Memory Grove Chapter 61

Friday, May 23, 1986

A few days ago, they turned off the water supply to the trailer, saying they needed to do some maintenance on the pipes. Once the water was turned back on, it tasted horrible! After the water had run for a while, it seemed to taste normal again.

Jared doesn’t seem well and doesn’t want to nurse. He has been getting loose stools. Not realizing it was from our water, I wondered if he was coming down with something.

After Richard got home from work, I opened his lunchbox to clean it out. There was a note. I opened it thinking it was from Richard. Instead, it was addressed to Richard. The note said he would miss him over the weekend, loved being with him, and couldn’t wait to see him again on Monday.

I was devastated! I showed Richard the note and asked him who it was from. Richard grabbed the note. He looked flustered. He told me he didn’t know who had written it.

Sunday, May 25, 1986

Richard convinced me he had no idea who had written the note or why. He seemed so sure, so I believed him.

After church, Richard wanted to go to a park called Memory Grove. He said that one of his coworkers had told him a lot of Gay men went there to hock up. Even though Richard thought it was gross, it would be fun to go see if it was really true.

When we got to the park, we sat on the lawn and watched the waterfall. We then checked all the waste baskets to see if we could find any cans. We didn’t see any men who were gay, but we were able to find a few cans.

Monday, May 26, 1986

It’s Memorial Day, and since it’s a federal holiday, Richard was home for the day. We went to the local park to collect cans.

There were quite a few, since many people were at the park celebrating the holiday. After we had been to the park, Richard wanted to go to Memory Grove again. He said he was sure there would be lots of cans there. I told him we would be spending more on gas than we would find in cans. But Richard had his heart set on going, so we went.

While we were there, he seemed disappointed that we still didn’t see any gay men walking around. I told him I was sure it was because they were discreet about it. After all, there was so much talk on the news about Gay men who had Aids.

Tuesday, May 27, 1986

When Richard got home from work today, he was excited to tell me he had discovered who had written the note that was in his lunchbox. He told me it was some guys from his work who thought it would be funny to play a joke on me, since they knew I would be the one to find it.

I told Richard that it was a cruel joke. It had hurt me deeply, and there was nothing funny about it! Richard agreed, then added that he had thought the same thing and had told his supervisor. He assured me the men involved had been written up. I was so relieved to know that he had figured out who had written the note and why.

Richard had convinced me that all this was a cruel joke and that the men involved didn’t mean to hurt me. Richard hugged me, and we were both so happy it was all cleared up. Then Richard assured me that he loved me more than anything else in the world!

Wednesday, May 28, 1986

I didn’t get much done today because Jared was so fussy. He has had diarrhea for the last few days that won’t let up. Jared has dark circles under his eyes and hasn’t slept much over the past few days. His stomach is swollen, and he has lost weight. I took him to the doctor to find out what was wrong.

The doctor told me that it was normal for babies to have diarrhea, usually because they are teething. I told the doctor that he had no teeth coming in and that I could tell that he was losing weight from not eating.

The doctor assured me that he was fine and that babies go through these stages. He said since I was a first-time mom, I didn’t know what to expect from my baby. I insisted that Jared was sick. Then the doctor told me that if I put my baby next to an Ethiopian baby, I would be able to see that my baby was just fine! He said your baby is spoiled, he just needs to be left in his crib to have a good cry, and when you come get him after a few hours, you will see he is just fine!

It didn’t seem right what the doctor had said, but he was the educated one. When I got home, I was so desperate for Jared to be better, so I put him in his room and left him in his crib to cry. It was heart-wrenching to listen to.

His cry didn’t sound right, so I opened the door, and to my horror, I saw there was diarrhea all over him and his crib. I hurried and Jared out, so I could wash him. Then I sat and cradled him as I cried. I felt so awful that I had left him to cry by himself, when inside I knew better!

There was something wrong with Jared, I just didn’t know what! When Richard got home from work, I told him we needed to take Jared to see another doctor to figure out what was wrong. I was worried that if we didn’t, Jared was going to die. Richard could see that Jared was sick, but he didn’t seem to care. He told me that I was just overreacting. I needed to listen to the doctor and trust that Jared would be better in no time.

Richard didn’t want to hear Jared cry, so he went outside and worked in the garden. I was disappointed that he didn’t seem to care or even want to give me a break from Jared. It has been long days and nights with Jared since he was sick. Or at least hold Jared so I can catch up on the laundry and dishes. I will just have to do my best, hang in there, and hope Jared gets better soon!

Thursday, May 29, 1986

Jared is getting sicker. I was up with him most of the night again. There is nothing I can do to help him feel better. I feel so helpless. I fear that Jared will die if he doesn’t get better! I also feel like I am going to lose my mind from not getting enough sleep.

Beth came after school to help me hold Jared while I cleaned up the trailer. Jared doesn’t want to be held by anyone but me. While I held Jared, Beth did her best to help me with the dishes and laundry.

Jared was awake all night again. Jared has not eaten for days; he didn’t want me to hold him, so I set him on the floor. I thought he wanted to crawl around, but instead, he passed out. I woke Richard up and told him we needed to take Jared to the emergency.

When we arrived at the hospital, they ran some tests. The doctor discovered he had Giardia. I had never heard of that before.

The doctor told me it was from drinking contaminated water and asked if we had been in the mountains. I told her no. I couldn’t figure out where we could have been exposed to bad water. She told me to be careful from now on about where I get our drinking water. After the doctor had examined Jared, she told me that she couldn’t believe that his doctor hadn’t caught it, and after being sick for so long and looking at his blood, it was a miracle that he was still alive.

The doctor wrote a prescription for some medicine. She told me to give it to him right away. She then gave me the phone number and address of a specialist she wanted me to take him to, since he had been sick for so long. I was so relieved to finally get answers about why he had been so sick. I am grateful that Jared is still alive.

Friday, May 30, 1986

Jared still isn’t all better, but the medicine seems to be helping him.

Jared loves going for walks, so after dinner, Richard and I put him in the stroller and looked cans.

Sunday, June 1, 1986

We didn’t go to church today because we were invited over to Richard’s parents’ house. They are having family come from California. Richard’s mom asked me to bring a Jello salad.

When we got there, no one was home. We sat on the steps and waited for them to show up. Richard’s brother and wife arrived. We visited with them while we waited. His parents finally showed up with the family from California.

We could have made it to church after all. I don’t know why they had told us to come so early when they weren’t there anyway.

I was grateful Jared slept while we were at his parents’ place. Jared has been crying a lot since he is still not all better.

Monday, June 2, 1986

I took Jared to see the specialist. The specialist took some blood samples from Jared. I was told that since Jared had been so sick, he needed Gamma shots to help his immune system. The doctor told me to come back every two weeks for the next 6 months to get the shots.

Later in the day, I went for a walk with Jared and collected cans.

Tuesday, June 3, 1986

After dinner today, Richard and I went with Jared and collected cans. We have collected so many cans that we have no room under the trailer for them. Richard helped me squash them so that they take up less room.

Jared slept in my bed with me, since he is still not all better. I am hopeful the gamma shots will help soon.

Wednesday, June 4, 1986

I am so glad that Jared loves going for a walk. I put him in the stroller, and we walked around looking for cans. I walked all the way to Beth’s school. While I was waiting for Beth to come out, a man saw me with the cans. He ran into the school building and came out with a bag of cans. I am so excited to have so many cans!

Beth helped me carry all the cans to Mom’s work. After we had eaten with Mom, Beth and Mom took the bus home. There were too many cans for me to walk home with, so after Richard finished work, he came and picked Jared and me up.

After dinner, Richard helped me squash all the cans.

Thursday, June 5, 1986

I need a diaper bag for Jared, but Richard says we can’t afford one. I have been given a blanket for Jared that I never used. The material seemed perfect to make a diaper bag. I told Richard I wished I knew how to sew, so I could make a diaper bag from it.

Richard laughed at me and said that, even though I had a sewing machine, I would never be able to sew anything!

His comment made me so angry that I was determined to prove him wrong!

I could hardly believe I had been able to sew such a beautiful bag! And without a pattern! I was so proud of myself!

Boy, was Richard surprised when he came home from work and saw it!

(The diaper bag lasted for years! I ended up using it for all my kids. Every time I looked at it, I was proud of myself, and it reminded me I wasn’t as stupid as I sometimes felt. After I was done with it, I gave it to Beth, and she ended up using it for two of her kids.)

Friday, June 6, 1986

After dinner today, Richard and I went for a walk with Jared to the fairgrounds to look for cans.

Saturday, June 7, 1986

This morning, Richard and I took Jared back to the fairgrounds to collect more cans. In the evening, Beth came to spend the night. This evening, she watched Jared while Richard and I went to the park to look for some more cans.

Sunday, June 8, 1986

In the morning, Richard and I collected cans while Beth watched Jared. After we got home, I took a shower because I always feel so gross after collecting cans. I then brought Beth home while Richard stayed with Jared. When I got to Mom’s place, she said she had some food for me. Mom is getting food from the church. She had gotten extra food to give to us since she knows we never seem to have any. I was so happy to see all that food because we never seem to be able to afford very much.

When I got home, Richard was supposed to have Jared ready so that we could go to church. But instead, they were both sleeping. I was tired, so I went to sleep too.

Tuesday, June 10, 1986

The gamma shots are helping Jared get better. He seems like a strong, normal, healthy baby now. As long as he is holding on to something, he can walk around. I’m sure it won’t be long before he can walk on his own.

Saturday, June 14, 1986

I spend the days enjoying being with Jared, going for walks while looking for cans.
Since it was Saturday, Richard and I went to Memory Grove in search of cans.

Sunday, June 15, 1986 – Father’s Day

After church, Mom made a picnic for us so we could celebrate Father’s Day together. Richard wanted us to go to Memory Grove, so that’s where we went and had our picnic.

Monday, June 16, 1986

A few months ago, I found a baby pattern in a garbage can. I had saved it, hoping I could use it someday.

While I was looking for cans, I found some baby-blue-and-white fabric. It was placed on top of a garbage can. I was excited to see all this unused material. I felt like Heavenly Father had put it there for me to find. I couldn’t wait to sew Jared some clothes with it.

Tuesday, June 17, 1986

Richard “borrowed” $30.00 from his sister. When he came home from work, we went and deposited it so that we wouldn’t get bounced checks again.

Saturday, June 28, 1986

I have collected so many cans over the past few weeks! Richard and I went to cash them in. I was hoping this time there would be enough money to finally get some shoes. Mine are so uncomfortable to walk in since they are worn out! Richard told me that all the money had to go toward the bills.

I am so depressed. No matter how hard I try, I can’t find enough cans to help make ends meet.

Jared still cries a lot. It seems like it’s a cry of pain. I told the doctor, but he assured me it would take a while for Jared to get better. The doctor asked about our living conditions. If I kept our place clean? I told him I did. Then he asked about the outside of our trailer, what it looked like.

I told him that I collected cans and kept them under the trailer. And I made sure to take a shower when I was done collecting them. The doctor asked if Jared had touched them. I told him no. The doctor was sure that’s why Jared was sick, and asked me to get rid of them and stop collecting them.

I am sure that wasn’t the problem, but just in case it was, I got rid of the rest of the cans and stopped collecting them.

I didn’t mind getting rid of them. It didn’t seem to help us get ahead anyway.

Getting rid of the cans didn’t help Jared any. He is still sick. Some days, I am sure that I am going to lose my mind from not getting enough sleep. I thought I wanted a lot of kids, but now I don’t feel like I am doing a very good job.

Beth has been coming over to help. She told me that Mom says that Jared is just spoiled and that I needed to start hitting him. I don’t see how that will help, since I am sure his cries are from pain, not from being spoiled. That was advice I could have done without!

I am grateful for Beth’s help. I still feel alone with everything I am dealing with. It’s days like today, I wish I had a mom who cared and could give me some real advice.