Tuesday, December 6, 1994
I could stay another 2 nights at the hospital, but I chose to go home because I knew Laila needed me. Before I left the hospital, the doctor told me that I couldn’t nurse Laila for 3 days from when Johny was born. But after that, I was fine to nurse them both.
Wednesday, December 7, 1994
Poor Laila has had an even harder time since I can’t nurse her. She has tried to nurse from Richard, Jared and Sarah. It was kinda funny.
January 1995
Laila is two, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. If anything, everything is so much harder now. Anytime I take Laila out of the house, she starts to cream. It’s hard to be around other people because she causes such a scene. Richard doesn’t want to watch her while I go grocery shopping. I have to wait until I put my kids to bed so I can go to the store without bringing Laila.
Laila still doesn’t sleep very much as it is, and having a new baby and going grocery shopping at night, I get no sleep! Sometimes I wonder if this will ever end!
Saturday, March 4, 1995
Beth called me up and asked me to go to the movies with her. I told her it was too hard with Laila. Beth said, “You never go anywhere because of Laila. It would be good for Jared and Sarah to get out.” I tried to tell her how hard Laila was. Beth didn’t think it was really that bad.
Beth insisted that we go to the movies with my kids, and if Laila started up, she would take her out of the theater. I thought it would be good for Beth to see just how hard it was for Laila to be in public, so I said, “Okay, only if you promise that you will take care of her when she starts screaming.” Beth agreed.
Richard doesn’t want to deal with Laila, so he stayed home. Off I went to the theater with my 4 children.
Before Laila was born, I used to take Jared and Sarah to the dollar theater whenever possible. Jared and Sarah were excited to finally see a movie again.
I went to pick up Beth so we could go to the mall. I knew what would happen once we got to the mall, so I made Beth promise to take care of Laila. Beth was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal, so she promised.
When we got to the mall, Laila was fine. I bought our tickets, and we went into the theater to take our seats. Once the lights were turned off, Laila started up with her blood-curdling scream. Beth tried to hold her, but Laila wouldn’t calm down. To avoid disturbing everyone in the theater, Beth took Laila outside. Beth said she would be just outside with Laila, waiting for us to finish watching the movie.
20 minutes went by. Beth returned without Laila. Beth said, “A man is holding Laila while I come to look for you. There is something wrong with Laila. You need to go get her now!” Beth stayed with Jared and Sarah to watch the rest of the movie. I ran out with Johny to find Laila. Once I got out of the Theater, I saw a man doing what he could to hold on to Laila while she screamed, kicked, and punched him. I hurried, got Laila, and thanked the man for holding her for me until I arrived. The man didn’t say anything. He just handed her to me.
At first, I was going to sit outside the theater with Laila and Johny and wait for the movie to get done. Laila was screaming so loud, and the whole time she was pulling my hair and trying to hit Johny. I held Johny in one hand, a firm grip on Laila’s arm, and hurried out of the mall. The whole time, Laila was screaming, ” Help! Help! and was still trying to lash out and pull my hair.
People were watching us. I was worried they thought that I might be kidnapping or hurting her. I went as fast as I could to our van.
I was going to wait in the van for Beth, Jared, and Sarah. But then I saw a security car with two guards driving up and down the parking lot, as if they were looking for someone. I wasn’t about to find out if it was me, so I headed home.
Once I was home, I had no way to tell Beth I had left, so I stayed by the phone for her to call me.
Once the movie was over, Beth found a phone booth and called. She wanted to know why I had not weighed outside the theater. I told her what had happened, and I was worried about what the security guards would do once they found me.
I went back to the mall and picked them up. Beth asked me, “What is wrong with Laila?” I told her I had tried to tell her what she was like, but I didn’t think she would understand unless she experienced it for herself. Beth said, “There is something wrong with her! You should take her to the doctor to find out what is going on with her.” I told her I had tried, and I was told she was just spoiled. I don’t know where to turn for answers.
Sunday, March 19, 1995
I haven’t gone to church very much because it’s so hard to take Laila anywhere. When I did manage to go to church, a lady offered to take Laila. I didn’t even know her name. She had bright red hair, and I mean bright red! When she would take Laila, Laila would stop screaming and just stare at her hair. The lady told me that I just needed to walk Laila around. I felt like responding with “thank you.” I didn’t know that because I am a moron.
I was dying to tell the lady that it was her looks that had distracted her. This happened a few times, and every time the lady would give me alecture on how to take care of Laila. Whenever I went to church, I walked through the halls, hoping Laila would stop screaming. If I saw the lady, I would hurry in the other direction because I didn’t want to have to deal with her on top of everything else.
Terry and her family had moved out of the ward. So many people that I was close to had moved. I tried to get to know the new people who have moved in, but it feels like I don’t belong in the ward anymore.
When we got home from Church, I told Richard I wanted to move. He said we had put a lot of money and work into the house, and that we had agreed it was our forever home. I told him that I didn’t feel like we belonged in the ward anymore. He told me that it didn’t make any sense and that I just had to get to know the new people who had moved in.
Sunday, March 26, 1995
When we got home from church, I cried. Richard asked me what was wrong. I told him during the week that I felt like our house was no longer ours. It’s as if I were in a waiting room, waiting to move. I don’t belong in the ward or our house. I asked him if we could at least look at other houses to see where we belonged.
Sunday, April 2, 1995
After church, we took the kids with us and drove around to look at houses. When we got home, Richard told me I needed to be content because there was no way we could afford a new house. I told Richard that when I lived in Denmark, I had the same feeling. I didn’t belong there anymore. I didn’t know how we’d be able to move to America, but I had faith that everything would work out, and it did!
Richard said he didn’t have that kind of faith and that he was happy where we were. I asked Richard to rely on my faith and on the idea that our new home was somewhere out there. We just needed to look for it, and everything would work out.
Monday, April 17, 1995
Even though we haven’t found a home, we have put our house up for sale.
Monday, July 24, 1995
It was hard to have our house on the market. I had to keep the house clean at all times because we never knew when the realtor would stop by to show our house to potential buyers.
Thursday, July 27, 1995
A young couple stopped by and saw the for sale sign. They knocked on the door and asked to see the house. I showed them around. They are excited about the house and want to buy it.
We still haven’t found a place to live. Mom and Arnie say if we pay them rent, then we can live in their basement.
Saturday, July 29, 1995
Our house sold. We are going to be moving into Mom’s and Arnie’s basement next month.
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