Monday, January 4, 1993
Just like all the other pregnancies, I didn’t feel well. The doctor told me to get vitamin B shots. It would help with the Nausea. I was excited to try it. It didn’t do a thing for me! I was so discouraged!
I do what I can to take it easy. When Jared and Sarah are home from school. I have been reading books to them. This way, I can keep an eye on them while I rest. It’s so nice to be just the 3 of us!
While reading to Jared and Sarah, the baby sometimes kicks the book. Jared and Sarah love it when she does that. Then they know that she is awake and wants to feel her kicking. It makes them even more excited for her arrival. I’m grateful she’s growing big and strong every day. Only two more weeks till her due date. I can’t wait!
Monday, January 11, 1993
Laila wasn’t due for another week. When I woke up this morning, I could tell I was in labor.
I had told my mom that she wasn’t allowed to come to the hospital when I gave birth. She asked that I call and let her know when it was time, so I did. There was a terrible snowstorm. I was worried we wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time.
On the way to the hospital, we dropped off Jared and Sarah at Terry’s house. Her daughter was home from school because of the snow coming down.
When I was in the hospital about to have the baby, Terry showed up with my mom, Jared, Sarah, and her daughter. I was surprised to see them! Terry told me that my mom had been on the way to the hospital but got stuck in the snow.
Terry said, “Your mom called me and asked that I come get her, so I piled the kids in my car. When we got to your mom’s car, there was nothing we could do to free it. Your mom insisted that we go to the hospital, and that’s why we are here. I could tell Terry wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I let her know it was okay.
Terry, her daughter, my mom, Jared, and Sarah had arrived just in time and watched the baby come into the world.
Monday, February 8, 1993
We named her Laila. She is nothing like my other two children. She cries a lot. It’s hard for me to get a good night’s sleep since Laila won’t sleep unless she is lying on top of me, right next to my heart. I wish I knew what was wrong. Richard either stays after work or goes jogging. I guess it’s his way of dealing with it.
Saturday, February 13, 1993
Laila still won’t stop crying or sleep unless she is near my heartbeat. I am exhausted from not getting enough sleep! Richard doesn’t have to work today, so he helped me take care of Laila. I could finally get some uninterrupted sleep!
Sunday, February 14, 1993
Jared carried Laila around, hoping to get her to stop crying.
As Jared was holding her, he said, “Maybe she misses Heaven.” Then he showed Laila a picture of Jesus that we have hanging on the wall. As soon as Laila saw the picture, she stopped crying. Jared looked over at me and smiled. Laila looked at the picture for a long time. It was as if she really did miss Heaven!
After a while, Laila started to cry again. Since then, Jared and I kept hoping the picture of Jesus would help her, but this was the only time it worked.
Monday, February 15, 1993
When Sarah gets home from school, I have her lie down with Laila next to her. Laila stops crying when she hears Sarah’s heart beating and falls asleep. Often, Sarah would end up falling asleep too. It gives me a chance to get caught up on the housework.
When Jared gets home from school, he still does what he can to get Laila to stop crying. Jared is such a big help to me. I don’t know what I would do without him!
I am grateful to Jared and Sarah for helping me as much as they can with her. Without them, I would never get a break!
Monday, August 23, 1993
Richard has started school in the evenings. He tells me we need more money and that I need to start tending again so that we can afford his schooling. Laila still doesn’t sleep much. I don’t know how I am going to manage!
Monday, September 20, 1993
I have renewed my daycare licence. It is no problem finding kids to tend to, so I started babysitting two weeks ago. It’s been hard since Laila never sleeps. When she does, it’s when she’s right close to someone’s heart, and she only sleeps for a few hours at a time.
I have talked to the doctor about it. The doctor tells me she is perfectly healthy and can’t give me any answers. He said she just needs to learn how to sleep on her own. But I know there’s more to it than that! Her cry is not a regular cry, but the doctor won’t listen to me.
Taking care of my kids, babysitting, trying to keep the house clean, there are days I feel like I am going to lose my mind!
Tuesday, September 21, 1993
My Farmor has sent me money for a plane ticket so that I can come see her. I am so excited about it! I don’t want to leave Richard with Jared and Sarah. I talked to him about taking out a loan at the bank. I told him I could pay it back if he let me keep the money I made babysitting. He agreed as long as, once the loan was paid off, I kept giving him my paychecks.
Friday, September 24, 1993
I didn’t think the bank would approve the loan, but I thought it was worth a try. I let all the parents know they needed to pick up their kids early. As soon as Jared and Sarah were home from school, we went to the bank. The bank approved the loan!
When I got home, I called the airlines to see when it was cheapest to fly. Turned out it was next month. I booked 2 adults, 2 children, and one infant. I can hardly believe it! We are going to Denmark!
Saturday, October 16, 1993
Richard took time off from school and work. I took time off from babysitting so that we could go to Denmark for two weeks.
Most of the time we were in Denmark, we stayed with my Farmor. It was nice to finally meet her and her husband!
I was also able to see my dad and his new wife, Sys. My dad’s last wife, Henny, had passed away from ovarian cancer. My dad was sad that he never had more kids. Henny and my dad had tried to adopt, but were turned down due to Henny’s cancer.
His new wife, Sys, was really nice. She was the grandma I always wanted for my kids. I wish my dad and Sys didn’t live so far away from us! At least for now, they got to experience what it was like to have a real grandma and grandpa!
My dad was mad that I had contact with his mom. He said she didn’t deserve to have me in her life because she wasn’t there for him when he got divorced. He said if his mom had helped him during his divorce, he was sure that my mom would never have been able to take Sander and me to Canada.
I want him to be happy that we have found each other and have a relationship, but he is clearly bitter over losing Sander and me.
While visiting my dad, I noticed he only had pictures of Sander hanging on the wall. He also had Sander’s old teddy bear sitting on the couch. There was nothing of me from when I was little. It hurt, but I didn’t say anything.
We went to Skive for a few days. My close friend’s mom told me she felt bad that my grandma never had any visitors, so she would always place a flower on my grandmother’s grave whenever she went to the cemetery to visit her parents. I was so grateful to know that.
I loved being home again! I wish we didn’t have to go back to America! Especially to Utah, where it’s always so hot and dry in the summer.
Richard has always given me a hard time whenever I talk about Denmark and how good the food is there. Now he can finally see for himself just how awesome it is!
Laila was still crying day and night, so I found Dr. Thompson, who I had babysat for when I was a teenager, to see if he would have a look at her. He was kind enough to schedule a free appointment so that we could come see him at his doctor’s office. Dr. Thompson couldn’t give me any answers either.
When we were back in Ishøj, where my Farmor lives, my Farmor told me that Harvard University had chosen our bloodline to study family genetics. She gave me an address and said that if I went there, I would get paid for giving them a blood sample and answering a few questions. So I did. It was exciting to have money to spend while we were in Denmark.
I told my dad about Harvard University’s study and urged him to make an appointment to be part of it. My dad got angry that I had participated. I asked what the big deal was.
My dad told me that he didn’t think he was my father. I felt like I had just been physically punched in the stomach!
I asked my dad what he was talking about?! He said, “Nine months before you were born, your mom’s cousin Kurt, who lived in America, had been to visit them, and he was sure my mom had an affair with him. He said that while Kurt had been home, he and my mom had been flirting. He said, “If they acted that way in front of him, he could only imagine what had happened between them while he had been at work.”
I thought that would explain why there was nothing in his house from when I was little.
I asked my dad to go with me so that we could have a paternity test done, so that we could know for sure. My dad said no to it. He said it didn’t matter and that he loved me as if I were his own.
It mattered to me! I would still love him, but now I had to know!
When I was alone with my grandma, I asked her if she knew about this. That I might not be her granddaughter after all. My grandma said she did, but not to pay attention to it, because my dad was just bitter. She said, “It’s your dad’s way of dealing with the loss of you and your brother. This way, it’s easier for him to accept that he had lost one child instead of two.”
I asked my grandmother if she thought I had any family resemblance. She laughed and assured me that if anyone was my father’s daughter, it was me! And not to worry about it anymore!
I did worrry and I wanted to know for sure!
Saturday, October 23, 1993
I knew I had a picture of my mom’s cousin Kurt from when he visited family in Denmark. I needed to find it to see if it had a date on the back.
When we were back home again, I frantically went through all my pictures, trying to find it. While I was looking for it, I was crying. I was mad that my dad wouldn’t take a DNA test, so I could know for sure.
When Richard saw me crying, he asked what the big deal was. I told him it was because I wanted to know if my dad was my dad. Richard thought it was dumb and asked me what it mattered. It may not have mattered to him, but it mattered to me!
I found the picture!
Kurt is second to the left. My mom is in the middle.
When I turned the picture over, it said “October 1960.”
I was born 9 months later! There was a possibility that Kurt could be my dad. Now I really had to know for sure!
Sunday, October 24, 1993
I called up my mom’s aunt Mabel to see what she might know about it. She told me that my mom flirted with everyone and seemed close to her cousin Kurt, so she couldn’t say whether he was my dad.
Saturday, November 13, 1963
Kurt was a police man had passed away in the line of duty, so I couldn’t ask him to do a paternity test. I have found his daughter, Debbie. Debbie said she wouldn’t be surprised if her dad was my dad, too. Debbie agreed to come with me so that we could find out if we were half-sisters.
Monday, November 15, 1963
I called my doctor to make an appointment for Debbie and me. The doctor told me that Debbie and I were too closely related, so the test wouldn’t show if we had the same dad. I was so frustrated with my dad for not wanting to take a blood test while I was home!
Tuesday, November 16, 1963
Elisabeth had just come home from her mission. I talked to her about my concern over who my dad was. She suggested that I go talk to our mom about it. I didn’t want to since she is never honest about anything!
Saturday, November 20, 1993
Elisabeth finally convinced me to go talk to our mom. Elisabeth went with me, hoping to get some answers. When I asked my mom about it, she laughed at me and said, “Your dad is so full of shit! He still owes me money!” I asked her what she was talking about. She said he had never paid her any of the childsupport that he had been ordered to pay.
I told her that while I had been visiting with my dad, his wife, Sys, had shown me receipts of how much money they had paid in child support over the years. Sys had told me even though we lived in Canada, the state had faithfully sent her the money each month. My dad had to pay back the state for the amount they had sent to her. Since the amount was so large, it took my dad and her years to pay it back.
Mom was shocked that they had kept the receipts to prove it.
Mom started to cry hysterically. She said, “He never paid till you were 18. When your dad found you when you were 17, you told him you were working, and therefore he was able to stop paying childsupport!
He still owes me for one more year! It’s all your fault that I didn’t get that money!” I told Mom that I had paid her a lot to live with her. I was sure it was way more than she would have gotten in childsupport!
This only upset her more. She yelled, “That’s beside the point! I could have gotten one more year if it wasn’t for you telling them that you worked!” Mom was still crying hysterically. I could tell I was getting nowhere, so Elisabeth and I left.
I should have known better than to try to get some answers from her. Now, somehow, she is the victim, and it’s all my fault!
Ugh… I really can’t stand her!
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