asked me if I had seen our bank account. I told her I didn’t need to since I trusted Richard fully.

Sunday, May 11, 1986 – Mother’s Day

After church, we had invited Richard’s mom, dad, sister, brother, and wife over to celebrate Mother’s Day with us. After we had eaten, Richard’s mom and dad went home.

Richard, his brother, and his sister sat around and talked about how awful it had been growing up with their parents. None of them had anything good to say about their childhood.

After hearing everything they had said, it was easier for me to understand why it wasn’t possible to have a normal relationship with them.

Saturday, May 17, 1986

Richard and I brought in all the soda cans that we had collected, because by now we had a lot! I couldn’t believe that we only got $8.00 for them. Richard told me I could keep the money, but I needed to buy food with it, since our cupboards were so bare.

I have been selling a few of the bears that I have made. But the martial cost about as much as I can sell them for. So, I stopped making them. I am so tired of not having any money. Richard assured me that someday it would get better.

Sunday, May 18, 1986

After church, we went to the park. I tried to look for cans while we were there. There weren’t very many. It seems hopeless, since we need a lot to make it worth it. But I keep collecting, since I so desperately need new shoes. The ones I have won’t last much longer.

Tuesday, May 20, 1986

After Richard came home from work and we had eaten dinner, I asked him to take Jared for a walk so I could tidy up the trailer.

As soon as they were out the door, I turned up the radio and started running around, trying to get the trailer cleaned up before Richard got back. As I was running around, I tripped over one of Jared’s toys and slipped sideways into the heater vent.

I cut up my toes, and there was blood everywhere. I looked outside to see if I could see Richard because I knew I needed stitches. I finally spotted them. I waved to him to come back.

When Richard saw all the blood, he didn’t seem concerned about my toes. Instead, he asked if I had gotten any blood on the carpet?

Here I was all cut up, and that’s all he was worried about?! I told him I didn’t know, but he needed to drive me to the hospital because I needed stitches. When I got to the hospital, they x-rayed my foot.

Turned out I had broken my toe. One of my toenails had been ripped right off. I got 9 stitches total. I was in a lot of pain.

On the way home from the hospital, Richard said he would put Jared to bed tonight so I could stay off my foot. I was so grateful to hear that, because standing was painful, and I couldn’t put any pressure on my foot.

When we got home, Richard said he was tired and went to bed. Even though it was painful, I got Jared ready for bed.

Wednesday, May 21, 1986

It was hard to get up in the night to care for Jared. I didn’t get much sleep because I was in so much pain. When Richard woke up, he was surprised to see how swollen my toes were, so he stayed home from work so that I could get some rest and stay off my foot. I was so grateful for his help!

Thursday, May 22, 1986

After Richard came home from work and we had eaten dinner, he told me he was going to the mall to buy shirts for two of his coworkers, because they were leaving. I asked him how we could afford it. Richard said he had collected money from his other coworkers.

When he had come home from the mall, Richard baked a cake for their going-away party tomorrow. Richard never cooked, but he seemed so excited to make this cake.