Thursday, February 28, 1991
As I was going about my day, I realized, “Today was J.J.’s due date.” It made me wonder about Heaven and how he was doing.
Sarah is now almost 3 years old. Out of nowhere, she came up to me and said, “J.J. is in heaven, and he is doing good!” I asked her how she knew. She didn’t answer my question and ran off to play.
I wanted to know more, so I followed her. I asked her to tell me more. She looked at me and didn’t know what to say. It was as if the windows of Heaven had opened to her for a few seconds, and that’s all she was able to tell me. I was grateful for what little she told me. I wasn’t alone in knowing that today was the day J.J. should have been born, and he was doing well.
Tuesday, March 5, 1991
This evening, I went to my child development class. The teacher talked about how it’s good for siblings to sleep in the same room. It helps them get a closer bond.
When I got home from class, I moved Sarah’s bed into Jared’s room. During the night, Sarah woke up and cried. I thought I’d better go check on her so that Jared didn’t wake up.
When I looked into the room, neither Jared nor Sarah knew I was there. I saw Jared had sat up in bed and was singing to her. Sarah lay back down and fell asleep. It was so sweet to watch. Then I quietly went back to bed.
Friday, May 3, 1991
I tended from 7:30 am to 5:30-6:00 pm. I still get up at 5:00 am to make sure everything is ready for the day.
Since I got up so early, I was tired and was looking forward to going to bed. Richard called and said he had to work late.
At 8:00 pm, he still wasn’t home. By now, I had finished my nightly routine with Jared and Sarah and kissed them both goodnight.
I had put them to bed at a decent time so that I could go to bed too. When I had brushed my teeth, I could hear them laughing. I went into Jared’s room to see what was going on.
Jared and Sarah had gotten out some toys, and Jared’s mattress was pushed off the bed. Since I was tired, I got upset and kicked the mattress back in its place.
When I kicked it back, I hit that metal frame on his bed. After the impact, I fell to the ground in pain.
I have been conditioned from childhood that anytime I get hurt, to ignore the pain and keep going. I quickly got up, put the toys away, and told them to go to sleep.
Monday, May 6, 1991
Richard lost his job today. He told me he was laid off because the company didn’t have enough work, so they were downsizing
I told Richard it didn’t make sense. Just Friday, he had worked late because there was so much to do, and today he was laid off. Richard had an explanation, but it still didn’t make sense to me. I trust him, so I didn’t question it any further. Hopefully, he will find another job soon.
Friday, May 17, 1991
It’s been two weeks since I hurt my foot. I have tried to ignore the pain, but it has become too much to bear.
I went to see the doctor. Turned out that I had broken two bones in my foot. They are called sesamoids. The doctor put a cast on my foot. The cast kept me from bumping my foot so much, but it still hurts.
Tuesday, May 21, 1991
I am still babysitting. It was hard to get around because my foot is in so much pain. Mom took a day off from work to help me. I thought it was sweet of her. Her help turned out to be more work for me, so I told her I was fine and no longer needed her help. I think Mom was relieved to hear that because being around kids just isn’t her thing.
Friday, June 7, 1991
I am expecting again. I am about 2 months along. I’m seeing a new OBGYN. I am told he is one of the best. He is going to keep a close eye on my pregnancy and make sure everything is all right. He is nice and seems to know what he is talking about. This time, I feel that I am in good hands.
Friday, June 14, 1991
I couldn’t wait to get my cast off!! After the doctor removed it, he x-rayed my foot. The bones were still broken, so the doctor put another cast on my foot. Ugh, I have to wear it for 4 more weeks!
Wednesday, June 19, 1991
Richard was hired to work for the LDS Church. He told me he would be making a lot more money. I was excited to hear that, because I thought it meant I could quit tending. Richard said, “Not yet, because he wanted to put most of his paycheck into his 401K.
I want to spend more time with our kids and not have to work so hard. Richard told me that when the day came for him to retire, I would be so happy for all the money he had put aside. Someday, all my hard work would pay off.
I told him I was fine with not having a lot of money when he retired. I was used to getting by, and I was sure I would be then, too.
He told me that when the day came for his retirement, we would travel to all the places I had always wanted to see, and we would live comfortably ever after.
I don’t have a say in what he is doing, so there’s no point in saying anything more about it.
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